By:
In: Lion's Journal

The term quid pro quo has been in the news a lot lately. It means that something of value is given for something else of value. Or in more colloquial terms, you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours. When the term is used, it almost always references a negative context. Essentially it means that if you want something this is the price you have to pay to get it.

Most things we humans do are transactional by nature. Reciprocation is almost always expected. The reason I bring this up is that Mrs. Lion and I have a very unbalanced ledger when it comes to sex. If you’ve been reading our blog for some time, you know that Mrs. Lion isn’t interested in sex for herself. That means nothing she does, or more importantly I do, turns her on. She’s told me that nothing anybody can do will turn her on. I know she’s unhappy about this. I’m unhappy too.

I, on the other hand, am sexually active. She has been extremely kind by indulging my sexual needs without the expectation of any satisfaction on her part. I’m very lucky in that respect. But there’s a problem. It may have taken years, but now I think the reason it’s difficult for me to even get close to orgasm is that I feel sex is mechanical. This may sound odd coming from a guy. Bear with me, let me explain.

Six years ago, when I proposed enforced male chastity, Mrs. Lion good-naturedly agreed to lock me into a chastity device. We made an agreement regarding teasing and frequency of being released from the chastity device. Over several years, Mrs. Lion not only abided by that agreement, she also embellished on it. Our days were filled with sexy emails in which she promised all sorts of nasty tortures that I would love. Her posts were filled with similar observations. Sex was much more than stimulating my penis. It was a wide range of teasing combined with BDSM fun.

I felt guilty that I was the only one having a good time. Mrs. Lion gamely let me try to get her off. I was able to give her nice orgasms. But she really didn’t enjoy them beyond the obvious physical manifestation. She wasn’t feeling any deep pleasure. Meanwhile, Mrs. Lion kept coming up with interesting ways to tease me and this diverted my attention from the lack of her interest into eager anticipation about what was going to happen to me.

I think that part of this process was the agreement to begin our female led relationship. There was another opportunity for essentially one-way expressions of sexual energy. I don’t think that Mrs. Lion ever expected to take it seriously. My spankings, I think, for her were another way to turn me on. She was right. However, our disciplinary relationship evolved into a serious one. My spankings stopped being fun and became real punishments for real infractions. Both of us found this valuable. However, the price was that it was taken off the sexual fun menu.

We had a pretty good run with the sexual part of the program. It started shrinking after my first surgery for a torn rotator cuff. I had no interest in sex while taking the powerful drugs to help reduce the pain of that surgery and recovery. After months of physical therapy and pain relieving drugs, I was back to my old self. However, whatever inertia we had developed moving us towards exciting sex play had died away.

We got some of this old mojo back. For a while, Mrs. Lion locked me up in a chastity device, invented her Box’O Fun, and learned to diligently enforce the few rules we had. I can’t be sure of it, but I got the feeling she was having a good time too. She got that wicked little smile when she caught me breaking a rule. She seemed to enjoy that I squirmed when the spanking was on its way. It was sexy fun.

My more recent spinal surgery required a much longer period of recovery. The chastity device is yet to come back out. That’s not the important part. At my prompting, Mrs. Lion has been focusing on turning our earlier lighthearted punishment scenarios into a true domestic discipline relationship. She’s done a good job and succeeded very well. Regardless of anything else going on in our lives, I have every confidence that I will be punished if I annoy her or break any of my rules. That’s what I wanted; and that’s what I got.

However, sex has turned into a very mechanical process. It’s almost as though jerking me off or edging me is one of the last chores Mrs. Lion has to do before she can fully immerse yourself into her iPad and then go to sleep. It makes me feel badly to be in this situation. I suspect that my inability to get very aroused is a result of feeling that I’m just a chore. It’s almost better when nothing happens. Tuesday night, Mrs. Lion was prepared to tie up my cock and balls prior to edging me. She had the rope ready on the bed. I fell asleep earlier, and when I woke up I felt a bit cold and stayed under the covers. She didn’t make any move to do anything sexual.

