In case you are wondering, we are five posts away from our 5,000th post. There are no statistics on the number of posts published by blogs, especially sex blogs like ours. We’ve shared a lot about ourselves. Most of it is the very intimate details of our sex life. Every single orgasm either of us had since February 2014 is chronicled here. Since January 2016, when I started saving statistics, I’ve had 284 orgasms. This averages to about 38 orgasms a year.

Whether or not you consider 38 orgasms a year excessive depends on your feelings about male chastity. I would have liked more. It’s not a terribly interesting number to most people. At the very least, that low average, a bit over three a month, suggests that ejaculation is more of a treat than a routine part of my life. Before male chastity, I could come as often as I wanted. Since 2014, I ejaculate when Mrs. Lion decides to let me.

5,000 posts ago, I had no idea how profoundly a sexual game would affect our marriage. It isn’t that either of us wanted a femdom lifestyle. I thought it would be hot to have Mrs. Lion tease me and withhold ejaculation. It was hot then, and it is hot now. Over the years, a lot more happened. We have developed an interestingly kinky partnership.

I’ve had the “Lion” screen name for over twenty years. I picked it for myself when I joined a chat room. It stuck. In a lot of ways, it fits my personality. For years I imagined that it didn’t correlate well with how actual lions live. Why should it? Believe it or not, I’m not really a big cat. It turns out that purely by accident, I made a good choice of nickname. Our relationship is very similar to the real kitties.

It was always believed that lions ruled the pride. They ate first, let the lionesses hunt, and were in charge of the pride. They maintained their position until another lion came along and chased him out. The lionesses just looked on with interest. It turns out this isn’t true. A pride doesn’t include any males. It’s a group of lionesses, usually sisters and their daughters, who band together. They maintain and defend their territory.

Males have to be accepted by the girls before they can join. The lionesses give the lion some latitude. They do let him eat first. This makes evolutionary sense. The lions are bigger and stronger than the lionesses. They are useful to help defend the pride. Letting them pig out ahead of the others keeps them in fighting trim.

Even though a lion is over 400 pounds and a lioness is about 250, the male will never attack a female. Lionesses, however, have to compunction about biting a chunk of flesh out of a lion’s rear if he gets out of line. See the similarity? The average amount of time that the lion remains with the pride is two years. That is important. The female cubs he sires reach sexual maturity about then. Incest would weaken the species. One way or another, he’s gone before that can happen.

Fortunately, Mrs. Lion hasn’t driven me out yet. She has learned to make my hindquarters very sore if I cross a line. So long as I don’t break a rule or piss her off, I’m free to do as I wish. She allows me to make most of the decisions, and, like real lions, I appear to be in charge. I’m amused at the similarities between the real big cats and us. It’s fun for me to think about.

very personal information

Over the years, we (mostly my lioness) have shared very private details that probably don’t belong in our blog. For example, yesterday, she discussed the time she took off to visit her traveling kids without telling me. This incident really frightened me. I wasn’t surprised she wasn’t home when I got up in the morning. I knew she had school. I was working from home. When she didn’t come home hours after she was due, I got very worried. I called her cell and got voicemail. I texted and got no reply. I kept trying with the same result. I was really scared. She was either hurt or had decided to leave me.

We had discussed her driving to Oregon to meet her ex and her kids for a visit. We decided it was too long a drive. Apparently, Mrs. Lion decided that it was closer than we thought. Our recollections are different. She wrote that she called me from the road soon after she thought I would be awake. My memory is that she didn’t call me until after dark when she was almost there. By then, I was a wreck and was sure she was leaving me. I have a fear of abandonment.

When we talked, she agreed to come home that night after her visit. She did, arriving well after midnight. That was a mistake brought on by my insecurity. She should have stayed over and rested. It was dangerous for her to do so much driving. At that point in our relationship, we both had baggage that created this crisis. Mrs. Lion’s ex would never agree to let her do things on her own. Her solution was to take off. She made several independent trips to meet a man she met online. She told me about them. I was sure this absence was another one of those.

We were only together a short time when this happened. Now we are both secure in our love. Mrs. Lion wouldn’t roam without letting me know. It’s odd how differently we remember that incident. She seems to see it as me not trusting her. It wasn’t that at all. If she told me that she wanted to visit at the last minute, I would have probably wanted to go too and share the driving. If I didn’t, at least I would have known she was coming home to me. I think she told me that she didn’t want to call because I would have told her to come home without visiting. Her former marriage taught her to avoid communication. It’s hard to unlearn that.

