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In: Edging, Keyholder, Keyholder101, Lion's Journal, Orgasm denial, Ruined orgasm, Sex

Male orgasm control is largely exercised by depriving the male of wanted orgasms. His keyholder or top only allows him to come when she wishes. Most of us who are under orgasm control, aside from waiting, are teased to the edge of orgasm. Sometime we get a ruined orgasm which is carrying edging just past the point of no return. Both practices are virtually the same thing. I decided to do some research on male arousal and orgasm to get a better handle on these orgasm control practices. Males and females have very different arousal patterns. Females slowly build excitement that climaxes with at least one orgasm. The buildup is steady. Males, on the other hand, have a very different pattern. We start to get aroused and become erect. Continued stimulation feels good but doesn’t necessarily build up excitement very much. Finally, we get very excited and ejaculate. The time it takes to go from hard to ejaculation is generally less than ten seconds. Once we ejaculate, we lose interest. That takes a minute or two at most.

When we are at the top of the curve, the brain initiates a sequence of events. Starting ejaculation takes about two seconds. In that time various glands begin releasing components of semen and they start mixing and moving toward the penis. Muscle spasms are triggered the next few seconds that moves the semen up and out. The ejaculatory phase can take from one to ten seconds or more. In some men like me, the initial ejaculation is followed with semen dripping out for some time. Occasionally, it looks like I am not producing any semen. I have an orgasm with no apparent ejaculate. However, as I calm down, semen starts dripping out. It’s probably a natural part of getting older.

Edging is fairly tricky. The idea is to get the male as far up that steep curve as possible without triggering ejaculation. When Mrs. Lion edges me, I feel a rapid buildup of excitement. I mentally prepare to ejaculate. I can’t help but thrust and try to get over the top. Of course, Mrs. Lion knows that and stops just before I can get that satisfaction. My arousal level will gradually go down. When it does, she starts stimulating me again right to the point I will come. And she stops. That’s the process. Grrrr! In order to do this, she needs to read me like a book. I think that I do some involuntary things just prior to orgasm. Even when I fight to remain perfectly still and breathing evenly, she can tell. As far as I can see, edging gives me all the work of sex without that final note. Each successive time she repeats it, the frustration grows. I never want to tell her to stop. Maybe this time she will take me over the top. When she finally stops, I gradually lose my erection. Oddly, I never feel compelled to finish on my own. I guess I am getting well trained. The more times you edge in  a session, the shorter the time becomes between almost ejaculating and the start of orgasm.

A ruined orgasm is edging that goes a bit too far. Just one stroke past the point of no return will trigger the brain to start the launch process. When stimulation suddenly stops, everything shuts down. I do feel muscles tensing and I can feel the PC muscles trying to ejaculate. Generally some semen will seep out. Depending on just how soon she stops stroking, the ruined orgasm can be almost as good as a full one. It’s very tricky to stop at exactly the right time. A few seconds after the ruined orgasm, I rapidly get soft. We haven’t really tried it, but I’ve been told that if Mrs. Lion keeps stimulating my penis, eventually I will get hard again and ready for more edging or another ruined orgasm.

There is a risk with ruined orgasms. Contrary to claims to the opposite, any ejaculation will have an effect on the cumulative frustration the male feels. I’ve heard tales it makes a guy hornier. In my case it doesn’t. The next day I either feel the same way I do after a full orgasm or no different than if I were edged the night before. Some keyholders provide only ruined orgasms as release after long waits. They never give their male the opportunity for a full one. They guys who live this way seem pretty happy with the situation. When I think about it, I realize that women are often in sexual situations that don’t result in an orgasm for them. Either their partners finish too soon or they have some other issue that keeps them from coming. However, they report still enjoying sex a lot. Of course the female orgasm builds in a linear manner, so a lot of arousal is fun too. Males can experience the same thing when edged. I, for example, know I’m not getting to really come, but I am getting a lot of the pleasure anyway. It’s both frustrating and enjoyable. It’s enough fun for me to want more. I think that is why many guys are content with just edging and ruined orgasms. They are fun and are certainly better than nothing. I’m grateful that Mrs. Lion teases me almost every night. Nevertheless I am counting the days until I can come again.

By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Keyholder, Keyholder101, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Sex

I’ve made frequent reference to other guys who take great pride in how long they wait for their orgasms and how different I am. It’s true that I get no pleasure thinking about  how long I have held out. But I don’t like it when I get an orgasm because I tell Mrs. Lion I really want one. For me, at least, what I truly want is the power exchange. So, if I get to come because Mrs. Lion knows I am really horny, it feels a bit like topping from the bottom. On the other hand, extending my wait doesn’t feel to me like more control over my sexuality. I think that’s where I am different from some of the other guys. More desperation doesn’t equate with feeling more submissive. I know this feels like a problem for Mrs. Lion: give him an orgasm and he feels that he is topping; don’t give him one for a long time and he still doesn’t feel submissive. It sounds like a lose/lose.

