By:
In: Spanking

We’ve been practicing domestic discipline almost as long as Mrs. Lion has taken control of my orgasms. I can’t claim that what we do is typical of spanking couples. I suspect that we aren’t very different from the others. Domestic discipline has a reputation of being a form of spousal abuse. After all, Mrs. Lion beats me if I don’t obey her. Sounds abusive.

It isn’t. In almost every relationship featuring spanking, the person who gets spanked initiates it. I have always found the idea of being spanked very arousing. When I was allowed to masturbate, my fantasies often had me over a woman’s knee, receiving a butt-blistering spanking. I’ve had those fantasies as far back as I can remember.

In the beginning

Before we began disciplinary spankings, Mrs. Lion would paddle me as part of a BDSM scene. It was very hot. It took years before Mrs. Lion felt good about giving me a butt-bruising spanking. She didn’t want to hurt me. Punishing me was the furthest thing from her mind.

Way back in May 2014 I introduced my interest in spanking. I wrote (“Punishment or Fun“):

“I like feeling Mrs. Lion’s control. The true test of a punishment is whether it is something I want to avoid or invite. I invite spanking. I avoid shocks. I suspect I would invite short extensions of lockup time, but avoid longer ones (more than a week).”

That summer, Mrs. Lion incorporated spanking me into foreplay. This what she wrote on July 5 (“Lion’s Personal Fireworks“):

“I decided to start out with a spanking. I warmed him up with my hand and asked if my toy was hard? He maneuvered his penis so it was peeking out from under his balls between his legs so I could have access to it. I few swats to his buns. A little fondling of the balls and cock. Very nice. Finally I moved on to the nasty rubber paddle. I whomped his butt good. Toward the end I told him he had a series of hard swats coming and he wasn’t to move. He screamed into the pillows but managed to stay still. What a good boy!

Rubber paddle.

When I let him roll over his erection was standing tall. I played with him a little while with my hand and my mouth before straddling him. This time I was wet for him. I guess I really wanted him to come. It didn’t take long for his hips to start bucking into me. I love that! And there was one happy Lion.

He licked me to orgasm afterwards. I’m not sure how much of himself he cleaned out of me. It doesn’t really matter. I was happy. He was happy. And I like having his come inside me.”

Those were the days that Mrs. Lion enjoyed sex for herself. Even back in 2014, she was getting comfortable with spanking me hard enough to make me yelp. Spanking me as foreplay taught her that it was something I liked.

Late in 2014, I suggested that Mrs. Lion make rules and punish me for breaking them. Her first rules are still in force today. I was to wait for her to start eating before I begin and I avoid getting food on my shirt. She figured I would break them often enough to give us both practice with crime and punishment. She was right.

We exchanged a lot of posts in early 2015 about turning a spanking into a meaningful punishment. Finally, in early February Mrs. Lion decided to experiment. She would spank me every day for a week. I would get 300 swats with various paddles. The idea was for her to learn to deliver a truly memorable spanking and for me to learn to take one without trying to get away.

Here’s what she wrote about it (“More Baby Steps“):

“My experiment of punishing Lion every night for a week is to prove to myself I can do it. I know I can. But I have to drill it into my head that this is what he wants and I can do it. Lion wonders why I have focused on spanking as punishment. Well, he suggested it. And I have to start somewhere. Once I am more comfortable with it I may branch out into lengthening his wait, or taking away play days, or maybe something I haven’t thought of yet. Baby steps. I’ll get there.”

It turned out that her experiment spanking were more severe than any punishments she administered before and after she did her week of spanking experiments. By March of 2015 we were committed to domestic discipline. I was confused by the way Mrs. Lion chose to do it. She was content catching and punishing me for the few, rather-trivial rules she established.

Over the next six years, little changed in terms of what offenses earned me a spanking. Along the line, she added setting up the coffee pot to my required activities. Over the last year or two, that damn coffee pot has gotten me the most punishment.

turning up the volume

Although the scope of offenses hasn’t increased much, the punishments have become much more severe. Mrs. Lion is comfortable with her role as my disciplining wife. She no longer worries about punishing me. She is also immune to my yelps and cries. She spanks me until she is done.

