I’m sitting in our new house on one of our dining room chairs with the computer on our waxing/massage table . Mrs. Lion brought these items over to give me someplace to sit while I wait for our new washing machine to be delivered. (It never arrived. The store changed delivery date at the last minute.) It’s an odd feeling being in an empty, unfamiliar place. It will take a long time before we can make this our home. The movers are scheduled to come on Saturday.that’s when the real fun begins.

I’m writing using my new laptop. It’s one more unfamiliar thing. I’m fully dressed. This is the most unusual sensation. When I’m home or any other place where there is privacy, the rule is that I am naked. I guess I’ve become an involuntary nudist. It’s not exactly involuntary. At this point wearing clothing is what feels unnatural. The nudity-at-home rule has been in effect for the full 17 years Mrs. Lion and I have been together. After all this time, it’s my natural state.

That’s the thing about rules: obey them long enough and they just become part of your nature. For me this is true about masturbation. It’s been six years since I’ve jerked off. No masturbation was Mrs Lion’s first rule when I asked her to lock me in a chastity device. It isn’t the sort of rule you would expect a keyholder to make at the same time she was locking her male into a  chastity device.

Actually, it came about because I told her that one reason that I wanted to be locked up was because I thought it would be an incentive for us to interact sexually more often. I went on to say that over the last several years, I had been masturbating one or two times a week because we were not doing anything sexual together more than once a month.

She was surprised that I masturbated. She had no idea I did that. I was surprised she didn’t realize I was jerking off now and then. She was unhappy that I was getting off on my own. I think that she considers me jerking off is a form of cheating. I was having sex with someone other than her. I never thought of it that way. I just considered it a way of relieving sexual frustration.

That was that. I did point out that I couldn’t masturbate if I wanted to. I was securely locked in a steel cage. There was no way for me to play with myself. Nevertheless, she made it absolutely clear that locked or not I was to never make myself ejaculate. She would be my only source of sexual satisfaction. There were no exceptions. Some keyholders allow their males to masturbate under their direct supervision. Not me. My paws were forever forbidden to get myself off.

Mrs Lion understood that the key to conditioning me to keep my hands off her weenie was to never under any circumstances allow me to satisfy myself. I was surprised that after a few years of continuous lockup, I completely forgot how to get myself off. I don’t even think about it. I know that I could probably make myself come, but I don’t really want to. I do like making myself hard once in a while when I’m wild. Mrs Lion knows I do it and while she didn’t explicitly tell me I could, she never said I couldn’t. I’ve written about this practice several times and she has never said anything either way. [Mrs. Lion – Actually I told him he should watch himself. I don’t want him doing it too often.]

Operative conditioning is the process of instilling nearly-instinctive behavior through learning. This is what happened to me. It happens to anyone who is consistently made to perform or avoid a behavior. This is good news for the power exchange, but it does have a darker side?

Most people, when they read about someone who is conditioned this way, react negatively because they feel person was a victim of a Svengalian manipulation. People like me who welcome control, also have a problem with it. Nudity and hands-off the weenie are now built into my psyche. I don’t get any rush of sexual energy thinking about being naked or about not being allowed to get myself off. Those things are just part of me.

This happens even in casual BDSM situations. In those cases, there isn’t the kind of operative conditioning that changes a behavior permanently. There is a kind of familiarity that sets in and robs the bottom of the little thrill submitting provides. Anyone who has been in a dominant/submissive relationship knows that there is almost constant pressure to escalate the way the dominant partner exhibits power.

I spent decades as a top/dominant practitioner. I had several long term relationships with bottoms. Invariably, their need for escalation would push me to the point that it became too much trouble trying to satisfy their need to restore the submissive thrill.

In our relationship we need to be careful to manage this issue. It’s possible to both condition and keep the thrill alive. We discovered a way accidentally. When we first started our disciplinary relationship, we realized that neither of us had any real experience in the sort of power exchange we were beginning. Mrs Lion knew that we needed a lot of practice to instill the disciplinary habits we needed. She decided that if she made some rules I couldn’t help breaking, there would be legitimate reasons punish me and thereby teach both of us the disciplinary habits we wanted.

