By:
In: Edging, Mrs Lion Comments, Orgasm denial

I didn’t do a post yesterday. I was in the middle of investigating a mystery at work. Who did what? Why? How can we fix it? And then Lion called me about going with him on his next business trip and what’s my frequent flyer info and what’s my TSA number? And everything required a password that I didn’t remember. Too much turmoil to be able to come up with a post.

Plus I had nothing to report. We hadn’t really played in days. I suggested using the sling on Wednesday and Lion wasn’t really interested. He’d rather wait for the weekend. OK. That works.

Last night, however, Lion was on his game. He was hard within a few minutes of my iutouching him. I don’t know why but I decided to be ruthless with him. As soon as he got to the edge I stopped but I didn’t take my hand away. And within a minute of stopping I was starting again. Over and over and over. I’m not sure I’ve ever edged him so many times.

We both thought I’d gone too far a few times. Not quite. It didn’t stop me from continuing on. Afterwards Lion wondered how many days his wait had been. His last orgasm was Sunday. It’s a four day wait so far. Not long at all. He’s got another few days to go. At least.

But as we were settling in for bed Lion said I was mean for not giving him an orgasm. I told him he asked me to do this for him. He said he didn’t ask last night. It was more of a general statement in the beginning of all this chastity talk. He asked me to make him wait. Silly boy. If he didn’t want me to make him wait he shouldn’t have asked. He said he’s just frustrated and I make it all worse. And isn’t four days long enough?

Nope. It isn’t.

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Punishment, Spanking

I don’t know about you, but when Mrs. Lion turns a fantasy of mine into reality for me, I generally suffer sticker shock. Spanking is a very good example of this. Over the years, I have been spanked as part of BDSM scenes. Those spankings are the sexy stuff of fantasies. Of course they are. They are custom-built experiences designed to fulfill a fantasy.

I felt confident my fantasy would come true when I asked Mrs. Lion to make rules and punish me for breaking them. I wrote about how a disciplinary spanking should go. She took my advice. I very quickly learned that while the thought of being punished was very hot, the reality wasn’t. It was awful. I couldn’t stay in position for more than a few vicious swats with a member of my her paddle arsenal. It was too much.

Eventually, thanks to advice from Julie, spankings got longer, much longer. The burn lingered for a while after she finished. Again, thanks to Julie, we learned about post-spanking corner time. Whether spent standing or sitting on the very-uncomfortable punishment stool, the residual pain is amplified.

Some of our readers have said that they don’t understand how a spanking that starts off gently and gradually grows more severe, can be punishment. After all, isn’t that the same as a BDSM scene spanking? Yes it is. Punishment spankings are generally longer and more painful. But that isn’t the worst of it.

BDSM scenes are planned, usually discussed, and always start after some sort of preparation by the top and bottom. Punishment spankings are matter of fact. “Roll over,” Mrs. Lion says. I roll over, my bare bottom exposed.

There is no preliminary fondling. Mrs. Lion picks up her paddle and begins. Yes, she starts off gently and gradually increases intensity. She intersperses some swats so hard I scream. After I settle back into position, she resumes. I’m sure my average spanking is several hundred swats of varying intensity. As I wrote earlier this week (post), I have no say on if or when I am punished.

One of the key attributes of a BDSM scene is that the bottom wants the top to do things. Negotiation and discussion of limits precedes the fun. That assures the activities are completely consensual.

In my case, consent is a bit different. I absolutely consent to Mrs. Lion’s right to make rules and punish me as she sees fit. We don’t negotiate. My opinion isn’t required. I not only consented to let her do this, I asked her.

I spent many years as a dungeon monitor and master. I’ve worked many BDSM events of all sizes. I’ve only had to stop a scene once because I felt it was unsafe. The bottom didn’t safeword. At these events, people religiously abide by safewords. In general, it is exceedingly rare to find a top willing to go as far as the bottom wishes. Tops probably need safewords more than their bottoms.

Mrs. Lion is the one unwilling to push me as far as I ask. Perhaps the most difficult part of submitting to her is learning to accept that I can’t turn up the volume on our activities. I have no doubt that when it comes to obedience and punishment, it won’t be long before I’ll be in the corner feeling more than sticker shock. Mrs. Lion takes her time, but eventually she takes me well beyond my fantasies.