A few months ago, I came across a letter written to the Disciplinary Wives Club that went into considerable detail about how members of that group spanked their husbands. It introduced a concept we never seriously considered: setting a timer to assure a spanking would last a minimum length. The DWC suggested at least ten minutes for one offense, with five minutes added for each additional offense. It was pointed out that the spanking didn’t have to end when the timer goes off. It just wouldn’t end before.

Mrs. Lion embraces this wholeheartedly. When the timer goes off, she keeps swatting and swatting and swatting. It doesn’t spell relief for me. It turned out that the duration of a punishment was the missing piece for us. A ten-minute spanking guarantees that it will hurt me to sit for at least two days afterward. Ten minutes feels like an hour. Fifteen is almost unbearable.

My punishments are very real. That doesn’t mean Mrs. Lion treats domestic discipline as some sort of femdom activity. Catching me offend is a game to her. She loves games. It’s fun to catch me and then see the look on my face when I realize that I will be punished. She says that spanking me isn’t fun for her. It’s just something she does when I offend.

It isn’t clear to me how Mrs. Lion thinks about the actual process of beating my bottom. I think she may consider it a craft, something to master. She wants my entire bottom to be red and sore. Most recently, she works on the inside of my crack as well. So far, there have been no lasting effects. As she practices, I’m sure there will be.

I don’t require punishment very often. Until Mrs. Lion adds more offenses to the list, I can go weeks without earning punishment. We’ve discovered that this creates a problem. From my perspective, as time goes by, I forget how much I hate being spanked. I start thinking of it sexually. This can make me sloppier about my behavior, but not bad enough under current rules to get spanked.

Mrs. Lion starts forgetting to be vigilant. Our disciplinary relationship fades into the background. Even though we’ve been at this for six years, domestic discipline isn’t a solid feature of our marriage. To fix this, Mrs. Lion introduced “just because” spankings. These are scheduled spankings giving just because I must have done something to earn them.  She decided I should get two a week on Monday and Thursday. Any real offenses will earn me additional punishment.

the binary spanker

Any spanking Mrs. Lion administers is at the same strict level if we are playing Spankardy or getting a just because spanking. It is just as painful as punishment for a misdeed just because spankings are at least ten minutes long and hurt as much as punishment.

Mrs. Lion is now a binary spanker. She has only one gear. If she is going to swat my bottom, it will blister me. If I spill on my shirt or get her massively angry, the punishment is the same. The same is true of games and BDSM play. If I am to be spanked, it will be a bare-bottom, butt-blistering event. We tried it other ways, and it didn’t work.

She is committed to perfecting her spanking skills. The twice-weekly “just because” spankings will give her plenty of practice. Now that we have a spanking bench and she puts it near her paddle collection, she will also experiment with different implements.

In a masochistic way, I’m curious about her “crack spanking.” Can she do some lasting damage there? It’s very tender. She spent a little time there last time I was spanked. It wasn’t fun at all.

what it means to us

Domestic discipline has evolved in our marriage. Punishments are real and painful. So far, Mrs. Lion restricts her offenses to trivial household things. She has said that she wants to punish me if I interrupt her or act like a know-it-all. I imagine that will be coming soon. In the meantime, we have found a disciplinary language that suits our marriage. Even if I’m never punished for upsetting her, she knows she has the power to do it if she wants. She also knows I want her to use her power more widely.

Like real lions, I can pretty much do what I want until I cross a line with my lioness. Then I will get a painful reminder to watch my step. A sore bottom is a good teacher.

By:
In: Male Chastity, Sex

Do you remember when you began? Began what? Being different, of course. Our marriage changed when we started playing with male chastity. It was a sex game designed to amplify my desire, to make me desperate for relief. It gave Mrs. Lion control over any sexual pleasure I might get. It was exciting for me. Mrs. Lion had fun.

In the beginning, it was easy to imagine that this sexual power exchange could be a new lifestyle that would somehow give my lioness a new sense of power and satisfaction. People like to extrapolate new experiences into massively significant discoveries. Sure, for a while, it was an amazing feeling surrendering sexual control to my lioness.