This meant that at some point we would have two distinctly different kinds of rules. The first kind, like forbidding me to spill food on my shirt, had no real emotional loading and, given the way I eat, guaranteed to provide plenty of opportunities punish me. It also provided Mrs Lion a very good laboratory in which to learn how to observe my behavior consistently. It’s worked very well. A little surprisingly to me, I actually stopped spilling food on my shirt very often. I recently started again because my eyesight has suffered and I can’t always see where food ends up going. My current backlog of spankings is due to this problem. I don’t mind because we both still need practice.

The second kind of rule is much more difficult to observe and enforce. This is stuff that actually impacts our lives. For example, Mrs Lion hates it when I interrupt her. I suppose everyone hates that. For some time it’s been a punishable offense. She’s never consistently enforced it. In fact, she almost never lets me know when I do it.

It isn’t because Mrs Lion isn’t a terrific disciplining wife. It’s because there is a special kind of fear associated with calling someone out on something that carries the risk of being greeted with defiance or anger. It’s one thing to observe and punish something like getting food on my shirt. On the other hand, calling me out for interrupting can be risky on an emotional level.

Even though I’ve agreed that Mrs Lion has every right to punish me for doing things that annoy her, she knows that when she calls me out I will probably be upset because interrupting is an ingrained, if negative, part of my personality. It’s something I am doing that’s wrong. It isn’t silly or trivial. Actually, the trivial rules were put into place to develop the habit needed to enforce these more serious infractions.

But I digress. My point is that once some demonstration of power, whether it is a rule or some BDSM physical activity, becomes habitual, it loses a lot of its sexual value. You may think that this shouldn’t be a problem. After all, at least in our case, the rules and their enforcement are designed to lubricate our relationship. They aren’t about sexual thrills.

That’s true; they aren’t. It’s perfectly okay to completely disregard whether or not I get turned on thinking about breaking any rule. I’m on board with that. I know that I like those little tingles. I seek them out. Interestingly, one very common activity we practice is spanking. I always get a little aroused when I think about being spanked.

Over the last few years I received hundreds of spankings. Even though this activity is very painful and unpleasant, thinking about being spanked is remains a turn on. Given the way things like masturbation, spilling, and eating first became extinct thanks to consistent enforcement, you’d think that spanking would also become a routine part of my life.

It hasn’t. I still get that tingle when I think about being spanked. I get absolutely no sexual arousal out of the actual act. I hate every second of it. I can’t explain it. For some reason I am immune from becoming sexually indifferent about being spanked. I actively work to avoid spankings. I fear them. Mrs Lion has become a very severe disciplinarian. Yet, I can get an erection thinking about her punishing me this way.

This is relevant because apparently there are some things that never lose their thrill. Since spanking is not something that we do for play very often, it’s almost unfortunate that this activity turns out to be one that’s perennially arousing. It would be much better if I reacted sexually to things that aren’t associated with real punishment. The point is that those of us who are on the bottom crave that kind of sexual arousal. It doesn’t matter if the activity is painful or not. The anticipation and memories of having it happen turn us on.

So, when an activity stops getting my penis hard, it’s a loss. I want to look for other things to replace it.  I do long for the arousal I feel when Mrs Lion lets me know we will do some BDSM activity. She favors cock and ball torture. She enjoys putting Icy Hot on my balls, covering them with clothespins, or doing something else very uncomfortable to my genitals. Occasionally, she will doing anal play as well. I get very turned on thinking about that though I’ve never stayed hard when she’s done things there.

As a top, I disliked the pressure of having to come up with new ways to restore the thrill for my bottom. I know Mrs Lion feels the same way as my top. It comes with the territory. The key is for me to realize how difficult it is to keep that thrill alive and to work hard to make things easier for my lioness. She always has the good old standby of threatening me with a spanking.

leading man by his balls
Leading a man by the balls. Nothing says control like this!

