All Tied Up
Yesterday I promised Lion play time and restraints. I started off with the rather unsexy job of manscaping, but he was unlocked and I was fondling him as I went. Then I told him I needed to get the cuffs so I could tie him up. He was ready to go. I’m sure I could make things a little tighter so he can’t move at all, but that seems like overkill. I think tying him down is its own turn on.
The first thing I did was tease him that I needed to find the Icy Hot. He didn’t even flinch. He knew I was kidding. That stuff is mean and I don’t use it often. Instead I grabbed my small bag of tricks and proceeded to put clothes pins on his balls. Of course I was stroking him while I was doing it so he was nice and hard. It’s not the most clothes pins I’ve ever had on him, but it was a mix of plain ones, plastic ones and the ones we modified with the traction tape. I haven’t clothes pinned him in a very long time.
Since I was sitting between his legs rather than to his side, I had better access than usual. After I removed the clothes pins I started stroking him again. And then I decided to use both hands for stroking. I started at the base and moved up to the tip in a hand over hand motion. I purposely didn’t stroke from tip to base. He was bucking a little and insists he was able to get the opposite motion anyway. At any rate, he was very turned on by it. I was able to get a little pre-cum and I hadn’t even edged him yet. I decided what I really wanted to do was get him close, but not quite to the edge. You know, give him hope and then take it away. More pre-cum.
Well I couldn’t let this pre-cum go untasted, so I moved down to lick him. I still didn’t really edge him. He was very horny by this time. I asked if he wanted to come and he whispered yes. Not so fast, my pet. I was enjoying the non-edging and my appetizer. Of course, I was still debating whether I should let him come. He’s had quite a few orgasms lately. But here he was, all ready to go, and giving me such wonderful pre-cum. Of course I needed more. So he had his first orgasm while being tied to the bed in a very long time. And I got a mouthful of goodness, which is what I was after.
Afterwards, Lion had a big silly grin on his face. He asked if it turned me on at all. Sadly, no, although I had been thinking I might ride him last night. There’s always next time.
Changing Male Nature
There are a lot of sexual generalizations out there. One is that men are always ready for sex. All a woman has to do is show mild interest and the man is ready to go. This generalization has led to a rich mythology that over the centuries has turned into fact. For example, almost every American girl is taught that she should avoid anything sexually exciting with a boy or she will be expected to “go all the way” with him. Later she learns that “all the way” can mean jerking him off or giving him oral sex. Girls who turn boys on and then don’t follow through are called “cock teases”. This is a serious insult. Any contact with male genitals is expected to end in ejaculation, unless you are a cock tease.
These early lessons affect behavior long after sex has become a routine part of life. How many wives avoid sexual contact when they don’t want intercourse? How many find it acceptable to tease their husbands and withhold orgasm? How many men buy into these myths? To some degree, we are all affected by these early lessons. One reason that enforced chastity is such a rich source of hot, male fantasies is that it features the taboo female behavior of tease with no ejaculation.
It goes much further than this. I think that traditional beliefs about sexual behavior suggest that male orgasm is the primary objective of sexual contact. Until the mid-twentieth century, women had no expectation of orgasms for themselves. The sexual revolution helped change that expectation. Women now expect and assure that they get orgasms. Despite these evolutionary steps, the vast majority of women believe that if they stimulate a penis, they have to assure it ejaculates. Many worry that if they don’t provide enough release for their males, that they will go elsewhere for sex. Sexually, it’s still a man’s world.
There are very few men who don’t masturbate. Single or married, young or old, men give themselves orgasms on a regular basis. Even guys with very active sex lives feel the need to jerk off. Study after study from Kinsey to Masters and Johnson verify this behavior. Before enforced chastity, I masturbated regularly, between one and three times a week. When the mood struck, if I was alone, I’d rub one out. Why we do it is unclear. Perhaps it keeps the plumbing active. Maybe it helps meet some emotional need. I have no idea. However, self gratification reinforces the belief that we males own our sexual pleasure and with or without partners, we will have it.
Some of us have fantasies in which we lose our sexual power. A powerful female removes our ability to ejaculate. She locks our penises in a device that prevents any stimulation. Sex is impossible. Masturbation is inaccessible. We are put in a sexual desert where only one person has the key that will let us get off. This is clearly a power fantasy. It’s similar to another, more common one (over 70% of males share it) where we are tied to the bed and a woman has her way with us. Those fantasies generally end with ejaculation, but the theme is loss of power. Both fantasies are very arousing and they generally end in masturbation. That’s how it worked for me, at least.
