I’ve been thinking a lot about control. Enforced chastity, for example, is supposed to be about sexual control. But who is doing the controlling? From my reading, a great many men lock themselves up and give the key to their partners. I get the impression that these partners are often more custodians than keyholders.
It seems to me that the problem for many women is making the connection between deciding when he gets his release and actual control. A big part of this is that it’s difficult for her to understand the value of making him wait. I know that a lot of guys insist that if they are denied orgasms they become more willing to please their partners. I’m sure that this is true to some degree for most of us. After all, when I’m horny I become more cooperative in the expectation that my efforts will be rewarded sexually.
I enjoy this game. But if I think about it from my partner’s perspective, aren’t I saying that I only want to make her happy when I want something for myself in return? Yes, I know, we don’t expect to get our orgasms each time we please our partners. We enjoy the concept of earning them. That’s one of the best parts of the game, at least for me. In my case I don’t get that particular pleasure since Mrs. Lion isn’t very interested in being sexually pleased. I am hopeful at some point I can earn my release.
The problem is that our partners want to believe we want to please them whether or not we are locked in a chastity device. Doesn’t it affect how desirable a woman feels if she believes that only by forcing her partner to wait for an orgasm, can she assure herself of his unselfish sexual attention? Shouldn’t he want to please her just because he adores her and gets turned on by pleasing her?
Let’s assume she’s gotten over that concept and knows he wants her with or without his cage. The next problem is much more difficult. Just what should she do with this control? The reality is that the length of his wait has nothing at all to do with her daily life. He may be obsessing on when he will come again, but it’s not a topic of great interest to his mate. She’s thinking that he’s getting what he wants. She makes him wait because he wants her to do it.
This, of course, isn’t what he really wants. He imagines that she will get great pleasure from his sacrifice. Her joy should grow along with his desperation for release. If she’s a good actress, that’s exactly what he will believe. If he thinks too much about his enforced chastity, he will realize that it just isn’t the case.
It’s safe to say that most women don’t want to control their husbands. Some enjoy being in charge, but few think about that authority in terms of how long he waits to ejaculate. Mrs. Lion has never had a clear reason for delaying my orgasm any particular amount of time.
Enforced chastity is a male game that our keyholders play because they want us to be happy. Even in our marriage where we practice domestic discipline, Mrs. Lion has no desire to make me wait longer if I displease her. She will punish me directly. In short, she doesn’t consider my lockup as part of domestic control. I’ve suggested she use increasing my wait time as a disciplinary tool. It doesn’t interest her.
What I take away from this is that my enforced chastity is, at best, a hobby for my lioness. Most likely she is indulging a kink I have. Yes, she has some fun teasing me; learning how to bring me right to the edge of orgasm. But she only does that because it fits what I want.
I’ve been particularly lucky. My lioness has discovered real value in my lockup. Somehow it has opened up physical intimacy for us. When we started enforced chastity, we had virtually no sexual contact. We also had very little snuggling and other physical intimacy. The requirements of enforced chastity for edging, teasing, and conversation about my orgasms opened up a long disused channel for us. As a result, she wants me to continue to be locked up to preserve what we have gained.
That doesn’t translate to caring very much how often I come. As long as we snuggle and play, she is happy. We’ve both learned that the cage needs to be “useful”. In other words, the sexual tension of making me wait and frustrating me with edging, provides a spice that we both enjoy in our marriage. I think that’s why we continue. It isn’t so much about sexual control for us. It’s about enforced intimacy brought on by the cage.