By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments, Punishment

No, not the way you think. I still don’t have any hankerings for orgasms. And I have suspended my scheduled orgasms for now. They just felt forced. I know it’s fun for Lion to give me orgasms, but I feel bad when it takes so long for me to be aroused. He seems to be working so hard.

Right now the frustration is with both Lion and myself. Mostly myself. Growing up I did have some expectations of happiness. We didn’t have much, but my parents made sure we had what we needed and had some of what we wanted. We didn’t have designer clothes or a fancy car. I always had my good clothes for school and my play clothes for home. The good shoes and the play shoes. One boring station wagon in the garage. But we did have a camper that we took on vacations every summer. My grandmother liked to get me things that I wanted, even if I didn’t really want them. When we were shopping I would say something was nice and she would buy it for me. Nothing extravagant. Maybe a jump rope or a ball. My mother would tell me I shouldn’t badger my grandmother into buying me things. I knew I didn’t badger her, but just to make sure I stopped admiring things.

When I got married the first time I thought my life would be similar. Well, he had his expectations and I had my expectations and neither of us got our expectations. So I learned that it was easier to not have any expectations. No hoping for the perfect (sometimes any) Christmas present. No hoping for the perfect vacation. My job was to make sure my kids got some of what they wanted, just like my parents had for me.

Enter Lion. He makes sure I get what I need and what I want even if I don’t really want it. To be fair, I am not clear on what I think is nice versus what I want. For example, the other day some tickets went on sale for a comedian I would like to see. By the time I started searching for tickets the good ones had all been gotten by the resellers. We could get tickets that were almost in the lobby or we could sell my truck to buy better ones. Not quite that expensive, but you get the idea. Lion complained about the “lobby” tickets being so far away and I didn’t want to pay the “truck” tickets so I said forget it. I can buy the DVD and see it better than the “lobby” tickets anyway. Lion, being Lion, decided I needed to go to the show. He bought the “lobby” tickets. And then complained again about how far away they are.

I know. I know. What does this have to do with male chastity? Aside from that little walk down memory lane being somewhat cathartic, it beings up Lion’s punishments. Yesterday he forgot to run an errand for me. It was somewhat important. I was out of one of my medications. Would I die if I didn’t have it? Nope. But I had given him a task. So he would receive punishment for not completing it. He said he would go out and complete the task. That’s silly. Why go all the way back to the store just for one thing? I told him it could wait. He said he would go. Finally I told him I would get it on the way home. Then he was quiet.

In my mind he had gone to get the medication. He wasn’t answering my email. No “OK”. No “KISS”. Nothing. I was annoyed. Had he been getting ready to go back out for the medicine while I was typing that last email? Was he now halfway to the store even though I told him not to go? So I decided that if he had disobeyed my instructions he should be punished for it. Maybe not this time because it wasn’t technically a rule before he disobeyed it, but it was now a rule. I was frustrated because he does this all the time. And then I realized that he does it because I am not clear between wanting something and really wanting something. So now I was frustrated with myself.

Long story short (too late), I need to give better instructions to Lion and he needs to follow them. I need to be more clear about what I want and he needs to stop doing things because he thinks I want them. Yet another in a long list of things we need to work on. Together.

By:
In: Femdom, Lion's Journal, Punishment, Sex

Over time any blog becomes more and more about the people writing than the topic it is supposed to address. Based on the mail we get, this is a good thing. After all, once you get your enforced chastity questions answered, there would be little reason to continue reading a chastity how-to blog. Since I want to also serve those who want to get started and need the basics, we have fixed pages (see the menu across the top of the page) that address the issues most people want to understand.

What we have evolved into is Mrs. Lion and my journals. We are recording our actions, feelings, and wishes around my enforced chastity. Aside from sharing with you, we are frequently learning new things from each other. There’s something about the written word that provides more concrete communication. It’s one thing to forget what Mrs. Lion said. It’s another to say, “You didn’t write that.” It’s way too easy to go back to the blog and find out exactly what was said.

One of our biggest disconnects has nothing at all to do with enforced chastity. It’s around the basic power exchange itself. This isn’t anyone’s fault. I am not submissive by nature, nor even a little bit passive. Yet, I want to feel control and discipline. If Mrs. Lion took over our relationship and turned it into a domestic discipline, wife-led marriage, I would be miserable. But yet, I want to feel her control.

