There have been several studies asking people about sexual dreams and fantasies. It turns out that over 85% of both men and women dream about spanking. I’m not sure which end of the paddle they dream about, but I think it is probably about getting spanked. There are endless theories about why almost all of us dream about pain administered to our bare rear ends.
This subject is only second to genital sex in terms of our sexual dreams. Mrs. Lion paddling my bottom comes in second behind stimulating my penis. Relatively few people actually live out their spanking dreams. Let me correct myself about this. Most people who fantasize about being spanked probably experience some mild form of non-disciplinary spanking at one time or another. Many couples include it in foreplay.
Domestic discipline is a form of consensual spanking that goes beyond foreplay. Because it involves punishment spankings, many people reject the very idea of it in real life. Yet, spanking fantasies are about being punished in a sexy way. Mrs. Lion and I practice domestic discipline. I asked her to be my disciplining wife. People who practice domestic discipline often seem very serious about it. After all, the spankings are real. They are meant to hurt.
I think that this appearance of seriousness, especially the way people write about it, puts off people who could enjoy the practice. I’m not trivializing our disciplinary marriage. Mrs. Lion is in charge and her spankings hurt and leave marks. I’ll get back to that later. Domestic Discipline (DD) is an adult game. It can be played in a lighthearted way or like any other game, it can be very seriously pursued.
DD is a game with rules
It has basic rules: At any given time, one partner is in charge. In our case, it is Mrs. Lion. I have agreed to let her punish me as she sees fit. Many people write a DD contract that spells out the boundaries of control and the nature of punishments. This is similar to the male chastity contracts some couples create. The contracts spell out the rules for the couple. Our contract is understood. I’ve agreed that Mrs. Lion can punish me in any way she sees fit for any offense I commit. She has created rules I have to follow. If I break one, I get spanked. It’s that simple. What about the spankings?
In the beginning, Mrs. Lion barely stung my bottom. Punishment spankings were the same as the play spankings she gave me because it turns me on to be spanked. They hurt. I used to be hard when I got into position for a spanking. After less than a minute my erection was gone. Still, I was aroused when I thought about being spanked. Over time, the spankings became more severe. I learned to stay in position for much more painful punishment. I realized that the more severe the spanking, the more I got out of it. I continue to get aroused thinking about being spanked.
The fact that I get aroused thinking about getting a spanking that I will hate is confusing to people who haven’t experienced it. I can’t explain why I feel that way. I have also learned that if Mrs. Lion gives me a long, painful spanking, I feel more centered and grounded when she is done. I’m convinced that if she continues to improve the quality of my spankings, the benefits to me will grow. I think we will both know when she has reached the level beyond which it will be too much. We aren’t there yet.
It’s not just spanking, two have to play
DD is a game for two. I am not just the recipient of punishment, a victim; I’m an active participant. DD is a service to me as much as it is a way of giving Mrs. Lion authority. As she has written, punishing me doesn’t make her feel she is wiping the slate clean. She said that she gets that feeling from growling at me. She spanks me because it helps me. Aside from any sexual value, it lets me avoid feeling guilty. It also actually trains me.
I never expected this, but when Mrs. Lion consistently punishes me for breaking a rule, no matter what that rule is, I break it less often. There are two examples that surprised me: I have a rule that I am to not start eating until Mrs. Lion begins or tells me I can begin. This is the first rule she enforced with absolute consistency. If I take one bite before her, I get spanked. As a result, I almost never eat before her. I didn’t obey consciously. I was conditioned to wait for her. Once in a while I forget or think I see her start. She gives me a smile that says I am dumb to earn a spanking. Later, I get spanked. More recently, when I forget, the spankings have been rather mild. I think Mrs. Lion feels the offense is minor and so takes it easy.
The same is true of another early rule: I am not to spill food on my shirt. When she made the rule, I was pretty sloppy. I would get spanked several times a week. Those were the days of very mild swats. As Mrs. Lion increased her severity, incidents of me spilling on my shirt became less frequent. Now, I can’t remember the last time I broke that rule.
keeping it fresh
Since DD is a game, we need to keep things interesting. The rules, even the trivial ones, all improve me in one way or another. Some areas I need to improve are very difficult for Mrs. Lion to help me. These are things I do that annoy her. She hasn’t been able to consistently punish me when I upset her. She knows I want her to spank me when I do, but she is having difficulty doing it.
That’s fine. We both need to be comfortable with what we do. While I would like to correct my behavior in that area, it isn’t horrible if we can’t apply DD to fix it. Maybe Mrs. Lion can come up with less difficult to enforce rules. She’s been thinking about it, but so far we have not come up with any.
That brings me to some apparent contradictions. If you look at DD as a lifestyle, the ultimate goal is never to need to punish your spouse. I don’t like that idea at all. I like the game; so does Mrs. Lion. You might be thinking that I could get myself spanked if I purposely break a rule. Yes, I could, but it would be wrong. It would be cheating. I have to earn punishment, not force it.
Another area that even confuses Mrs. Lion is severity. I want her to be more severe. I’ve learned that a truly serious disciplinary spanking works best for me. Right now, she gives me very painful spankings. I rarely feel them the day after, but they hurt like hell when she paddles me. In the interest of research, I am asking her to keep making her spankings longer and harder. If I’m right, I will benefit more. If I’m wrong, I will learn to change even more quickly. It’s a win-win.
The point is that domestic discipline is what you want it to be. It is a game played by two. No matter how seriously you play it, it is still a game. We will be playing it as long as we live.
Listen to this post.