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In: Advice for a new keyholder, Advice to caged males, Keyholder, Keyholder101, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Male Control (training), Sex

I’m beginning to realize that the term “enforced chastity” is either a misnomer or badly misunderstood by most of us. In my post yesterday, I wrote about orgasm control and how we are conditioned to interpret that as waiting longer and longer between orgasms. That got me thinking about why I believed that was the point of enforced chastity. First of all, my chastity device prevents me from arousal and orgasm. Its presence on my penis sends a very clear message that I’m not supposed to get hard or ejaculate. After all, I’m wearing a device that physically prevents that. What I am doing is enforced chastity which literally means I am physically prevented from having sex. Most of our fantasies are about suffering extreme horniness while our keyholders enjoy endless orgasms. In practice, that’s what many of us experience in real life.

As my previous post suggested, enforced chastity is a power exchange, not an abstinence marathon. The point isn’t necessarily infinite abstinence, but rather controlled orgasm. The chastity device isn’t locked on me assure I won’t ever come again. It’s there to assure that only Mrs. Lion will provide me with sexual stimulation and, if she wishes, orgasm. We aren’t practicing enforced chastity as much as enforced orgasm control. To me, at least, there is something very arousing about surrendering my ability to get hard, aroused, and orgasm. It especially exciting when I am in a situation where I would normally be aroused and have an orgasm, but either due to the device or to my lioness withholding enough stimulation for me to come, I’m frustrated. The memory of these frustrating sessions is very arousing.

I’ve learned to treasure these frustrating sessions. They satisfy a submissive impulse as well as keep me physically wanting. In my earliest posts, I wrote that prolonged abstinence without stimulation would reduce interest in sex. That’s true. But what I didn’t consider is that I’m not in a constant state of heat just because I’ve been denied. It’s true that my thoughts frequently drift to my teasing and frustrated desire to come. But those thoughts almost never make my penis strain against its cage. They’re just exciting little memories. In fact, I’m most likely going to get hard when Mrs. Lion puts me into a sexual situation. If she has me stimulate her with my hand or mouth, locked or unlocked, I will get hard and crave release myself. If she tells me how she will tease me and gets me going with sexy talk, I will feel the strain against my cage. In other words, unless I am in a sexual situation, I’m not going to get very aroused. Much younger men will get physically aroused at almost any thought. But older guys like me, don’t.

If my keyholder’s objective is just to feed my fantasy, the term “enforced chastity” is correct. The initial fantasy was being forced to wait while providing sexual services. But if her objective is a real power exchange, making me wait is only a part of the game. What she really wants to do is control my orgasms and arousal. She wants to train me that a hard penis and sometimes an orgasm is only available when she decides I should experience them. The chastity device assures I will learn that my only source of sexual stimulation is her. It’s not so much a chastity device, as an orgasm control device. Chastity, the word, refers to absence of sex. A chaste person avoids any mental or physical expression of sex. That’s the last thing our keyholders want. They want us to crave sex and experience the frustration of our inability to control our own arousal.

I think that enforced chastity is about sexual obedience. All of us are happy to obey the spoken or implied order to not get hard or get off. Our devices enforce it and mentally it’s exactly what we expect. Almost everyone who has mentioned it on the Net shows resistance when the keyholder wants him to come at a time when he expects to wait. This is exactly the opposite of our fantasies. We want secure devices, even going to the extreme of getting piercings to assure we can’t escape our cages.  We want no ability to get aroused or come on our own. We have no serious trouble managing the waits, even the long ones. But during edging, fucking, or other stimulation, if the keyholder says, “I want you to come now,” how many of us have resisted, even asked to not orgasm at that time? My guess is that almost all of us have had a problem in that situation.

The deal we made with ourselves was to sacrifice frequent orgasms for the feeling of bondage and control we get when we surrendered sexually. All of our fantasies were about being frustrated by lack of release. We revel in being edged and feeling that awful realization that orgasm isn’t happening this time. We learn to live for that. So when we are told to come, or stimulated to a full orgasm, we can be disappointed. So, we resist and try to avoid the exact thing we imagined we lived to get.

