By:
In: Lion's Journal, Male Chastity

There is a lot of mythology around semen. Of course, it does have the amazing ability to fertilize an egg which then becomes a baby. That doesn’t seem to be what people who attribute power to this fluid are thinking about. Some think that male essence is contained in semen and that every drop that is lost reduces male life force. Some males who believe this actually consume every drop of semen they ejaculate. They believe that ingesting it returns the male essence to them.

Some Eastern religions practice semen retention. Sex for them is what Mrs. Lion and I call edging. They refer to this as Tantric sex. Both male and female partners enjoy sex right up to the edge of orgasm. Then they stop. It is believed that orgasm drains Lifeforce. At least in the Tantric model, both sexes bear equal responsibility for Lifeforce draining.

Some female bloggers distort these principles to fit a slightly different model. They like to claim that male orgasm control is required because ejaculation is harmful not only to the male, but also to his relationship with his partner. It’s a rather odd rationalization. I think part of the basis for this can be attributed to some behavioral changes during the male refractory period. There’s a completely natural loss of interest in sex for some time after ejaculation. Females, on the other hand, are generally ready to come again immediately after orgasm.

The rationalization is that the short-term emotional changes in a male after ejaculation are evidence that he loses something important every time semen is emitted. Therefore, they reason, the healthy male will have limited numbers of ejaculations, thereby minimizing the negative effects of losing semen cause. The women who espouse this kind of thinking recognize that they won’t convince their partners to go along with this unless they get something out of it other than frustration.

Since we know that almost every male orgasm control/male chastity situation is initiated by the male, this female rationalization about supporting male health through limiting ejaculation almost certainly comes after the male suggests the chastity game. This is interesting. The sequence of events begins with the male asking his partner to limit his orgasms. He is doing this because he finds the idea of surrendering sexual control very exciting.

If most women are like Mrs. Lion, when they agree to go along with it they do so because they want to make their partners happy. It seems to be a harmless, sexual game. Indeed it is. At this point there is nothing in it for the female partner. Despite the male fantasies about giving her endless altruistic orgasms, the reality is that she has to do a little extra work sustaining orgasm control for him. Mrs. Lion has been doing this for me for over seven years. It’s become a part of our life and we both enjoy it.

Would it be a more positive experience for the female if she believed that controlling her partner’s ejaculations improved their relationship and his emotional health? Now, she has strong motivation to assure that he only gets to ejaculate infrequently. Her job is to support their relationship by making sure she retains sexual control.

Even though a number of bloggers occasionally proclaim the value of this sexual therapy, reality is that no one has demonstrated any harm in a male ejaculating as often as he wants. At worst, he may be a little tired. There is some merit in sexual control. Some men masturbate frequently using porn as fodder for their sexual arousal. These males will almost certainly be less focused on real sex with their partners. Orgasm control using a chastity device can refocus them on their partners and away from jerking off. Sadly, it’s unlikely that most of these guys will be interested in male chastity.

The point is that orgasm control and male chastity is a sexual game. That doesn’t mean it can’t have great value for a relationship. It’s done wonders for ours. The benefit didn’t come from curtailing excessive semen flow. It came from building a new kind of sexual communication that restored something Mrs. Lion and I had lost. Nevertheless, even after seven years of playing, it’s still a game. It just happens to be one we don’t plan to ever stop playing.

By:
In: Anal play

It seems that female bloggers, not to mention women’s magazines have a fascination with the male anus. I haven’t done a statistical analysis but my impression is that women writers, both vanilla and kinky, like to talk about pegging. This term refers to using a dildo in a man’s ass for anal sex. Generally, this involves the woman wearing the dildo in a strap-on harness. However, this isn’t required.

Vanilla publications like “Cosmopolitan” refer to pegging as a form of sex play. They don’t ascribe any female dominance to this activity. Many men and some dominant women consider pegging a form of submission for the male. I don’t. After all, I never considered anal sex when my penis did the penetrating as a dominant act. It was just a nice sexual variation.

Of course, when I was doing the fucking, it would end in me having an orgasm. Some of my female partners also came when anally penetrated. If a woman pegs a man and wears a harness, if it is positioned correctly, the dildo will stimulate her clitoris as she fucks her male partner. This can result in a nice orgasm for her.

