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In: Advice for a new keyholder, Advice to caged males, Female led relationship with discipline, Keyholder101, Lion's Journal, Male Control (training), Punishment, Spanking
spanking spoon
Mrs. Lion’s wooden spoon is about 24 inches long and very thick and heavy. She spanks me with the back of the spoon. I can’t help but squirm with each swat.

Yesterday, I was extremely horny. Mrs. Lion’s tease on Sunday night had a strong effect on me. Mrs. Lion said that she would give me an extra tease and deny last night. First, she told me to roll over for spanking. She asked if there were any items on my list that needed discipline. When she asked me, I realized that there was now one: I forgot to remind her that Monday night is punishment night. So, in addition to her “practice” spanking, she had to discipline me for forgetting to remind her.

She used the large wooden spoon last night. Each swat really hurt. I squirmed away a few times. She patiently pulled me back into position and continued. This went on for some time. My bottom stung for an hour after she finished. She reminded me that I got more swats because I forgot to remind her about punishment night. I will be sure to remind her on Thursday.

A half hour later, she did a long tease and deny. She edged me over and over. At the end she used her mouth. Her last oral edging went a bit too far. I ended up with a ruined orgasm. She was genuinely sorry she did that. I wasn’t upset. That ruined orgasm reduced the tension I had been feeling.  It was my fault. I didn’t signal the oncoming orgasm soon enough. I’ll have to ask her if I should add that omission to my list for Thursday.

Over the last year of so we’ve learned a lot about enforced chastity. I thought I knew all I needed, but I was wrong. Mrs. Lion, being much smarter about these things, understood that we both needed a lot of training before we were seriously pursuing enforced chastity. I had to learn to handle the emotional roller coaster that being kept horny and unable to come causes. Mrs. Lion had to learn to harden up and try to enjoy my frustration. That is very difficult to do.

The problem is that when I asked her to lock me up, I had done lots of research and had thought about enforced chastity for over fifteen years. I figured that I was truly ready. Mrs. Lion agreed because she knew that she would make me happy by locking me up. Neither of us understood what it would really be like. We went through considerable pain and difficulty. It turned out that I need gradually increasing waits to help me learn to handle the frustration. Those same waits taught Mrs. Lion to handle me.

Based on my email and what I read on forums and other blogs, it appears that the majority of men starting out with enforced chastity expect to be where I am today. They believe the same things I did; enforced chastity is easy to do and a keyholder only had to tease and set release dates. I think that one reason so many couples quit is failure to realize that enforced chastity requires substantial training for both partners.

When I sprung domestic discipline on Mrs. Lion, she immediately realized that we both had a lot to learn if we want to succeed in our FLR (Female Led Relationship). I have to agree. There are quite a few new things for us in FLR: We both have to get used to Mrs. Lion observing and correcting my behavior; we both have to learn how to handle serious discipline; and, we have to make her authority second nature to both of us.

Each of these challenges flies in the face of our life experience. Mrs. Lion is a giver. She works hard to accommodate and make people happy. She doesn’t like being in charge and certainly doesn’t like to punish. I am a very autonomous person who is generally in charge of things. I have no real experience being submissive. I have experience being spanked, but only for fun where the sensation builds slowly and the entire experience is erotic. In the past, Mrs. Lion has punished me with a few hard swats that hurt a lot. I had a hard time accepting them and generally squirmed away after four or five.

Successful domestic discipline goes way past the level of spanking we ever tried. This video shows a reasonable domestic discipline spanking. Neither of us is prepared for that. The objective of any domestic discipline punishment is to emphasize the authority of the top and to provide a real deterrent to future misbehavior. There are many kinds of punishment other than spanking. But Mrs. Lion has selected spanking as her first method.

Last week she decided to give me a nightly spanking. Her plan is to get practice doing punishment spankings and to give me a chance to learn to take them gracefully. Her plan was to do this every day for a week. Progress has been slow. This isn’t easy for either of us. I think she might want to extend her daily sessions until we both reach a point closer to that video. I suspect I will need to be restrained for much of this. She learns much more quickly than I do.

