One side effect of a full-time kink is that so-called normal stuff seems exotic and odd. It’s one thing if your kink is confined to sessions complete with toys and role play. That sort of thing is always exotic to me. We don’t do that. Orgasm control and domestic discipline are routine. I can’t imagine ejaculating on my own. We are in our eighth year of orgasm control. In that time, not one ejaculation occurred that wasn’t provided by my lioness.

Every so often, when I read comments to posts on various blogs, I get an insight into how the “other half” lives. Guys write about jerking off. They are proud when they hold off for a few days. That’s kinky! Imagine that a guy getting himself off because he decides he wants to ejaculate. Wow!

I realize that most of the planet would think that our disciplinary marriage is odd. It breaks two taboos: The first is that the man is supposed to be in charge in a Western marriage. The second is that Mrs. Lion spanks me as needed. Both are beyond kinky here in the US.

Even couples who spank their spouses do it in an obviously sexual context. All you need to do is read the so-called contracts they write. The spanked partner creates a contract that specifies the conditions under which he or she will be punished. Generally, there is a lot of sex included in the language.

OK, I’m drawn to being spanked because the idea of my lioness spanking me is a turn-on. It’s that attraction to it that got us started. It also encouraged me to help Mrs. Lion get stricter. At some point, domestic discipline became a routine part of our relationship. There is no fanfare, no fancy scolding, and no punishment underwear. Mrs. Lion brings out our spanking bench and tells me to get into position. Without another word, she spanks me. I have no idea what paddles she is using. My job is to remain in position. Period.

When she is done, she tells me to get up. If I bled a little too much, she might rub antiseptic cream on my bottom and spread a towel on the bed. That’s it. She isn’t interested if I was turned on or not. Usually, we don’t discuss it. Sometimes she will take a picture before I get up. Spanking isn’t an event any more than dinner. It’s a normal part of our lives.

I would have never guessed that orgasm control and domestic discipline would become routine. Before we started, they seemed like very hot and exotic kinks. Chastity devices and paddle shopping added to the excitement. I do occasionally buy a new paddle for Mrs. Lion. The first time she uses it, I regret my purchase. The point is that eventually, even the most extreme kink will become routine if consistently practiced. I’m happy that’s what happened to us. So, I think, is Mrs. Lion.

Technology has always fascinated me. I’ve discovered some amazing tools that help me become a better writer. The newest version of Microsoft Outlook and Word has intelligent text prediction. It’s almost supernatural. For example, I wrote an email to my friend, Mike. I wrote the body of the message and then realized that I didn’t put in a salutation. I went to the top and started to type, “Hi Mike.” I got as far as the “H” in Hi. The text prediction filled in the rest. It analyzed the email I was replying to and figured out who I would be greeting. Holy shit!

It’s even spookier in Word. It tries to complete about 75% of my sentences. It’s right more than half the time. There’s AI that is learning how I write. Wow! I have another AI helper. I subscribe to Grammarly. This service provides copy editing and proofing for my writing. It works in real-time and is right a scary amount of the time. All of our posts are reviewed in Grammarly. It is a great helper. That service doesn’t run on our computers. We connect to the service, and their servers provide the horsepower.

The Microsoft features didn’t show up on my old computer. It was a six-year-old four-core PC. We replaced our computers last fall. My new one is an eight-core, 64GB ram. It easily supports all this cool stuff. Mrs. Lion’s computer is similar.

blue jam

We finished the blueberry jam. Yesterday morning we tried this new crop. It was wonderful. The technique has a very short cooking time that allows some whole berries to make it through the jam-making process. We use our circulating pump (sous vide) to create a 180° bath that pasteurizes the jam without overcooking. We now have enough for another year, and some left over we can use as gifts.

To the very edge

Mrs. Lion teased me on Monday night. Her oral ministrations quickly brought me to the very edge. I thought she was going to give me an orgasm. Nope, she didn’t. The session was very unusual. It’s been a very long time that she has been able to get me that close so quickly. I’m delighted. Well, last night, I was just frustrated. I’m hoping that I will continue to be that responsive. It’s fun for both of us when I am.

I’ve noticed that male chastity is so strongly integrated into our marriage that it doesn’t come up in conversation anymore. We both accept that my lioness decides when I get sexual fun. No matter how horny I am, I don’t expect relief. She decides. I am grateful. This particular power exchange is very positive for our marriage. One of the leading causes of marital conflict is sex. Because male chastity is a game I started, my frustration doesn’t make me angry or resentful. It’s an expected part of our play.

It seems that if we consciously agree on how sex works for us, there is no conflict. I may get grumpy. I can’t get too grumpy, or I won’t just be frustrated; I’ll also have a blistered bottom. We have a self-correcting system that works.

Between the jam-making and the puppy, Mrs. Lion hasn’t spanked me yet. I’m not complaining. I’m happy. However, she let me know that she hasn’t forgotten that she owes me one. I haven’t forgotten either. My bottom will be blistered soon.

Like most things that get discussed endlessly on the Internet, male chastity has its share of debates over terminology. Some guys think the term only applies to wearing a locked chastity device. Others claim you have to wait a certain amount of time for an orgasm before it counts. The problem with forums and blogs is that they are fertile ground for stretching topics to the absurd.

In the old days (ten years ago), the big debate was over inescapable devices. If you could get your penis out of the male chastity device, it was ineffective. The elephant in the room was that the men trying to escape either asked to be locked up or locked themselves up. If the male wants to be locked in a male chastity device, why in the world would he try to escape? Dumb, right?