When I decided I wanted to make the fantasies come true and Mrs. Lion agreed, we both made some difficult changes. For my part, I am physically prevented from any self stimulation. Masturbation has become a distant memory. The last time I masturbated was a few days after I began wearing the chastity device. Mrs. Lion wanted to watch me jerk off. Since then I have not been permitted any self stimulation. Since then, I am teased regularly and brought to the edge of orgasm with no ejaculation; teased, edged, and locked up again. For months after we started I went through a predictable pattern: After an orgasm, my arousal would grow rapidly every day. By the fifth day I was climbing the walls. On the sixth day I was grumpy and cranky with frustration. On the days after that I would remain very horny but not feeling the urgent need for orgasm. After a year, I stopped feeling grumpy on the sixth day. My arousal grew more slowly. I lost my expectation that I would get an orgasm just because I was horny. I have pretty much forgotten about masturbation.
Mrs. Lion has had to unlearn her early conditioning. She has learned that the normal pattern of sex is that she gets orgasms when she wants them and that I only get them when she wants to give one to me. She’s learned that it is more than OK to tease me and bring me to the edge of coming over and over with no expectation of ejaculating. She has learned to enjoy my frustration. In our house, sexual norms have done a 180-degree turn. Now if Mrs. Lion is aroused, the expectation is that she will always get an orgasm if she wishes. I don’t expect to get an orgasm despite the length or intensity of sexual activity. Instead of expecting an orgasm after every contact with my penis, I have learned to accept and enjoy the stimulation without hope of ejaculating.
If I get to ejaculate I consider it a rare gift from Mrs. Lion. Her hands or other body parts are the only flesh that can touch my penis. It really belongs to her. Even I can’t touch it sexually. Occasionally, she holds my penis and I am allowed to “buck” until I am at the edge, then she opens her hand and I am fucking air. Ocasionally she hangs on and I am allowed to make myself come by fucking her hand (video of a guy bucking to orgasm NSFW). I’ve been conditioned to not enjoy my own touch. She can leave me uncaged for days and I will never give myself an erection. I am not sure I can if I want to try. Erections belong to her. The conditioning that continuous orgasm control has provided, changed me, perhaps permanently. Does all this make me less of a male? I don’t think so. I’m just different now.
Bad Luck
Lion announced he was horny yesterday afternoon. I should have taken him up on it right then and there. Later on we weren’t so successful at edging. He thinks the later we play, the more time he has to think about finances and start feeling down. He even asked if I thought chastity was bad luck. I’m not sure how it would be. He’s been out of work before chastity. If memory serves, he was out of work for six months and that was certainly prior to chastity. Of course my memory stinks so I may be wrong about the length of time. The point is, his employment situation has nothing to do with chastity.
I considered, for no more than a few seconds, suggesting we suspend chastity for a while. But what would that prove? If he gets a job right away, who’s to say it was because he was unlocked? If he doesn’t get a job right away, who’s to say it’s because he wasn’t unlocked? There’s no magical way an employer can tell if he is caged. “Oh, no. This guy is a freak. He’s wearing a cage. We don’t want that in our company.” Nope. Sorry, Lion. Nice try, but the cage stays. I know he’s grasping at straws. Looking for reasons in any possible area. Maybe they don’t hire him because he has a dog. That’s about as likely as chastity being bad luck. Besides, it’s been lucky for us. We’ve been closer than ever.
This morning, on the way to work, I decided I’m suspending Lion’s requirement to make breakfast on the weekends. I should have done it long ago. He does almost all the other cooking. Why should he have to do breakfast too? This is not to say I can’t ask him to do it sometimes. For example, he is much better at French toast than I am. If he wants grits he’ll have to do those too. I can never remember how to do them correctly and they are so easy to screw up. I have commandeered breakfast a few times to make him pancakes, but he’s been a trooper about doing something that I know he doesn’t like to do. Until further notice, it’s my responsibility.
In one of our daily emails I just promised him a restrained frontal assault tonight. He’s restrained, of course. So perhaps it is an unrestrained frontal assault on my part. Normally when I tie him down I whomp his sexy buns. It’s been a long time since I’ve had him spread-eagle on the bed on his back. Think of all the things I can do to him when he’s completely helpless!
Misnomer
I’m beginning to realize that the term “enforced chastity” is either a misnomer or badly misunderstood by most of us. In my post yesterday, I wrote about orgasm control and how we are conditioned to interpret that as waiting longer and longer between orgasms. That got me thinking about why I believed that was the point of enforced chastity. First of all, my chastity device prevents me from arousal and orgasm. Its presence on my penis sends a very clear message that I’m not supposed to get hard or ejaculate. After all, I’m wearing a device that physically prevents that. What I am doing is enforced chastity which literally means I am physically prevented from having sex. Most of our fantasies are about suffering extreme horniness while our keyholders enjoy endless orgasms. In practice, that’s what many of us experience in real life.