I realize that I am in for a painful period of learning. But if FLR / domestic discipline is going to work for us, we have to take discipline to an entirely new level. Clearly, neither of us can handle the kind of spanking I need to get. In the process of learning domestic discipline, we both have to learn to be more aware of my behavior and for Mrs. Lion to begin developing a standard she wants me to meet. That will not happen quickly.

At least the process itself is familiar. We’ve had the same sort of challenges with enforced chastity. In the process of learning, we discovered significant benefits for our relationship; so many benefits, that we won’t be quitting for any reason. That’s positive feedback and suggests that if we seriously pursue FLR/domestic discipline. we may discover new benefits for our marriage.

As with enforced chastity, Mrs. Lion needs to remember and to remind me that I asked for this change. As each practice spanking gets more severe, I may need to be reminded that I asked for this and there is no backing out. Yes, Mrs. Lion, I understand and accept that. I am willing to have difficulty sitting while we learn about domestic discipline.

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In: Femdom, Keyholder, Keyholder101, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Male Control (training)

I’ve been thinking about changes enforced chastity has made in me; not the obvious ones like losing access to my penis, but more subtle effects it has had on me. Most interesting I think is that I am much more sexually focused. Before being locked in a chastity device, my thoughts of sex were fairly random. If I saw a pretty woman or something else happened to turn my thoughts toward sex, I enjoyed a short diverting fantasy. But sex was never top of mind for me unless it was about to happen.

That may be oversimplifying, but in fact, sexual thoughts were more diffused and reserved for situations where there was some sort of stimulus. Of course, I’m no teenager and my hormones are not running wild. If I were much younger things might be different.

Now that I have been wearing a chastity device for a year, I’ve noticed that the way I think about sex has changed. I rarely, if ever, respond to visual stimulus. Yes, I still really like a cute female ass, but I don’t react. It’s less visceral and more academic, like seeing a fine painting and admiring the artist’s technique. I’m aware that the Jail Bird is locked on my penis and that I couldn’t do anything about that cute butt even if she wanted me to have sex with her. The fantasy just won’t work that way.

I am much more aware that I am horny when I am wearing the device. I want release. My attention is focused on getting penile stimulation; maybe not orgasm, but attention. My sexual thoughts are on what could happen to my penis if Mrs. Lion unlocks it.

Of course it isn’t that simple. In my case, Mrs. Lion hasn’t been interested in having me sexually please her. So my focus has been on my own sensations. However, while I’ve always loved giving her orgasms, the ones she lets me give her now are much more intense for me. They arouse me more and I love seeing her experience intense orgasms.

My release or teasing is generally by hand; not mine, hers. In the last month or so, I have been out of my cage twice for about ten days each time. During that time, I’ve noticed that in the shower and in bed, I don’t react at all to my own touch. I wasn’t trying to get off, but I was curious to see how it felt to get hard on my own. I didn’t.

I think that the cage has the effect of sexually focusing me on those very short intervals when I am unlocked for sexual activities. I can feel myself getting conditioned to respond to the stimulus Mrs. Lion gives me at those times. I find myself craving her touch since I associate that with my only source of sexual pleasure. She also uses her mouth, but only after manual stimulation. Another blogger who has been involved in enforced chastity for years commented that his wife almost always provides him with stimulation by letting him fuck her. He has learned to associate her vagina with his pleasure.

You may be thinking that all heterosexual men associate vaginas with sexual pleasure. Of course you are right. But his focus is more intense I think. Most of us think of vaginal sex as a most desirable activity, but to him it is his only opportunity for arousal and occasional release.

The very nature of our chastity devices makes this sort of focus inevitable over time. I wonder how many of our keyholders realize this. I suspect that we get conditioned without conscious planning by our keyholders. I’m sure Mrs. Lion didn’t plan on conditioning me to strong sexual response to her touch.

