By:
In: Spanking, Domestic discipline

I love to read what other people have to say about things that interest me. It’s fascinating to read how other men perceive their disciplinary relationships. I’ve noticed that there seem to be two major schools of thought. One focuses on the disciplinary process. Those men write about their fantasies of being scolded and spanked. Some want to be able to cry as part of the process. The other is more about spanking itself. There is a sexual component that makes spanking a hot fantasy. Discipline is part of it, but not what gets the motor running.

I’ve noticed that guys who come from the scold, spank, and cry fantasies are often upset by those of us who get turned on thinking of being spanked. We are often accused of being into BDSM, not domestic discipline. I think that this sort of debate is a product of the Internet. If we met in person and discussed our origins, we would probably find we had a lot in common.

I regularly piss off some of the scold, spank, and cry guys when I refer to sexual fantasies at the root of my interest in DD. Ironically, the same now-defunct website, Disciplinary Wives Club, provided the fodder for both sides of the DD origin story. I went back and read it to see if I could understand what I must have missed years ago. I think I now know.

The site talked about spanking in graphic terms. It discussed exactly how to spank a man, according to the author, Aunt Kay. The explanations were graphic enough to titillate those of us who have eroticized spanking as well as those who dream of disciplinary scenarios. It’s all there. I also think I’m starting to see why the disciplinary scenario guys get so defensive when sex is brought into the mix.

the non-sexual side is much closer to reality

A large percentage of the writing I’ve found on the subject generally has the man about to be spanked being sexually aroused. The text goes on to say that the erection disappears quickly when he feels his bottom being hit. This maps to my initial experiences with domestic discipline. I was aroused when Mrs. Lion told me to get into position for punishment. My erection disappeared less than a minute after she started spanking me. It was my sexual interest in being spanked, coupled with a strong desire to give my wife more power that motivated me to ask her to do this to me.

I didn’t have any fantasies about how the punishment would play out. I never imagined being scolded, though after reading the DWC site, I suggested it to Mrs. Lion. I thought about being made to cry because I read about that too, but I had no strong desire to do that. My initial motivation was to be spanked for a reason, not as part of BDSM play.

From what I read, the disciplinary guys came at DD from a different direction. They seem to have pictured themselves in punishment scenarios where they did something wrong, and their wives took them to account. This process included scolding them and spanking them until they were sorry. The guys who come from this direction almost never write about the spankings they get. They focus on why they are being punished, should others know they are spanked, and behavioral issues that might or might not get them in trouble.

Both sides put spanking at the center of domestic discipline. We agree that spankings need to be severe enough to make us regret our misdeeds. This is where the similarities end. The disciplinary guys want to perfect the process that goes with and after the spanking. We all agree it has to hurt a lot to work. We all agree we need to regret our transgressions and try harder to avoid repeating them. They also want an effective scolding. It’s a key part of their disciplinary fantasy. I don’t need one. All I need is to be aware of why I’m being spanked. Over the years, I’ve learned that my unconscious will steer me in the right direction without my conscious help.

I’m not sure why acknowledging that the idea of being spanked is arousing causes so much distress. I can see why detailed descriptions of the spankings themselves can be less interesting to some. I can’t know what other men feel. It’s absolutely possible that some don’t feel any arousal at the thought of their wives spanking them. I’m not sure my arousal is actually about being spanked as much as it is about submitting to her punishment.

Mrs. Lion’s wise approach to punishing me has removed any fantasy component. I still like the thought of her spanking me. I absolutely don’t get aroused when she wants me to ride the spanking bench. We both agree that domestic discipline is a helpful part of our marriage. When all is said and done, isn’t that enough?

By:
In: Orgasm

Lion finally had an orgasm yesterday afternoon. His last one was 20 days prior. He said it was a long time. I agree, but it wasn’t like I wasn’t trying to get it out of him. I gave him a few opportunities lately. It might have been partially my fault, but I did try.

Giving orgasms is not an exact science. Of course, if you’re a twenty year old guy, it’s pretty much a given that with a fairly minimal amount of stimulation, you’ll have an orgasm. Not so if you’re over 50. If you have any health issues or you’re stressed (who isn’t?), having an orgasm will probably be more difficult. And just because something worked once, doesn’t mean it’s going to work every time. That cute little thing I did with my tongue is not the be all end all every time.

Lion likes to have his balls played with. He likes his balls tied up. He likes when I play with his crack. He told me recently that having his balls tied sometimes makes it more difficult to come. Huh? I thought that turned him on. Well, it does. And then apparently it doesn’t. Maybe there’s a point at which he needs his balls untied in order to get to the promised land. Similarly, yesterday I stopped playing with his crack and just concentrated on tickling his balls when I thought he was getting closer. Is that what did it? I don’t know. I’m not sure he knows. [Lion — I don’t.]