Most men don’t ejaculate as a result of anal penetration. Some will ejaculate if their partners reach around and masturbate them while they are being pegged. I have never been able to sustain an erection during anal penetration. I suppose I could learn to do it if Mrs. Lion decides to spend more backdoor time with me.

Pegging and other male anal play can be uncomfortable at first. I’ve found that once I “get used” to having something up my ass it can feel good. When we had regular anal play, I grew to enjoy Mrs. Lion visiting me back there. More recently, Mrs. Lion will insert a butt plug and leave it in for a couple of hours. That is a nice warm-up for more active play in the future.

I learned that the best way to “train” for pegging is having a butt plug moved in and out. The change in the shape of the butt plug forces the anus to expand and contract. “Fucking” with the plug helps train the anus to relax and accept the insertion. Getting that anal relaxation is more than half the battle in terms of learning to enjoy being pegged.

Like most everything else, consistency is important in anal education. It takes time to train the muscles to relax for sexual fun. Practice sessions with increasingly larger butt plugs two or three times a week will work wonders to make anal play feel good. When Mrs. Lion was consistently doing this with me, I began to look forward to our practice sessions. I was convinced I would enjoy being pegged.

Mrs. Lion had expressed an interest in pegging me. She didn’t plan to wear a strap-on. She was going to hold the dildo in her hand to fuck me. I wanted to help her. I’m not sure why she stopped training me. I hope she will want to try again. I can’t explain why I do. I don’t think it is because it makes me feel submissive. I have lots of other cues for that. It may be that I like the idea of Mrs. Lion having sex with me in a way that doesn’t get me off. Maybe it is a sort of substitute for the orgasms she no longer wants me to give her. I just don’t know.

It could be curiosity. I wonder if I can actually learn to enjoy anal penetration. Can I actually seek out pegging? I don’t know. This isn’t a major obsession. I only occasionally consider it. Generally, it comes up when I read yet another post or article a woman writes on this subject.

By:
In: Punishment, Lion's Journal, Spanking

So much of spanking and domestic discipline fiction seems to focus on the humiliation of a grown man having his bare bottom spanked. For example, one story talks about a guy who visits the mother of a girl he’s dated. He walks in while she is spanking her husband in the bedroom. He quickly leaves. He hopes he hasn’t been seen. The next time he comes over, the woman lets him know she saw him looking while she beat her husband. He expresses curiosity about being spanked. She asks him if he would like her to spank him. He agrees. She then gives him a very painful spanking. After she finishes she lets him know that unless he proposes to her daughter, she will let everyone know what happened.

It’s a thin plot. It has several elements that seem to be important in spanking fiction: The man gets his first spanking because he’s curious. Sometimes, he gets it because he deliberately gets himself into trouble. Next, the person who spanks him the first time is a female authority figure. She could be an aunt, neighbor, or someone else who he would not expect to be in a disciplinary role with him. Occasionally, his first spanking comes from his sister or one of her friends. The final element is that it’s made clear he will be getting regular spankings from then on.

Creating hot stories about spanking is very easy if you remember those three elements. How about real-life domestic discipline? Is it as predictable? It certainly wasn’t in my case. My first disciplinary spanking came from Mrs. Lion at my request. I had long thought about being in a power exchange where I get spanked when I do something I shouldn’t. I admit that a good part of my desire for this was the fact that I got turned on every time I thought about being spanked on my bare bottom. Over the years prior to being with Mrs. Lion, I had received spankings in BDSM scenes. While I never maintain an erection during those spankings, the memory of them is very arousing.

it isn’t the same unless it’s real

The idea of making them “real” has always been irresistible. I loved the idea of my partner spanking me when she felt I needed it. My thinking about why I got spanked in these fantasies was very thin. My focus was on the humiliation of having to put myself into position to be spanked and the actual spanking itself. I was very good at communicating this information to my lioness. I had very little to offer about the rest of the experience.

