Zapardy
Lion did very well at Jeopardy last night. He missed only two questions. And he didn’t skip many. He thinks the questions are easier this week because it’s a celebrity week. If that’s true it certainly isn’t helping some of the celebrities. Either that or they aren’t well-versed on very many topics. At any rate, Lion even got Final Jeopardy correct. It was a good night to be in the shock collar.
Before we started Jeopardy, Lion said he was tired and asked if I was too. I’m always tired, but I was more awake than other nights. I thought that meant he didn’t want to play. Nope. He was up for playing. I was doing so well and then I gave him a ruined orgasm. I just get carried away. I like teasing him. He makes such good faces and noises that I go too far. I had even taken a peek at his scheduled date to see how close we were to it. Not close at all. I know that doesn’t matter. I can sneak an orgasm in any time I want. And if I had realized it was a ruined orgasm I might have continued on to a full one. But I thought I stopped in time. I knew it was close but I thought we were good. Nope. Damn.
Lion is no longer wild. When we first started playing last night he mentioned that I had easy access without the cage. That’s why I like when he’s wild on our trips. He can pee more easily and I have better access to Mr. Weenie. When we’re sitting in our chairs watching TV I can just reach over and touch him. I can also sneak a squeeze as Lion walks by. If we’re on vacation, why shouldn’t Mr. Weenie be on vacation? It’s only fair. But right now, Mr. Weenie is all safe and secure again. And, thanks to the damned ruined orgasm, Lion isn’t as horny as he should be at this point in his wait. Oh well. That just means I have to start over making him horny again. I can do that!
It’s A Process
In the old days, movies ran continuously. There were no “shows”. You bought a ticket and walked in. The theater did publish start times, but lots of people just went to the movies and joined a film in progress. A phrase I remember whispering to my friend in the next seat was, “This is where we came in, let’s go.””Psycho” was the first film that required people to be in the theater before the film started.
Blogs are very much like movie theaters of yore. You drop into a blog “in the middle” and begin reading. Some folks will go back to the earliest posts and catch up. Most people don’t. Our blog documents our evolution in enforced male chastity, and more recently, a female led relationship. Since this is our third year with enforced chastity, joining in the middle could be a little misleading.
We frequently get comments from people who say they want to start enforced chastity and expect it to run for years and years. For example, we recently got this one:
“May I ask what prompted the the changes in January 2014? Also, how did you two start with chastity/confinement? I have recently received a Pet who is 18 yrs my Junior. I am having a great time with him and he has asked about a chastity device. I’m not sure he realizes what he’s asking of me. I’d also lock him up for years!”
Based on reading our current posts, it seems natural that enforced chastity will go on for years. This couldn’t be further from the way we felt when we started. The commentator makes a very important point: “I’m not sure he realizes what he’s asking of me.” I’m sure she’s right. No guy can be sure how he will react to enforced chastity. I’m also sure that she doesn’t realize what he is asking of her.
You don’t buy a male chastity kit and just follow the enclosed directions. Yes, you can buy books that purport to give you step-by-step instructions on how to “do” enforced chastity. Save your money. The process is really quite simple.
First of all, if you agree that you want to try enforced chastity, then begin by agreeing on some simple rules. Avoid the temptation to get into tedious detail on rules, punishments, etc. Start off very simply. Get a chastity device that will hopefully be comfortable to wear. Completely disregard “security”. He asked for it, why should he try to escape. Next lock it on. Chances are good that it will be uncomfortable to wear for long. No problem. Take it off if it hurts and look for a better solution.
Here’s the important part: You need to make an agreement. This agreement can be verbal or in the form of an email or a contract. But you need to negotiate a few things. Here’s my short list. Keep yours short too:
- Agree that you will hold the key. He will not unlock himself unless it is an emergency. You will unlock him if the device hurts.
- Agree that with or without the device, he is done sexually touching himself without your permission and supervision. Masturbation is strictly forbidden.
- Agree that you will unlock him and get him off regularly. In the beginning this could be once or twice a week. Later, when he is used to your control, that time can be extended as you desire (and he agrees).
- You will try enforced chastity for a specific length of time. At the end of that time, you will both talk as equals and decide how to proceed going forward.
That’s it. Any more than that in the beginning will just complicate things and make failure more likely. Over time, you will almost certainly expand the power exchange. But in the beginning, especially the first few months, keeping the focus 100% on his sexual surrender gives you both the chance to decide how things will go in the futures.
Enforced male chastity is a process. It’s both physical and mental. Both caged male and keyholder have to learn and become conditioned to a new way sex is expressed. If this doesn’t sound like what you want, I understand. But if you have a serious interest in succeeding at enforced male chastity, keeping things simple and achievable in the beginning builds a foundation that can last a lifetime.
