By:
In: BDSM, Mrs Lion Comments

We’ve been doing a lot of experimenting lately. Not all with sex, much to Lion’s disappointment. Earlier this week, our doctor told Lion he should cut out carbs. He told me the same thing weeks ago, too. Starting Tuesday, we tried to cut out as many carbs as possible. Last night, we had cheat night.

For months, we’ve both been falling asleep for no apparent reason. Weekends have been lost because we’ve had a hard time dragging our butts out of bed. True, we’ve both been sick off and on, but even when we’re not we keel over. Lion’s theory was that it was the carbs doing it to us. Once we started eating better, he managed to stay awake through Jeopardy and beyond. After last night’s cheating, he was snoozing away through a few television shows. Apparently his carb experiment came to a positive conclusion. Carbs equal snoozing.

Given the fact that he snoozed last night I assumed, apparently incorrectly, that he was too tired to play. We did snuggle for a bit, but that was all. Lion is working from home today and I only work half days on Friday so we’ll find a way to rectify the situation. I don’t know if we’ll play earlier but there shouldn’t be any issues with falling asleep. As long as we stay away from carbs, that is.

I think I might actually compare the new butt plugs we got to the nJoy to see what the real size difference is. They’re certainly squishier than the nJoy, which is made of metal. I don’t know what the new ones are made of. It seems to be silicone covering foam. I don’t know if I’ll do anything with this knowledge this weekend. I’m just trying to get back in the swing of things. It’s been a long time since we did any sort of real play. Enforced chastity and domestic discipline aren’t the only games in town.

By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal

Male domestic discipline is one of the most misunderstood practices around. There’s a good reason for this. The concept came out of some Christian sects that believe wives must be subject to their husband’s physical punishment. Most of us consider this spousal abuse, but there are people who believe the Bible tells them to do it. There is no consent required from the wives.

Mrs. Lion and I practice domestic discipline. I am the disciplined husband. The male version of this is considered a consensual sexual kink. The reason it is stems from the fact that the males ask their wives to take on the role of disciplinarian. I asked Mrs. Lion to do this for me.

Every couple has its own reason for adopting this practice. In our case, I wanted my wife to be able to freely express and enforce her wants and needs. I felt that she put herself in the background and frequently failed to get what she needed. I worried about this because I want her to be happy and free to express herself. I am also massively turned on by the idea of her spanking me.

So, I had one good motive and one questionable one. I had no idea of how domestic discipline actually feels. This is exactly how I got into enforced chastity. That worked out very well for both of us. So, I asked Mrs. Lion to be my disciplining wife. She agreed.

Over the months I was given some behavioral rules. Infractions earned a spanking. Until very recently those spankings were hardly more than the “play” kind I got from Mrs. Lion. I had no real incentive to obey my rules. After reading more about disciplinary spanking, I realized that we both misunderstood the practice. Mrs. Lion avoided hitting spots that were particularly sensitive. She took it easy with her paddles. Then one day I read something I hadn’t considered: Spanking is supposed to be as painful as possible. Wow! Really? A spanking should be paced to assure the male stays in place until properly punished. Bruising is desirable.

I communicated this to Mrs. Lion. She reluctantly agreed to the idea. My spankings became horribly uncomfortable. Within the space of a few weeks I dreaded punishment. I work as hard as I can to avoid a spanking. That’s what real domestic discipline is about.

I still like spankings, but not punishments. Just 8 punishment swats have me starting to sweat. I realize that this is just the beginning; Mrs. Lion’s training wheels. When she gets into her swing, so to speak, the spankings will be longer and even harder to take. As Mrs. Lion tells me, I control spankings. Follow my rules and be obedient and I need never get another. She’s right. But that’s unrealistic. Punishment is supposed to be as unpleasant as possible. Obedience is rewarded.

Perversely, when I have some distance from my last punishment, domestic discipline still feels like a sexy game. That’s my male mind that is so strongly wired to sex. But when I break a rule, I don’t feel sexual at all. I know what’s coming and I am not happy about it.

While the fantasies imagine that domestic discipline just starts one day in full force and the rest follows at once, that isn’t true for us. Like enforced chastity, it is a slowly evolving aspect of our relationship. I can see changes in both of us that encourage me. These changes are fueled by the reality my obedience and the severity of the punishments. For us, domestic discipline isn’t a game. It’s an evolving part of our relationship.

By:
In: Edging, Punishment

Lion had his first chance to choose his own paddle for punishment. He spilled food on his shirt during dinner. He picked a light-ish wooden spoon. Ordinarily, I might have told him it was too light. However, I wanted to prove to him that it doesn’t really matter how light a paddle is. I can still make his butt burn. As a matter of fact, his butt bled a little. I think it was because it’s a slotted spoon and the slots are not exactly smooth. Maybe we can sand the edges to make it smoother.