This has to be confusing for her. She has a very accepting nature. She doesn’t look for opportunities to lead. I think she likes that I manage most of the stuff around our marriage. She isn’t assertive about things she wants.

On one hand we have me, a basically assertive lion who is bull headed and always ready to go in his own direction, yet he craves sexual control and discipline. On the other hand we have an accepting, sweet lioness who is usually happy to go along with whatever her lion wants. In terms of the basic relationship this is as good as it gets. We compliment each other very well. We are opposite in many ways, but like a cup and saucer we fit together.

Then I get disruptive and want something that contradicts the very fabric of our power balance. Granted, we were both feeling physical distance from one another. Sexually, before starting enforced chastity, we were almost completely inactive. This caused each of us some stress, but our relationship and our love continued to get stronger. That made it easier to overlook the sexual elephant in the room.

We each compensated in our own ways. Mrs. Lion switched off sexually. I masturbated when the mood struck. I won’t go into how we came to try enforced chastity. Suffice it to say that I had a long interest in it but had never really tried it out. When I proposed being locked up, Mrs. Lion agreed. I told you that she is very agreeable and sweet.

This disruption is far deeper than we originally imagined. Aside from the obvious physical changes for me, the obvious effect of being locked forced us both to rethink everything about our sex life. Power issues aside, I am completely dependent on Mrs. Lion for any sexual release. Obvious, right? Well not so much.

With the ability to absolutely control my ability to come, came the responsibility of deciding when and how often that should be. Mrs. Lion is not used to making unilateral decisions that affect me so strongly. Moreover, since her sex drive has been in the dumper, these decisions have to be made without reference to any particular need of hers. It has been all about me.

We both have known for a long time that I like to bottom. I enjoy being spanked. At least I enjoy the idea of it. When I am in the process of receiving a punishment spanking I am not having fun. But yet I really want them.  I started thinking about it again when I saw a really strong over-the-knee spanking video. How do you punish someone who is usually in control? That’s Mrs. Lion’s dilemma.

Over the last year we have made some progress. Mrs. Lion has let me give her orgasms every so often even if she wasn’t in the “mood” at the time. She has learned to schedule my releases and sometimes resists giving me “bonus” orgasms before my scheduled wait is over. She gives me some fun spankings. I love those. And, on occasion a few punishment swats with a paddle.

Our basic power dynamic hasn’t changed. I don’t think it should. I keep hoping that Mrs. Lion will be more assertive about what she wants. I love granting her wishes. To her great credit, she has been making more domestic decisions. She has also been recognizing some of the things I do around the house. I even got a “Good Lion” coupon last week for an extra non-orgasmic play session. Things are moving in the right direction. Most importantly, our love continues to grow despite my chastity disruption.

I can’t understand why, for want of a better expression, domestic discipline is such a turn on to me. It’s stressful for both of us. Maybe once I get a taste of it, I will realize that it is one of those things that plays way better as a fantasy. Maybe I should just keep it a fantasy now. It isn’t an easy thing for Mrs. Lion to do emotionally or physically. I will have to be restrained. I know I will try to escape when it gets tough. I have no training or experience in receiving serious spankings. I also know I will absolutely hate it.

As you can see, I’m very conflicted about this. Is there a benefit for us if we go through with this much more drastic activity? Will I be happier? Are there behavioral things that need strong correction? If not, should we just try this as another form of play? Is it even possible for Mrs. Lion to comfortably try this? Do I really want this to happen?

I think my side of this falls into the “you don’t have a choice” category. I’m good with that sort of stuff. In fact, without any domestic discipline, I think I could satisfy a lot of my need for control with a larger dose of that sort of action on Mrs. Lion’s part. I really love/hate it when she says that to me.

As I reflect on the things I say I want, I realize that maybe I am visualizing consequences instead of the underlying need those consequences may be only one way of satisfying. Punishment is only one way to demonstrate control. Since I am locked up, Mrs. Lion has other ways to demonstrate her control. They range from ruined orgasms to extending my wait as a consequence of something I have done or failed to do. Skipping play sessions is another, milder consequence.

I know this begs the main question: What actions should have consequences? I’ll give you my thoughts tomorrow.