I understand that this makes sense to her. After all, anything sexual she does is only for my benefit. So if I’m not interested at the moment, why should she go to the trouble of trying to get me interested. The alternative is something that happens in a lot of other marriages. The wife simply turns off and her husband gets no sexual attention. I get it. I’m lucky she wants to do these things for me. I’m not so lucky that it makes me feel guilty and I’m very aware she’s trying to put in the minimum effort possible to satisfy me.

I’m not sure what happened since my last surgery. I don’t know why she stopped planning things for us to do. Somehow, sex has become a hand-job-on-request service. Of course, a hand job doesn’t necessarily guarantee ejaculation, but I can get my penis played with whenever I ask. That’s not what I want. If we were in a relationship where both of us wanted sexual release, we could have millions of ways to use that sexual tension for fun. In our current situation, my sexual interest is waning. It’s heartbreaking to me. The simple fact is that I love Mrs. Lion more than anything and I love her sexual attention. I don’t like the routine we fallen into.

It’s also predictable how things happen each night. Either I ask, or she just rolls over next to me and we snuggle. Then she plays with my cock and balls a little bit, when I get hard — and I always do — she sits up and starts masturbating me. I never get close to orgasm for at least the first week. After that, my internal need for ejaculation has built up so much, I manage to get to the edge after a lot of work on her part. I’m either physically having a problem, which I don’t think is happening, or I’m just not excited by what were doing.

Six years ago, inertia was our friend. We built up habits around sexual activity using enforced male chastity as the driver. This went on unabated for more than three years. It was interrupted by a torn rotator cuff. I didn’t realize it at the time, but this break seems to have caused us to lose that inertia. If we were both driven by a need for orgasm, we would have a biological incentive to get back to our old pattern. Since I’m the only one with this desire, and Mrs. Lion is in charge, we are guaranteed not to do anything.

It’s kind of unfortunate that Mrs. Lion is in charge and is the partner without the interest in sex. I’m not proposing that we change this power balance. That would be impossible. The truth is I have no idea what to do about this. Maybe the best thing is for me to just try to suppress my interest in getting off. I don’t know. I do know that the current situation isn’t working for either of us. We’ll have to figure out something. I’m always confident we can do that. This time I’m not so sure.

By:
In: Anal play
anal trainer kit
Inexpensive anal trainer kit. The rings on the ends of the plugs makes it easy to move them in and out. Click image to go to shopping site.

For a long time I’ve enjoyed – well that’s not exactly the right word – anal play. I guess that in my case, stimulating my anus is a little erotic in terms of sexually stimulating me, and very erotic in the mental BDSM sense. Anyway, Mrs. Lion occasionally will do some anal play. In the past, she expressed interest in being able to fist me. That is, getting her whole hand up my ass. All of her attempts failed after the first three fingers. I just couldn’t handle the pain when she tried to get more penetration.

I thought the problem was my inability to relax enough to accept more of her hand. That turned out to be a correct assumption. To solve this problem, I suggested she begin to train me to accept increasingly larger dildos. By larger I mean thicker. Almost all of our dildos are about 8 inches of insertable length. That’s a good size and safe to use. Over time, she was able to get me to accept, without too much discomfort, a 2 inch diameter dildo. This should be wide enough to be about the same size as four of her fingers. Yet I still had extremely serious pain each time she tried.

One school of thought is that I should learn to accept the pain and let her keep going. I don’t disagree. However, this sort of anal training requires a lot of patience on both of our parts. It’s absolutely possible for her to get her entire hand in. However, it takes considerable preparation to get in there. When you see porn videos that show a man being fisted, insertion generally takes a couple of minutes at most. What you don’t see is the long preparation done before the video was shot.

The anus has considerable ability to expand. It’s a muscle that normally stays contracted. Training for penetration has nothing to do with stretching anything. It’s training to learn to relax the anal sphincters; there are two: the one we all see and on further inside. This takes time and patience. Over the years I’ve done quite a bit of research on the subject and only recently did I learn a surprisingly easy and reliable way to get trained sufficiently to be fisted. This training doesn’t use dildos at all.

