Lion had a frenum piercing when I met him. He reminded me several times over the years that if he was ever in an accident and needed an MRI, I had to be sure to tell the nurses and doctors about the piercing. A metal piercing in his manhood would not fair well in a giant magnet.
He has since let the piercing close, but I now wonder about his cage. First, if they don’t check he could wind up in an MRI with an even bigger metal vs. magnet problem. Second, if they need to get it off without the key how much damage will they do to him in the process? Bolt cutters are very unwieldy. Saws are dangerously fast and sharp. What’s in the cage is mine and I like it intact as I’m sure he does.
Around the house I have places I can lock the spare key so in an emergency Lion can free himself and I will know if he cheats. There’s no safety net when he is out of the house. Lion seems unconcerned, but I worry about things like this.
As I have often said, most of the so-called advice to keyholders are actually male fantasies couched as “lessons.” Rather than information, it is a wish list created by males who have a rich chastity fantasy life. Those of us with experience generally roll our eyes at the elaborate jerk off fantasies that are out there. Keyholder 101 is based on our experiences actually living with forced male chastity.
Men, like women are programmed to make sex more or less important based on the availability of sexual activity. When you lock up the male’s penis, you are making it difficult-to-impossible for the male to sexually satisfy himself or find someone else other than you to do it for him. He enters a sexual desert. If you simply leave him locked up, after a while sex will become less and less important to him. This is counter productive since one of the central ideas behind forced chastity is for the keyholder to use the caged male’s need for sex as a way to control him.
So how do you keep him frustrated and crazy to have sex without actually getting him off? The answer is something that every woman has been taught is wrong: cock teasing. In most social situations it is considered wrong to arouse a male with no intention of eventually giving him an orgasm. Girls are taught that males can even be dangerous if aroused and unsatisfied. I’m not sure I would go that far, but we can certainly get cranky and hard to be around. In the case of forced chastity, the main reason to lock him up is to keep him extremely horny and frustrated and to use his intense desire to get off as part of the lifestyle.
Many women think that simply depriving him of the opportunity to get off will produce the desired result. It will for a while, but after a week or two of lockup his frustration will diminish and so will his interest in pleasing you so that you will please him. The most basic and probably most effective way to prevent this loss of interest is tease and deny.
This is the classic way to keep a man wanting. Remove his cage and directly stimulate his cock and balls. He needs to believe that you will stimulate him until he can ejaculate. Caged males aren’t stupid. We do know that we aren’t allowed to orgasm without keyholder permission and that sexual stimulation isn’t necessarily going to lead to relief. Surprisingly, even though we know all this, once we are stimulated to a point near orgasm, we lose the ability to think about anything than coming. This level of stimulation happens quickly and only a few seconds before it is too late and he will ejaculate.
Fortunately, he will give you signals when he is ready to explode. If you expect your caged male to be well behaved, he will tell you when he is ready, or maybe ask if you will let him come. In the beginning, just telling you is enough. Don’t necessarily wait for him to tell you or believe him when he does. Every male has a set of uncontrollable signals that signal he is ready to explode. You probably know your partner’s. If you don’t, masturbate him to orgasm a few times and observe what happens just before he comes. It is very likely his breathing will change and he may do other things to signal he is ready.
The actual tease is to take your time getting him excited. Prolong the time before he is ready to come. The reason for this is that you want to give his body time to build up all those nice hormones that go with sexual activity. The more aroused he is, the more important it will be to him that he get off. The art to this tease is a very slow buildup, so slow that he is moving his hips trying to get closer. When he reaches that point just before release, stop all stimulus. He will try to fuck the air, move his hips, do anything he can to go that extra second and ejaculate. Once you get over the taboo, you may find this funny. It is certainly ok to laugh at his antics.
Next, wait until he calms down a little. You don’t need to wait until he gets soft, just enough so that touching his cock won’t get him off. Rinse and repeat. Slowly stimulate him to the edge and stop. Repeat this as many times as you like. This technique can lose its effectiveness if you don’t occasionally let him squirt. When you do want to let him come, repeat the tease and deny several times before finally continuing the stimulation until he can have a nice orgasm. Always do the tease several times first. That way he learns that even after a lot of teasing he still has some chance of coming. He needs to believe this or his body will protect him by making it much harder to get him fully aroused.
If you do this tease and deny several times a week, you will keep your caged male’s attention and improve his willingness to do your bidding. Even if he knows when he will come next, he will be unable to resist your teasing, especially when he has been conditioned to expect teasing before he can finally come. Sound cruel? Maybe under some circumstances it is. But remember this is what he asked you to do. Don’t feel badly that he is so frustrated. Enjoy the obedience and entertainment that a well-teased male can provide.
Here are my somewhat immediate problems. And these are only problems in that I know as a top they shouldn’t be problems. But for me it is a constant wrestling match in my mind about how I should act (i.e. what is expected of me as a top) and what I actually want.
I don’t mind when Lion suggests things. I don’t feel pressure to do those things. I used to. But now when he says he’s horny or this is what he’d like, I consider them and decide what to do. I am more likely now to laugh at him or tease him more if he says he’s horny. Poor baby!
My sex drive is still not where Lion wants it. On the one hand, who cares? It’s not what he wants that counts. On the other hand, he thinks he’s letting me down by not pleasing me. Not true. He is being more attentive. This pleases me.
