Enforced Intimacy

I’ve been thinking a lot about control. Enforced chastity, for example, is supposed to be about sexual control. But who is doing the controlling? From my reading, a great many men lock themselves up and give the key to their partners. I get the impression that these partners are often more custodians than keyholders.

It seems to me that the problem for many women is making the connection between deciding when he gets his release and actual control. A big part of this is that it’s difficult for her to understand the value of making him wait. I know that a lot of guys insist that if they are denied orgasms they become more willing to please their partners. I’m sure that this is true to some degree for most of us. After all, when I’m horny I become more cooperative in the expectation that my efforts will be rewarded sexually.

I enjoy this game. But if I think about it from my partner’s perspective, aren’t I saying that I only want to make her happy when I want something for myself in return? Yes, I know, we don’t expect to get our orgasms each time we please our partners. We enjoy the concept of earning them. That’s one of the best parts of the game, at least for me. In my case I don’t get that particular pleasure since Mrs. Lion isn’t very interested in being sexually pleased. I am hopeful at some point I can earn my release.

The problem is that our partners want to believe we want to please them whether or not we are locked in a chastity device. Doesn’t it affect how desirable a woman feels if she believes that only by forcing her partner to wait for an orgasm, can she assure herself of his unselfish sexual attention? Shouldn’t he want to please her just because he adores her and gets turned on by pleasing her?

Let’s assume she’s gotten over that concept and knows he wants her with or without his cage. The next problem is much more difficult. Just what should she do with this control? The reality is that the length of his wait has nothing at all to do with her daily life. He may be obsessing on when he will come again, but it’s not a topic of great interest to his mate. She’s thinking that he’s getting what he wants. She makes him wait because he wants her to do it.

This, of course, isn’t what he really wants. He imagines that she will get great pleasure from his sacrifice. Her joy should grow along with his desperation for release. If she’s a good actress, that’s exactly what he will believe. If he thinks too much about his enforced chastity, he will realize that it just isn’t the case.

It’s safe to say that most women don’t want to control their husbands. Some enjoy being in charge, but few think about that authority in terms of how long he waits to ejaculate. Mrs. Lion has never had a clear reason for delaying my orgasm any particular amount of time.

Enforced chastity is a male game that our keyholders play because they want us to be happy. Even in our marriage where we practice domestic discipline, Mrs. Lion has no desire to make me wait longer if I displease her. She will punish me directly. In short, she doesn’t consider my lockup as part of domestic control. I’ve suggested she use increasing my wait time as a disciplinary tool. It doesn’t interest her.

What I take away from this is that my enforced chastity is, at best, a hobby for my lioness. Most likely she is indulging a kink I have. Yes, she has some fun teasing me; learning how to bring me right to the edge of orgasm. But she only does that because it fits what I want.

I’ve been particularly lucky. My lioness has discovered real value in my lockup. Somehow it has opened up physical intimacy for us. When we started enforced chastity, we had virtually no sexual contact. We also had very little snuggling and other physical intimacy. The requirements of enforced chastity for edging, teasing, and conversation about my orgasms opened up a long disused channel for us. As a result, she wants me to continue to be locked up to preserve what we have gained.

That doesn’t translate to caring very much how often I come. As long as we snuggle and play, she is happy. We’ve both learned that the cage needs to be “useful”. In other words, the sexual tension of making me wait and frustrating me with edging, provides a spice that we both enjoy in our marriage. I think that’s why we continue. It isn’t so much about sexual control for us. It’s about enforced intimacy brought on by the cage.


  1. Author

    I think I understand both sides kind of, usually as men we have a process of task we must do to get our woman in the right mood, be caring listen buy flowers romantic dates earn brownie points over time to hopefully have an end goal and hopefully our partner wants us to want them as much as we want them to want us, so with or without a device it still seems to be the same in some underlineing way to edge our partner make them happy and we must earn that right over time to have some sort of sexual interaction, maybe it’s just hard for some woman to do that for men, for most of our caultures we are taught then men must chase woman men must ask woman men must prove to woman not the other way around, me my self I have never heard of a man say my wife doesn’t do eanough around the house for me to get sexually turned on to be with her or my wife hasn’t earned me yet, there’s no process that I know of for woman to men that leads men to over time get sexually turned on by the caring nature of her listening her buying him gifts her taking him out in dates for him to give to her sexual pleasure, so I see the direct approach to here are my keys to my device pretty much the only option cause you seem to take away that process from her and your self of trying to court her to earn that right cause now she seems to only left with the direct approach to you telling you how you can earn that right instead of you figuring out how to earn that right from her to get a release. But as well to keep that direct approach to enforced chasity and marriage and adding a spice life gets hard and you get tired and you shouldn’t neglect your relationship but it can seem much easier to avoid the courting stuff cause both partners like the routine and like the easy subtle way it connect them as you and Mrs lion seem to have a very nice frequent connection that most couples I know don’t have I say don’t change a thing just keep adding and working slowly on this,

    1. Author

      In mammals, at least, the female has the most to “lose” in an inappropriate mating decision. She has to carry and bear the offspring. The male has no real investment since he can just go off and find another female. Evolution is definitely the friend of females making the sexual selections. Once we mate, there is a reduction in the need to “earn” sex. I agree with you that this can be destructive. Enforced chastity, while a bit extreme for many, forces a permanent restoration of the courting behavior. If I want an orgasm, I have to convince Mrs. Lion to give me one. It’s my only option.

      1. Author

        That’s what I meant, with you having to convince her, that’s your only option, that’s what I meant as the direct approach. Mrs. Lion doesn’t seem to be very hesitant to deny your advances in contrast to other married men who have to buy jewelry or plan a vacation or have to wait till there anniversary night. Now you said that as long as you snuggle and play she is happy, is that just towards your physical intimacy? Are there any times you feel like Mrs. Lion has used your chastity agianst you or domestic discipline out of any acts of anger or resentment, like in a scenario if she says she doesn’t want a valentines gift and really means get her a valentines gift and she gets mad and spanks you or prolongs your lockup time? Or are there times were you plan a romantic date or something really fun for Mrs. Lion and it has nothing to do with your desire for a release and in turn it does lead to a release but with it having nothing to do with DD or enforced chastity how does that effect the situation and is it easy or harder to return back to enforced chastity and rules and paying attention can other forms of release take away from enforced chastity?

        1. Author

          We don’t work that way. We are both direct. Punishment is never associated with the things you mention. We’ve never had an issue with indirect hostility.

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