Sunday night, Mrs. Lion decided to spank me using the method I shared with her in an earlier post. I also put a picture of it in her last post. (Click here to see that image) I was positioned on the edge of the bed on my knees with my nose buried in the comforter. My legs were parted, and she had clear access to my cock and balls.

She began by grabbing my entire package and firmly pulling it back. It felt good. She spanked me using her bare hand while pulling my package with the other. Granted, a barehanded spanking is not particularly painful. Because she was tugging on my package, the skin from my balls was pulled tight. Her swats had a different, thuddy feel. It was much less sting than I expected. If she uses this position and grip with a paddle, I think it will be a brand-new sensation.

I felt very vulnerable. I could feel myself getting hard in her grip. Let’s face it, we are not used to having someone use our cock and balls as a convenient handle to keep us in position. Maybe this is the way other people feel when they receive an over the knee spanking. I don’t know because I’ve never had one. This new position gave me a very strong connection to Mrs. Lion.

My erection wasn’t about being turned on. At least I don’t think it was. It was more about such a protected part of my body being used to help punish me. I know what you’re thinking. Mrs. Lion has been known to use Icy Hot on my balls. She’s also covered them and my penis with pinching clothespins. So I’m not a stranger to her doing things to my genitals.

Somehow this was different. For one thing, she had my cock and balls pulled out behind me. I’ve rarely had that experience. Her grip was strong and she clearly meant business. I was very careful to avoid moving away from her.

Afterward, she asked me how I liked it. I told her that it made me feel her very strongly. She remarked that I probably felt more controlled. That’s it! I did. There are a lot of deep feelings attached to a firm grip around my balls or the entire package. I thought to myself that in a fun time it might be exciting to be “milked” while on my knees, nose into the comforter, cock pulled out behind me. It would certainly be a major change from my standard position on my back, legs apart.

My normal position for spanking is now with me lying over the edge of the bed with my legs dangling. Prior to this, I lay either across the foot of the bed or up and down on my side of the bed. In both cases I’m flat on my stomach. It would be very difficult to accept a harder spanking while on my knees. In the past, when we tried it, I’ve invariably collapsed down to a prone position. If Mrs. Lion has a firm grip on my cock and balls, dropping to a prone position would be problematic.

Our new over-the-edge-of-the-bed position has me bent at the hips. Mrs. Lion discovered this offers her new territory at the base of my buttocks and top of my thighs. When lying flat, the skin is rather loose their and apparently less appealing to her.

She commented that it was a bit awkward holding my balls in one hand and spanking me with the other. I suggested that one of the short paddles — we have one shaped just like a woman’s hairbrush — would probably work quite well. Naturally, she will need practice to see if she can perfect her technique in this new position.

I think that some women in dominant roles may not be aware of the immense power they have simply by non-sexually grabbing a man’s genitals. Most women have been taught to treat male naughty bits tenderly and avoid them if sex isn’t on the menu. For our part, we protect our genitals and give women the impression they are very delicate.

Balls are tough. In fact, it’s easy to cause pain down there with rough handling, but it’s fairly hard to cause any real injury. Mrs. Lion knows I hate having my balls slapped, but she also knows she’s not going to injure me if she does slap hard. That sort of contact is in the context of play or punishment. Even Mrs. Lion who isn’t a bit shy about touching and playing with my cock and balls, only gets involved when she wants to play or be sexual.

I don’t expect contact in any other context. When she grabbed my cock and balls as a handle to keep me in place for Sunday night’s spanking, it was a new context for both of us. It sent me a very strong message. Now that I think about it, nonsexual, non-play handling of my genitals sends me a strong message of her ownership.