Guys seem to have gotten smarter in recent years. As we’ve written here, the most important attributes a male chastity device can have are comfort and erection suppression. To be effective, you have to wear the device 24/7 without irritation or too much discomfort. If you need to put lube under the base ring, it is too small.

1-inch long jail bird
The short Jail Bird cage keeps my urethra centered in the front opening of the male chastity device.

I added a third quality that I need to make wearing a device tolerable: the ability to pee without making a mess. This is a difficult design problem for device makers. It’s fairly easy to design and manufacture male chastity devices that are comfortable and prevent erections. It’s much harder to allow normal urination.

Over the years, I’ve discovered that if the penis cage or tube is short enough to assure that the urethra is always centered over the hole in the front of the device, peeing is effortless, even at a urinal. There are two ways to guarantee this. The easiest is to get the cage short enough so that even a post-ocean swim weenie remains in full contact with the front of the device. That means the cage/tube is very short. My Jail Bird Cage is only one inch long. My penis will comfortably fit in a cage just slightly longer than the head of my penis. The diameter of the cage needs to be very close to the actual diameter of your flaccid penis. My soft cock is 1-1/2 inches in diameter. The cage is 1-1/4.

evotion orion Ring to hold penis head in place
The Evotion Orion has a molded-in ring to keep the head from slipping back.

The second way this can be done is with the cage or tube having an internal ring just below the head. This ring “catches” on the groove below the head and keeps the urethra in contact with its hole. The Evotion Orion male chastity device has this feature. There is a drawback to this. I’ve gotten a sore on the head of my penis where it hits this ring. This happened twice. The Evotion people didn’t offer to try to fix this issue. I don’t know if other guys have had similar problems.

Do you have to wear a male chastity device to be practicing male chastity? The terminology nazis claim that you have to wear a device. Without a device, you are practicing “orgasm control.” I disagree. Orgasm control is the activity associated with male chastity. The entire point of both is that the owner of the penis does not get to decide when it will ejaculate. Mrs. Lion decides when I get to come. I do not have a vote.

The principal reason a male chastity device is needed is to prevent male masturbation. Since the keyholder can’t physically supervise her chaste male 24/7 unless locked up, he can secretly jerk off. Wearing a male chastity device discourages sneaky jerk-offs. I wore a device 24/7 for three years. Mrs. Lion told me that I’m not allowed to masturbate, ever. The more-than-thousand-days of losing access to my penis successfully trained me not even to try. I haven’t jerked off since January 2014.

Mrs. Lion doesn’t keep me locked in a chastity device now. I don’t think I could get myself off even if I wanted to. No matter how close to an orgasm she brings me, I never try to finish myself. She has total control. It’s automatic. My orgasms belong completely to her. We don’t even think about it anymore. That is real Male Chastity.

Do you remember when you began? Began what? Being different, of course. Our marriage changed when we started playing with male chastity. It was a sex game designed to amplify my desire, to make me desperate for relief. It gave Mrs. Lion control over any sexual pleasure I might get. It was exciting for me. Mrs. Lion had fun.

In the beginning, it was easy to imagine that this sexual power exchange could be a new lifestyle that would somehow give my lioness a new sense of power and satisfaction. People like to extrapolate new experiences into massively significant discoveries. Sure, for a while, it was an amazing feeling surrendering sexual control to my lioness.

Over the years, that feeling faded. We continue the practice. I haven’t owned a single ejaculation since 2014. It’s still fun for Mrs. Lion. She likes bringing me to the edge of orgasm and frustrating me. On some level, she is happy knowing that she owns every single ejaculation I have. I like it too for a different reason.

I no longer feel desperate for her to keep going just a few seconds more. I wait for my turn to come. If it isn’t today, I mentally shrug and wait for tomorrow. I’ve accepted her absolute control of my sexual pleasure. It doesn’t make me feel submissive. It’s just the way things are.

After a while, the inherent excitement of this power exchange goes away. It doesn’t mean that it loses its value. Orgasm control becomes a natural part of our relationship. We both take it for granted. Sex isn’t a reward. It isn’t withheld when I piss her off. Sex is an organic part of who we are. Unless one of us is not feeling well, Mrs. Lion will tease me as close to the edge as she can get me. When she decides it’s time for me to ejaculate, she keeps going.

There is no schedule. She doesn’t seem to have a certain number of days I have to wait before she lets me come. If she can get me very close, she may consider getting me off within the next few days. Or, she may not. Right now, it seems that the combination of my ability to get very close and her interest in giving me release is about once every two weeks.

That doesn’t mean she won’t make me wait longer. Sometimes, she will get me off sooner. It’s organic. Mrs. Lion decides based on my level of heat and her interest in relieving my frustration. It’s almost instinctive. Release lives in its own world. It comes when it comes. I have no control over it. Mrs. Lion doesn’t see her role as domination. She keeps me interested and occasionally satisfied.

We no longer need chastity hardware. I can’t imagine getting off on my own. No matter how close to the edge she drives me, I never think about finishing the job myself. We don’t talk about this very often. Sometimes she will tease me about being horny. Usually, neither of us mentions it. She likes it when I tell her I’m horny. I usually don’t. I’m going to work harder to let her know.

If you are new to all this, I imagine you find it hard to believe how it changed for us. I don’t think I could have predicted this outcome. Both of us figured that I would grow tired of the game, and we would stop. After a while, it was clear that orgasm control became a habit. Sometimes I do get tired of it. I’m sure Mrs. Lion gets tired of teasing me. It doesn’t matter. It’s sex for us. We don’t think it is a big deal. It’s our mating behavior. It’s all we know.