I may have made a mistake. Six years ago we began our power exchange. It started with enforced male chastity. I was locked into a chastity device and only unlocked for Mrs. Lion’s teasing and medical visits. We had a good agreement and we kept it up. It’s was a lot of fun. As I’ve written before, I haven’t always been in a chastity device. The first three years were constant lockup. Due to a couple of surgeries I had to be unlocked. We got out of the habit of keeping me in a chastity device.
There’s a good reason for this. Locking and unlocking me is extra trouble for Mrs. Lion. She has no concern that I will cheat and masturbate to orgasm. The chastity device is just a form of bondage that I find exciting. It represents time and effort with no real payback to Mrs. Lion. I have to admit that I’m not completely sure I want to be in the device right now. My coordination and ability to walk isn’t wonderful and trying to hit the toilet while wearing a device just adds more challenge. I can’t sit down to urinate because it’s difficult for me to get up again. Anyway, I’m pretty sure my days of freedom are numbered.
Enforced male chastity is a sexy kink that some men find very exciting. It doesn’t have the same appeal to women. However, like many things we guys like, women we love will indulge us. It It’s pretty easy to sustain enforced male chastity. With or without a device, I haven’t had an orgasm that wasn’t provided by Mrs. Lion since the end of 2013.
Our second power exchange may be problematic. I asked Mrs. Lion to take charge, make rules, and punish me for failing to follow them. I told her (and you) that my motive was to get her comfortable with expressing displeasure at things I do she doesn’t like and punishing me for those violations. About four years ago, we started with some simple rules: I was to wait for her to start before I could eat, I was not allowed to spill food on my shirt, and I had to remember to remind her of scheduled punishment days.
It was easy to observe violation of these rules and none of them had any deep emotional link for either of us. It was more a BDSM game than a serious expression of a Female Led Relationship with Discipline (FLRD). We understood that this was a way to train both of us in the proper habits of a disciplinary relationship. Over the years, no new rules were added. Mrs. Lion learned to become an effective disciplinarian. Her spankings were unmistakably unpleasant. We experimented with various ways to punish me.
Remember, the objective was for Mrs. Lion to be able to recognize behavior that upsets her, and punish me appropriately. The old rules remain in place. Some of our readers have commented that the level of punishment I get for breaking them seems way out of proportion to their seriousness. We, of course, agree. However, rules are rules and spankings need to be sufficiently severe to send me a message about repeating the errors of my ways.
I’ve gotten very good at avoiding getting into trouble for those initial rules. I still break one of them now and then, but it’s rare. Mrs. Lion dials up the severity of my punishment if I am a repeat offender. For example, I managed to forget punishment day three times within a month. Mrs. Lion sentenced me to four days of spanking for each offense. She wanted me to make it a priority to remember to remind her.
This is fine. However, as evidenced by my post yesterday, we’ve been having some trouble. More correctly, I have. My interest in sex has been decreasing. My ability to respond to Mrs. Lion has, to say the very least, diminished the point of being almost nonexistent. In the meantime, I actually did do something that upset Mrs. Lion and she punished me for it. I’m pretty sure I’ve done other things, but she hasn’t mentioned them or punished me for them.
It finally dawned on me that we now have a true disciplinary relationship. Yes, Mrs. Lion still isn’t quite there observing offenses. However, she has become an effective disciplinarian when she does. She has resolved to be more observant of my behavior. She also resolved to punish me much closer to the actual incident.
Because we realized the inequality tween “real” offenses and breaking those trivial rules, I proposed that offenses received sentences of one or more days of spanking. That way, for example, spilling on my shirt might earn me one spanking. Interrupting Mrs. Lion could earn me three or four. We’ve been trying that system for a few months. It’s not that effective. The main reason is that by the time we get toward the end of a series of spankings, we both have pretty much forgotten why I was being punished.