According to people who have a lot of experience with this, a very good way to be trained to relax when needed is using butt plugs in a different way. Mrs. Lion likes to use butt plugs with me. They are very easy for her. She lubes up the plug puts a little more lube around the rim of my anus and inserts the plug. Then she can go do other things while the plug marinates inside me. The plugs construction is designed to let me retain it without any external devices to hold in. It has a conical shape ending in a shoulder which is a sharp right angle, followed by a stem much thinner than the widest part of the plug, and then at the end a wide base to prevent the plug from slipping inside.

Plugs come in a wide variety of sizes starting from relatively thin ones (about 1 inch in diameter) up to giants that measure four or more inches in diameter. The way Mrs. Lion uses butt plugs is a good way to express her dominance. She generally has me retain the plug for two hours or more. As time goes by, it becomes less and less comfortable. When I’m wiggling on the bed looking for a comfortable position, she usually removes the plug. This is a fine and fun form of anal play.

fisting hand position

Training for activities like fisting and pegging require a different sort of training. In this case, the plug is used very much like a dildo. It is inserted all the way and then removed. Inserted again and again. This is very uncomfortable, at least in the beginning but it’s absolutely critical in terms of anal training. Rather than just training the anus to comfortably accept larger and larger objects, butt plug training teaches the anus to relax immediately upon the presence of something trying to enter.

This makes sense to me. The most uncomfortable part of anal play for me is the initial insertion. That initial pressure and expansion is always the most painful part. Once an object is in and if it’s left there, after a relatively short time it’s easy to retain. The uncomfortable part is the opening and closing of my sphincters. If you’ve done anal play, I’m sure you’ve noticed how removing a butt plug is very uncomfortable as the shoulder is puledl out and then almost immediately feels good as the rest of the plug slides out. Slow pegging with a butt plug forces experiencing that discomfort over and over. After time, I’m told that the discomfort becomes less and less. Your body learns to relax as soon as something is pressed against your anus.

Training this way is done very much the same as with dildos. Start with a relatively small diameter butt plug, and as discomfort is reduced, go one size up. If this is done on a regular basis, say three times a week, over time, your anus will be trained to relax and accept larger and larger objects. This doesn’t take a very long time I’m told. If the sessions are long enough, reasonably comfortable pegging with a plug can be achieved with only two sessions before a larger size will be needed.

Keep it slippery
Let’s talk about lube. Obviously, lots of lubrication is needed to avoid injury and massive pain. Over the years, we’ve tried lots and lots of lubes. The most slippery lubes tend to be silicone. However, since almost all toys are now made of silicone, this lube can’t be used with toys of the same material. It will soften and dissolve the toy. We’ve been using Boy Butter, a reasonably inexpensive lube designed explicitly for anal play. It’s easy to clean up and won’t break the bank if you use a lot.

Eros is a fairly new product that is highly recommended in the articles I read about fisting. It is a silicone hybrid. People say it is safe to use with silicone toys. Experienced fisting advocates rate this particular lube very highly. It is thick and long-lasting. It contains a slight amount of anesthetic that helps make it easier to accept objects. It is supposed to be extremely slippery. I have a jar (it’s expensive, by the way) and I hope Mrs. Lion will use it on her next anal session with me.

For me, anal training is something I love to hate. It’s uncomfortable and the furthest thing I can think of from activities that will make me hard. However, it’s also one of the most visceral ways to sexually submit. Thinking about being fisted is very exciting to me. I’m even excited about being trained. However, I’m sure I will be unhappy during the process.

Some women find anally penetrating their partners very sexy. I know one woman who makes this the first thing she does with any man. She keeps several pairs of rubber gloves in her purse for this purpose. She enjoys taking 45 minutes to an hour to train the man to take her hand. She’s always successful. Unfortunately, the one time she was able to try this with me, we were interrupted just as she put on her glove and began using one finger inside me, she had to leave.

Years ago I knew a couple who love anal fisting. They would do workshops on how to do it at national events. I attended more than one. Her husband was so well-trained that she could make the appropriate hand shape for insertion, lube her hand, and in seconds be halfway up to her elbow. This is probably the most extreme case I know. She really loved doing that to him and he loved it too. I don’t expect Mrs. Lion to be that enthusiastic. However, in the past, she has worked up some excitement about training me.