The stinging/burning lasted a very long time. I guess he’s not safe no matter what paddle he chooses. I was actually thinking I should make sure there are no light paddles to choose from. Apparently it’s not an issue. He also felt the need to tell me he wasn’t happy that he had to choose his own paddle. Awwww, poor thing. If he doesn’t want to choose a paddle, he shouldn’t get into trouble.

The problem with making his butt sting is that it was harder to get him aroused later on. I think I only managed to edge him once. Then I decided we could pick up with the orgasm of the night experiment. I’d told him if he was horny, he’d have to go back into the cage, but, I reasoned, if he had an orgasm he wouldn’t be horny. Not horny, no cage. So I worked him up to the edge and he was bucking away. And then it stopped. Done. All gone. No orgasm. No erection. Of course, Lion said he must be broken. My theory is that he was bucking and must have landed on his butt in such a way that he felt the stinging again and that was all she wrote.

This morning he reports that the Lion weather is hot. If he can make it without punishment today, he may get lucky tonight. Last night he said he didn’t really want to come anyway. Obviously it doesn’t really matter what he wants. He didn’t want to get punished either and he saw how that worked out for him.

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Male Chastity

I’ve been thinking a lot about control. Enforced chastity, for example, is supposed to be about sexual control. But who is doing the controlling? From my reading, a great many men lock themselves up and give the key to their partners. I get the impression that these partners are often more custodians than keyholders.

It seems to me that the problem for many women is making the connection between deciding when he gets his release and actual control. A big part of this is that it’s difficult for her to understand the value of making him wait. I know that a lot of guys insist that if they are denied orgasms they become more willing to please their partners. I’m sure that this is true to some degree for most of us. After all, when I’m horny I become more cooperative in the expectation that my efforts will be rewarded sexually.

I enjoy this game. But if I think about it from my partner’s perspective, aren’t I saying that I only want to make her happy when I want something for myself in return? Yes, I know, we don’t expect to get our orgasms each time we please our partners. We enjoy the concept of earning them. That’s one of the best parts of the game, at least for me. In my case I don’t get that particular pleasure since Mrs. Lion isn’t very interested in being sexually pleased. I am hopeful at some point I can earn my release.

The problem is that our partners want to believe we want to please them whether or not we are locked in a chastity device. Doesn’t it affect how desirable a woman feels if she believes that only by forcing her partner to wait for an orgasm, can she assure herself of his unselfish sexual attention? Shouldn’t he want to please her just because he adores her and gets turned on by pleasing her?

Let’s assume she’s gotten over that concept and knows he wants her with or without his cage. The next problem is much more difficult. Just what should she do with this control? The reality is that the length of his wait has nothing at all to do with her daily life. He may be obsessing on when he will come again, but it’s not a topic of great interest to his mate. She’s thinking that he’s getting what he wants. She makes him wait because he wants her to do it.

This, of course, isn’t what he really wants. He imagines that she will get great pleasure from his sacrifice. Her joy should grow along with his desperation for release. If she’s a good actress, that’s exactly what he will believe. If he thinks too much about his enforced chastity, he will realize that it just isn’t the case.

It’s safe to say that most women don’t want to control their husbands. Some enjoy being in charge, but few think about that authority in terms of how long he waits to ejaculate. Mrs. Lion has never had a clear reason for delaying my orgasm any particular amount of time.

Enforced chastity is a male game that our keyholders play because they want us to be happy. Even in our marriage where we practice domestic discipline, Mrs. Lion has no desire to make me wait longer if I displease her. She will punish me directly. In short, she doesn’t consider my lockup as part of domestic control. I’ve suggested she use increasing my wait time as a disciplinary tool. It doesn’t interest her.

What I take away from this is that my enforced chastity is, at best, a hobby for my lioness. Most likely she is indulging a kink I have. Yes, she has some fun teasing me; learning how to bring me right to the edge of orgasm. But she only does that because it fits what I want.

I’ve been particularly lucky. My lioness has discovered real value in my lockup. Somehow it has opened up physical intimacy for us. When we started enforced chastity, we had virtually no sexual contact. We also had very little snuggling and other physical intimacy. The requirements of enforced chastity for edging, teasing, and conversation about my orgasms opened up a long disused channel for us. As a result, she wants me to continue to be locked up to preserve what we have gained.

That doesn’t translate to caring very much how often I come. As long as we snuggle and play, she is happy. We’ve both learned that the cage needs to be “useful”. In other words, the sexual tension of making me wait and frustrating me with edging, provides a spice that we both enjoy in our marriage. I think that’s why we continue. It isn’t so much about sexual control for us. It’s about enforced intimacy brought on by the cage.