By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity

In some ways, we can be our own worst enemies when it comes to being submissive. A great deal of the submissive mystique centers around the pleasure our dominant partner gets from subjugating us. In reality, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Dominance is a service. It takes work to support the power exchange. For example, Mrs. Lion has to go to considerable trouble to keep me locked in a chastity device.

Sexual activity is no longer organic. There is always hardware between her and my penis. That’s just the physical part. There is also the emotional burden of owning the responsibility of initiating sexual contact. On top of that, she works hard to make sure that she is fulfilling my submissive sexual fantasy.

You could argue that in a vanilla sexual relationship, I would be the one doing that work. After all, the man is expected to initiate sex. It’s not “natural” for the woman to do it. Never mind the fact that study after study shows that a healthy majority of men find it difficult, if not impossible, to be the sexual initiators.

Sometimes I think that my inability to initiate might be the root cause of Mrs. Lion’s loss of interest in sex. Early in our blog’s history she wrote of her extreme frustration with my expectation that she would initiate sexual contact. She wrote that if I would initiate, the more romantic, she would be interested in sex. I tried. I did the best I could. It didn’t work for either of us.

I’ve had secret fears that one day a supra-masculine guy would come along and sweep her off her feet. She would be overcome with sexual desire as he forcefully and romantically seduced her. Intellectually, I know that’s not true. Emotionally, I’m just waiting for that to happen.

And a deep, dark level I still believe that there something wrong with me that expresses itself in my need for me to be controlled by my mate. I know that I’m far from alone in this desire. Knowing that just doesn’t help. So much focus is placed nowadays on the way that our male -controlled society makes it difficult for women to succeed. I think that this stereotype makes it difficult for men like me to feel good about our desire for feminine control.

I spent most of my adult life in the BDSM community as a dominant male. I have firsthand knowledge of just how much work it is to top someone. Contrary to the fantasies, being the top is a service. The fantasy is that the submissive partner provides valuable, selfless service to the top. By and large that’s an illusion. The so-called services provided would be freely given in a vanilla relationship. I’ve written about that before.

My dominant partner, Mrs. Lion, puts in a great deal of effort to make me happy. I have no illusion that she can’t wait to get home in order to punish me. I know that all the sex she does with me is completely for my benefit. She isn’t interested in sex for herself. Being my disciplinary wife and keyholder is nothing but work for her. I’m pretty sure this is the case for most women in dominant roles.

That doesn’t mean they aren’t happy to do this extra work. I think Mrs. Lion is glad she has the power to make me happy. After all, she loves me. My point is that being my keyholder and disciplinary wife are acts of love. She’s accommodating needs that I have. I like to think of myself surrendering control to her; a profound gift. The fact of the matter is that the real gift is coming from her to me. She is letting me live out my submissive desires.

Put simply, she is selflessly giving me the gift of her dominance.

By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments, Punishment, Spanking

Lion’s tummy was bothering him after dinner last night. I was waiting for it to calm down so I could whomp him and then we were watching television. About 10 he asked if I wanted to snuggle. I took this as an opportunity to unlock him and play before we actually snuggled.

A month or so ago, he said maybe we could try playing before snuggling. I guess it was a sort of lioness-takes-charge thought. Unfortunately, Lion wasn’t really in the mood to get very far. Maybe it was his tummy. Maybe it was the late hour. In any case, we wound up snuggling anyway.

We both know I owe him a lot of swats. A lot. I think he’s still got two food spills and a forgotten punishment day on the books. He can’t really afford to make any more mistakes before those are taken care of. One could argue that I should have punished him even though he didn’t feel well. I’ve always taken the position that we don’t have to play if either of us is under the weather. Punishment should be that way too. It’s not like he didn’t feel like being swatted. He wasn’t being obstinate. I would have swatted him if he was. I would have added another punishment to the list too.

We’ll try again tonight. No harm, no foul. Those swats aren’t going anywhere. They’ll be waiting when he’s ready.

By:
In: Penis size, Lion's Journal

Sometimes I think I spend way too much time thinking about my penis. I’m wearing a chastity device that makes it impossible for me to have an erection. This is been my norm for six years. I wonder if I’ve forgotten how to be spontaneously physically aroused.

Mentally, I’m as horny as ever. I have sexual thoughts and imagine scenarios with Mrs. Lion. These thoughts do not result in pressure inside my chastity device. Even when I’m not wearing it, physical arousal without touching is extremely rare. What got me thinking about this was that when I woke up this morning my penis was trying to get hard inside its cage. I’m sure it’s what’s commonly known as morning wood. I wasn’t having any sexy thoughts or dreams and the attempted erection persisted for a few minutes after I was fully awake.