Be that as it may, there is an opportunity for a keyholder to shape her partner’s sexual responses. It doesn’t require any conversations with him or careful planning. All that has to happen is she consistently give him stimulation (tease and deny) and release in the way she wishes him to focus. If he is like me, he will unconsciously focus on any pattern of behavior that occurs when he is unlocked. For example, if you always spank him before unlocking him, he will associate the spanking with his sexual stimulation. Or if you do any sort of ritual immediately prior to stimulating him, he will associate that ritual with sexual pleasure. I suspect as a keyholder, you might be able to make use of this conditioning for your amusement and pleasure.

By:
In: Advice for a new keyholder, Chastity games, Keyholder, Keyholder101, Lion's Journal, Male Control (training), Punishment, Rewards

One of the most difficult decisions a keyholder must make is how long her male has to wait between orgasms. Wait time is one of the key areas of enforced chastity fantasies. As a result, the Web abounds with hundreds of so-called “factual”discussions that specify exactly how you, the keyholder should set your male’s wait times. I’ve seen directions on exactly how to “train” him. One of the main reason I decided to start this blog was to provide a more factual view of enforced male chastity.

Men are all different. We share some common sexual plumbing and to some extent have the same sexual programming, but when you get down to things like frequency of orgasms, we are all very individual. I have no doubt that like me, your male gave you his ideas on exactly how you should manage his wait time. He’s been dreaming about this for a long time. As I’ve come to learn, my ideas had no basis in fact.

One typical fantasy is that the longer you make him wait, the hornier he will get. It turns out that this is completely false. Even if you tease him and edge him every day, he will lose interest in orgasm after a while. Yes, while you tease him he will desperately want to come, but as soon as you stop the desire will quickly die down. At what point this loss of constant need starts to diminish varies by male and also varies for each individual based on other things in his life. In general, this loss of interest starts around the tenth day.

I’ve read lots of accounts of this. I’ve just experienced it myself. Males report that anywhere from ten days to three weeks into a wait, desire to orgasm starts to diminish. The other day, after I had been waiting nine days and just after teasing me, Mrs. Lion asked if she should make me wait longer. I think she expected a, “Hell no!” from me. I barely reacted. I just told her that was up to her. The truth is that I didn’t feel any anxiety. Does that mean I won’t feel it if I do have to wait longer? Absolutely not! I want that orgasm. I’m just not that desperate. This doesn’t mean you need to make him wait less than 10 days. It just means that it is easier for him to manage waiting beyond that point.

That brings me to the big question: What is the point of making him wait? I think the typical reason is that it shows him your ability to control his sexual pleasure. That, after all, is the entire point of enforced chastity. Does that mean you need to constantly increase his wait times to demonstrate your control? In some cases that is exactly what the male wants. However, at least for me, this seems pointless. In my opinion, wait time can be used creatively to be almost a game that both male and keyholder can enjoy.

This doesn’t rule out long waits. The nature of the need for orgasm changes. On a wait when constant need for sex dies down, the desire is quickly rekindled during a teasing session. So, instead of me being tree-humping horny all the time, I get that way as soon as Mrs. Lion starts to play with my penis. So, the control isn’t diminished, its nature changes a little from a constant ache to episodic acute need to come. Still fun, right?

Mrs. Lion, with input from me, has been experimenting with wait times A while ago I asked if she could schedule my waits and let me know when I would have my next orgasm. My thinking was that I could anticipate the big day and Mrs. Lion could also tease me about it. It also meant that she could extend the date or shorten the wait at will, and since I am aware of the original plan, the impact of any changes would be strongly felt.

In practice it hasn’t quite worked out that way. She has given me “bonus orgasms” almost every time so that the scheduled date has become my “sure thing” and that I am likely to get some nice surprises along the way. I’m not complaining. It is fun to get extra orgasms. Only once has she extended my wait for a day.

The problem with changing a fixed date is that if it is extended, you will be disappointing someone  you love. Unless you get pleasure from causing pain (not a bad thing!), you will feel badly doing this. If the extension is tied to a behavioral issue, it will help train your male, but will probably cause you some pain too.

