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In: Female led relationship with discipline

I checked my book’s listing on Amazon this morning and discovered there are four reviews. All are five stars! Wow! Two of them are from Europe. I’m an international author. All that sounds great. Sales are horrible. I need more exposure. Just because I can write, it doesn’t mean I can promote. I can’t afford to pay a PR firm or buy extensive advertising. It’s always something. Meanwhile, I’m working on my second book. Practice makes perfect, I hope.

There is a theory that if you do something 10,000 hours, you will be an expert. I think there is a certain amount of truth. Practice can make perfect. Mrs. Lion’s spanking skill has improved geometrically over the years that she has been beating my butt. Blogging may be an exception. You can become a better writer by doing a lot of writing if you have the benefit of critical readers. Otherwise, nothing changes. That’s why I want an editor so badly.

This same thinking applies to sex. Quality improvement requires critical review and notes on how to improve. This goes two ways. Feedback is critical. I’ve been guilty of not letting Mrs. Lion know what feels best to me. I don’t want to discourage her by implying she isn’t doing something right. When I write about my new ideas on spanking or other activities we do, Mrs. Lion told me that she sees that as me telling her she is doing it wrong.

Most recently, I wrote about a DWC spanking. I thought I was suggesting a new approach to disciplinary spankings. Mrs. Lion told me that she thought she was doing a good job and was unhappy that I didn’t think so. I’m glad she told me. It gave me a chance to explain what I was thinking. I view these learnings as a way to provide input into our evolution. When I read about techniques that seem useful, I write about them as a form of coaching. Without reading that piece about a DWC spanking, I would have never known about this approach.

My problem is that all of my training and experience was doing BDSM scenes. Sensitivity to the bottom and how she reacts to the activity are key. The objective is sexual pleasure. A disciplinary spanking isn’t about providing me with sexual enjoyment. It’s about sending a strong message without doing real damage to my body. I’m supposed to hate being spanked. There are very few resources on the web on how to deliver this sort of thing. After we discussed it, my next spanking was a true DWC spanking that lasted more than ten minutes. I was spanked last Saturday, and I still had a sore spot on Wednesday. This is the desired result of a proper DWC punishment.

Since then, Mrs. Lion had mentioned punishment frequently. Often it is a playful reference. I like this a lot. It may seem that we aren’t taking domestic discipline seriously, but we are. The references, even in jest, keeps our disciplinary relationship top of mind. In the past, we have slipped due to inertia. Mrs. Lion’s references to punishing me mean she is thinking about her role, which makes me remember mine.

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In: Female led relationship with discipline, Spanking

It might have been because it was late-ish when I started trying to play with Lion, but he wasn’t very responsive. It sounded like I was making headway, but Mr. Weenie never got hard. Eventually, Lion said maybe we should wait a day. He said I was probably hurting my shoulder anyway. It’s a difficult angle with him under the covers. He pointed out that the angle wouldn’t be difficult if I were under the covers too. True, but then I’d be hot. Would it not work for him to come out from under the covers? Do I have to do all the work? Maybe I need to tell him to get his ass out if he wants any action.

The thought occurred to me that I could spank him for not getting hard. I think that would be going too far. Sometimes, for fun, I snap my fingers and say, “Up. Up, boy.” Of course, it never works, and I never expect it to work. I’m just silly. I know he can have an erection without physical stimulus, but I don’t think he should be punished for not getting hard.

I’m not sure if he’s having any trouble sitting today. [Lion — I am! It still hurts.] I didn’t check to see if I’d actually bruised him. It was enough to know he was sore the next day. He told me I could spank him again if I needed to, even if he was bruised. He hoped I didn’t have to, but I could. There was a scary moment when he dropped food on his shirt. If it left a stain, he would have been in trouble. Thankfully, for him, there was no stain. Whew! That was a close one. I told him I could always use some soap if he were bruised. That eliminates the possibility of doing damage – to his buns, at least.

We seem to be having some issues with disagreements lately. Lion seems to want to press his point. After the first back and forth, I think he should stop. What’s done is done. Does it really matter who said what when? As soon as I have to raise my voice (which I don’t normally do), we are done. I’m not talking about anything of any consequence. I mean, if one of us said X and the other said X right after or even at the same time, who cares who said X? X was said. Done. Do we really need to fight about X? And, no, I’m not backing down. Isn’t part of being Lioness 4.0 taking charge of a situation and growling?

Of course, if it’s something significant, then we should discuss it. That’s different. I’m not trying to take over the entire marriage. I’m just trying to flex my muscle where it makes sense to do so. Isn’t that what Lion wants? [Lion — Yup.]

By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Domestic discipline

Our lifestyle is a little unusual. It’s also very stable. In my experience, relationships with defined power exchanges tend to decompose after a few years. I think the reason for this is that all of us are both tops ad bottoms. Yes, I am the bottom in our marriage. We don’t switch. That would suggest I will eventually need an outlet for my dominant side. I spent most of my adult life as a top. This is different.

We are very much like our allegorical namesakes: lions. Males are bigger and stronger than females. They eat first and defend the pride. For a long time, it was assumed that they also ruled the roost. After all, they are the king of beasts. The reality is much more complex. The correct definition of a pride is a group of lionesses who stay together. They are often sisters. Lions are not really members of the pride. The females decide if a male will be allowed in. They will drive away any male they don’t like. Overly aggressive male behavior is not tolerated.