Over the years, that feeling faded. We continue the practice. I haven’t owned a single ejaculation since 2014. It’s still fun for Mrs. Lion. She likes bringing me to the edge of orgasm and frustrating me. On some level, she is happy knowing that she owns every single ejaculation I have. I like it too for a different reason.

I no longer feel desperate for her to keep going just a few seconds more. I wait for my turn to come. If it isn’t today, I mentally shrug and wait for tomorrow. I’ve accepted her absolute control of my sexual pleasure. It doesn’t make me feel submissive. It’s just the way things are.

After a while, the inherent excitement of this power exchange goes away. It doesn’t mean that it loses its value. Orgasm control becomes a natural part of our relationship. We both take it for granted. Sex isn’t a reward. It isn’t withheld when I piss her off. Sex is an organic part of who we are. Unless one of us is not feeling well, Mrs. Lion will tease me as close to the edge as she can get me. When she decides it’s time for me to ejaculate, she keeps going.

There is no schedule. She doesn’t seem to have a certain number of days I have to wait before she lets me come. If she can get me very close, she may consider getting me off within the next few days. Or, she may not. Right now, it seems that the combination of my ability to get very close and her interest in giving me release is about once every two weeks.

That doesn’t mean she won’t make me wait longer. Sometimes, she will get me off sooner. It’s organic. Mrs. Lion decides based on my level of heat and her interest in relieving my frustration. It’s almost instinctive. Release lives in its own world. It comes when it comes. I have no control over it. Mrs. Lion doesn’t see her role as domination. She keeps me interested and occasionally satisfied.

We no longer need chastity hardware. I can’t imagine getting off on my own. No matter how close to the edge she drives me, I never think about finishing the job myself. We don’t talk about this very often. Sometimes she will tease me about being horny. Usually, neither of us mentions it. She likes it when I tell her I’m horny. I usually don’t. I’m going to work harder to let her know.

If you are new to all this, I imagine you find it hard to believe how it changed for us. I don’t think I could have predicted this outcome. Both of us figured that I would grow tired of the game, and we would stop. After a while, it was clear that orgasm control became a habit. Sometimes I do get tired of it. I’m sure Mrs. Lion gets tired of teasing me. It doesn’t matter. It’s sex for us. We don’t think it is a big deal. It’s our mating behavior. It’s all we know.

By:
In: Sex

I am over Montana, on my way to New York for my mother’s memorial service. COVID screwed up so many things last year. My sister wanted to have a birthday party for my mother. That couldn’t happen. Months and months of no visitors made my mother lonely. No one was with her when she died. And we couldn’t have a funeral. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to make the trip because we were dealing with the dog. Now I’ve left Lion alone to deal with feeling alone without the dog. I’ll be home Saturday afternoon, so it’s not a long time.

When I get back, we’ll head to the casino. We have a coupon for a free meal. One of Lion’s mottos is, “Never pass up free food.” I may be very tired, but we’ll have some fun. We’ve played a “Press Your Luck” slot machine the past few times. It’s pretty silly, and that’s what makes it fun. We like the bells, whistles, and flashing lights. If we win, all the better.

At some point, I hope we can get back in the swing of things. By Monday, Lion may be up for a just because spanking. I don’t know if he’ll be interested in anything else, but I’ll offer. Of course, it doesn’t have to wait till Monday. If he’s ready for fun Sunday, we can certainly do it then.

Lion commented last night that we haven’t been doing too well in the sex department. I know he wasn’t interested last night. We were working toward normalcy when I gave him an orgasm last Saturday night. Then we were dealing with the dog. We haven’t thought about sex since. I’d say having an orgasm is the very definition of doing well in the sex department. Yes, we need to do more. And we will. First, we need to get back into the same time zone.

By:
In: Sex

There is an obvious physical difference between men and women. It appears this difference goes way beyond the naughty bits. Are these differences the result of a Y chromosome? I’m not so sure. Common knowledge is that males are genetically programmed to be the aggressor. I’m supposed to initiate sex. Females are supposed to be sexually receptive to their chosen partners.

Many men objectify sex to a quest for a vagina. The woman owning it is only important in the context of keeping her vagina clean and available. This concept has been fading. Evidence of the change is the reduction of the divorce rate. It dropped from over 50% of marriages failing to less than 20%.