I’m well aware of this physiological phenomenon. It’s a way the body has to assure that its reproductive equipment is functional. I admit thinking that it would have been much more fun having morning wood if I weren’t locked up. It is good to know the equipment is working. That really isn’t an issue with me. Mrs. Lion unlocks me and teases me almost every day. Currently, the longest I’ve stayed in the cage without being unlocked is three or four days.

That doesn’t mean I’m a chastity brat. My unlocks are accompanied by edging and then I get relocked when I calm down. Mrs. Lion, I believe, finds my chastity device to be an inconvenience. She likes my penis to be available for her attention whenever she wants to play with it. She knows that I’m trained not to masturbate. I, on the other hand, like wearing a chastity device. I enjoy the sense of bondage. I also like knowing that I have no choice when it comes to being stimulated. I think about sex more often when I’m locked up. The chastity device, while so comfortable I barely realize it’s there, sends a strong sexual message to me.

There’s one rather important thing I learned about penis maintenance. The mechanism that gets us erect depends on blood flowing into spongy tissue inside the penis. Over time, especially when we are prevented from getting hard, this spongy tissue becomes more difficult to fill. This can result in less-than-fully-hard erections. Fortunately there’s an easy way to prevent this. Viagra, now available in an inexpensive generic form, works by improving blood flow in the penis. From what I’ve read, regular use of the drug along with stimulation that gets the penis erect, help prevent this. Men have reported an increase in penis size of up to an inch when they use the drug.

It turns out that is perfectly normal that our erections become smaller as we age. This is due to the tissue being less able to accept the blood flow that inflates it. Apparently, Viagra will help restore the tissue closer to its earlier size.  I’ve noticed that my erections seem to be stronger since I’ve been using the drug.

It’s not necessary to take the tablets every time, nor is it necessary to have frequent, unrestrained erections. However, depending on your individual physiology and mental state, it makes good sense to have some augmented erections on a regular schedule. I am not suggesting that ejaculation is required. It’s not.

I’ve never been particularly concerned about the size of my penis. I think I’m average. I started this research because I get questions from time to time about whether enforced male chastity will cause the penis to shrink. Initially, I rejected that concept out of hand. After doing some reading, I realized that it’s perfectly normal for us to lose an inch or more in erect size over time. As far as I could learn, there is no information about how wearing a chastity device might affect loss of size.

That’s not surprising. Enforced male chastity is a relatively small kink and probably never shows up on sexual researchers’ radar screens. The “use it or lose it” concept probably applies to penises the same way it does to most everything else. Fortunately, it’s very easy to provide penis exercise without violating our chastity.

Regardless of whether you are kept in chastity by a keyholder or you lock yourself up, there’s no reason why scheduled “exercise” can’t be included in the chastity regimen. Unfortunately, there is no scientific information about how often a penis must get hard in order to stay toned. I suggest that at minimum, one erection session a week makes sense as a basic minimum. If that session can be accompanied with an erectile drug (Please consult with your physician before attempting), you’re very likely to avoid excessive loss of size.

Apparently, chastity device or no chastity device, erectile drug or not, there will be some loss of size over time. The penile tissue simply ages and loses flexibility. It’s possible to minimize this loss. I’m very lucky that Mrs. Lion gives me lots of exercise.

By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments

Since we didn’t get much sleep Sunday night, we were pretty crapped out Monday night. I was achy too so that didn’t help. I didn’t even feel up to whomping Lion’s butt. I just cooked dinner and we vegetated in front of the TV.

Tonight is a different story. I’ll need to administer at least one set of punishment swats. I’ll never get caught up if I keep taking days off. He’ll forget why he’s being punished.

Lion says the last series of swats I give him are definitely harder than the quicker swats. I don’t think I started off trying to make them harder. I’m not sure they were when I first started doing it. They may have evolved into being harder. I guess it’s sort of the “pinch to grow an inch” swat at the end of birthday spankings, except these are not intended to help him grow an inch. Initially I think I did it to signal the end of the punishment. It still serves that purpose but I’m not sure when or why I made them harder.

It’s funny to me when Lion says I’m doing something differently and he’s sure it means this or that. Mostly I’m just doing things. A lot of it is trying different things to see what works best for both of us. Maybe the way I’m holding the paddle is hurting my hand and Lion will say I’ve developed a new technique. Well, maybe I did but I didn’t do it consciously. Conversely, sometimes I do make a change on purpose and ask him if he noticed and he didn’t.

Or it could be that he liked something I did and I have no idea what I did. I hate those moments because he really liked it and I can’t duplicate it. This usually happens with blow jobs. I change rhythms and tongue positions so often I never know what the “it” movement was. Oh well. I’ll just have to keep trying.