Wild lions get sex when a lioness goes into heat. If none are in heat, he goes without. There is usually only one or two lionesses and a single lion in zoos where males and females share quarters. In those situations, the females will allow the lion to mount them when they are not in heat. However, the lioness decides when he can do it. If he is too aggressive, he will get a painful bite on his hindquarters.

This is very much like the way we live. It wasn’t intentionally designed to mimic lions. It just worked out that way. We started with me asking Mrs. Lion to take charge of sex by locking me in a male chastity device. She agreed. From that point until now, she decides what sex I get. If I’m horny and Mrs. Lion doesn’t want to be sexual with me, I do without. If I get annoying about it, I get spanked.

I’m very independent. Like the lion, as long as I avoid getting in trouble with Mrs. Lion I’m free to do what I want. She’s made rules I follow. If I don’t, well, you know what happens. We are still working on the disciplinary aspect of our marriage. I think the main reason things are so stable is that our agreement regarding our power exchange is a little different from what most people do.

The agreement is not about my role. I haven’t agreed to be submissive. Mrs. Lion hasn’t taken on the role of a dominatrix. The agreement is behavioral. I agreed to defer to Mrs. Lion. She can make any rules she wants, and I will obey them. I agree to let her punish me in any way she wants if she feels I need it. There are no exceptions. That’s it.

I get input. Mrs. Lion, let’s me offer feedback and suggestions. She frequently takes my advice. If she adopts something I offer, I don’t get to back out. I have to be careful about my suggestions. In a way, I help build the structure. Of course, Mrs. Lion has the final say. What we have is a special kind of partnership. We have a very clearly defined authority structure. We can debate, but if I get annoying, the paddle comes out and settles the debate.

This is difficult for Mrs. Lion. Frequently at moments when I cross the line, she forgets how to resolve the situation. This results in hurt feelings, and she withdraws into passive-aggressive anger. She’s working on that. She wrote several posts about how to signal me when I get out of line. Hopefully, we will get to try some of them soon. These signals are similar to the rump bites a lion gets when he pisses off one of the girls.

I’m not suggesting that what we have is easy to sustain. We both have to actively work to build the habits that support how we choose to live. Over time the habits do form. For example, I don’t even think about getting off on my own. Mrs. Lion doesn’t think twice about spanking me if I break a rule. There is no discussion. Now, we are working on extending this automatic punishment to behavior that upsets her. We both want this, and we will keep working until it is automatic. Meanwhile, I’m free to do what I want as long as my lioness lets me.

By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Punishment

I think we are moving into a new phase of our female-led activities. For one thing, I’m accepting that reality is very different from my fantasies. Mrs. Lion is never going to be the strict mommy/mistress I initially visualized. She’s my wife and likes me to be her strong, independent husband. That makes sense. It was who she married. Where does that leave our female-led relationship?

The answer is straightforward. We have clearly defined areas of authority that Mrs. Lion strictly enforces. There are just two now: She controls when I get sex of any kind. The other is that I must obey specific rules she has given me. The sexual area has always been a bit fuzzy. Mrs. Lion is very responsive to me when I tell her I am horny. She generally will either tease and edge me or make me ejaculate when I tell her. This gives me considerable control in an area I supposedly surrendered.

I’ve come to realize that if I’m going to truly surrender, I have to stop sending sexual messages. If Mrs. Lion wants to know if I am interested in sex, all she has to do is play with my/her weenie, and it will let her know. There is a risk if I don’t suggest I want sex. She could ignore me entirely. She did that for several years before we started male chastity. Locking me in a chastity device served to remind her that I was completely dependent on her for any sexual activity. With it off, there is no reminder.

There are days when she isn’t feeling very good. Her shoulders can be sore or she has a headache–a real headache. She’s justifiably uninterested in providing sex for me. I can’t argue with that. She needs to take care of herself. The problem is that if I am silent, I think she believes I am uninterested. She can “forget” how much I want sex if I don’t talk about it. In the past, I broke my silence and asked for sex. I didn’t have to do this when I was locked up. The device served as a visual reminder and did a good job of reminding her that she agreed to play at least every other day. [Mrs. Lion — It may have been a visual reminder, but I never actually looked at it and said, “Oh, that’s right. I need to unlock Lion.” I agree that there are times when I can’t remember if we played yesterday or maybe it was the day before, but I don’t think that would change with the cage on.]

Maybe we need to go back to full-time wear. I’m certainly happy to do it. I’m also happy to remain wild. I don’t cheat. It may be that Mrs. Lion will get the benefit of me being locked up. It’s something for her to consider.

The second area of our female-led relationship is obedience. Mrs. Lion has the right and obligation to punish me for anything I do that she feels needs correction. In practice, this comes down to enforcing two rules: no eating before she starts or gives me permission and setting up the coffee pot each day. In practice, the only time I’ve been punished is when I forget the coffee pot.

We both agree that I need more opportunities to earn punishment. We need this, or inertia will set in, and the disciplinary relationship goes by the board. If only I lost connection with my role, Mrs. Lion could correct it with her paddle. We both lose it, and FLR fades until one of us remembers. I think that we never really formed the right habits. She wrote about this yesterday. I think we agree.