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In: Anal play

A tourist is visiting New York City and asks a native, “How do I get to Carnegie Hall?” The native answers, “Practice, practice, practice.”

There are things we have done that require consistent practice. The most obvious example is anal play. Just because I could manage a dildo 1-3/4 inches in diameter a couple of months ago, doesn’t mean I can handle it now. If, on the other hand, I am penetrated one or two times a week, my ability to take insertables increases as my body learns to accept larger items.

I think this is true for all sensation play. Spanking is similar. While, it’s true that I can never “get used” to a spanking — it will always hurt as much each time — I can learn to hold still through the pain. A spanking that would make me hide under the bed a few years ago, is manageable now. It hurts just as much as before; well maybe not as much, but still hurts. The point is that I’m trained to hold still despite how much it hurts. That’s why maintenance spankings are useful for me.

Mrs. Lion has a goal in mind when it comes to maintenance (training) spankings. She wants me to learn to hold still through a long, painful, punishment-level spanking. During my maintenance spanking on Saturday, I started trying to wriggle away. When I did, she asked,

“Do you want me to start all over again?”

I got back into position. She’s figured it out!

It’s all about education. For example, repeated anal insertions with increasingly wider plugs and dildos doesn’t stretch the anus. It’s being trained to relax more and more. Fisting is a process  of “teaching” the bottom’s bottom to accept the top’s hand up to the wrist. Mrs. Lion has tried sporadically without success. There is no doubt she can teach me if she wants. It will take time and a lot of initial discomfort for me. Multiple sessions with wider and wider plugs and dildos prepare me for her entire hand.

Both top and bottom require training. As the bottom, my training is more uncomfortable than Mrs. Lion’s. But that’s the role I’ve chosen.

 

 

 

By:
In: BDSM, Lion's Journal, Sex
Application of a paddle often jump starts my libido. Wearing a chastity device doesn’t hurt either. Click image to view larger.

Mrs. Lion and I are at a point where we realize there are things we should do. We’ve both written about some of them. But we haven’t taken action yet. This is a pattern we’ve followed before. I guess it’s sexual inertia. Getting started again is difficult.

One of the main reasons Mrs. Lion created her Box O’Fun was to force BDSM play. Her idea was to fill the box with activities; some fun for me, others decidedly painful. Then, on a scheduled basis, I draw a card from the box and that’s what happens next. It worked for a while. Then one of us would not like the idea and we’d skip it. Mrs. Lion isn’t the one who is inertia-bound. I am too. It just feels easier to do nothing. We snuggle and I don’t get aroused. I’m not feeling frustrated. I’m not feeling sexual at all. Sexual inertia. It’s true that my libido has its ups and downs. This is clearly a down.

Of course, there is a nearly foolproof way to jump start my libido. A paddle liberally applied to my bottom works wonders getting my attention. A chastity device, like my Jail Bird, doesn’t hurt the process either. It’s just the way I’m wired.

For reasons I can’t explain. Mrs. Lion is affected too. When we play (BDSM activities), we feel closer to each other. The top/bottom activities not only turn me on, they also increase our non-sexual physical intimacy. Neither of us is touchy-feely by nature. The physical manifestations of our power exchange spill over into affectionate touching. This could all be me. I know that regular, painful play is an aphrodisiac for me. It may also turn up my sensitivity and affection.

Of course, BDSM play is only a small part of our Female Led Relationship with Discipline (FLRD). Mrs. Lion’s authority has remained consistent. When I’m well behaved, there is no punishment. When we fall into inertia, there is no play. During these play droughts I am happy to skip yelping when Mrs. Lion plays with me. But, just like punishment, my mood isn’t really relevant.

Mrs. Lion reasons that the play is for me. Therefore, if I don’t want to play, then we shouldn’t. If I’m thinking correctly, the play isn’t just for my pleasure. It’s also a key to maintaining my libido. I don’t understand it, but there it is.

 

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Spanking

I was looking at Julie’s post, a random photo selection on her blog, Strict Julie Spanks. At the top of the post there’s  a picture of a man standing in a corner, hands above his head, with a very red butt (photo shopped — real butts never photograph that red).  Standing behind and to one side is a young woman holding a large paddle. I guess that counts as femdom porn. For those of us who get turned on by the idea of being spanked it is arousing.