I suspect that the real issue isn’t just the conflict with the chastity fantasy. In my case, at least, it’s about obedience. Just as withholding orgasm and erection is a primal kind of control that hits us at our most vulnerable spot, it is what we signed up for and is not so much obedience as wish fulfillment. If the keyholder turns the tables and adds orgasms on demand, it feels like a much stronger kind of control. We didn’t plan on it. We expected to beg to come and be denied. We didn’t think that we would get comfortable with the rhythm of wait, tease, and more waiting; but we did. Coming on command wasn’t in the play book. So we resist: mentally, verbally, or even by losing erection.

That is disobedience. The keyholder can’t punish it by withholding stimulation since that is exactly what we want. To deal with this, first she has to be sure she gets what she wants. If she wants an orgasm, she shouldn’t stop stimulation until she gets it. No male can resist for very long. Once she achieves her objective, she can provide corrections to send a strong message that obedience includes orgasm when wanted. This is a particularly good offense to warrant spanking. Spanking after an orgasm, wanted or unwanted, is never fun.

Enforced chastity is truly a misnomer. We practice enforced orgasm control. It is training to be sexually obedient. Sexual obedience includes arousal and orgasm on demand as much as it does abstinence. How does it feel when you think about that?

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In: Advice for a new keyholder, Keyholder, Keyholder101, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Male Control (training)

I like to read other blogs. It’s educational and a lot of fun to learn how others approach enforced chastity. Based on my reading and conversations, guys often think that enforced chastity means extended waits between orgasms. It seems to be a point of pride for many that they wait longer and longer. This eventually gets to the point where the caged male becomes disappointed that his keyholder didn’t make him wait longer. Recently, Steeled Snake’s wife and keyhoder, Charmer wrote in their blog about a recent experience. Charmer wanted sex. Snake obediently provided his penis. Charmer decided that she wanted him to come inside her. He resisted. He hadn’t come since mid June and apparently he wanted to wait longer. She wanted him to come then and there. Of course he relented and provided her with his ejaculation.

This episode surprised me. You would think that the male would be craving orgasm. The fantasies always depict the keyholder’s power in terms of forcing her caged male to wait for an orgasm far longer than he would like. For some guys, the reality is exactly the opposite. He wants to wait longer than his keyholder wishes. Orgasm control changes from denial to forced ejaculation. At first blush this seemed oddly perverse to me. However, after some thought I realize that orgasm control isn’t necessarily orgasm denial.

Orgasm control is, as the term suggests, about control. Control means that the male has an orgasm when, where, and how the keyholder/top wants. It isn’t necessarily orgasm withholding. It’s control. When most guys start out, control means making him wait; making him impossibly horny and still not being allowed to come. Once he learns to manage, even enjoy waiting, control can become making him orgasm sooner than he would like. The point is that the keyholder/top owns and controls his orgasms. The lesson he has to learn is that sex for him has nothing to do with what he wants. His penis and ejaculations belong to his keyholder. If she enjoys watching him squirm with unfulfilled desire, then she will keep him in that state as long as she likes. If she wants to see him ejaculate, he will do it whether his last orgasm was yesterday or a year ago.

Both caged males and their keyholders often misunderstand the essence of orgasm control. In the beginning it may be limited to fulfilling the male fantasy of endless teasing without orgasm. He may never give up on that objective. Hopefully it won’t take his keyholder long to understand the actual meaning of this power exchange. Her first objective should be educational; she should train her male to accept endless teasing with no orgasm in sight. She has to do this in a way that won’t scare him off. So, many start with short waits and build up to longer and longer ones. It seems logical. Right? I don’t think it is.

The keyholder is actually training him to go from sprinter to marathon runner. She rewards longer and longer waits with wonderful orgasms. He is learning that the longer he waits, the happier she becomes. Sometimes, this ends up with the man wanting to just give up on orgasms entirely. Some keyholders are happy to oblige. If the keyholder is practicing enforced chastity to make her male happy, then as long as her sexual needs are met, she will be happy to give him permanent orgasm denial. She isn’t really in control. She is fulfilling his fantasy.

If the keyholder’s objective is obedience and acceptance by her male that his erections and ejaculations are for her pleasure, she has to play the game a bit differently. In the beginning it does make sense to train him to accept waiting despite being horny and sorry he gave her the key. It won’t take long for him to learn this and even actively participate in supporting her wish for him to wait. Once he seems to be proud of his “gift” of waiting, it’s time to change his training so he will understand that the objective of orgasm control is not simply long gaps between orgasms, but sexual control. Teaching this is not as simple as making him wait.