The solution to this particular problem is reasonably easy. Now that Mrs. Lion is a true disciplinary spanker, she can sentence me to a longer spanking for more serious offenses, rather than a series of spankings that span days. We’ll have to discuss that.
That still leaves us with the sex-isn’t-so-much-fun problem. We both enjoyed the relatively playful observation and punishment for breaking trivial rules. When the spankings became truly disciplinary, a lot of the fun went out of the game. I stopped getting aroused thinking about getting punished for spilling food on my shirt. I genuinely dreaded my disciplinary spanking that would result in me having trouble sitting down for days. Mrs. Lion, for her part, also wondered at the wisdom of such severe punishment for essentially silly rules.
She commented about the fact that she could no longer “play spank” me. At one point she suggested that she could use other, less-severe punishments for these rules. For example, her current alternate is mouth soaping. I think she is on the right track. I made the silly observation that it would be impossible for me to get a play spanking if spanking is the main punishment for breaking rules of any sort. That might’ve been true in the days when punishment spankings didn’t leave me sore for days.
Now, however, disciplinary spankings live in their own category. If Mrs. Lion likes the idea of varying the length of a punishment spanking to keep it in proportion with how serious she feels the offense was, we could start with, say, five minutes and she could extend any number of minutes beyond that as needed. She could set a timer which would make it very easy for her to do.
We could have two classes of punishable offenses. We can have the play class which represents spilling on my shirt or forgetting punishment days etc. We can also have the true disciplinary class when I commit an offense that Mrs. Lion considers serious. By making this division, she is now able to increase the list of things that can earn me a punishment of the “play” category. For example, if she asked me to remind her of something and I forget, she can punish me appropriately without resorting to the domestic discipline level of punishment.
It should be simple for both of us to understand this distinction. I think it’s really important for us to do this. Whether we understand why or not, the less serious disciplinary activities provided a sort of launching pad for other BDSM activities that we both enjoy. Breaking a trivial rule, used make me hard when I thought about what was going to happen next. It doesn’t anymore because I know what’s going to happen and I’m going to hate it.
Maybe this is like the difference between a misdemeanor and a felony. Spilling on my shirt or forgetting to remind Mrs. Lion of something is a misdemeanor. Interrupting her or otherwise annoying her is a felony. Felonies result in disciplinary spankings. Misdemeanors can earn me less severe spankings as well as mouth soaping, wearing a diaper for a couple of days, or other unpleasant childish punishments.
Mrs. Lion used to enjoy thinking up things she could make into rules that she knows I will frequently break. When the punishments became truly disciplinary, it stopped being fun. I think this misdemeanor and felony distinction can put the fun back into what we had originally and make her think more about truly spankable offenses.
I guess she will have to experiment with what the minimum length of a felony spanking should be. She can also think about how to “punish” misdemeanors. She has lots of tools for that. Felonies, on the other hand, should always earn disciplinary-level spankings.
I think it’s kind of interesting that when we began to get close to reaching our stated goal in terms of FLRD, we took the fun out of activities we used to enjoy a lot. I worried that I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between play spanking and punishment. Given Mrs. Lion’s ability to deliver a really painful spanking, I don’t think I’ll have any problem understanding the difference between a misdemeanor and a felony. A spankable offense is a felony. Punishment will be administered as soon after the offense is possible and there will be no mercy. Misdemeanors, on the other hand, are opportunities for some painful fun.
I think that we have unconsciously developed a sexual language that may seem odd to other people but works for us. Apparently, it includes rules, observation, and punishment. At the same time, as we got better at our FLRD, we discovered that this more serious power exchange is very healthy for us as well.
What we didn’t understand was that we had to separate-but-similar things going on: the relatively trivial-but-fun rules and punishment activities; and the more serious behavioral corrections that earn domestic-discipline-level punishment. I think that if we can separate the two and Mrs. Lion improves in observing and punishing felonies, we can start having a lot of fun in the misdemeanor department.