At the same time, the divorce rate has been dropping, acceptance of the idea that females can initiate and control sex had been gaining ground. I’m not talking about the choreographed orgasm control of male chastity. The wider change is more subtle.

In 1950 a woman would feel guilty and dirty if she actively looked for sex. She would be called a slut if she did. Women didn’t expect orgasms. Sadly, many didn’t even know there was such a thing. Men might have actively looked for sex when they were young, but many lost interest as they grew older. Their wives didn’t mind. Unfortunately, the men didn’t lose their interest in sex. They were tired of an unexciting experience at home. The women weren’t any happier. They wanted sex too.

Here in the US, having extramarital sex was socially unacceptable. Of course, it happened and added more tension to stressed marriages. No wonder so many couples divorced.

The obvious conclusion you might expect from me is that women needed to take charge. Right?

Nope.

The biggest change is that women feel good about wanting sex. They realize that they can openly look for it the same way that men do. Young women can openly say that they are horny and want sex. Guilt-free sex for males and females, what a concept!

In a world where women can openly and acceptably seek sex, men can let women initiate. This is another giant change. A real man can let his partner initiate sex. I have always had a big challenge initiating sex. I’ve been shy with women. It’s a fear of rejection. It’s how I’m wired. Somehow I managed to date and have sex with women anyway.

The important point is that my status as a heterosexual male isn’t diminished because I need the female to initiate sex.  If she shows interest, I can follow up. All this has nothing to do with who has the penis and who has the vagina. It’s all about who feels good about initiating.

Mrs. Lion is a traditional female. She never adopted the concept that she could actively seek sex for herself. That left us in a difficult position. I wanted sex but couldn’t initiate it. From time to time, she would initiate. Eventually, we worked out a sort of signal system. If I were horny (I was always horny, but when I was particularly desperate), I would “scooch” over to her in bed. She was amused by this and accepted it as a signal that I wanted sex with her. After she lost interest in sex for herself, she would give me a handjob when I scooched.

Fortunately, we have a lot more than sex going for us. Even though I was miserable about not getting sex, I never wanted to look for someone else or leave Mrs. Lion. She’s my best friend (don’t tell the dog). Sex or no sex, I am with her for life. In my previous marriage, I didn’t feel this way.

My point is that when the stigma is removed from females actively wanting sex, both sexes can express themselves the way they truly want. Now, making me horny and desperate is one of Mrs. Lion’s hobbies. I accept it, and I know that eventually, she will get me off. She’s in charge in that respect. It doesn’t turn her on, but I think it’s fun for her. It’s definitely fun for me.

the biggest difference is one of the best-kept sexual secrets

Regardless of these mental factors, there is a difference that can’t be ignored: Men come with a built-in toy. If you strip away the age-old symbolism of the penis as power and the fear many women have that a hard penis is a threat, you have a seriously fun toy.

I can’t hide my sexual interest. It’s instantly visible. Even if I’m not interested at the moment, some rubbing will bring my penis to attention. This has to be rewarding fun. Most women don’t think of a penis this way because a strong man who is obviously aroused will want to use his penis. If he doesn’t see that initiating sex is a right that his partner generally accepts, then a hard cock no longer carries that expectation.

Those of us who play with male chastity learn that our arousal rarely signals ejaculation will follow. Instead, we happily accept our partner teasing us to the edge of orgasm. We not only accept it, but we also enjoy it. When inevitable ejaculation is no longer what either partner accepts, the penis is a fun sex toy with many possibilities.

Many women find it amusing to produce an erection in their partner that they know will not lead to more. It’s fun to see how quickly she can get him hard. From the male perspective, the attention feels good. It’s a little embarrassing to be so easily aroused. Speaking for myself, I can say it is still big fun for me.

Let’s face it, making a man hard just for the hell of it is a powerful feeling for a woman. When she learns how easy it is to make us docilely accept this stimulation, when we know we won’t be allowed to come, it is amusing as well. Based on what I’ve seen, very few men can resist sexual teasing. Making us hard and aroused is a reward that almost all men relish. That’s a significant difference between the sexes. It’s also one of the best-kept secrets around.

I wrote this post last Sunday. It was going to run on Monday. Obviously, losing Daisy changed that.