Mrs. Lion wrote about reconsidering letting me know when I might come again. At first, I really didn’t like the idea. Not knowing does add some spice to the game, but then I gave it more thought. If the earliest date I can orgasm is announced in advance, I can’t claim that I am topping from the bottom when I finally do get that orgasm. My expectation is set for the scheduled date. If Mrs. Lion decides to give me a bonus orgasm, it won’t feel like topping from the bottom because I am convinced my next orgasm is engraved in stone. If Mrs. Lion decides to extend the scheduled date as part of a punishment, I will feel it strongly because I have been looking forward to the announced date.

There is a key phrase in my thinking about a schedule: “not before”. That means there is no guarantee that on the appointed date I will actually get to come, just that I have no hope before that date. That keeps the uncertainty under Mrs. Lion’s control. I realize that if she sets a schedule, Mrs. Lion is more likely to make my waits longer. It just seems to work that way. I’m not happy about that. Right now, I’m not too happy about waiting for many days or weeks. I’m also not too happy about anything. Financially, things are coming to a head. I only have one more unemployment check, and it will be for about half of the previous payment. We have no savings. I have a series of job interviews for a company in a couple of days. I’m worried that they will think I am too old. I’m pretty sure this is why I haven’t had much luck yet. So that reality definitely colors all of my thoughts and feelings.

When it comes to my orgasms, I’m beginning to think that wanting them can be more fun than having them. Well, maybe not. But when the time comes for my orgasm I know I really enjoy a big buildup and uncertainty right to the point of no return whether or not this is It. I’ve noticed that after a long wait, my orgasm actually hurts. Others have reported this too. If the wait is too short, the orgasm is very nice but less, well, climatic. All this varies considerably each time. The more buildup, the more exciting. Or, in the case of a long wait, potentially more painful. It doesn’t hurt every time I ejaculate after a long wait (over 10 days), but about 25% of the time it does. If I get another orgasm the next day, it feels really good. I rationalize this by thinking that my body lost it’s sexual tone and after a chance to ejaculate uncomfortably, is restored. I have no idea if this is true. I only know that I never have a painful orgasm if I come every few days (3 days to about a week). I know that other guys have written about this as well. This in no way should affect how Mrs. Lion schedules my ejaculations; just sayin’ this is what seems to happen with me.

While on the subject of feeling Mrs. Lion’s control, it is both exciting and frustrating when she says no to me. This, I know is very difficult for her. In a way it’s like a play spanking; I get aroused thinking about getting one, and aroused remembering it, but hate it while it is being administered. To be clear, I get no feelings of arousal or anticipation for punishment. I just hate those spankings and try my best to avoid them. On those occasions Mrs. Lion spanks me right after I do something wrong, I feel her power acutely. Even if the spanking is for a silly rule, like not dropping food or ice cubes, the immediate response sends my brain the unmistakable message that she is in complete control. If she goes back to announcing orgasm dates and I do something that warrants it, letting me know then and there that the date has moved sends a very powerful message to me. Without an announced date, telling me I have to wait longer has no real effect since I had no anticipation of any specific chance to come. I guess I am asking for a return to scheduled orgasm days. They provide a continuous reminder that I don’t get a vote on when I can come.

By:
In: Femdom, Keyholder, Keyholder101, Lion's Journal

The other day on social media I had a chat with a dominant woman whose partner was unwilling to wear a chastity device. I have been thinking about the role of the device in enforced chastity and female domination in general. Clearly the device is a fetish unto itself, however, it facilitates the key dominant sexual activity: orgasm control. I offered her some suggestions on how to gently introduce it into her relationship.

I enjoy reading blogs about enforced chastity. A surprisingly large majority of these blogs discuss chastity device wear as, at best, a part time thing. I’m not saying that a guy has to remain in his device 24/7/365, but I thought that most of us do. Apparently in most cases the device is worn when the keyholder wants physical assurance of her orgasm control, or just decides he should wear it as a demonstration of her dominance. Is this confirmation of the fetish value of the chastity device or is it a tool only to be used as needed?

My chastity device remains locked on 24/7. It only comes off when Mrs. Lion wants to give me sexual attention or when wearing it causes a problem, like when we travel in the RV or I go to the doctor and he will want my pants down. For us, the device has taken a special place in our marriage. It is now like our wedding rings, a constant reminder of our commitment, in this case to orgasm control. Not wearing a device full time does not imply less of a commitment. It just means that orgasm control is practiced without the physical kink. In fact, one partner or both may find the idea of a chastity device undesirable. Diff’rent strokes.

The more I read and the more I live it, I realize that enforced chastity is a very good way to practice female domination. Many men have wanted female control, but the only model they knew was dungeon-based dominatrix stories and videos. I think it’s fair to say that most women who would enjoy taking the reins, probably don’t want to wear black tights and carry a bullwhip.  Orgasm control has appeal to both men and women. Many men have fantasies about their partners taking control of orgasms, and many women enjoy the feeling of control and power it brings.