I like to give Lion orgasms. Again, this is only a problem from the point of view of me as a top. Last night as I was teasing him, I said I was thinking about making him come every night. He said he would be thrilled with that. I know male chastity involves making him wait to come but damn it I like giving him orgasms. Then I said I might see how many times I can make him orgasm in a given day. Again he perked up. We discussed giving him a time limit and if he doesn’t have an orgasm in that time frame then he doesn’t get to have one at all. I’ll probably do all of that at some point in time.
So all of this leaves me with doubts as to whether I am making progress or not. Sometimes I feel like I am and other times not so much. I know I have an inner bitch but she is usually reserved for that idiot driver in front of me who can’t seem to do the speed limit. Lion wishes I would harness some of that road rage and put it to use on him. That’s not how I’m wired.
I just think we have to find our own way. Somehow we’ll figure it out. There is no one size fits all approach.
One of the most frequent questions I get is, “How do I introduce forced chastity to my wife?” There are variations on the theme, but this is the bottom line. We have a section of the site dedicated to new or potential keyholders, but we didn’t talk about how to introduce this idea. I know that in my case it was really difficult. For a very long time I thought about being caged. I also thought about how strange an idea this would be for my lioness. It’s totally counter intuitive. How do you explain to your wife that you want her to lock up your penis so you can’t have sex?
No matter how I thought about it, the conversation would be very difficult. Am I a pervert? Is this desire a sick sexual need that will cause her to think less of me? I finally realized that the biggest barrier to discussing forced chastity with my lioness was me; my insecurities about my wish to be caged. The problem wasn’t figuring out how to discuss my need. It was accepting my desire to do this. Until I could feel comfortable about wanting my penis caged, I couldn’t do a good job communicating my desire to Mrs. Lion.
It took a while to think this through. I realized that my real desire was to transfer control of my sexuality to my lioness. I want her to own that part of me. In fact, it is a huge turn on to me to surrender control to her. In fairness to her, we had many conversations in the past about my interest in a power exchange. We had experimented with spanking, anal play, and other sexual topping and bottoming activities. Mrs. Lion tried these with me over the years. I really enjoyed those sessions. She said that she didn’t really enjoy them but did it for me. That was a wonderful gift, but really didn’t get to the core need for power exchange. It was fun, but that deeper itch remained unscratched.
Every time I thought about forced chastity, I got very aroused. Ironic. I knew that if I explained what I wanted to do to Mrs. Lion that she would probably agree. However, her agreement would be out of a desire to make me happy. I knew she wouldn’t feel any investment in the activity. Knowing that prevented me from approaching her for a very long time.
I continued to think about forced chastity. I finally realized that some might consider it strange, but in the context of my desire to feel control, it was actually a very good way to experience it. The benefit of forced chastity is that Mrs. Lion doesn’t have to change her lifestyle. She doesn’t have to be a dominatrix. She can be herself and still keep me caged. I realized that I could feel the control without feeling too guilty that she was not getting anything out of it. Still, I couldn’t get past the fact that there is nothing in it for her.
Based on my contact with other men in similar situations, many rationalize this one-way relationship by thinking that their partners should enjoy it. Or, that because they want it, their partners must learn to love it too. I just couldn’t do that. Over the years, my desire for sexual control had made me withdraw from initiating sexual activity with my lioness. She doesn’t want to initiate either. As a result she was not getting any sexual pleasure from me.
After considering this for a while, I realized that we needed to change things. How could locking me up do anything to fix this? The selfish part of me thought that if she locked me up, then she would feel more willing to ask for me to please her. To me that would be a win/win. Of course that’s not true. In reality, she would feel pressure to do something she really doesn’t want to do. Then I thought I could ask her if I could do specific things to please her and all she would have to do would be to accept or decline. I also thought that since I am locked up, there is no pressure to reciprocate. If she doesn’t reciprocate, that would be a positive reinforcement of my desire to be sexually controlled.
With that in mind, I asked her. She agreed. I started this journal shortly after she said yes. We have been struggling with just how to make things work for over two months now. There are still some paradoxes that we have to work out. I have found that I really enjoy asking her if I can do things to please her. That is a paradox because in my role I shouldn’t ask for anything sexual for myself or for her. Given our current situation, I think asking her still gives her control without requiring her to initiate. I haven’t done a good job of avoiding letting her know I am horny. I am working hard to avoid that now. I want her to make me wait even if I really want to orgasm.
On her side, she is adapting to this lifestyle. I don’t think she is internalizing what we do, but at least she is getting some benefits. She has given me some assignments, like breakfast on weekends, and she seems a bit more comfortable with her role as keyholder. We are communicating more, and I am still locked up 24/7.
So, my advice to prospective caged males is to take the time to think through what you want. Ignore the fantasies and take the time to fully understand how you and your partner can fit this lifestyle into your relationship. Once you do this, talk to her about it. Explain what you have been thinking about; not the fantasies, but how you see it fitting into your relationship. If she wants to consider locking you up, don’t rush or pressure her. Direct her to resources that can help her understand just what this is about (like this journal) and give her time to decide if she wants to do this. Don’t push her or discuss it further. Let her consider the next steps and when she is ready, she will approach you. I know this isn’t the answer you wanted to hear, but it is the only one that will produce a willing keyholder for a happily caged male.