I focused my attention on the woman with the paddle. She had, what looked to me as a mock-stern expression. It started me thinking about Mrs. Lion who has put me in a corner after reddening my bottom. I know she spanks me because I asked her to discipline me. When she punishes me is she imagining herself in a role? Has the concept of punishing her husband become a normal part of her experience as a wife?

When we began our FLRD (Female Led Relationship with Discipline), I know that she was punishing me because I asked for her to take on that job. Over the last three years or so, she has perfected her role. In a recent post, she commented that she was taken back by people in her family eating before she started. I’m required to wait for her to eat or get her permission before I can start a meal.

The fact that my rule has become a natural expectation she has even when not with me, suggests that she has internalized her role to some extent. I don’t want to label this one event as a signal she is now a different woman; a stern disciplinarian who takes that role seriously. It almost certainly isn’t. But I believe something’s happened.

Her role as disciplining wife has “soaked in” to some extent. I’m pretty sure it isn’t completely “natural” for her to pick up a paddle and spank me. I do believe she fully accepts correcting me as part of her life. Punishing me seems to still present challenges.

Spanking, currently her only form of punishment, is still somewhat uncertain. I get the feeling she hasn’t figured out how much and how long to spank me. What is the objective? This isn’t a simple question. The simplest, BDSM answer is to do it enough to satisfy me that I’ve been spanked. She does that now and then when she senses I’ve had enough, she goes on a little more.

I believe that extra swatting is a way to let me know she is punishing me. Fair enough. But is it enough? If I’m right about her technique, I’m still controlling the situation. To some extent every person being spanked is in some control.  I send signals that she interprets and acts upon. The fact she correctly understands when I feel that I’ve had enough is a great accomplishment.

That point may be a cue for her to say, “Now we start the real punishment.” Anything that happens after I signal that I’ve had enough is going to be interpreted by me as unwelcome pain that I don’t want to accept; in other words, punishment. It doesn’t come down to how red my bottom gets or how many bruises I have. It’s much more primal.  It’s me accepting spanking way past my comfort zone.

I’ve read some disciplining wives who divide the spanking into sections. The first part, the one I accept willingly, is 25%, preparing me to be punished. Then, the real punishment begins. The spanking is kept up without pause. It should make me yelp and scream. That’s 50%. The last 25% is hard and fast and keeps going until sincere apologies are forthcoming.

This formula produces a spanking that will always be a very good deterrent. More importantly, it is a formula that can be impartially followed. It doesn’t say anything about how hard or how red. Just, using my reactions to set the pace, but not call the shots.

There’s one other thing. Mrs. Lion expects me to thank her for spanking me. I usually need prodding to remember. Perhaps I should be required to remain in the spanking position when Mrs. Lion is done. Then, she can wait for my thanks. If it doesn’t come, she could resume her spanking until I remember. Letting me get up and out of the submissive position lets me lose my focus.

Of course, these are just suggestions. Mrs. Lion is perfectly capable of disciplining me as she sees fit. Blame it on Julie’s blog. It got me thinking, and you know what that means.

 

 

By:
In: Lion's Journal
lions eating out
We like to eat out when we travel.

My allergies have been off the hook lately. Aside from the stuffy nose, sneezing, and coughing, my libido has been in the toilet. This too will pass. Now that we are on our vacation trip, I’m hoping the mountain air will give me a reprieve. I also wonder if my body has learned that nothing is going to happen until at least four days pass.

Yesterday was the fourth day. That was also the day we drove over four hours and set up our trailer. We also had to go to a nearby town for some supplies and cell service. Today  (the fifth waiting day), is the first real opportunity for ejaculation. Of course, that depends on Mrs. Lion’s interest in getting me off. She may want to play and tease me. Or, she may not want to do anything at all.

On past trips, we had very little sexual/play action. It isn’t that Mrs. Lion has no interest. Since we need to take her truck to drag the trailer, she usually does the lion’s share of the driving. By the time we get back to the trailer in the afternoon, she needs a break. Then we usually go out again for dinner; another long round trip drive. She’s tired.

Hopefully, on this trip we will figure out a way around this. Play/sex first thing in the morning just doesn’t work for me. I’m not a morning person at all. Maybe this time we will work out a way to play. If we don’t, it’s OK. We love doing things together. Mrs. Lion brought a big bag full of toys — her Go Bag. Clearly, the intention is to use it on this trip.

I will remain hopeful. I realize that our daily prowling around the area does sap energy. It may end up that we don’t get to do much sexually on our trips. I’m hoping we can find a way to do more, but It’s fine if we don’t.