I think I learned something that opens up a new avenue of communicating physical ownership. Routine use of my cock and/or balls as a handle or leash, if you will, injects a whole new level of intimacy and control. No one ever did what Mrs. Lion did last night when she spanked me. If she regularly used my cock and balls for nonsexual control, I think we would cross a new boundary of intimacy.

Obviously, such intimate touching isn’t possible in public situations. It’s also difficult if I’m dressed. However, a subtle squeeze to my clothed crotch is a symbolic way of reminding me of her ownership and control. This works if the context is not sexual. Even if I respond sexually by getting hard, I still get the message. It’s a little like the pre-spanking erection guys often get, and lose quickly, when they’re about to be spanked.

I’ve never thought of Mrs. Lion touching or holding my genitals in a non-sexual context. CBT and other painful activities are, at the root, sexual in nature. Using that area of my body as a way of controlling, leading me or keeping me in place, is not sexual at all. Initially, I may try to interpret it that way, but if Mrs. Lion makes it very clear that’s not what she’s doing, I will learn.

This is one of the few activities that almost all guys never experience. As such, initiating it inside a female dominant relationship offers a unique opportunity to reach inside our male psyches and underline our submission to our partners.

What do you think, Mrs. Lion?

hairless arm pits and nipples
Here I am, freshly waxed. I don’t think my hairless pits and nipples look effeminate.

While I think I will always be concerned about people discovering that I wear a male chastity device, I’m no longer self-conscious about shedding my body hair. Apparently, the world has become much more tolerant of male body grooming. There are quite a few products aimed at helping guys remove hair.

I have an obvious interest in the subject since I have been removing body hair for many years. If you’re wondering what this has to do with enforced male chastity, let me explain. Male chastity represents a significant deviation from the stereotypical view of the male. We are supposed to be sexually aggressive and in control of sexual situations. While we are expected to be considerate and obtain permission to mount a female, we are to be the initiators. Women have the absolute right to say no, but they aren’t expected to initiate sexual activity.

Obviously, if a woman locks her partner’s penis in a chastity device and keeps the key, she has the exclusive right to initiate or withhold sex. This is not the norm, but the practice is clearly gaining popularity. Even without the hardware, it appears that initiating sex has become more democratic. While it may not be encouraged, female initiation is certainly acceptable.

In the 70s and 80s, this wasn’t the case. Traditional, male-dominant mating behavior was the overwhelming practice. Also, men didn’t remove or trim body hair. Sure, there were exceptions, me being one of them, but modified body hair was rare enough to draw disapproving stares when encountered.

There was a general sense that male grooming, particularly removal of body hair was effeminate. After all, women removed body hair to make themselves more appealing to men. Since women were expected to accept men au naturel, any mail attempt at grooming couldn’t be intended to appeal to women.

As women’s liberation extended to more and more people, I think that women began to feel free to express preferences regarding male grooming. For the record, the first woman I bottomed to, tied me down and shaved my pubic hair telling me she really didn’t like hairy men. She also shaved my underarms. I found that scandalous.

She didn’t attempt to rationalize her actions. Later, much later, she said that men didn’t like women with hairy pits and pubes, why shouldn’t women have a similar preference? Mrs. Lion has made it clear that she has no preference in terms of my personal grooming. I’ve learned to prefer myself hair free. In fairness to her, she is neutral on the subject of me wearing a chastity device. That doesn’t mean she has no strong feelings about me and sex. Just that she doesn’t care whether I use a mechanical device to prevent masturbation or just use willpower to prevent it. She understands I find wearing a chastity device exciting and is happy to indulge my kink.

That doesn’t mean she doesn’t care. Since I’ve expressed my desire to be locked in a chastity device, she will enforce my choice. From the very start she made it clear that if I say I want to be locked up, I will be locked up and I don’t get to change my mind.

Due to the recent health issues I’ve had, I’ve been allowed to be wild. Mrs. Lion has not required me to wear my device. We haven’t had that “talk” yet where she will resume the hard line requiring 24/7 device wearing. I have the feeling that the time has come for that.