One way to start this phase of training is to teach him that he will ejaculate when she wants. Perhaps, shorten the wait times considerably. Make them much less, as little as a few days, than the length that makes him proud of waiting. When you want him to come, even if it is on the spur of the moment, tell him to come for you. Telling him to come, especially when he thought he would be waiting much longer, sends a powerful message about who is in charge.

A lot of women don’t understand why a male orgasm has such a powerful effect. The older a male gets, the longer it takes him to recharge after an orgasm. This is known as the refractory period. In practice, the physical refractory period is generally anything from a few minutes to several days. However, the emotional refractory period in a male who has experienced enforced chastity, can be much longer. Some guys report a feeling of depression for days after ejaculating. Most males trained to wait will feel some letdown because they know a new wait has begun and the orgasm reminded them how much they miss when they have to wait. Understanding this effect provides some insight into the look of disappointment when the orgasm comes earlier than he expects.

Since Mrs. Lion has never trained me to wait for more than two weeks, with most waits being a week or so, I don’t expect to run a marathon. I still get massively horny thanks to her daily, very effective edging. My emotional refractory period is very short, less than my physical one. I’m emotionally back to normal in a matter of hours, sometimes minutes. I never know when my next orgasm will come, but I don’t worry it will be months away. I’m learning that I come when Mrs. Lion wants, even if the wait is only a day or two. I can also wait two weeks or more if she doesn’t want my orgasm. Disobedience is punished by withholding the teasing and edging I love.  Mrs. Lion owns my sexual pleasure and orgasms. Period.

I think that this is more of a power exchange than the marathon waits that some practice. I’m being trained that my job is to get horny, be teased and edged, and orgasm when Mrs. Lion wants. Her pleasure is my objective whether it is to provide her with many orgasms or to give her mine. That’s our version of orgasm control.

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In: Advice for a new keyholder, Keyholder, Keyholder101, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Male Control (training)

Every so often I run across a post that suggests that men who want enforced chastity want to have fewer orgasms. Generally, this assertion is followed by some pseudo-physiology that claims after orgasm hormones are released that make the male dislike exactly those things that turn him on. There is a kernel of truth in that statement, but not at all what is claimed. After a male has an orgasm, there is a refractory period during which he is difficult to arouse and will not be able to ejaculate. This period ranges from as little as ten minutes for young men to a day or two for men in their 60’s or 70’s. The actual refractory period varies widely in individuals. However, even during this period men are still interested in sex and in the things that attract them.

Enforced chastity is not really about sex or the lack of it; it’s about control. The reason most of us want to be caged is that we want the ability to decide when we can get hard and orgasm taken away from us. Naturally, the only way to exercise this control is for our keyholders to withhold arousal and orgasm longer than we would like. It’s that simple and that complicated. What often happens is that the male associates delayed orgasm with submission. So, the longer he waits the more controlled he feels. If he believes this, then he will actively want his keyholder to make him wait longer and longer. Some guys reach the point where they want orgasm permanently withheld since this proves total sexual submission.

None of the above really suggests that caged males want fewer orgasm. What it means is that a lot of males in enforced chastity have been conditioned (by their own minds usually) to believe that the less frequently they get to orgasm, the stronger the control they feel. I think this has a very primal root. There is some evidence that men equate sex and power. That can explain why a lot of guys feel stronger and more powerful after they come. It’s success. They have done what nature intended. I think it is part of the biological programming we have to assure continuance of the species.

Speaking strictly for myself, I like to come. For most of my life I enjoyed a daily orgasm. In recent years with Mrs. Lion’s diminishing interest in sex, I masturbated two or three times a week. I also think my biological clock slowed down too. When we first started enforced chastity I was climbing the walls after waiting five days. Mrs. Lion teased me (and continues to tease me) at least every other day. The edging and teasing made it impossible for me to forget that I wanted to come. So, by the fifth day I was massively horny. Over the months, I was conditioned not to expect an orgasm very frequently. Now when I reach the fifth day I am not nearly as horny as I was a year ago. I’ve learned to lower my expectation of orgasm, which in turn reduces my interest in sex. I think this shows that while hormones are important, my mind is by far the biggest factor in my desire to come.

I’m not convinced that this is a desirable result. The only way to assure that I hit the “climb the walls” level of interest is to extend my wait and my edging. Eventually, if she makes me wait long enough, I will be climbing the walls again. Maybe now it will take two weeks to reach that point. Part of me thinks it’s a good idea to make we wait longer. That’s the same impulse that I talked about at the beginning of the post. There’s no question I can be “trained” to want less frequent release. But should I be?