The subject of “training” really turns me on. In a way, it’s like being hypnotized. I somehow learn to do something without any conscious thought. I call it training, others consider it conditioning. In either case, it’s a very visceral experience to find yourself unconsciously conforming to rules imposed by others. Anal training is a very strong example of this sort of conditioning. To a small degree I’m already conditioned to accept some of the smaller objects we have. It’s easy for me to accept the Njoy metal butt plug. Mrs. Lion inserted it a few weeks ago and was quite surprised at how easily I took it. Maybe that plug is a good starting point for me. Repeated insertion and removal of that plug will be less alien to me. I’m pretty sure it won’t be much fun in the beginning. I’m also sure it won’t take long before it’s easy for me to manage it. Then Mrs. Lion can move on to the next larger object.

Like everything else we do, I guess we have to agree to try and then use a structured schedule to assure we actually follow through. Maybe this could be part of the recreational activity on punishment day. That would be Monday, Thursday, and Saturday. What do you think Mrs. Lion?

By:
In: Lion's Journal
my flat ass and legs
This is my body. I have a small, flat ass and fairly thin legs. The kind of jeans I had been buying hung off me in a very unflattering, baggy way.

I am sorry our long weekend is over. It was really good to be with Mrs. Lion for four straight days. Now we are back to the same old routine. Since I’m working from home and I can’t really drive, the number of hours I wear clothing is a tiny fraction of each day. In fact, days go by when I don’t wear a stitch. When Mrs. Lion comes home from work, she generally removes all of her clothing as well. I guess we’re accidental nudists. We certainly don’t have a political or social agenda about not wearing clothing. I don’t wear any because it’s a rule I must follow. I’m not sure exactly why Mrs. Lion started being naked at home. Maybe she caught it from me. [Mrs. Lion – I think I did catch it from Lion in the beginning. Plus, it seems wasteful to put on clean clothes for just a few hours. Now, I stay naked, or not fully clothed, because it’s warm in the house. I guess having a naked Lion means having a warmer house.] In my case, at least, it cuts down on the laundry. Last week, for example, I only had two pairs of socks and two pairs of shorts. That means I wore clothes only twice: both times to go to physical therapy.

I know a lot of the nudist community thinks going au natural is better for the health. From the pictures I’ve seen, nudists seem to spend all their time at the beach. I suppose that’s good for the health as long as you wear enough sunblock. In any case, I can’t think of the last post I wrote while wearing clothing.

We don’t always publish every comment we get. Some people want to use our blog as a place to publish one of their own. They generally send long, rambling stories about some chastity or female domination activity. They almost never have a thing to do with what we write about. I think those people should go to the time, trouble, and expense of having their own blogs. I like to think that comments we do print, represent part of the dialogue where we all learn from one another.

While we got rid of a lot of boxes this past weekend, the supply of cartons containing our belongings seems endless. Some of the things I consider essential, like a WebCam for business meetings and my trusty point-and-shoot digital camera remain among the missing. I decided to replace them. It’s an expense I didn’t want to have, but I need both in the very near future. I will be writing a comprehensive review of the Evotion chastity device and that will require considerable photography. Mrs. Lion needs to use her phone when she wants to take a picture of my nether regions to illustrate some point either to you or to me. That’s inconvenient and not nearly as useful as our little digital camera.

Even though I had an orgasm only a couple of days ago, I’ve been feeling pretty frisky. I hope that means I’ve gotten past the current difficulties that Mrs. Lion has had edging me. I guess we lions are creatures of habit. That applies to pretty much everything. We both miss the snuggle and edging sessions. We’ve been trying to figure out a better schedule for play. I’m still having a lot of trouble sleeping through the night. I’m getting to watch a lot of streaming TV at two or three in the morning. Sometimes, I fall asleep while watching this early morning TV, and wake up missing an entire episode. That’s helpful because it lets me figure how much sleep I got. It looks like I get 2 to 3 hours of sleep-during-TV a night, and another three or four hours the conventional way. That’s not too bad though it still leaves me feeling tired and out of sorts during the day.