I do enjoy times when I’m allowed to be wild. During those times I can have erections. Obviously, when locked up, erections are impossible. On Saturday night Mrs. Lion unlocked me and attempted to edge me. I had no luck getting particularly excited. I don’t understand why this happened. I wonder if it’s tied to the stricter chastity device regime. Since she is showing no sign of leaving my device off, we’ll see if my ability to get to the edge returns even though I’m caged.

Meanwhile, she’s removed all of my body hair, other than my arms. She waxes me. There is a very nice side effect to being waxed. The hair grows back is finer and sparser. Even though it’s been several months since she’s waxed my chest and legs, they don’t look nearly as hairy as they did before she began waxing me.

Waxing is difficult for her. I really appreciate her efforts to keep me bare. I’ve grown to really enjoy the hairless look. I don’t think I can be mistaken for a female just because my body hair is gone. Thankfully, in 2019 most guys wouldn’t be overly disturbed in the presence of a hairless lion. I imagine that most women rather like the look.

Male submission, on the other hand, is not widely considered acceptable. Apparently social norms change more slowly than fashion. Even well established dominant women are careful about being too overt in front of the general public. Both within and outside of the BDSM community, female-dominant behavior is considered kinky.

There have been some inroads. It’s no longer considered strange if a woman picks up the check in a restaurant. 20 years ago such behavior would have drawn unfavorable attention. Popular women’s magazines feature articles on female-dominant activities like pegging and spanking. Yes, they are discussed in terms of being bedroom games, but that doesn’t matter. The general public is being educated on how to do very dominant things to men.

I’ve often referred to the fact that study after study reveals that more than 80% of both men and women fantasize about spanking and being spanked. Articles about spanking appear regularly in mainstream magazines. Look at how popular “50 Shades of Gray” has been. That story featured a male-dominant theme. However, it treated sensation play and BDSM in general as something central to the theme. The public ate it up.

It’s not surprising that those of us who practice male chastity often adopt other power-related activities. Female sexual dominance has definitely entered the mainstream. Wearing a chastity device may be a fringe, kinky practice. But spanking, pegging, and taking the sexual initiative is definitely a mainstream female practice. We live in marvelous times!

We’ve developed patterns over the years. Generally, Mrs. Lion will give me advance notice of what’s coming, or not coming. I get this information via her blog posts, which publish in the early afternoon (here on the West Coast) or in email we exchange all day. In general, I know what to expect. I can also make wishes. I can write about things I would like to see happen, like panties or diapers, and Mrs. Lion often grants them. One of the reasons that she telegraphs her plans is that it gives her something to write about in her daily post. Another is that she wants me to anticipate what she says will be coming.

For the most part, these exchanges keep things on a steady course. But in a way, these communications can create some issues. One of the most difficult for us happens when Mrs. Lion writes about what she plans to do that night. For a very good reason, not feeling well, life intruding, etc., she doesn’t do what she wrote about. I know it bothers her because she knows I am anticipating the fun. That doesn’t happen much, so it isn’t a big issue.

I’ve gotten used to these coming attractions. I like them. I like it better when Mrs. Lion just does things without any advance warning. It makes me feel her control more acutely. I not only don’t get a vote, I don’t get warning. I’m not saying she should never let me know what’s coming. She should when she wants me anticipating my fate.

I also have to stop asking and commenting on what is or isn’t happening. Thursday night, for example, without saying a word about it, Mrs. Lion left me locked in the chastity device. We snuggled and she rubbed my balls. But the device remained firmly in place. I wanted to ask her if she planned on taking it off. I wanted to tell her how horny I am. That’s what I usually do. I decided not to.

It was very difficult to stay silent. I ached to be released for a while. I wanted to be teased. I wanted her to play with me. I decided that it would be wrong for me to say anything. It even occurred to me that perhaps I should have a rule against asking or whining about what is or isn’t happening. Maybe that’s the next step in my training. Of course, that’s completely up to my lioness.