It’s taken us a long time to evolve into a true disciplinary relationship. We both had a lot more to learn than I imagined when we started. For one thing, I never considered how difficult it would be for Mrs. Lion to spank me. Sure, we had played and she had made my bottom a little red. She knew I liked it and did it to accommodate me. All of a sudden she was being asked to use that paddle to punish me. It wasn’t a natural step for her to do that.

I had to encourage her a lot. It took a long time (years) for her to get to the point that she could painfully spank me without feeling remorse for hurting me. She’s at that point now, of course. We discuss spanking on a fairly regular basis. I continue to encourage her to be more severe. This not that I like being hurt more and more, it’s that I realize every time she has increased the intensity of her punishment, it’s been more effective in improving my behavior and making me more settled.

It’s hard for me to explain, but after the initial pain dies down, a feeling of being loved and cared for comes over me. This feeling grows in proportion to the severity of my spanking. It’s almost like there’s a connection between feeling the sincerity of my punishment and a deep understanding of how loved I am. Does that make any sense? This happened to me on a much less profound level in the past during BDSM scenes. I always attributed it to high endorphin levels that put me into “sub” space. But that was different. I don’t feel the endorphins after Mrs. Lion punishes me. She makes sure that she is hitting hard enough to stay way ahead of anything that might give me pleasure. No, the feeling is a sense that my world is balanced and right.

My desire for this feeling may have something to do with my wish to get spankings more frequently. When weeks go by without punishment, I miss it. I don’t miss the painful spanking; I’m very sure of that. I miss how I feel afterward. I miss the very deep connection I feel with Mrs. Lion after she disciplines me. I suspect she gets a similar feeling. The reason I say this is because she has expressed feeling unsatisfied giving me a maintenance spanking. I agree with her about that. Somehow, regardless of how hard she spanks me, it doesn’t have the same profound sense of “right” associated with it. Even breaking a trivial rule and then being punished seems to turn on that inner switch that gives me that special feeling.

On fairly rare occasions Mrs. Lion has spanked me more than once in a week. At one point I got two or three spankings a day apart. I forgot what I did to earn it, but it was memorable to receive. As I look back at it I realize that I hated how much it hurt and did not look forward to repeat performances, but I also liked the idea she was doing it. Go figure.

Let’s get the red in

Our most recent spanking conversation was about photography. We are both disappointed that we don’t seem able to record the red color of my bottom after she spanks me. Sure, the purple bruises come out very clearly, but the overall red glow is yet unseen by me or you. She is used both a point-and-shoot camera which optimizes the color of each picture and my Nikon DSLR. The Nikon produces both a JPEG and a camera raw image. The camera raw image has no computer-generated improvements. Nevertheless, I’m still unable to find the red.

I realize that I’ve never been particularly easy to mark. Mrs. Lion’s conveyor belt paddles easily make purple spots. However, even though they’re visible for a day or two after my spanking, they leave no residual pain. The lighter, wooden paddles don’t seem to easily create purple marks. They add the red. They also sting like hell. I stupidly suggested that Mrs. Lion use them much more extensively until she gets a nice deep red. I assume that that is possible. It may be that I just don’t color that way. I am very sure that she will do her best to produce that color. I am also very sure that I will absolutely hate every second of her effort.

From a disciplinary’s perspective, going for the red does make a difference in my post-spanking sensations. I don’t generally feel the purple at all. However, the more of the stinging, paddle swats I receive the more my bottom feels like it is on fire. If Mrs. Lion has been particularly severe, I can feel that burning for hours. I have to admit that I absolutely hate every second she is working on that burn. Those rubber paddles really hurt, but repeated swats with the wood ones are much worse. The longer she keeps it up, the more unhappy I get.

One thing that stops her earlier in the process then she might want is the fact that I start bleeding. The blood seems to come out from invisible cracks in my skin. There is no sore after the spanking. There is absolutely no scab or other trace of a wound. The blood just seems to appear. I’ve read that other people have had similar problems. I suppose if she keeps a few small Band-Aids with her, she can pause for a second or two to cover that spot to prevent the blood from spattering. When this first happened, it was disturbing to us. She took some pictures immediately after the spanking and I enlarged them and could see no sign of any injury. It’s messy but harmless.