I can’t remember what used to work for me. Characters on TV talk about thinking about certain things to last longer. Obviously, that’s the guys. Female characters say they think about certain celebrities to get them there. I don’t remember thinking about a celebrity or anyone else, for that matter. I don’t know what Lion thinks about, either. [Lion — I’ll never tell.]

I hope it won’t take another 20 days for Lion to have an orgasm. I’ll do my best to help him.

By:
In: Lion's Journal

We bought a new car about a month ago. We paid a lot more than the sticker price because in our area, plug-in hybrids are in demand and in short supply. We’re happy with the new car. The dealer, on the other hand, has been more of a problem.

Car dealerships are organized into different departments. Each one is supposed to get as much of a customer’s money as possible. The first step is the sales department. The deal begins here. Over the decades, car salesmen have become more honest and transparent. The main reason for this is that consumers can easily shop and compare prices online. That doesn’t mean that car salesmen don’t lie. It just means that it is much easier to catch them.

The second department handles trade-ins. It has been made more honest by websites like Kelly’s Bluebook. This is the same company that provides value information to dealers. The “appraisers” will still try to convince you that your car is worth thousands less than you learned online, but it’s pretty easy to get them to give you a more honest appraisal.

The third department is the one that hasn’t changed at all over the years. This is the finance department. After you negotiate the price for the car,  you are sent to the finance office. Inside a “finance manager” is waiting to help you arrange payment and process the necessary documents. At least that’s what they tell you. Actually, the finance manager’s main job is to sell you extras that are very profitable for the dealership.

While the finance manager is filling out the paperwork, he’ll start selling you an extended warranty and a prepaid maintenance plan. If you’ve financed your car, he will give you the interest rate for your loan and try to sell you gap insurance. These items can cost you thousands of dollars.

First, interest rates. Car dealers work with various banks. Before you meet with the finance manager, he will find the bank that offers you the best rate. Well, no, not exactly. He’ll find the cheapest loan and then tack on several percent more. This is how it works. The bank will rebate to the dealer the difference you pay between what the bank offered and what the dealer charged. The bank may have offered a five percent loan. The oh-so-honest finance manager will quote you eleven percent. Often your salesman will give you that quote after consulting with his “manager.”

When you get into the finance manager’s office and complain about the interest rate, he may ask you to wait a few minutes and leave the room. He’ll come back smiling and tell you he convinced the bank to charge you only nine percent. You celebrate. Meanwhile, the truth is that he just earned an additional bunch of money. The smart thing for you to do is arrange your financing yourself through your bank or credit union. You’ll save a fortune. Dealers hate that.

By the way, salesmen and finance managers avoid quoting the price of the car. Instead, they tell you what your low monthly cost is. This is sort of useful since that’s the number you have to decide if you can afford. It’s also a sneaky way to make the add-ons that are coming sound cheaper.

Next, the finance manager will try to sell you gap insurance. This is a policy that covers your loan if you total your car or if it’s stolen. Your insurance will only pay the fair market value of your car. Until you’ve paid off a good part of your loan, that won’t be enough to cover how much you will still owe the bank. The car dealer will mark up the gap insurance like crazy. For example, the dealer quoted me $900 for gap insurance (only $12 a month more–ha!). I bought it from my bank for $400.

You will get a heart-to-heart talk about the cost of fixing your car after the warranty expires. The finance manager will tell you horror stories of replacement computers, engines, etc. He will then say that for only $65 a month, you can get a protection plan from the car company that will cover you for 100,000 miles. Wow! In our case, since we had our own financing, he was forced to give us the actual price, $6,000. I turned it down.

Since our particular car is a new model with super-expensive components, I wanted the protection plan but couldn’t afford such a high price. I searched online and found that other dealers charged $3,850 for the same product. My dealer was being incredibly greedy. I let the dealer know what I had learned, and the price dropped. When the actual contract arrived, it wasn’t for the factory plan. It was an extended warranty from an insurance company that was nowhere near as good. After another angry round of calls and emails, I got what I had paid for.

The cherry on the shit cake was the maintenance agreement. This is a prepaid maintenance program. The idea is that you pay upfront for the required services for the car and save money. Wrong. The finance manager told me that I would get service every 6,000 miles or six months for 100,000 miles or eight years. The first three years of service are free; included with the car’s purchase. I asked how much each service cost and did the math. It seemed fair and I bought it.

When he emailed me the contract and I had a chance to read the owner’s manual, it turned out that we would get an oil change only once a year. Doing the math again, I learned that I would be paying $500 per oil change. Everyone else pays $200.  I canceled that agreement.

