I started wondering last night how much is too much. I unlocked Lion and I was using some lube on him. He doesn’t really like lube, but I think it makes things easier sometimes. I figure it gives the illusion that my slobbery mouth is sucking him, or maybe that he’s inside me. Anyway, he wasn’t responding very well. He suggested he needed his friend – the Magic Wand. I realized that that is the one thing he will request. He’ll never say, ” I think my balls need to be tied up.” Or “Maybe clothespins would help.” It’s always the Magic Wand. It’s possible that he’d been thinking about it and that was the only way he’d get hard last night.

My first thought was that I should tell him to suck it up. Either get hard without the Magic Wand or be locked up again without being edged. Before he suggested the Magic Wand, I asked him if he was horny enough or if there was something wrong. Sometimes if I don’t get to him early enough he’s too tired. I was going to suggest we just snuggle. But in the back of my mind, I was thinking I should be able to tell him I didn’t plan on using the Magic Wand and I’m under no obligation to take his suggestion. I know I can do that. But should I do that?

On one hand, he might like that. I’m taking charge. I’m telling him how it’s going to be. That might be the catalyst to getting him hard. On the other hand, it could be the same as telling him he has a wimpy weenie that can’t even get hard. That could create hurt feelings. These are things I wrestle with when it comes to being in charge. How far do I push things?

Once I started using the Magic Wand on him, he was almost instantly hard. I’m not sure how many times I edged him, but he was making quite a bit of pre-cum. He told me afterwards that he knew he wasn’t going to have an orgasm. He said he knows me too well. OK. I guess he knows me better than I know myself because I was debating whether to give him one right up until the end. And I rarely decide until the last second. It’s almost like a coin toss in my mind. Will he or won’t he? *Flip* Tails. Nope. Oooooh. Too bad. But thanks for playing our game.


  1. Author

    Love your journal

  2. Author

    Such are the challenges of having an interesting relationship.
    Worrying about whether you will offend, or wondering if being controlling will arouse him. Should we communicate even more than we do? Or just let the chips fall where they may?

    I also try to guess whether I will be allowed to cum, sometimes I am very surprised when she says I can. Sometimes, despite being really desperate to release, I really don’t want her to let me.
    If I am that confused in my mind, imagine how confusing the relationship can be.

    Thanks for sharing your always very interesting insights.

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