For a long time I’ve enjoyed – well that’s not exactly the right word – anal play. I guess that in my case, stimulating my anus is a little erotic in terms of sexually stimulating me, and very erotic in the mental BDSM sense. Anyway, Mrs. Lion occasionally will do some anal play. In the past, she expressed interest in being able to fist me. That is, getting her whole hand up my ass. All of her attempts failed after the first three fingers. I just couldn’t handle the pain when she tried to get more penetration.
I thought the problem was my inability to relax enough to accept more of her hand. That turned out to be a correct assumption. To solve this problem, I suggested she begin to train me to accept increasingly larger dildos. By larger I mean thicker. Almost all of our dildos are about 8 inches of insertable length. That’s a good size and safe to use. Over time, she was able to get me to accept, without too much discomfort, a 2 inch diameter dildo. This should be wide enough to be about the same size as four of her fingers. Yet I still had extremely serious pain each time she tried.
One school of thought is that I should learn to accept the pain and let her keep going. I don’t disagree. However, this sort of anal training requires a lot of patience on both of our parts. It’s absolutely possible for her to get her entire hand in. However, it takes considerable preparation to get in there. When you see porn videos that show a man being fisted, insertion generally takes a couple of minutes at most. What you don’t see is the long preparation done before the video was shot.
The anus has considerable ability to expand. It’s a muscle that normally stays contracted. Training for penetration has nothing to do with stretching anything. It’s training to learn to relax the anal sphincters; there are two: the one we all see and on further inside. This takes time and patience. Over the years I’ve done quite a bit of research on the subject and only recently did I learn a surprisingly easy and reliable way to get trained sufficiently to be fisted. This training doesn’t use dildos at all.
According to people who have a lot of experience with this, a very good way to be trained to relax when needed is using butt plugs in a different way. Mrs. Lion likes to use butt plugs with me. They are very easy for her. She lubes up the plug puts a little more lube around the rim of my anus and inserts the plug. Then she can go do other things while the plug marinates inside me. The plugs construction is designed to let me retain it without any external devices to hold in. It has a conical shape ending in a shoulder which is a sharp right angle, followed by a stem much thinner than the widest part of the plug, and then at the end a wide base to prevent the plug from slipping inside.
Plugs come in a wide variety of sizes starting from relatively thin ones (about 1 inch in diameter) up to giants that measure four or more inches in diameter. The way Mrs. Lion uses butt plugs is a good way to express her dominance. She generally has me retain the plug for two hours or more. As time goes by, it becomes less and less comfortable. When I’m wiggling on the bed looking for a comfortable position, she usually removes the plug. This is a fine and fun form of anal play.
Training for activities like fisting and pegging require a different sort of training. In this case, the plug is used very much like a dildo. It is inserted all the way and then removed. Inserted again and again. This is very uncomfortable, at least in the beginning but it’s absolutely critical in terms of anal training. Rather than just training the anus to comfortably accept larger and larger objects, butt plug training teaches the anus to relax immediately upon the presence of something trying to enter.
This makes sense to me. The most uncomfortable part of anal play for me is the initial insertion. That initial pressure and expansion is always the most painful part. Once an object is in and if it’s left there, after a relatively short time it’s easy to retain. The uncomfortable part is the opening and closing of my sphincters. If you’ve done anal play, I’m sure you’ve noticed how removing a butt plug is very uncomfortable as the shoulder is puledl out and then almost immediately feels good as the rest of the plug slides out. Slow pegging with a butt plug forces experiencing that discomfort over and over. After time, I’m told that the discomfort becomes less and less. Your body learns to relax as soon as something is pressed against your anus.
Training this way is done very much the same as with dildos. Start with a relatively small diameter butt plug, and as discomfort is reduced, go one size up. If this is done on a regular basis, say three times a week, over time, your anus will be trained to relax and accept larger and larger objects. This doesn’t take a very long time I’m told. If the sessions are long enough, reasonably comfortable pegging with a plug can be achieved with only two sessions before a larger size will be needed.
Keep it slippery
Let’s talk about lube. Obviously, lots of lubrication is needed to avoid injury and massive pain. Over the years, we’ve tried lots and lots of lubes. The most slippery lubes tend to be silicone. However, since almost all toys are now made of silicone, this lube can’t be used with toys of the same material. It will soften and dissolve the toy. We’ve been using Boy Butter, a reasonably inexpensive lube designed explicitly for anal play. It’s easy to clean up and won’t break the bank if you use a lot.
Eros is a fairly new product that is highly recommended in the articles I read about fisting. It is a silicone hybrid. People say it is safe to use with silicone toys. Experienced fisting advocates rate this particular lube very highly. It is thick and long-lasting. It contains a slight amount of anesthetic that helps make it easier to accept objects. It is supposed to be extremely slippery. I have a jar (it’s expensive, by the way) and I hope Mrs. Lion will use it on her next anal session with me.
For me, anal training is something I love to hate. It’s uncomfortable and the furthest thing I can think of from activities that will make me hard. However, it’s also one of the most visceral ways to sexually submit. Thinking about being fisted is very exciting to me. I’m even excited about being trained. However, I’m sure I will be unhappy during the process.
Some women find anally penetrating their partners very sexy. I know one woman who makes this the first thing she does with any man. She keeps several pairs of rubber gloves in her purse for this purpose. She enjoys taking 45 minutes to an hour to train the man to take her hand. She’s always successful. Unfortunately, the one time she was able to try this with me, we were interrupted just as she put on her glove and began using one finger inside me, she had to leave.
Years ago I knew a couple who love anal fisting. They would do workshops on how to do it at national events. I attended more than one. Her husband was so well-trained that she could make the appropriate hand shape for insertion, lube her hand, and in seconds be halfway up to her elbow. This is probably the most extreme case I know. She really loved doing that to him and he loved it too. I don’t expect Mrs. Lion to be that enthusiastic. However, in the past, she has worked up some excitement about training me.
The subject of “training” really turns me on. In a way, it’s like being hypnotized. I somehow learn to do something without any conscious thought. I call it training, others consider it conditioning. In either case, it’s a very visceral experience to find yourself unconsciously conforming to rules imposed by others. Anal training is a very strong example of this sort of conditioning. To a small degree I’m already conditioned to accept some of the smaller objects we have. It’s easy for me to accept the Njoy metal butt plug. Mrs. Lion inserted it a few weeks ago and was quite surprised at how easily I took it. Maybe that plug is a good starting point for me. Repeated insertion and removal of that plug will be less alien to me. I’m pretty sure it won’t be much fun in the beginning. I’m also sure it won’t take long before it’s easy for me to manage it. Then Mrs. Lion can move on to the next larger object.
Like everything else we do, I guess we have to agree to try and then use a structured schedule to assure we actually follow through. Maybe this could be part of the recreational activity on punishment day. That would be Monday, Thursday, and Saturday. What do you think Mrs. Lion?