I’m sure you have noticed that I’m not providing any real guidance. I can’t. This is something you  have to work out on your own. Based on my experience I have a few ideas you might want to consider:

  • Instead of a fixed time, or for that matter in addition to it, base your decision to give him an orgasm on the way he reacts to your teasing, but, not necessarily in the way he might expect. If he is particularly desperate and will do anything for release, that’s a good time to lock him back up without an orgasm. Then, if you feel playful, the next time you tease him, give him something he has to do in order to come. You could time him and give him 30 seconds or so less than his normal time to come (of course you will have to know what that is). If he fails, tell him he has to wait another x days (at least enough to get him through another non-orgasmic teasing), then, try again.This sort of game is guaranteed to get his head and penis back in the game. And, since it is a game of sorts, you won’t have to feel badly if you make him wait longer. After all, if he really wanted to come, he would have when he had the chance.One note: unless you want to train him to come in less and less time, during the teasing session where you finally want him to come, let him go longer until he gets his release. He won’t notice. He will be too busy trying to finally get his orgasm.
  • Use orgasms as rewards. One popular fantasy is that the male only gets to come if he pleases his keyholder sufficiently. There are hundreds of ways guys have invented to do this, but the bottom line is that orgasms become rewards for good boys. I am pretty sure that true behavioral modification will not be the result of this activity, but it will be very satisfying to a male who likes that sort of thing. If he likes the idea of discipline, he will probably react well to the idea of rewards as well as punishment. An orgasm isn’t the only sexual reward you can offer. You can also offer an extra teasing session. Telling him he is a good boy and rubbing his balls or butt is another nice way to show appreciation. You get it.
  • Orgasm control training is another activity some males enjoy. In this, you let him know that he can only come when you give permission regardless of the stimulation. So, if you are jerking him off and he reaches the edge, he is supposed to learn to wait. Similarly, during intercourse he is not allowed to come without permission. Realistically, males can’t truly control this reaction completely. They can learn to sense the point of no return and stop stimulation. This works with penetration. If you are using your hand or mouth, he will have very limited ability to postpone the inevitable. If you let him ask you to stop to avoid coming, he will learn to control his orgasms.This sort of “training” is a nice way to vary the sexual experiences he gets. If he fails and comes, some sort of “punishment” is in order. If you are so inclined, you can spank him. Or, you can extend his wait time. Even if you have no set wait time, you can tell him that the earliest  you will even consider giving him release will be x days. Alternately, you can make him wait x days till his next teasing session. We boys love our teasing sessions. Remember, this is for fun, so don’t be too harsh.

I think you can see where this is going. Wait times are a key part of every caged male’s fantasy. Many want long waits. Some, like me, don’t. It doesn’t matter. What we all want is to feel that you are in control.

 

By:
In: Keyholder101, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Punishment

Mrs. Lion has commented that she doesn’t understand why I want my penis locked up, my butt spanked, or clothespins attached to my balls. She said she knows I like pain and doesn’t understand that either. I don’t think I am very different from other guys who want enforced chastity. I realize that when I asked Mrs. Lion to be my keyholder, I presented her with requests that just didn’t seem to make sense. I think this is true of other women when their partner presents the concept of enforced male chastity. Maybe my explanation of what makes me tick — at least what I think makes me tick — can shed a little light on the subject.

If I like to come so much, why in the world would I want my lioness to withhold this from me? It does appear to be contradictory. I love to come. I don’t have any sexual dysfunction. So what’s going on? Well, it turns me on to feel that at least sexually, I have no control. For the same reason it is a huge turn on to be tied to the bed for sexual activity. When I first learned of the existence of male chastity devices and enforced chastity, I got an instant erection. Imagine, I could be locked in a device that would positively prevent me from any sexual pleasure until I am unlocked!