An “agreeable” keyholder will find it sensible and easy to just extend waits if that is her partner’s wish. The idea of extending waits may also feed into the keyholder’s feeling of power and control. I think there are other ways to satisfy both partners without endless extending the time between male orgasms. The first is to vary wait time widely. Perhaps make the usual wait time between one and two weeks. However, some of the time (perhaps 15 or 20 percent), shorten the wait to less than a week and occasionally to three weeks or more. If the male is conditioned to expect an orgasm every week or two, a shorter or longer wait will “surprise” him and prevent conditioning his sex drive to a specific minimum wait. Frequent orgasms are a valid expression of keyholder power. Bear in mind he wants to wait longer, but you aren’t letting him. You are in control. An occasional long wait with a lot of teasing is an unmistakable reminder of who is in charge.

 

 

By:
In: Advice for a new keyholder, Keyholder, Keyholder101, Lion's Journal

First, the news. Yesterday, as promised, Mrs. Lion tied me to the bed face down and gave me a long spanking She started gently but rapidly accelerated the frequency and strength of the blows. She got me quite red and sore. I loved it! Then she turned me over and gave me an amazing oral orgasm. What a great way to spend part of Sunday Afternoon!

One of the most perplexing questions a new keyholder has to answer is how long to make her caged male wait between orgasms. Male fantasies abound with ideas ranging from using a wheel of fortune or dice to determine the next date to never coming again. His partner is having trouble understanding why he wants to wait at all, so this dilemma. The fantasies claim that as the male gets hornier and hornier, he will become increasingly attentive to his keyholder. Pretty much anywhere you look on the Web, you will find this story. There is some truth to this concept. Many men experience a temporary slump in sexual interest for some time after they orgasm. So, by keeping the guy horny, he should have much more sexual interest in his keyholder. I can see that.

The big question in my mind is how long does this effect last? If the male never gets to come again, does he maintain or continually increase his attention to his keyholder? We know he won’t. At some point, even with regular teasing, he will realize that his orgasm just isn’t going to happen. At that point he has lost the sexual incentive to be attentive. Why? Simply put, a logical motive for all this intense attention is the hope that by arousing and pleasing her, she will want to please him. In enforced chastity, the orgasm can be a reward. A savvy keyholder knows that the main value of the male orgasm is that it starts his horny cycle again. Yes, there will be a brief slump, but when that is done he will be attentive.

This behavior can be observed all through the animal kingdom. Males go about their business until they sense a female who may be available to mate. At that point instinct cuts in and they exhibit elaborate mating behavior. Humans may be more subtle, but we are still animals and nature has equipped us with the tools to convince a female to mate with us. The reason, I think, that all the fantasies are so similar is that enforced chastity essentially forces us males into more-or-less continual pre-mating behavior. Without the control of enforced chastity, we might be able to mate, or at least masturbate. This relieves the building sexual tension. Without any outlet, our mating dance will get more and more urgent. This is exhibited by increased attention to our mates; not just sexual, but in other areas too. Ok, that explanation has some scientific validity. It offers an explanation for the fantasies that go along with enforced chastity. Is it accurate? I have no idea, but I think it is a useful working theory under which a keyholder can operate.

I know that the longer I wait, after a point I start to lose interest. The interest is easily revived by edging and other sexual teasing, but at some point even that won’t work. Then, I will go into a decline in sexual interest. Once that begins, extremely long waits are not difficult at all. Any behavioral changes that accompanied my urgency will also fade. So, there is a point of diminishing returns, after which sexual interest starts to decline. If the objective of the enforced chastity is to push the desire to mate to the extreme, an orgasm must be provided before that point is reached.

How long is that? I suspect that varies for each male. It could even vary at different times for the same male. So, a very valuable keyholder skill is to carefully observe her caged male and note when his ability to get aroused starts to drop off during a tease session. That’s a signal it may be time to consider giving him an orgasm. This isn’t as easy as it sounds. Lots of other factors can get involved as well. So, a keyholder has to objectively consider his behavior and compare it with how he behaved in the past. This is another reason why enforced chastity takes months to even start getting on track. There is a great deal of experimenting needed to work out the best patterns. Fortunately, that experimenting can be a lot of fun.