The term quid pro quo has been in the news a lot lately. It means that something of value is given for something else of value. Or in more colloquial terms, you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours. When the term is used, it almost always references a negative context. Essentially it means that if you want something this is the price you have to pay to get it.
Most things we humans do are transactional by nature. Reciprocation is almost always expected. The reason I bring this up is that Mrs. Lion and I have a very unbalanced ledger when it comes to sex. If you’ve been reading our blog for some time, you know that Mrs. Lion isn’t interested in sex for herself. That means nothing she does, or more importantly I do, turns her on. She’s told me that nothing anybody can do will turn her on. I know she’s unhappy about this. I’m unhappy too.
I, on the other hand, am sexually active. She has been extremely kind by indulging my sexual needs without the expectation of any satisfaction on her part. I’m very lucky in that respect. But there’s a problem. It may have taken years, but now I think the reason it’s difficult for me to even get close to orgasm is that I feel sex is mechanical. This may sound odd coming from a guy. Bear with me, let me explain.
Six years ago, when I proposed enforced male chastity, Mrs. Lion good-naturedly agreed to lock me into a chastity device. We made an agreement regarding teasing and frequency of being released from the chastity device. Over several years, Mrs. Lion not only abided by that agreement, she also embellished on it. Our days were filled with sexy emails in which she promised all sorts of nasty tortures that I would love. Her posts were filled with similar observations. Sex was much more than stimulating my penis. It was a wide range of teasing combined with BDSM fun.
I felt guilty that I was the only one having a good time. Mrs. Lion gamely let me try to get her off. I was able to give her nice orgasms. But she really didn’t enjoy them beyond the obvious physical manifestation. She wasn’t feeling any deep pleasure. Meanwhile, Mrs. Lion kept coming up with interesting ways to tease me and this diverted my attention from the lack of her interest into eager anticipation about what was going to happen to me.
I think that part of this process was the agreement to begin our female led relationship. There was another opportunity for essentially one-way expressions of sexual energy. I don’t think that Mrs. Lion ever expected to take it seriously. My spankings, I think, for her were another way to turn me on. She was right. However, our disciplinary relationship evolved into a serious one. My spankings stopped being fun and became real punishments for real infractions. Both of us found this valuable. However, the price was that it was taken off the sexual fun menu.
We had a pretty good run with the sexual part of the program. It started shrinking after my first surgery for a torn rotator cuff. I had no interest in sex while taking the powerful drugs to help reduce the pain of that surgery and recovery. After months of physical therapy and pain relieving drugs, I was back to my old self. However, whatever inertia we had developed moving us towards exciting sex play had died away.
We got some of this old mojo back. For a while, Mrs. Lion locked me up in a chastity device, invented her Box’O Fun, and learned to diligently enforce the few rules we had. I can’t be sure of it, but I got the feeling she was having a good time too. She got that wicked little smile when she caught me breaking a rule. She seemed to enjoy that I squirmed when the spanking was on its way. It was sexy fun.
My more recent spinal surgery required a much longer period of recovery. The chastity device is yet to come back out. That’s not the important part. At my prompting, Mrs. Lion has been focusing on turning our earlier lighthearted punishment scenarios into a true domestic discipline relationship. She’s done a good job and succeeded very well. Regardless of anything else going on in our lives, I have every confidence that I will be punished if I annoy her or break any of my rules. That’s what I wanted; and that’s what I got.
However, sex has turned into a very mechanical process. It’s almost as though jerking me off or edging me is one of the last chores Mrs. Lion has to do before she can fully immerse yourself into her iPad and then go to sleep. It makes me feel badly to be in this situation. I suspect that my inability to get very aroused is a result of feeling that I’m just a chore. It’s almost better when nothing happens. Tuesday night, Mrs. Lion was prepared to tie up my cock and balls prior to edging me. She had the rope ready on the bed. I fell asleep earlier, and when I woke up I felt a bit cold and stayed under the covers. She didn’t make any move to do anything sexual.
I understand that this makes sense to her. After all, anything sexual she does is only for my benefit. So if I’m not interested at the moment, why should she go to the trouble of trying to get me interested. The alternative is something that happens in a lot of other marriages. The wife simply turns off and her husband gets no sexual attention. I get it. I’m lucky she wants to do these things for me. I’m not so lucky that it makes me feel guilty and I’m very aware she’s trying to put in the minimum effort possible to satisfy me.
I’m not sure what happened since my last surgery. I don’t know why she stopped planning things for us to do. Somehow, sex has become a hand-job-on-request service. Of course, a hand job doesn’t necessarily guarantee ejaculation, but I can get my penis played with whenever I ask. That’s not what I want. If we were in a relationship where both of us wanted sexual release, we could have millions of ways to use that sexual tension for fun. In our current situation, my sexual interest is waning. It’s heartbreaking to me. The simple fact is that I love Mrs. Lion more than anything and I love her sexual attention. I don’t like the routine we fallen into.
It’s also predictable how things happen each night. Either I ask, or she just rolls over next to me and we snuggle. Then she plays with my cock and balls a little bit, when I get hard — and I always do — she sits up and starts masturbating me. I never get close to orgasm for at least the first week. After that, my internal need for ejaculation has built up so much, I manage to get to the edge after a lot of work on her part. I’m either physically having a problem, which I don’t think is happening, or I’m just not excited by what were doing.
Six years ago, inertia was our friend. We built up habits around sexual activity using enforced male chastity as the driver. This went on unabated for more than three years. It was interrupted by a torn rotator cuff. I didn’t realize it at the time, but this break seems to have caused us to lose that inertia. If we were both driven by a need for orgasm, we would have a biological incentive to get back to our old pattern. Since I’m the only one with this desire, and Mrs. Lion is in charge, we are guaranteed not to do anything.
It’s kind of unfortunate that Mrs. Lion is in charge and is the partner without the interest in sex. I’m not proposing that we change this power balance. That would be impossible. The truth is I have no idea what to do about this. Maybe the best thing is for me to just try to suppress my interest in getting off. I don’t know. I do know that the current situation isn’t working for either of us. We’ll have to figure out something. I’m always confident we can do that. This time I’m not so sure.