I don’t think she understands how frightened I was. Even though we remember it differently, it affected us both. Thankfully, it didn’t destroy what we had been building. For me, this incident was the lowest point in our relationship. Since we are still together almost twenty years later, obviously, we have fixed things up.

[Mrs. Lion — Nope. Nope Nope. I sent a text to Lion around 9:30 am when I stopped for gas. He was at work and demanded I call him right away. I had to pee so it took a few minutes. By then, he’d looked at his credit card and realized I’d used it for gas. He threatened to cancel the credit card since I was leaving him. I said I’d come home. We finally agreed that I would continue on, I’d have dinner with them and return the same night. I never had any intention of staying more than a few hours with them. I had already ditched one day of school. And with Lion so mad, there was no way I was trying to make him madder. We had been together at least seven years at that point and married for at least five. Incidentally, I saw the trip as slightly more of a big deal than going out of my way to pick up the dry cleaning. Oh, by the way, I’m driving seven hours to get the dry cleaning. I’ll see you in about sixteen hours. Even my casual text to him said I’d be home that night. Late, but that night.]

When I wax Lion, I usually play with him a bit. As I rub oil all over him to clean off the remaining wax, I just happen to be in the neighborhood of my weenie. I tug on him as I rub oil on his balls. He gets very hard. Last time I waxed him, I got him so close he thought I might let him come. I wondered why I would want to do that. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy his cream filling if it’s mixed with oil. However, I do realize I don’t have to have a snack every time he comes.

Yesterday, before I could get to my weenie, Lion asked why I wasn’t playing with him. Don’t rush me, my pet. I’ll get there. And I did. I got him nice and hard. I had been at least four days since the last time I’d tried to get him hard. I figured we’d wait till later for more fun so I didn’t get him anywhere near the edge. I probably should have. Later on didn’t work out so well.

I don’t know if it was because I’d played with him earlier, or because it was late-ish, or because I just had him lay across the bed with no buildup, but he got hard and then couldn’t get any further. I know if felt good. He was making his this-feels-good noises. We just weren’t getting anywhere. It’s not a problem. We’ll try again today. Maybe this time I’ll bring out the rope or shove a butt plug up his freshly waxed butt. Once I wax the backside, of course.

[Lion — We had a huge spaghetti dinner and I was feeling very full and a little uncomfortable.]

I want to clear up one thing. The only thing that bothers me about Lion and Julie writing stories for each other is what his reaction would be if I did the same. Many years ago, my ex was taking my kids around the country in an RV. They were headed this way when the RV broke down. My first search showed they were ten hours away. Lion and I talked about my going to see them. Ten hours seemed like a long, long drive. We decided against it. At the time, I was in college and left about an hour before Lion woke up. For whatever reason, I searched again and it then came up that they were seven hours away. I have no idea why but seven hours seemed more doable. I headed for school and decided as I got there that I could do seven hours. I didn’t want to wake Lion so I headed south. When I stopped for gas, I told Lion what I was doing. He was mad. At first, I thought he was mad because we’d decided against my going and now I was going anyway. It soon became clear that he thought I was leaving him for my ex. What?!?! I was going to see my kids. The ex just happened to be there. If my kids were “only” seven hours away, I was going to see them. Lion was mad at me for a few days. That’s the reaction I think I’d get if I wrote stories, sexted, looked at a guy longingly, etc.

[Lion — Let’s clear this up once and for all. Mrs. Lion didn’t call me for many hours. I tried her cell and sent her text messages. I was beside myself. It isn’t that she was going to see her ex. It was that she took off without even leaving me a note. Nothing. Nada. I was scared. As I recall, she told me that the reason she didn’t call was that she was afraid I would be angry. I figure that if your wife is gone without any indication of where she is going or even that she is going out, there is a good reason for concern.] [Mrs. Lion — We remember this a little differently.]

The stories bother me on some level but not to the extent that I’m putting my foot down and making him stop. I know he’s not going to run off with Julie or anyone else. It’s more that I wish I had gotten the same benefit of the doubt all those years ago.