By:
In: Femdom, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Punishment

I seem to get it wrong very often. When Mrs. Lion does something that hits a hot button, I tend to believe that she has somehow changed, turned over a new leaf. This happened the other night when she used the Njoy butt plug on me. She inserted it in a direct, rather impersonal way — lube it, lube me a bit, firmly insert it with no pause. Her usual pattern is to be much gentler, stopping frequently to let me adjust to the intruding device. She wasn’t rough about it. It hurt, but that lasted only a couple of minutes after it was nestled inside me.

I liked what she did. I didn’t care too much for the pain, but I liked feeling that authority. The problem is that she didn’t see it that way. She said that my position was a bit awkward and she inserted it the best she could. I guess you could say this is classic lion; I read far too much into small things.

The reason for this is that the movie playing in my head casts Mrs. Lion as a loving, but firm keyholder who efficiently exer cises her power over me. I don’t see her as an impersonal department of motor vehicles clerk dispensing punishments and pleasure as part of her job. But I do see her as my loving lioness who sets her mind to do something to/with me and then just proceeds without being overly concerned about my acceptance or reaction.  Spankings, anal insertions, even teasing is performed in a loving and efficient way without my feedback being considered.

That’s my movie. I’m not a cruelly treated prisoner who suffers at every turn. Nor am I a naughty boy who needs mommy to keep him on the straight and narrow. I’m much less role play centric. In my movie Mrs. Lion is my loving partner who, for unknown reasons — psst: we know it is cause I asked her, but don’t tell, that’s not in the script — has sexual and behavioral control of me and exercises that control to “train” me. Again, my script is silent as to why in world she would want to do this, or what I do that needs correction. Clearly my screenplay needs a lot of work.

The plot does contain lots of toys that range from butt plugs to devices to give my genitals a shock when I do something wrong — again the script is silent on exactly what I am doing wrong. Similarly I get spanked, get my wait extended, or some other horrific-but-sexy punishments are meted out as needed.

That’s the basic movie. It’s very hot to me when it runs in my head. When Mrs. Lion actually does some of those things, I genuinely dislike them at the time, but they are deeply satisfying later. So, when Mrs. Lion does something as small as slightly changing how she plugs my butt, I react by believing she has taken her role to heart. It isn’t realistic of me to make that assumption, but wow, she just acted a scene in my movie. Has she decided to take the part?

It really doesn’t matter if she follows my script at all. She is already giving me exactly what I want: she keeps my penis locked up, she makes me wait no matter how horny I get, and she spanks me now and then. That’s a lot. It’s more than I have any right to expect. I’m not an ungrateful lion. I just want to explain why I can blow a small change up into a lioness transformation. Mea culpa.

By:
In: Advice for a new keyholder, Chastity games, Keyholder, Keyholder101, Lion's Journal, Male Control (training), Punishment, Rewards

One of the most difficult decisions a keyholder must make is how long her male has to wait between orgasms. Wait time is one of the key areas of enforced chastity fantasies. As a result, the Web abounds with hundreds of so-called “factual”discussions that specify exactly how you, the keyholder should set your male’s wait times. I’ve seen directions on exactly how to “train” him. One of the main reason I decided to start this blog was to provide a more factual view of enforced male chastity.

Men are all different. We share some common sexual plumbing and to some extent have the same sexual programming, but when you get down to things like frequency of orgasms, we are all very individual. I have no doubt that like me, your male gave you his ideas on exactly how you should manage his wait time. He’s been dreaming about this for a long time. As I’ve come to learn, my ideas had no basis in fact.

One typical fantasy is that the longer you make him wait, the hornier he will get. It turns out that this is completely false. Even if you tease him and edge him every day, he will lose interest in orgasm after a while. Yes, while you tease him he will desperately want to come, but as soon as you stop the desire will quickly die down. At what point this loss of constant need starts to diminish varies by male and also varies for each individual based on other things in his life. In general, this loss of interest starts around the tenth day.

I’ve read lots of accounts of this. I’ve just experienced it myself. Males report that anywhere from ten days to three weeks into a wait, desire to orgasm starts to diminish. The other day, after I had been waiting nine days and just after teasing me, Mrs. Lion asked if she should make me wait longer. I think she expected a, “Hell no!” from me. I barely reacted. I just told her that was up to her. The truth is that I didn’t feel any anxiety. Does that mean I won’t feel it if I do have to wait longer? Absolutely not! I want that orgasm. I’m just not that desperate. This doesn’t mean you need to make him wait less than 10 days. It just means that it is easier for him to manage waiting beyond that point.

