The news this morning reported that the divorce rate in the US is at a 30-year low. The average marriage lasts almost 20 years. That’s very good news. Mrs. Lion and I are married for almost 16 years. We are both happy campers. Popular opinion would suggest that we shouldn’t be happy or still together. The main causes of divorce are sex and money. We have a Grand Canyon-sized gap in the sex area.
About a decade ago, give or take several years, Mrs. Lion lost interest in sex. I didn’t. For a while, we went down the expected path of an upset, horny husband and a quiet, distanced wife. She gave me a handjob about once a month. Sex was dead. If we continued this way, it might have driven us apart. Mrs. Lion was feeling neglected, and I wanted real sex.
If it weren’t for the fact that we are completely in love, I would have probably found sex outside of our marriage, and inevitable separation and divorce would have followed. I can’t imagine not being married to Mrs. Lion. I can’t hurt her.
I’m not going to claim that male chastity and domestic discipline saved our marriage. It didn’t. What changed was the size of the gap between us. It closed up completely. Orgasm control and domestic discipline provide tools that allow us to bridge the sexual interest gap.
It turns out that the issue wasn’t the loss of love or goodwill. It was working out ways to replace the normal sexual pull of two horny partners with something else that works. Male chastity and domestic discipline are games couples can play. Please don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean they are casual leisure-time pursuits. They aren’t. But, they are also not lifestyle changes designed to cure and manage serious problems. Ask couples who try to control a partner’s drinking. All the spankings in the world aren’t going to cure alcoholism. By the same token, those spankings will train a man to end an annoying habit.
Here’s how these two games work for us. Because Mrs. Lion isn’t interested in sex for herself, she has no biological drive to push her into sex with me. Male chastity is an agreement that I get no sex that she doesn’t provide. She agrees to tease me at least every other day and, when she decides I am ready, makes me ejaculate. Male chastity devices are available to assure that I obey this agreement. She locked me in one full time for over three years. I only got out when she wanted to tease me.
Over time, I was conditioned to happily allow her to tease me to the edge of orgasm and stop. I have learned never to gratify myself. It’s an exciting game for me and a manageable way for Mrs. Lion to keep me sexually happy. I guess it is similar to owning a cow. If you take on that ownership, you need to milk her regularly. It’s the same thing with me. Mrs. Lion knows I need a certain amount of attention and eventual release. Since we agreed to how this would be provided, there are no hard feelings and passive-aggressiveness about sex. We have a happy solution to a serious problem.
Domestic discipline is a little different. On the surface, it looks like a way for a woman to control her husband. Bad behavior is punished painfully with spankings. The idea is that these spankings if delivered consistently for offenses, will help cure those bad habits.
The reality isn’t like that. First of all, I like the idea of being spanked. It’s sexually arousing. Because of that, I want Mrs. Lion to discipline me. That’s the male side of the game. The female side is different. Mrs. Lion knows I like the idea of being spanked. It’s this interest in it that makes me meekly accept punishment. In that respect, DD is a game, and she spanks me because I want it.
But that’s not all. If Mrs. Lion’s spankings are sufficiently strict, I will hate being paddled. This fear of pain works the same with an adult as it does with a child. I unconsciously associate the pain of a spanking with the behavior that earned it. This only works up to a point. Serious character flaws like excessive drinking or smoking are unlikely to be spanked away. Interrupting or forgetting a chore can be cured with a sufficiently severe butt beating.
That doesn’t mean the behavior is eliminated. It is corrected until I “forget” how much I hate the result of breaking a rule. In practice, once the behavior is under control, reminder spankings are generally needed a month or so after the last “reminder.” In the beginning, before the behavior is controlled, every offense has to be punished. That’s how it’s played.
You might think this is all work by the female for her kinky male’s entertainment. On one level, it is. However, game or no game, domestic discipline works. The offenses do taper off. Yes, I still forget to set up the coffee pot. Every time I do, Mrs. Lion blisters my bottom as a reminder. It works.
There is another, more subtle benefit for the wife. The agreement that allows her to set the rules and enforce them guarantees that her voice will be heard. He (me) may rule the den, but she can make sure I hear any objections she might have. She can punish me any time she wants. We agree that she has that right. I don’t have anything to say about it.
On one level, that’s a very sexy idea. It’s hot thinking that she can spank me for any reason at all. The actual spanking, along with the reminder of why I am being punished, is no fun at all. I’m too stupid to remember that. A ten-minute DWC spanking refreshes my memory.
Rather than wait until I offend again, Mrs. Lion provides a reminder regularly. It’s my “just because” spankings. I get these to keep the reason I need to follow her leadership front of mind. The theory is that if these are provided often enough, I will offend less because I have a fresh memory of what happens if I break a rule.
We haven’t proven that this works as intended. We have learned that “just because” spankings recharges Mrs. Lion’s observational batteries. She doesn’t particularly like spanking me. She really enjoys observing me and catching break rules. From her point of view, spanking me doesn’t improve the game for her. Simply catching me offend is her fun. She knows that spanking is my side of the equation. Simply catching me and growling has little effect on me. Catching me and punishing me raises the stakes of the game for me. That makes me work harder to avoid being caught. She has to work harder to catch me.
If I manage to avoid being caught for too long, the game loses appeal for her. I forget why I need to avoid punishment. A “just because” spanking reminds us both. Mrs. Lion hasn’t figured out how often we need these. I think she decided that at least once every two-to-three weeks, I need paddling. She isn’t sure how often she needs to spank me to recharge her interest in the game.
Both games have real consequences for me. Mrs. Lion knows this. She’s learned that she can spank me as hard and long as she wants without causing real injury. She also knows that I will docilely wait for her to make me ejaculate. She may not revel in power over me, but she gets real value from our play.