Even if your guy hasn’t expressed any interest in sexual control, you can test the waters. Try masturbating him to the edge of orgasm and stopping. You know, edge him. See how he reacts. Does he get a little angry? Is he surprised and happy? Is he puzzled? Regardless of his response, fondle his balls or thighs. Wait until he has settled down and start again. This time when he is getting close, ask if he wants to come. He will say, yes of course. Keep going but stop at the edge. Smile and say, “No, not this time.” Chances are very good he will get into the game. Edge him at least one more time. Finally ask him again and if he says, “Yes,” either finish him off or tell him, “Next time.”

Very few men will soon forget this experience. Resist the urge to discuss it with him. If he mentions it, just smile. The next step is a bit more difficult. Next time he is interested in sex, you need to repeat the edging experience. He may initiate foreplay, but you should gently take control and get him on his back. Repeat the earlier experience. By this time you may be pretty aroused yourself. After you are done edging, tell him how hot it made him and tell him that you would like to feel his tongue. He may need a bit of convincing, but you can persuade him.

What you are doing is introducing male orgasm control. Unless he is a neanderthal, he will enjoy this new game. Every so often, you can let him take the lead and have intercourse. Ask him to let you know if he is close. Tell him you may want him to stop and wait. After the multiple edging sessions that won’t seem an odd request. When he gets close and tells you. Stop and tell him to withdraw. Congratulate him for doing this. After a minute or two, ask him if he wants more. Tell him you will want him to stop before he comes. If he asks why, tell him you love giving him the orgasm when you are ready. Smile sweetly.

There will be times that this won’t work. He may rebel. He may come when you don’t want him to. It doesn’t matter. Just keep going. After you have been doing this a week or two, ask him to stop masturbating. Tell him you want to give him all his orgasms. I think you will be surprised how happy most men will be to agree and obey. After a while, you can open the conversation about a chastity device. He may find the idea hot. If  not, don’t be concerned. You still own his orgasms. And, once you own a male’s orgasms you own him.

 

By:
In: Keyholder, Keyholder101, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Sex

Tuesday night Mrs. Lion gave me a great orgasm. I only had a two day wait, but was massively horny. I have no idea why my hormones were so active but I am very grateful for the relief. My sweet lioness’ style of enforced chastity is purely her own and suits us perfectly. For the record, both of us are very upset about the Midwestern dentist who murdered a beloved lion in South Africa. Where is the death penalty when we need it? I certainly hope he never hunts or drills teeth again.

I thought that my interest in sex was tied to my worries about money. Last weekend and Tuesday proves that isn’t true. I’m more worried than ever, but my sex drive has new life. I suppose I shouldn’t be too surprised. The imperative to reproduce has to trump everything else for the species to survive. But still, I am surprised and half expect my interest in sex to disappear as suddenly as it reappeared.

The vast majority of my sexual activity is provided by Mrs. Lion’s hands. This is probably due to her currently eclipsed libido. She has been more concerned about that lately. It isn’t because she misses sex. She’s made it clear that she doesn’t. She now understands how much I love to give her pleasure and for that reason she is considering what she can do to get her mojo back. This both pleases and worries me. She has avoided seeing a doctor because money is so tight. So, at least for the time being, help is unavailable. The last thing I want is for her to feel that she is making me unhappy. She isn’t.

Our situation is unusual in the world of enforced chastity. Most keyholders love the increased sexual pleasure that locking their males provide. It isn’t unusual for a keyholder to have twenty or more orgasms for every one her male gets. This is in sharp contrast to vanilla relationships where the woman is lucky to get as many orgasms as she gives. I used to think that the idea of converting male sexual energy into providing orgasms for his keyholder was largely fantasy. In fact, it is a typical male fantasy, but it’s one that usually comes true.

Girls are conditioned to downplay their sexual needs. This is partly to reduce the chances for unwanted pregnancy. It’s also cultural. You know, “good girls” don’t do it. Women’s lib didn’t entirely erase this conditioning. Even in marriage, many women report finding it difficult to give in to their carnal desires. When her husband introduces the idea of enforced chastity, the spotlight turns on her sexual satisfaction. This isn’t always comfortable for her. Males starting out in enforced chastity are usually so blinded by the excitement of being locked up, that they don’t see the struggle it is causing his keyholder.

We males tend to think that our partners share our enthusiasm for sex. They often don’t. Since a big part of the enforced chastity fantasy is transferring the male’s sexual needs to his partner’s satisfaction, the pressure on his keyholder to “perform” can be terrible. As Mrs. Lion is fond of saying, “baby steps” are the way to approach this transfer of sexual activity. It takes time, sometimes a long time, for a woman to make the transition from sexually passive to the active, sexually-hungry woman the caged male desires.

As we are still discovering, enforced chastity is a process. It only starts with the chastity device. Once the decision is made to begin, it takes a long time for the changes to complete. In our case, the sexual training has been just for me; but there is time, lots of time.