Neither Mrs. Lion or nor I have a lot of fashion consciousness. I’ve always bought jeans based on my waist size and inseam. Various styles eluded me. Usually, I ended up buying randomly. It turns out that almost all of my purchases are “relaxed fit”. That means the thighs and butt have extra space. I have a flat ass. Thank goodness Mrs. Lion likes it. She teases me that she spanks me where my butt ought to be.

Anyway, after a comment about my flat rear end, I wondered if there was something I could do to either bulk it up, or at the very least make it look as good as it can. So, I did a Google search on, “jeans to make a flat ass look better”. To my surprise, there were quite a few references. Actually, my first search was on how to make my butt fill out a bit more. I have to wear suspenders because the combination of my narrow hips and absent gluteus maximus, wearing a belt does no good and pants just slide off my hips and down.

Anyway, I didn’t see any rational suggestions on how to improve the shape of my rear. So then I looked for suggestions on how to look better if plagued by a small butt. That’s when I found out why there are so many different kinds of jeans for men. Apparently, each style is geared toward a specific body type. One informative article suggested that if you buy “slim fit” jeans, it draws attention away from the flat rear end and accentuates the nice general shape of your lower body.

Of course, this only works if you have a nice shape to your lower body. Fortunately, mine is pretty good. I have muscular, but not very big thighs and my lower legs and knees are in proportion. So I ordered a pair of slim fit jeans in my waist and inseam size. It was kind of odd getting into them. I was used to the baggy feel of wide-thigh legs and roomy calf space. I actually felt friction as I pulled the jeans on over my legs. It wasn’t exactly tight. It was just a nice, close fit. I didn’t have a ton of cloth hanging down behind me. While the jeans didn’t exactly hug my ass, they didn’t leave space for two or three more. It turns out that I looked pretty good in these jeans. I ordered several more of the style.

There are so many things I don’t know. Clothing facts are major areas of ignorance for me. I never even imagined there was any place I could go for advice. I figured that women spent their time thinking about fashion, guys don’t. Apparently they do, or there wouldn’t be 1500 different kinds of Levi’s. I suppose if I were a real nudist, I wouldn’t have to worry about the best jeans to conform to my body. Although, I’m sure even the most orthodox of the naturists have to put on clothing now and then. So they also probably look for things that make them look better.

I wonder if the “real” naturists express their fashion sense by how they groom their body hair. In the pictures I’ve seen, very few women or men for that matter, have any pubic hair. That’s nice to find out. If I ever get to go to a nude beach I’ll fit right in.

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Sex

penis power toolIt was an eight day wait between orgasms this time. That’s about average lately. For reasons I have absolutely no clue about, it takes a very long time to get me to the edge. To save her arm muscles, Mrs. Lion used the power tool: the Magic Wand. This is an industrial-strength vibrator. In Mrs. Lion’s skilled hands it has never failed to get me off. Still, it took nearly 30 minutes before I got to the edge. When I was extremely close, she took the vibrator away and I humped air for a while as I tried to get over the edge.

She let me calm down a little bit, then applied the power tool again. Usually when she does this, it takes very little time for me to get back up to the top of the curve. This time it didn’t. She needed quite a few more minutes of stimulation before I got back to the edge. This time, she kept on and I had a very nice orgasm. I have no idea why my physiological reactions are changing like this. Apparently I can be reliably made to ejaculate with enough patience and energy.

I’ve never really talked about this, but it is a fairly odd feeling to be sexually passive. On very few occasions have I been allowed to be the master of my orgasm. I’m not referring to masturbating. I know I’ll never be able to do that again. A few times Mrs. Lion has let me hump her hand until I came. Usually, sex is me lying on my back and Mrs. Lion providing stimulation. If and when I ejaculate is purely up to her. My participation is limited to providing an erect penis.

Of course that comes with the territory. I surrendered all sexual control. Even if I were allowed to hump my way to glory, it would only be at the pleasure of my lioness. I know full well that orgasm is not necessarily part of sex that I experience. In fact, ejaculation only occurs only a few percentage points of the time. This is highly unusual for any male. Until six years ago, just like other guys, ejaculation was something I produced on demand. Most of the time, in the last few years, it was by my own hand. Before that, it was inside my lioness.

