Does It Have To Be That Difficult?
Yes, I’ve been whining about needing to feel mohbre control and consistency from Mrs. Lion. I should know when to think of other, less-dangerous topics for a post. Last night when I came home from work, Mrs. Lion said,
“You read my post, right?”
“Yes.”
“What do you have to do?”
“Oh, shit.”
I undressed, found the box of adult diapers and put one on. We went out to dinner and just as she wrote in her post, she let me take the diaper off before I dressed. When we got home, off my clothes went and on came the diaper. She kindly let me pee before putting it on. I have to pee in it and then let it soak on me for an hour before I can change it. She has allowed me to sleep without it. Yup, no question about it, I hate wearing these things. And also, Yup, I know who is the boss. It’s not me. Today and tomorrow will be long, long soggy days. Enough Lion whining.
I’m within a few days of completing my second year locked in a chastity device. Mrs. Lion has the key. That is clear evidence of who has sexual control. I’m a little surprised at myself that after all this time, I still want reinforcement for my sense of submission to her. I like the power exchange. I like knowing she will do things that I will hate. When she does, true to my prediction, I hate it. Maybe it’s a masochistic streak in me. No. I don’t like suffering. Then why do I get myself into this?
This has been on my mind since reading her post yesterday. I provoked her actions. Part of me wanted her to do this and other things to me. I have a theory. Here I go again stirring the already-boiling pot. I think my motive is that I want to feel her authority over me. We are still figuring out how to do this in more subtle ways. The simple fact is that my lioness will do anything if she thinks it will make me happy. Obviously in this case “happy” has a less-than-conventional meaning. Also, she seems to have trouble believing that just by being with me she makes me a very happy lion.
The problem is really mine. When it comes to power exchange, I truly don’t know what will work for me long term. I thought I wanted sensation play each time I was teased and edged. It didn’t take long for me to tire of that. I asked for regular-but-less-frequent sensation play. I posted suggestions (at her request) a few days ago. Are they what either of us really needs? I have no idea.
We’ve done the diaper-wearing before. So, we both know that I hate it. I also know that it is a clear display of Mrs. Lion’s power over me. So, yes dear lioness, I feel your control. She also knows that I hate painted toe nails and frilly panties; I know they are in the cards too. She knows I like the sensation play. I do. While it makes me happy in a masochistic way, it is more accommodation than control. Thank you, Mrs. Lion.
We really haven’t discovered what pushes my “controlled” button other than the items I mentioned. I’m not help at all there. I’ve never been controlled in a non-sexual way. I’m not submissive, but it’s something I want. It isn’t that Mrs. Lion couldn’t keep me feeling controlled. It’s just that we don’t know what will work. I know her. She won’t give up. You’ll recognize me if you see me. I’m the lion with the painted toenails and a diaper bulge in my pants. Sigh.
Control
If you’ve been reading along, you know that we’ve hit a sort of road block lately. Lion thought he wanted play every night. I thought I was giving him what he wanted. He told me he was tired of CBT, which I was relying on far too much. Then he said maybe he didn’t really want to play every night. In the middle of it all, he had a sore on his penis which halted play anyway. In addition, my idea of rescheduling a missed orgasm for whenever he seemed horny enough wasn’t what he wanted. He’d rather I make him wait until the next scheduled date. I figured I shouldn’t punish him for missing a date if it wasn’t his fault. And I wasn’t just waiting for him to want it again anyway. I was waiting until he proved he was horny enough for it. Yesterday he said he was glad I decided to make him wait until the 11th instead of just giving him an orgasm whenever. I told him I didn’t think I’d ever understand him. He says he’s easy to understand. He just wants to feel my control.
I think it was in December when he missed a scheduled date and I said he could have his orgasm when he showed me a beautiful penis. I wanted his hardest erection with the nice curve and very tight head. I wanted him to be very horny. I would decide if he deserved an orgasm based on just how horny he was. For a night or two he wasn’t horny enough to warrant that orgasm. I’m unclear why teasing him and then telling him he hasn’t met the standards is not control. Certainly it’s not the same thing as extending his wait, but getting him close but no cigar seems controlling to me. A standard was set. He missed it. Control. No?