One area I am definitely qualified to discuss is spanking. During a boring hour, I searched Google for “best spanking paddle.” Aside from the usual commercial twaddle advertising paddles best left to newlyweds acting out “50 Shades of Grey,” there was nothing even close to a reasonable discussion of what actually works.

Let’s start with terminology. The word “best” refers to the most effective spanking implements. My research is based on both giving and receiving spankings with a large number of paddles. I learned the most from being on the receiving end. Unsurprisingly, the most bang comes from heavier devices with longer handles.

it all comes down to physics

I’m sure you know Einstein’s most famous formula: e=mC2. It is derived from a much more useful formula: force=mass * velocity squared. When it comes to spanking, a heavier paddle (mass) moving faster will hurt more. A longer handle will increase the speed (velocity) of the business end of the paddle. Another interesting bit of science is about the application of all that force. The smaller the striking face, the more force per square inch will be applied. That’s why a cane is so vicious. The long, flexible cane attains a lot of velocity. The striking surface is just the small diameter of the cane.

So much for the science. Let’s look at what I consider the best choices. I am not including devices, like kitchen equipment. These are paddles designed explicitly for spanking.

spanking spoon on Lion's butt

1 The meanest paddle in Mrs. Lion’s arsenal is the Sporkwood spanking spoon made of Chechen wood. This paddle is available in a wide variety of woods. Chechen is the densest hardwood available for this product. It has a long handle and a small, spoon-shaped striking face. It produces bruises that I feel for several days. It’s easy to control. This is not a paddle for light, stingy spankings. Applied with vigor, it hurts a lot. This is the main paddle used to punish me. (Sporkwood paddles $39.99)

2 Plenty of sting comes from this gem. It is the ferule paddle. Master paddle-maker John Hanson originally made it. I knew him, and he made mine. He retired. Leatherwerks bought his business and continues to make the same fine paddles. Ours is bloodwood. It’s a beautiful, dense wood. This paddle has a flat, round hitting surface about three inches in diameter. Like the spanking spoon, it has a long handle. It isn’t as heavy as the spanking spoon. It’s a close second in terms of the damage it can do. (Leatherwerks, prices, and available wood/thicknesses vary. We suggest 1/2-inch thick)

3The Spencer paddle. A popular spanking myth centers on a contract for mutual spanking. The idea is that couples resolve issues by spanking one another. A lot of spanking porn has been written about this. Some paddle makers name a broad-faced, drilled paddle after this concept. Sporkwood follows this tradition with their Spencer paddle. It’s made of Chechen and packs a solid wallop. It has holes drilled in it. Some believe that the holes stop air from cushioning the blow. They don’t. But they do make nasty little marks sometimes. This is the sort of paddle that people imagine when they think of a trip to the woodshed. If you are spanked with this paddle, you will remember it with fear. (Sporkwood, $39.99 in Chechen. Also available in other kinds of wood)

split rubber spanking paddle

4 While wood is the traditional material for spanking paddles, inventive paddle makers have explored other, more modern materials for bottom blistering. One of the most unique is conveyor belt material. This industrial product is used to build conveyors that carry everything from refrigerators to rocks. It’s made from laminated layers of tough rubber and coarse fabric. It’s very dense and heavy. It also flexes so that the paddles made from it have a nasty sting. This particular model is not particularly beautiful. It’s a bargain and arrives with a very strong rubber smell. We left it on our porch for about a week to allow the smell to dissipate. Smell or no smell. this is a unique and very mean addition to a spanking arsenal. (cane-iac, $26.99).

5 Another inexpensive spanker comes from a company that specializes in fraternity and sorority supplies. It’s a mean little sucker made from oak that’s small enough to fit in a purse and mean enough to make me yelp every time it’s used on my tender hindquarters. If you are a do-it-yourselfer, you can sand the rather sharp edges and finish it with epoxy or urethane. You can add a personal touch like we did (see post). This no-frills bottom burner is a perfect starter paddle for the novice spanker. It’s easy to control and takes very little effort to make your point. (Paddle Tramps, $7.95 in oak)

summing it up

There is an amazing variety of spanking implements available. These five barely scratch the surface. These five represent the most effective paddles Mrs. Lion uses on me. All are well made and will last for a lifetime. We have no business connection with any of these craftsmen. Have safe fun!