The key for me was that my sexual pleasure would not be under my control. I would be helpless to get release on my own. That’s what I want. It’s almost certainly what any male requesting enforced chastity wants. I know that Mrs. Lion was confused by this apparently contradictory request. To her, it appeared mean to prevent me from enjoying one of my greatest pleasures. The last thing she wants to be is mean. So my first task was to help her understand that she wasn’t being mean.

The best way I can explain the apparent paradox that I get more pleasure from denial and eventual release than from just release is to relate it to foreplay. Both men and  women know that a slow buildup of excitement before going for the gold is much better than just going for the orgasm. Anticipation is sometimes better than the actual orgasm itself. Some caged males want to forgo orgasms entirely and have endless teasing because the sense of anticipation it causes is better than the climax for them. That’s not true for me.

However, it’s clear that the more buildup and teasing, even over many days or weeks, gives me a far greater release than ordinary orgasmic activity. There is a pretty reliable indicator of my level of arousal. The quantity of semen that I ejaculate seems to be proportional to the level of my arousal. An orgasm with little or no buildup will have very little or even no ejaculate. One where I have been kept on the edge for a long time, or have had other arousing activities will produce a copious flow. This happens completely out of my control. That doesn’t mean I don’t love an orgasm with no flow. It’s just that one with a lot of semen indicates I have been very aroused for some time.

One reason that keyholders are asked to regularly tease their partners to the edge of orgasm and then locked back up is that aside from being fun, the sense of powerlessness is increased since the male has no way to get the ultimate satisfaction. That seems mean, right? Well it isn’t. It’s a very primal way the male can deeply feel your control. Even after I calm down and the cage goes back on, my need to orgasm remains and each twinge I feel reminds me that I have surrendered control. So, as my keyholder, when she teases me, Mrs. Lion provides me with a different kind of pleasure: the feeling of sexual submission, loss of control.

I know this activity is consensual. I asked for it, after all. But my greatest arousal and satisfaction comes from my belief that I no longer have to consent; I’ve given away my right to stop this train. I want to believe at the deepest level that I have surrendered my right to return to our old ways forever. Clearly as a rational being I know that isn’t true. So, instead we have a date, March 2016, until which I have no choice at all; for that matter, neither does Mrs. Lion. This is a realistic surrender since it has a point at which we can stop. Now, in my mind I want that point to be less than a “get out of jail free” card for me. Instead, I want it to be a time I can ask for release, but Mrs. Lion can refuse. In fact, I want her to refuse. I say that now, but may not mean it then. Too bad. That’s the point. I want to believe that I made this deal and I can’t back out.

This seems to be one of the most difficult concepts for my dear keyholder to understand. She is doing this to make me happy. If I decide I am not happy, she wouldn’t want to continue. But my perverse nature likes that I will hate to continue. It’s the same with punishment. I hate and try to escape punishment spankings. But I actually want them. The fact that I try to escape generally stops Mrs. Lion. I can’t help it at the time, but I always regret that I do. I want her to straddle me to keep me on my tummy, ass available for her ministrations. I absolutely don’t want it while she is doing it, but I truly want it. It makes me happy sometimes to be made unhappy.

That is the crux of enforced chastity. Loss of control can only be demonstrated by taking away something that is truly wanted. Preventing me from an orgasm for a length of time I might probably wait on my own doesn’t demonstrate control. Making me wait until I am really desperate does show who is in charge. That doesn’t mean I have to wait until desperation every single time. Even a relatively short wait feels controlling to me once I get it into my head that it is irrelevant how I feel about my orgasms. I get them when Mrs. Lion decides I should have them. My current wait is 11 days. It’s been over a week now and I really want that orgasm, but I still have at least three days to wait. Mrs. Lion can extend my wait at will. In the past she has given me “bonus orgasms” before my scheduled date. This time she hasn’t. I’m glad.

It’s not easy being a keyholder. I recognize that Mrs. Lion has to deal with my multilayered concept of pleasure. The surface layer is my normal, male wish to come. Beneath that is my desire to be controlled. Balancing the two is her challenge. That’s no easy task. She is learning how to keep that balance and I am very grateful to my dear lioness.