The so-called finance managers receive a large commission for overcharging customers for these things. It can add up to over a thousand dollars for a single deal. Finance managers take advantage of our inability to shop for many of the things they sell.

Our ever-so-honest dealer did one other shady thing: they added on an “anti-theft” product to every car they sell. They charge $400 for this item. They put it on the car’s sticker, so it looks like an option you have to buy with the car. It isn’t. I searched Consumer Reports and learned that dealer add-ons like this aren’t the same as installed options. You don’t have to pay for them even if the dealer can’t remove them.

This so-called anti-theft package consisted of etching the VIN number on a few sheet metal parts of the car and came with an “insurance” policy that pays $5,000 if the car is stolen and not recovered. Stupid. I’m very sure the dealer pays less than $100 for this little gem. I made the dealer refund the $400. They didn’t argue with me. I think they know what they are doing is wrong.

If you have a bad experience buying a car, feel free to review it and let others know. Dealers are very sensitive about the reviews they get from consumers. If you buy a new car, you will get a survey from JD Powers to fill out. Your salesman will tell you about it and offer you free floor mats or something to give him all “excellent” marks. Dealer incentives from car companies are often based on these surveys. Needless to say, my review was less than wonderful.

I reviewed the dealership on Google, Yelp, and DealRater. I was honest and gave them two stars. Within a day, I got a call from the dealer’s general manager asking what he could do to “make things right.” He said that he wanted to make me happy so I could improve my review. OK, I told him about all of the stuff I had trouble with. He fixed every single thing. I improved my review. It turns out that customers aren’t exactly helpless, even after getting a bad deal.

By:
In: Masturbation, Living with chastity

I must be missing something. Lion wants to know why I think his masturbating is such a big deal. Um. Isn’t that what male chastity is about? I mean, sure it’s about locking him up, but the purpose of that is to keep his hands off. If he can’t touch, he can’t masturbate. I am in charge of any sex he gets. I realize he no longer wants to masturbate. He’s not even sure if he can anymore. Recently, he decided if I have such a fervent reaction to his masturbating, it must mean that he should not be allowed to touch himself at all.

We’ve been over this too. I don’t mind if he touches himself. He needs to adjust things from time to time. I know his hand wanders to play with his favorite toy. I’m fine with that. I mean, I’m fine now. Initially, when he was wild, I didn’t think he should touch himself at all. Obviously, that couldn’t work. He did need to avoid sitting on his balls and maneuver himself to be comfortable. Not being allowed to touch was unreasonable. I changed the rule from minor touching to touching up to orgasm not too long ago.

I guess the better question is why does Lion think masturbating shouldn’t be a big deal? He’s said he doesn’t want to masturbate. Again, he’s not even sure he could. Why should it matter if it’s a rule or not? Well, now it’s no longer a rule. Would I prefer he didn’t masturbate? Of course. Can he now masturbate if he wants to? Sure. Is that better, Lion?

Another “issue” is the cage. He says if I don’t want him to masturbate then I must not want him to touch himself at all. Therefore, he needs to be caged. Again, I never said he couldn’t touch himself at all. I guess in Lion’s black and white world, he either touches or doesn’t. However, he says he likes being wild much better than being locked up. I’ve never liked fighting with the cages or the need to stop what I wanted to do just to unlock him, so there’s no love lost there. I thought we were good without the cage. Yup, sometimes I don’t play with him as often as I should. I don’t think the cage really changes that. Except, of course, for the reluctance to unlock him because it means I’ll only have to fight with the cage to get him locked again. It has been much easier this past time.

Now for the biggest question of all: if he’s not locked up and he’s allowed to masturbate, can what we do really be called male chastity anymore? At that point, isn’t it just marriage. He doesn’t want to masturbate. I trust him not to cheat with other women because he’s told me he won’t cheat with other women. I’ve told him the same thing. With men, although for the record, it holds true for women too. I assume it holds true for men with him too.

I’m not saying we stop doing what we’ve been doing. We don’t need to call it anything different. I don’t think we ever really called it enforced male chastity. I never thought of it that way. Actually, I never thought of it any way other than my controlling when he gets an orgasm. The whole tantric idea never occurred to me. You either have sex or you don’t. There’s no stopping in the middle unless an issue comes up.

Anyway, I propose we don’t use the cage and Lion is allowed to masturbate if he wants to. I agree to still do what I’m supposed to do and play with him at least every other night unless one of us is sick, injured, etc. I’m not giving it a new, or old, name. To paraphrase one of Lion’s most hated phrases, “it is whatever it is.”