This weekend, when we’re home, Lion will be in diapers. He does not have to sleep in them and he does not have to wear them when he’s dressed. He has to sit in a wet diaper for an hour before he can change it and he has to inform me when he’s wet and when he changes it. Failure to inform me will result in punishment. What kind of punishment? He may have to sit in the wet diaper longer. Or he may find himself with pink toenails. Or frilly panties. There are many possibilities. I don’t think he wants to find out. How’s that for control, my pet?
C2 (C-Squared)
Over the last few months, Mrs. Lion and I have been writing about improving our enforced chastity / FLR practices. We seem to be circling C2(C squared: C * C): Control and Consistency. I think that C2 applies to any long term power exchange. This was brought home to me the other night.
Wednesday night was a scheduled orgasm night for me. I was not feeling a bit horny. Mrs. Lion graciously allowed me to remain caged. She informed me that unlike her past policy, I would not get another chance for an orgasm until my next scheduled date. Before closing the door on myself, I asked when that would be. I turned out to be only six days away. I accepted the deal. In the past I had always been allowed to wait until I felt horny and then I would get the delayed orgasm.
This new policy demonstrates C2. First, it maintains Mrs. Lion’s control. Even though under the old policy, she did have the right to refuse my later request, to me at least, it felt that I was ultimately deciding when I could orgasm. Second, this is consistent enforcement of her schedule for me. I like consistency.
C2 is both a major strength of power exchange and one of the largest challenges the dominant partner faces. Consistent application of control requires work to assure that the caged male is following all of his rules and requirements. It also means that infractions must be punished.
In my case, we have been fairly relaxed about enforcement and orgasm scheduling. We’ve had frequent discussions about this but still need to do some work. Interestingly, scheduled events like play and teasing have been very consistent. We both enjoy our nearly-daily sessions. In fact, I asked that we play less often. I never thought I would ever do that. I think that bonus orgasms, at least for now, should be suspended. I like the chance to get really frustrated and horny. I also like knowing just how far we will go. Of course, Mrs. Lion can change things at any time. Just my thought.
It all comes down to the people involved. I live well in a consistent environment. I know where my boundaries are and I can get comfortable within them. Consistent discipline tells me that my lioness is watchful and cares about my behavior. This sort of regime won’t work for everyone. In fact, as we get better at it, I may find it doesn’t work all that well for me.
The only way to figure this out is to try it. Just as I learned that too much play isn’t really fun for me, we may learn that strict control and discipline doesn’t work for one or both of us. The only way to find out is to try. We’ve taken the “crawl, walk, run” approach to enforced chastity and FLR. In terms of C2 I think we have crawled enough. I don’t know how Mrs. Lion feels about starting to “walk” now, but I think it might be time.
Our changes have been directional; we decide on a path and then take a couple of steps. I tend to want to go bounding off. Mrs. Lion prefers the status quo. This may be one of those moments where I want to push C2 and Mrs. Lion has a different idea. Her idea will win of course. Stay tuned for the next chapter.
No Pressure
Last night I asked Lion if he was looking for love. He said I would hate him, but he wasn’t horny. Why would I hate him? Even if I were tree-humping horny and he didn’t want to play, I wouldn’t hate him. In a “normal” marriage sex drives don’t always align. Why would we be any different?
I suppose there are many tops out there who would have said it was too bad if he wasn’t horny. I should unlock him and play with him anyway. It was his scheduled orgasm night, dammit. He should have an orgasm because I say so. Really? Even if that was my mentality, it’s difficult to get him in the mood when he’s not. Should I force feed him a Viagra? To what end? So he has an orgasm he doesn’t want just to keep on schedule? Ridiculous.
Lion asked when his next date is. He doesn’t have long to wait. It’s the 11th. Then he asked what would happen if he was horny before then. I told him that would be good. He should be horny waiting for his orgasm. I think he was trying to see if I would just give him his missed orgasm whenever he wanted it. I have in the past. I did it just the other day. This time I figure he doesn’t have that long to wait and I don’t want to put any pressure on him. At some point he’ll be horny again and we can build up to the 11th.
Tonight I think I’ll unlock him for a little while. Maybe I can get his motor running if we snuggle a bit first. If nothing else, we’ll be close and that’s always nice.
