Tightening Things Up
As we are completing our third year of enforced chastity, our life with it continues to mature. Over the last three years there have been times I have been allowed to run wild with no chastity device locked on me. These periods centered around vacation and business travel. There have also been times I spent a few days wild for no real reason.
Our Jail Bird has developed a sign of age. The security screw doesn’t stay tight no matter how firmly Mrs. Lion turns it. Within a day it works its way loose enough to be removed without a tool. Mrs. Lion isn’t concerned I will take advantage of this situation, but we both worry the screw could work itself out completely and get lost. Apparently this isn’t a unique problem. Mature Metal advised me that this happens and the ring needs rethreading. To get this done, we have to return the entire device, security screws, and the tool.
I prefer that I am unable to remove the cage myself. I like the loss of control. Mrs. Lion indicated that she also prefers things that way. I suggested that we might want to consider getting a “spare” Jail Bird. This is expensive. Mine costs over $400 with the security screw option. The alternative is to send the hardware back. I would then be without a cage for at least two weeks.
Over the last few weeks, my uncaged time has been drastically reduced. Mrs. Lion now understands that I like being consistently locked up. She used to unlock me for teasing and then leave me wild until after my last pee of the night. She would then lock me up before we went to sleep. I’ve been a bit uncomfortable with this. The times that she unlocked me just prior to teasing and then immediately caged me again when she was done, felt much better. So, she has had me put the ring back on and then she cages me immediately after she is finished with her weenie.
In general, as you might have noticed, she has become more possessive of her weenie. I was punished for trying to help her get me hard. I appreciate this greatly. She has been growing stricter and more consistent in other areas as well. Is this 2.0 finally taking over? I hope so.
I travel to the East Coast about once a month since I started my new job. I am allowed to be wild for my travels. The Jail Bird would certainly set off the TSA metal detectors. We both agreed that self locking made little sense. I do enjoy the freedom and comfort of being a free-range lion. Can I reconcile this with my increased sense of security when I am more strictly locked at home?
I would like to think so. I did order a new, very different plastic device. It would pass airport security easily. If it is comfortable, Mrs. Lion could keep me caged when I travel as well. I’m not sure I would like that. Six hour flights are barely tolerable now. Any chastity device would add to the discomfort.
I’m not caged to prevent unauthorized sexual activity. The main reason I am locked up is that the cage provides a very practical symbol of our power exchange. Neither of us consider it a kinky sex toy at this point. The chastity device has a significant purpose in our relationship. it forces both of us to maintain a sexual power balance that has restored intimacy for us. Neither of us can forget the cage is locked on my genitals.
So, if I am wild when i travel perhaps that reminder isn’t as necessary as it is when we are together. I just don’t know. I do know that I am very happy when Mrs. Lion makes a point of keeping me locked as much of the time as possible and reminds me of her power.
Whether or not I am wild when traveling isn’t really the issue now. I think that what counts the most is that I am always under direct supervision or locked up when we are in the same geographical area. Is it worth $400 to guarantee that there won’t be any interruption?
Heads, I Win; Tails, You Lose
I started wondering last night how much is too much. I unlocked Lion and I was using some lube on him. He doesn’t really like lube, but I think it makes things easier sometimes. I figure it gives the illusion that my slobbery mouth is sucking him, or maybe that he’s inside me. Anyway, he wasn’t responding very well. He suggested he needed his friend – the Magic Wand. I realized that that is the one thing he will request. He’ll never say, ” I think my balls need to be tied up.” Or “Maybe clothespins would help.” It’s always the Magic Wand. It’s possible that he’d been thinking about it and that was the only way he’d get hard last night.
My first thought was that I should tell him to suck it up. Either get hard without the Magic Wand or be locked up again without being edged. Before he suggested the Magic Wand, I asked him if he was horny enough or if there was something wrong. Sometimes if I don’t get to him early enough he’s too tired. I was going to suggest we just snuggle. But in the back of my mind, I was thinking I should be able to tell him I didn’t plan on using the Magic Wand and I’m under no obligation to take his suggestion. I know I can do that. But should I do that?
On one hand, he might like that. I’m taking charge. I’m telling him how it’s going to be. That might be the catalyst to getting him hard. On the other hand, it could be the same as telling him he has a wimpy weenie that can’t even get hard. That could create hurt feelings. These are things I wrestle with when it comes to being in charge. How far do I push things?