As my previous post suggested, enforced chastity is a power exchange, not an abstinence marathon. The point isn’t necessarily infinite abstinence, but rather controlled orgasm. The chastity device isn’t locked on me assure I won’t ever come again. It’s there to assure that only Mrs. Lion will provide me with sexual stimulation and, if she wishes, orgasm. We aren’t practicing enforced chastity as much as enforced orgasm control. To me, at least, there is something very arousing about surrendering my ability to get hard, aroused, and orgasm. It especially exciting when I am in a situation where I would normally be aroused and have an orgasm, but either due to the device or to my lioness withholding enough stimulation for me to come, I’m frustrated. The memory of these frustrating sessions is very arousing.
I’ve learned to treasure these frustrating sessions. They satisfy a submissive impulse as well as keep me physically wanting. In my earliest posts, I wrote that prolonged abstinence without stimulation would reduce interest in sex. That’s true. But what I didn’t consider is that I’m not in a constant state of heat just because I’ve been denied. It’s true that my thoughts frequently drift to my teasing and frustrated desire to come. But those thoughts almost never make my penis strain against its cage. They’re just exciting little memories. In fact, I’m most likely going to get hard when Mrs. Lion puts me into a sexual situation. If she has me stimulate her with my hand or mouth, locked or unlocked, I will get hard and crave release myself. If she tells me how she will tease me and gets me going with sexy talk, I will feel the strain against my cage. In other words, unless I am in a sexual situation, I’m not going to get very aroused. Much younger men will get physically aroused at almost any thought. But older guys like me, don’t.
If my keyholder’s objective is just to feed my fantasy, the term “enforced chastity” is correct. The initial fantasy was being forced to wait while providing sexual services. But if her objective is a real power exchange, making me wait is only a part of the game. What she really wants to do is control my orgasms and arousal. She wants to train me that a hard penis and sometimes an orgasm is only available when she decides I should experience them. The chastity device assures I will learn that my only source of sexual stimulation is her. It’s not so much a chastity device, as an orgasm control device. Chastity, the word, refers to absence of sex. A chaste person avoids any mental or physical expression of sex. That’s the last thing our keyholders want. They want us to crave sex and experience the frustration of our inability to control our own arousal.
I think that enforced chastity is about sexual obedience. All of us are happy to obey the spoken or implied order to not get hard or get off. Our devices enforce it and mentally it’s exactly what we expect. Almost everyone who has mentioned it on the Net shows resistance when the keyholder wants him to come at a time when he expects to wait. This is exactly the opposite of our fantasies. We want secure devices, even going to the extreme of getting piercings to assure we can’t escape our cages. We want no ability to get aroused or come on our own. We have no serious trouble managing the waits, even the long ones. But during edging, fucking, or other stimulation, if the keyholder says, “I want you to come now,” how many of us have resisted, even asked to not orgasm at that time? My guess is that almost all of us have had a problem in that situation.
The deal we made with ourselves was to sacrifice frequent orgasms for the feeling of bondage and control we get when we surrendered sexually. All of our fantasies were about being frustrated by lack of release. We revel in being edged and feeling that awful realization that orgasm isn’t happening this time. We learn to live for that. So when we are told to come, or stimulated to a full orgasm, we can be disappointed. So, we resist and try to avoid the exact thing we imagined we lived to get.
I suspect that the real issue isn’t just the conflict with the chastity fantasy. In my case, at least, it’s about obedience. Just as withholding orgasm and erection is a primal kind of control that hits us at our most vulnerable spot, it is what we signed up for and is not so much obedience as wish fulfillment. If the keyholder turns the tables and adds orgasms on demand, it feels like a much stronger kind of control. We didn’t plan on it. We expected to beg to come and be denied. We didn’t think that we would get comfortable with the rhythm of wait, tease, and more waiting; but we did. Coming on command wasn’t in the play book. So we resist: mentally, verbally, or even by losing erection.
That is disobedience. The keyholder can’t punish it by withholding stimulation since that is exactly what we want. To deal with this, first she has to be sure she gets what she wants. If she wants an orgasm, she shouldn’t stop stimulation until she gets it. No male can resist for very long. Once she achieves her objective, she can provide corrections to send a strong message that obedience includes orgasm when wanted. This is a particularly good offense to warrant spanking. Spanking after an orgasm, wanted or unwanted, is never fun.
Enforced chastity is truly a misnomer. We practice enforced orgasm control. It is training to be sexually obedient. Sexual obedience includes arousal and orgasm on demand as much as it does abstinence. How does it feel when you think about that?