Lots of guys who practice male chastity romanticize this lack of control. They feel it is a very sexy form of submission. Surrendering our orgasms to a woman is a very hot concept. But, over time it takes its toll. I don’t feel like straying in order to find sex that I control. I have absolutely no desire for that. I don’t want Mrs. Lion to let me call the shots either. What we are doing works very well for us. I have no wish to change it. That doesn’t mean these feelings don’t come up.

magic wand on my hard penis
Mrs. Lion’s little helper.

I wonder if other guys in similar situations feel those little doubts about such a strong loss of control. Mrs. Lion and I both realized that if we were to be successful with our power exchanges, we had to be as consistent as humanly possible. When it comes to sex, that consistency has been absolute. Yes, occasionally I’ve fondled my penis when it wasn’t locked in a male chastity device. Mrs. Lion knows that. I’ve gotten myself erect, but never aroused enough to be close to ejaculation. All I’ve managed to do was make myself hornier. This is how Mrs. Lion intends it to be.

The problem for me is that when things aren’t going that well, when Mrs. Lion is tired or stressed, she is very unlikely to want to do anything sexual with me. I’m fine with that most of the time. However, if more than a couple of days go by without some sort of teasing or other sexual activity, I ask her to do something. When I do, she almost always agrees and provides some sort of sexual stimulation.

She’s wonderful that way. The thing is, I feel very guilty about asking her. I understand that there are lots of outside pressures competing for her time and energy. Sexually satisfying, or at least, teasing me has to take a relatively low spot in her priorities. Again, that’s perfectly understandable and I can accept it. But I also feel the biological pressure for stimulation. Some men are naturally submissive. They enjoy being put into a low priority category. It’s arousing for them to feel that they are ignored because they aren’t important. For them, it’s really hot when their partners pay no attention to them physically.

That doesn’t work for me. I’m not submissive by nature. That means that when I’m not receiving sexual attention, I feel a combination of guilt and anxiety. I’m anxious for her touch. It doesn’t matter whether I get an orgasm or not. It’s just incredibly validating to feel her hand sexually stimulating me. I may not make a lot of sense to you, but it’s how I feel. One of the most important clauses in our original male chastity contract was that Mrs. Lion would unlock me and edge me at least once every other day. She came up with that. It was clear then that I needed the attention, if not the sexual satisfaction of an orgasm.

It’s not that Mrs. Lion goes for long stretches without playing with me. She doesn’t. However, it’s generally the last thing she does in the evening. Sexual activity comes behind almost everything else in terms of her time. I recognize that some of the things need to be done before me. These include the food preparation and cleanup, punishments for me if earned, and her shower and other personal activities. The problem with that is that it’s often 10 PM by the time she’s ready for some bed activity. I’m not doing well at that hour of the night. I can’t explain what the problem is, but I’m just tired and I don’t respond well sexually. To make things worse, I’ve been falling asleep in the early evening while Mrs. Lion is occupied with her other activities. This seems to bother her.

I’ve noticed that when I have these naps, usually 30 to 60 minutes long, she doesn’t seem interested later in any play activity. It’s as if the fact that I fell asleep indicates that I’m not interested in activity with her. This is absolutely not true. I can’t control these periods of sleep. They come on me with no warning. Some of the time, when I wake up, I’m confused because I wasn’t aware that I slept at all. This seems to be a regular occurrence. I’ve talked to people about it and it’s not unusual or unhealthy. It’s just my fatigue. The pain in my shoulders restricts the amount of time I can sleep uninterrupted. I seem to be making up for that with these cat naps.

Mrs. Lion doesn’t seem willing to wake me up to do things. And she behaves as though once I’ve had one of these naps, I’m done for the night. I’m hoping we can change that. I’m also hoping that we can change our evening routine so that we start things earlier. There would be a huge help. We’ve had a few conversation along these lines. Mrs. Lion has agreed to try. Still, we haven’t figured out how to get this to work correctly.

I’m sure we will work it out. This is just a different phase in my life. I have to work on feeling less guilty about needing attention. I also have to work with Mrs. Lion on changes we can make that work for both of us. We have an excellent track record of being able to do this. I’m very sure we will work this out to both of our satisfaction.