Exhaustion and a Wild Lion
Lion and I have been exhausted. I had a change in medication and he’s worried about his job situation. Neither makes for good sleeping. Not that we sleep all that well when things are fine, but any added things are a problem. So it wasn’t really a surprise when I went to unlock Lion and he said he might be too tired to play. I suggested we try and if it didn’t work we could snuggle. Well, we wound up snuggling and I’m pretty sure I fell asleep while we were snuggling. Yup. We’re both exhausted.
When it came time to lock Lion up I decided he could stay wild. He assumed I meant for the night. There’s too much going on in the morning and I barely get myself out the door in time to make it to work. I meant he can stay wild until tonight. First he was happy and then he wondered why I wanted him wild. There he goes again. Why ask why? He thought maybe I was tired of his being locked up. I’m not sure why his mind jumps to that. I just wanted to give him a cage-free day. Like the chickens who lay our eggs. Sheesh! Does everything have to have a well thought out reason?
Last night, by the time we finished dinner and I washed the dishes, I was so hot and tired I decided we’d put off our new Jeopardy game until tonight. Lion got a lot of answers right and bemoaned the fact that we weren’t playing. Tonight he’ll probably have an off night and get zapped a lot. Then he pointed out a flaw in my rules. Nothing happens if he doesn’t answer a question at all. Theoretically he could remain silent the entire game and not get zapped at all. Hmmm…. I told him if he did it then there would have to be a new rule put into place. But I don’t think he can remain silent the entire game. It’s not really in his nature. He even answers in his sleep.
Second Thoughts Again And Again
My last few posts have been introspective. It’s not that I need to rationalize enforced chastity or our FLR. It’s more that I want some insight into how these essentially sexual practices have such a profound effect on our marriage. As you probably know, I’m not the type to just accept the good news and go with the flow. I want to understand the why as well as the what.
A long time ago I read that all love ends in sadness; either by death or divorce. This is indisputably true. Some could take this as a reason to avoid love. After all, isn’t it better to miss out on love than to suffer the indescribable pain of loss? I cast my vote on the side of love. My life is infinitely better because my dear lioness shares it with me. The odds are good that I will die first. So it will be she who suffers the pain of loss. I will be gone.
I feel selfish because the love we share will eventually cause her horrible pain. I’ll just slip into blissful darkness. She will have to manage a new life alone. Of course, there is nothing we can do about this. Because it is inevitable there is little reason to dwell on it. But thinking about the end does offer me some instruction about my present.
When I was a teenager, my father died suddenly. He left behind a long list of things he wanted to experience but hadn’t because he needed to take care of other, more immediate things. I resolved never to let that happen to me. I would experience things as they came up. That way, at the end of my life there would be little left undone.
That philosophy has served me well. It has moved me in wrong directions at times. But eventually I find my way back to the life I want. This can make me appear impulsive. To an outsider I appear to plunge into new things with all four paws. But as Mrs. Lion knows, that’s not the case at all. When something comes up that catches my interest, I find out everything I can about it. My research is quiet. I don’t usually share these forays into new knowledge. At some point I will either decide that I don’t want to pursue it or I will resolve to give it a try.
That’s what happened with enforced chastity. I spent well over a decade learning and writing about it. It always seemed hot, but I couldn’t see myself losing sexual control. Finally, that little voice inside my head said, “You’ll regret it if you don’t try it.”
I usually listen to that little voice. The few times I didn’t, I’ve regretted. More about some of them another time. So, I asked Mrs. Lion to lock me up. Neither of us expected this to last very long. We both figured my independent personality would grow tired of surrender and the cage would come off. To my complete surprise that didn’t happen.
There have been plenty of times I question my own sanity for wearing this thing. I get grumpy about my inability to get off if I want. At least once a week I wonder if Mrs. Lion really cares if we do this or not. That worry is the worst. I hate the idea of having her go through something she doesn’t want just to make me happy. I know she watches TV shows that I like and she doesn’t. She sometimes goes to restaurants that I love that do nothing for her. I am deeply grateful for those sacrifices. But I couldn’t stand putting her through our power exchange just because it is something I like.
Checking things off my bucket list carries a certain amount of guilt. These are things I want to do. Are they things that Mrs. Lion doesn’t want to do? One reason I want her in charge (FLR) is that I hope she will make sure her wants are front and center. I would much rather miss out on something than roll over her wishes.
That concern is what moved me to ask for our FLR. It wasn’t out of a need to give up control in general. It is out of a much more significant need: to be sure that my sweet lioness is being heard and is having her wishes granted.
I recognize that this is a rather extreme way to accomplish this. But in our case I think it gives us the best chance of achieving the balance that will make us both happiest.