Once I started using the Magic Wand on him, he was almost instantly hard. I’m not sure how many times I edged him, but he was making quite a bit of pre-cum. He told me afterwards that he knew he wasn’t going to have an orgasm. He said he knows me too well. OK. I guess he knows me better than I know myself because I was debating whether to give him one right up until the end. And I rarely decide until the last second. It’s almost like a coin toss in my mind. Will he or won’t he? *Flip* Tails. Nope. Oooooh. Too bad. But thanks for playing our game.
Ballroom Dancing
Mrs. Lion’s post yesterday got me thinking. Is communicating what works for me, topping from the bottom? The answer to that question has to be based on how Mrs. Lion thinks about what I tell her. If she sees my suggestions as a direction to try, well then I suppose you could say I am leading more than following.
I think there is a common misconception about topping and bottoming. Many people believe that the top controls what happens to the bottom. The bottom is the hapless receiver of topish attention. That couldn’t be further from the truth. A power exchange is a conversation. Both the top and the bottom communicate about reactions to activities as well as aspirations of what one or the other thinks will work for them.
The idea that my role is to simply accept what Mrs. Lion chooses to do to me puts too much pressure on her. Our marriage is a partnership. We have always been able to divide chores and make decisions in a way that leaves us happy. Because she loves me, Mrs. Lion is willing to adopt our power exchange. It makes no sense to say, “Ok, you’re in charge. What do you want me to do?”
A relationship is a complex dance. Both partners have to do the same steps or they could fall over. Since I initiated enforced chastity and domestic discipline, it’s up to me to provide the framework for our power exchange. I suggest things that we could do. I comment on how I am feeling. Mrs. Lion does the same.
That doesn’t mean we have a democracy. She’s leading this dance. I’m just suggesting steps I’ve learned elsewhere. In the beginning, I was the choreographer. I designed how things would work. That didn’t mean she did exactly what I suggested. Oh no, far from it. But it gives her a framework that lets her grow into her role.
She doesn’t think she will ever be a “natural” dominant. I don’t think she will either. But I think she is well on her way to being an effective top who has taken control of me in many areas of my life. I think the key to all this is that she has to try something and then see how we both react. It takes time.
Mrs. Lion knows, for example, I am happier if she locks me back up immediately after she’s done teasing me. She thought that I would enjoy extra time out of my cage. I don’t. She’s also learned how to discipline me effectively. This is an area she is still developing. The idea of punishing me is alien to her on many levels. She does it anyway because she knows it’s what I want.
Over time she will acquire her own style. At that point she will be leading the dance and I will follow obediently. Until then, we learn from each other and invent a dance we can both do.
I Get What I Want
Lion has been talking lately about conditioning. He wants me to get him to a point that some task becomes a habit for him. For example, if I want him to do the laundry, I need to remind him the laundry needs to be done. I need to get him to accept that as his job so that every weekend he sorts the laundry, puts the loads in the washer, changes them to the dryer, and puts the clothes away. All without thinking about it. Just like breathing.
I’m having a problem with this. I’d have to find something that I want him to do. It’s not that Lion is perfect, but we share the chores. It’s true that we each tend to do the same chores over and over (Lion cleans the toilets. I feed the animals. Etc.), but there’s nothing I need him to do specifically. He doesn’t have a problem with leaving his shoes in the living room or missing the hamper. He doesn’t need to be reminded to take the garbage out. That’s why most of our rules are silly. I don’t want to change Lion.
The other problem I have with his saying he wants me to condition him, is that it seems obvious to me that he’s been conditioning me for years. Doesn’t he want me to be comfortable with punishment? Doesn’t he want me to do mean things to him without a second thought? Doesn’t he want me to feel that I have control of him? Yup. He wants me to “internalize” it. He wants it to become second nature. In all the discussion about his not wanting to top from the bottom, I don’t see how he can’t. Until I am fully conditioned to want to do the things he wants done, I’m roughly following his lead. He may not be actively directing the show, but Lion is the reason the show must go on.
Now, I’m not saying I want to stop. This is a consensual arrangement. I’m merely trying to explain that I’m being conditioned too. And that, ultimately, he is topping from the bottom to some extent a good portion of the time. I do see that Lion has good intentions. He wants me to have power so that I will be stronger in other areas of my life. He wants me to stick up for myself at work. He wants me to feel like I can do anything. I’m more of a go-with-the-flow kind of person. That annoys Lion. He thinks I don’t get what I want that way. He’s wrong. I got him that way.
I’ll have to figure out what I want to change about Lion. There has to be something he does that bothers me. It will probably be something silly like spilling food on himself. I’ll just have to keep my eyes open.