That brings me to the big question: What is the point of making him wait? I think the typical reason is that it shows him your ability to control his sexual pleasure. That, after all, is the entire point of enforced chastity. Does that mean you need to constantly increase his wait times to demonstrate your control? In some cases that is exactly what the male wants. However, at least for me, this seems pointless. In my opinion, wait time can be used creatively to be almost a game that both male and keyholder can enjoy.

This doesn’t rule out long waits. The nature of the need for orgasm changes. On a wait when constant need for sex dies down, the desire is quickly rekindled during a teasing session. So, instead of me being tree-humping horny all the time, I get that way as soon as Mrs. Lion starts to play with my penis. So, the control isn’t diminished, its nature changes a little from a constant ache to episodic acute need to come. Still fun, right?

Mrs. Lion, with input from me, has been experimenting with wait times A while ago I asked if she could schedule my waits and let me know when I would have my next orgasm. My thinking was that I could anticipate the big day and Mrs. Lion could also tease me about it. It also meant that she could extend the date or shorten the wait at will, and since I am aware of the original plan, the impact of any changes would be strongly felt.

In practice it hasn’t quite worked out that way. She has given me “bonus orgasms” almost every time so that the scheduled date has become my “sure thing” and that I am likely to get some nice surprises along the way. I’m not complaining. It is fun to get extra orgasms. Only once has she extended my wait for a day.

The problem with changing a fixed date is that if it is extended, you will be disappointing someone  you love. Unless you get pleasure from causing pain (not a bad thing!), you will feel badly doing this. If the extension is tied to a behavioral issue, it will help train your male, but will probably cause you some pain too.

I’m sure you have noticed that I’m not providing any real guidance. I can’t. This is something you  have to work out on your own. Based on my experience I have a few ideas you might want to consider:

  • Instead of a fixed time, or for that matter in addition to it, base your decision to give him an orgasm on the way he reacts to your teasing, but, not necessarily in the way he might expect. If he is particularly desperate and will do anything for release, that’s a good time to lock him back up without an orgasm. Then, if you feel playful, the next time you tease him, give him something he has to do in order to come. You could time him and give him 30 seconds or so less than his normal time to come (of course you will have to know what that is). If he fails, tell him he has to wait another x days (at least enough to get him through another non-orgasmic teasing), then, try again.This sort of game is guaranteed to get his head and penis back in the game. And, since it is a game of sorts, you won’t have to feel badly if you make him wait longer. After all, if he really wanted to come, he would have when he had the chance.One note: unless you want to train him to come in less and less time, during the teasing session where you finally want him to come, let him go longer until he gets his release. He won’t notice. He will be too busy trying to finally get his orgasm.
  • Use orgasms as rewards. One popular fantasy is that the male only gets to come if he pleases his keyholder sufficiently. There are hundreds of ways guys have invented to do this, but the bottom line is that orgasms become rewards for good boys. I am pretty sure that true behavioral modification will not be the result of this activity, but it will be very satisfying to a male who likes that sort of thing. If he likes the idea of discipline, he will probably react well to the idea of rewards as well as punishment. An orgasm isn’t the only sexual reward you can offer. You can also offer an extra teasing session. Telling him he is a good boy and rubbing his balls or butt is another nice way to show appreciation. You get it.
  • Orgasm control training is another activity some males enjoy. In this, you let him know that he can only come when you give permission regardless of the stimulation. So, if you are jerking him off and he reaches the edge, he is supposed to learn to wait. Similarly, during intercourse he is not allowed to come without permission. Realistically, males can’t truly control this reaction completely. They can learn to sense the point of no return and stop stimulation. This works with penetration. If you are using your hand or mouth, he will have very limited ability to postpone the inevitable. If you let him ask you to stop to avoid coming, he will learn to control his orgasms.This sort of “training” is a nice way to vary the sexual experiences he gets. If he fails and comes, some sort of “punishment” is in order. If you are so inclined, you can spank him. Or, you can extend his wait time. Even if you have no set wait time, you can tell him that the earliest  you will even consider giving him release will be x days. Alternately, you can make him wait x days till his next teasing session. We boys love our teasing sessions. Remember, this is for fun, so don’t be too harsh.

I think you can see where this is going. Wait times are a key part of every caged male’s fantasy. Many want long waits. Some, like me, don’t. It doesn’t matter. What we all want is to feel that you are in control.