I don’t know about Mrs. Lion, but I’m learning a lot as she becomes a more effective disciplinarian. I’m consciously avoiding any opportunity to earn a spanking. I absolutely refuse to do something wrong just to be spanked. I realize that doesn’t make a lot of sense if I also feel it’s good for me to get spanked. However, the point of being disciplined is to teach me. The fact that I refuse to consciously offend is very good evidence that the educational process is successful.

getting hard thinking about a spanking doesn’t make it hurt less

I used to think that I had to separate my erotic feelings about spanking from discipline. I reasoned that if I get turned on by spanking, its value as a educational tool is diminished. It isn’t. The fact that I get aroused thinking about being spanked and actually hope to get a spanking, is a good thing. It helps encourage me to confess to offenses and not resist being spanked when Mrs. Lion decides it’s time to punish me. It’s a weird kind of motivator. What I find most interesting about this is that no matter how hot I think it is to be spanked, the actual experience is awful and I always regret earning it.

We still play spanking games. For example, our football game has me getting two swats for every point either side scores. They are administered during the commercial after the touchdown. Some games have an aggregate of more than 100 points. That means I’ve gotten 200 swats. It’s not the same as being punished. It’s fun and plays into my erotic enjoyment of my bottom being hit. Mrs. Lion does not hold back. She’s learned to hit hard even when we play games.

Somehow on a very deep level I know the difference between play spanking and punishment. I thought it would be intensity. A punishment spanking would be much more intense. I suppose it is. But I’ve gotten purple marks from football play as well as from punishments. I know the difference in my reactions are commensurate with what Mrs. Lion intends. Sure, I yelp and sometimes scream during football swats, but I know they’re for fun and they don’t affect me in the same way punishment does. That’s probably why maintenance spanking doesn’t work for me. It’s like football play. Sure, it hurts, but it has nothing to do with the need to correct me. It’s the process of correcting me for doing something I shouldn’t that provides the secret sauce between punishment and non-punishment spanking.

By:
In: Blogging, Lion's Journal

A recent post by Drew (Drew Duality) struck a chord with me. He wrote about a blogger who became a friend. There was just one problem: he only knew this man by his online name and contact information. Drew’s friend suddenly dropped off the Net. He didn’t respond to messages. Is he alive? Did he get hit by the coronavirus? There was no way to find out.

I have been thinking about this sort of thing for a while. What if something happens to Mrs. Lion and me? None of the people who know us here would have any way of discovering the issue. Did our Internet provider cut us off? Are we sick or worse? If I am the one struck down, will Mrs. Lion be able to manage the blog? I do all the technical stuff now. Will she even think about it? I suppose the same is true if something happened to her. I’m not sure I would be capable of letting you know.

it’s just the Internet

It’s too easy to simply decide that the Internet isn’t real and anybody who knows us there even considers us real people. To a large extent that’s probably true. Most of our readers don’t engage with us as people. We are a source of information and entertainment. If we go away, there are other blogs to read. Some of our readers have made us part of their lives. We love that. I think we owe them a way to know what happened if we suddenly disappear.

Mrs. Lion and I aren’t very social lions. She has some friends from work and prior jobs. I tend to lose contact with people. I was trying to come up with three references in case I find a new job. I’m having trouble doing it. That realization and Drew’s post is a wakeup call for me.

Drew’s solution is to provide social media contact information to people who know his real name and situation. That’s a great thought. My only social media outlet is Twitter (@TheCagedLion). I don’t trust Facebook. I don’t really communicate with folks on Twitter. I should. I have become way too isolated.

My original thought about letting people know if my world ends was to write a postdated post (future publication date). The idea being that I could keep changing the publication date. If anything happened to me/us, eventually the post would publish. It could give real names and other data so that people who cared would be able to figure out what happened to us.

I like Drew’s idea better. All I have to do is find a couple of bloggers who would be willing to become real-life friends. I hope I can do that. I also think I can keep the friendships alive and not withdraw into my comfortable isolation. I don’t think we are antisocial. We are both shy when it comes to people we don’t know well. It’s time that I get over this. I care about you. While our relationship may be one-way, it’s still real. I would like to think that you might want to know what happened if one dark night we are abducted by Republicans.