By:
In: Chastity device fitting, Lion's Journal
jailbird chastity device
My cage is only 1-1/4″ long. It is the same length as the head of my penis. A handy coincidence when measuring for a cage.

I’ve tried to understand how one could measure cage length in this new, shorter world of male chastity. My cage is only 1-1/4 inches long. I wore it that way three years with only a couple of small issues. The way I arrived at the 1-1/4″ length was based on estimates after seeing how a 1-3/4″ cage fit. It often had the head of my cock retreating toward my body. That made peeing and staying clean more difficult.

Mrs. Lion measured how far back it shrunk. We used this to help figure how much to shorten my cage. Of course, that’s an expensive way to work things out.I think there is a much easier way to work this out.

This link shows a closeup of me in my shortened cage. Note that the head of my penis fills the cage. You can see some of the skin behind the head, but it is actually pulled over the bottom of the head when the cage goes on. The head measures about 1-1/4 inches long from the bottom edge to end of the urethra. This is very easy to measure.

Cage diameter should still be about the measured diameter of the soft penis. My flaccid penis measures 1-1/2″ in diameter. My cage is 1-1/4″ diameter.

This is the Tena Level 1 protective guard. It’s soft and protects my sensitive urethra. Click the image to go to the Tena site.

One complaint about short cages that I frequently hear is that the urethra is pushed out from the cage (image below, right). Some underwear can irritate that sensitive area. I occasionally  experienced that while wearing briefs or boxer-briefs.

I also had fairly frequent problems with drips and occasional squirts of urine after I put my caged penis back into my pants. This occurred when I used a urinal on a disturbingly regular basis. That was my original motive for getting male guards.

I tried Depends guards. They were too rough on my urethra. The same was true of Tena Level 0 guards. After trying several products, I found that the Tena Level 1 guards (Image, right) are very soft and feel good to wear. They also catch drips and squirts with no issues.

Sensitive part pokes out of my cage. (Click image to enlarge)

They aren’t terribly expensive and have the added benefit of further hiding a chastity cage by softening the hard edges of the metal. The pads only work in briefs and boxer briefs. They aren’t too useful in boxers or g-strings.

There is a big benefit of the head-hugging cage: Peeing is much more accurate. Using a urinal or even standing at a regular toilet is rarely a problem. If the urethra goes off center, gentle push with a Q-Tip (I carry one in my pants pocket) will line it up discretely and quickly.

By:
In: Male Chastity, Mrs Lion Comments

We had an interesting comment yesterday on my post, although it was directed more to Lion than me. Lion responded to it. Among other things, the person wondered about “the dynamics of a chastity blog by a man who isn’t in chastity.” Huh?

Lion is not currently in a chastity device. He is still in chastity. A chastity device, or cage, limits the wearer’s ability to have an erection, to masturbate, and to cheat. Chastity is just a fancy word for “I promise not to have sex outside marriage” or whatever relationship the person is in. Obviously most people can manage that without a device or there would certainly be more people wearing them.

Lion and I have never been unfaithful to each other. In that sense we’re both chaste. Lion did, however, masturbate when our sex life was all but nonexistent. Technically he didn’t stray outside the marriage but he did have sex without me.

Ironically, once Lion was locked in the chastity device he started to have more sex than without it. To us the cage’s intent was to bring sex back into our marriage. Sure other men are locked away and only rarely unlocked and even more rarely given an orgasm. To each his own. Making Lion wait a long time between orgasms isn’t really our thing. I still don’t really care about orgasms for me. My focus has been on improving Lion’s sex life and, in turn, our intimacy. It certainly did the trick.

Over time, the cage has become unnecessary. I suppose one could argue it was never really necessary. Let’s just say it served its purpose. We are closer and our sex life has improved. He gets the lion’s share of attention. (Sorry for that – no I’m not.) He gets edged several times a week except when there are health issues or he’s in a slump.

Along the way we’ve added female led marriage with domestic discipline into the mix. Most of it plays into his history of BDSM. He likes to be controlled. He loves bondage. He likes to be spanked although he will be the first one to admit that punishment spankings are vastly different from play spankings. He does not like punishment spankings.

Does he need the cage anymore? Not to be chaste he doesn’t, but lately there’s been a break in the action. We’ve been toying with the idea of whether locking him up again would help. It worked the first time. It seems logical it could work again. We have not decided yet. We need to do something to jump start things.