Domestic Discipline: Which Side Are You On?

I love to read what other people have to say about things that interest me. It’s fascinating to read how other men perceive their disciplinary relationships. I’ve noticed that there seem to be two major schools of thought. One focuses on the disciplinary process. Those men write about their fantasies of being scolded and spanked. Some want to be able to cry as part of the process. The other is more about spanking itself. There is a sexual component that makes spanking a hot fantasy. Discipline is part of it, but not what gets the motor running.

I’ve noticed that guys who come from the scold, spank, and cry fantasies are often upset by those of us who get turned on thinking of being spanked. We are often accused of being into BDSM, not domestic discipline. I think that this sort of debate is a product of the Internet. If we met in person and discussed our origins, we would probably find we had a lot in common.

I regularly piss off some of the scold, spank, and cry guys when I refer to sexual fantasies at the root of my interest in DD. Ironically, the same now-defunct website, Disciplinary Wives Club, provided the fodder for both sides of the DD origin story. I went back and read it to see if I could understand what I must have missed years ago. I think I now know.

The site talked about spanking in graphic terms. It discussed exactly how to spank a man, according to the author, Aunt Kay. The explanations were graphic enough to titillate those of us who have eroticized spanking as well as those who dream of disciplinary scenarios. It’s all there. I also think I’m starting to see why the disciplinary scenario guys get so defensive when sex is brought into the mix.

the non-sexual side is much closer to reality

A large percentage of the writing I’ve found on the subject generally has the man about to be spanked being sexually aroused. The text goes on to say that the erection disappears quickly when he feels his bottom being hit. This maps to my initial experiences with domestic discipline. I was aroused when Mrs. Lion told me to get into position for punishment. My erection disappeared less than a minute after she started spanking me. It was my sexual interest in being spanked, coupled with a strong desire to give my wife more power that motivated me to ask her to do this to me.

I didn’t have any fantasies about how the punishment would play out. I never imagined being scolded, though after reading the DWC site, I suggested it to Mrs. Lion. I thought about being made to cry because I read about that too, but I had no strong desire to do that. My initial motivation was to be spanked for a reason, not as part of BDSM play.

From what I read, the disciplinary guys came at DD from a different direction. They seem to have pictured themselves in punishment scenarios where they did something wrong, and their wives took them to account. This process included scolding them and spanking them until they were sorry. The guys who come from this direction almost never write about the spankings they get. They focus on why they are being punished, should others know they are spanked, and behavioral issues that might or might not get them in trouble.

Both sides put spanking at the center of domestic discipline. We agree that spankings need to be severe enough to make us regret our misdeeds. This is where the similarities end. The disciplinary guys want to perfect the process that goes with and after the spanking. We all agree it has to hurt a lot to work. We all agree we need to regret our transgressions and try harder to avoid repeating them. They also want an effective scolding. It’s a key part of their disciplinary fantasy. I don’t need one. All I need is to be aware of why I’m being spanked. Over the years, I’ve learned that my unconscious will steer me in the right direction without my conscious help.

I’m not sure why acknowledging that the idea of being spanked is arousing causes so much distress. I can see why detailed descriptions of the spankings themselves can be less interesting to some. I can’t know what other men feel. It’s absolutely possible that some don’t feel any arousal at the thought of their wives spanking them. I’m not sure my arousal is actually about being spanked as much as it is about submitting to her punishment.

Mrs. Lion’s wise approach to punishing me has removed any fantasy component. I still like the thought of her spanking me. I absolutely don’t get aroused when she wants me to ride the spanking bench. We both agree that domestic discipline is a helpful part of our marriage. When all is said and done, isn’t that enough?