There is an obvious physical difference between men and women. It appears this difference goes way beyond the naughty bits. Are these differences the result of a Y chromosome? I’m not so sure. Common knowledge is that males are genetically programmed to be the aggressor. I’m supposed to initiate sex. Females are supposed to be sexually receptive to their chosen partners.
Many men objectify sex to a quest for a vagina. The woman owning it is only important in the context of keeping her vagina clean and available. This concept has been fading. Evidence of the change is the reduction of the divorce rate. It dropped from over 50% of marriages failing to less than 20%.
At the same time, the divorce rate has been dropping, acceptance of the idea that females can initiate and control sex had been gaining ground. I’m not talking about the choreographed orgasm control of male chastity. The wider change is more subtle.
In 1950 a woman would feel guilty and dirty if she actively looked for sex. She would be called a slut if she did. Women didn’t expect orgasms. Sadly, many didn’t even know there was such a thing. Men might have actively looked for sex when they were young, but many lost interest as they grew older. Their wives didn’t mind. Unfortunately, the men didn’t lose their interest in sex. They were tired of an unexciting experience at home. The women weren’t any happier. They wanted sex too.
Here in the US, having extramarital sex was socially unacceptable. Of course, it happened and added more tension to stressed marriages. No wonder so many couples divorced.
The obvious conclusion you might expect from me is that women needed to take charge. Right?
The biggest change is that women feel good about wanting sex. They realize that they can openly look for it the same way that men do. Young women can openly say that they are horny and want sex. Guilt-free sex for males and females, what a concept!
In a world where women can openly and acceptably seek sex, men can let women initiate. This is another giant change. A real man can let his partner initiate sex. I have always had a big challenge initiating sex. I’ve been shy with women. It’s a fear of rejection. It’s how I’m wired. Somehow I managed to date and have sex with women anyway.
The important point is that my status as a heterosexual male isn’t diminished because I need the female to initiate sex. If she shows interest, I can follow up. All this has nothing to do with who has the penis and who has the vagina. It’s all about who feels good about initiating.
Mrs. Lion is a traditional female. She never adopted the concept that she could actively seek sex for herself. That left us in a difficult position. I wanted sex but couldn’t initiate it. From time to time, she would initiate. Eventually, we worked out a sort of signal system. If I were horny (I was always horny, but when I was particularly desperate), I would “scooch” over to her in bed. She was amused by this and accepted it as a signal that I wanted sex with her. After she lost interest in sex for herself, she would give me a handjob when I scooched.
Fortunately, we have a lot more than sex going for us. Even though I was miserable about not getting sex, I never wanted to look for someone else or leave Mrs. Lion. She’s my best friend (don’t tell the dog). Sex or no sex, I am with her for life. In my previous marriage, I didn’t feel this way.
My point is that when the stigma is removed from females actively wanting sex, both sexes can express themselves the way they truly want. Now, making me horny and desperate is one of Mrs. Lion’s hobbies. I accept it, and I know that eventually, she will get me off. She’s in charge in that respect. It doesn’t turn her on, but I think it’s fun for her. It’s definitely fun for me.
the biggest difference is one of the best-kept sexual secrets
Regardless of these mental factors, there is a difference that can’t be ignored: Men come with a built-in toy. If you strip away the age-old symbolism of the penis as power and the fear many women have that a hard penis is a threat, you have a seriously fun toy.
I can’t hide my sexual interest. It’s instantly visible. Even if I’m not interested at the moment, some rubbing will bring my penis to attention. This has to be rewarding fun. Most women don’t think of a penis this way because a strong man who is obviously aroused will want to use his penis. If he doesn’t see that initiating sex is a right that his partner generally accepts, then a hard cock no longer carries that expectation.
Those of us who play with male chastity learn that our arousal rarely signals ejaculation will follow. Instead, we happily accept our partner teasing us to the edge of orgasm. We not only accept it, but we also enjoy it. When inevitable ejaculation is no longer what either partner accepts, the penis is a fun sex toy with many possibilities.
Many women find it amusing to produce an erection in their partner that they know will not lead to more. It’s fun to see how quickly she can get him hard. From the male perspective, the attention feels good. It’s a little embarrassing to be so easily aroused. Speaking for myself, I can say it is still big fun for me.
Let’s face it, making a man hard just for the hell of it is a powerful feeling for a woman. When she learns how easy it is to make us docilely accept this stimulation, when we know we won’t be allowed to come, it is amusing as well. Based on what I’ve seen, very few men can resist sexual teasing. Making us hard and aroused is a reward that almost all men relish. That’s a significant difference between the sexes. It’s also one of the best-kept secrets around.
I wrote this post last Sunday. It was going to run on Monday. Obviously, losing Daisy changed that.