By:
In: Sex, Lion's Journal, Masturbation

In case you wondered, the mysterious sore on my penis seems to be almost healed (Click here to see the healing progress). I still have absolutely no idea how I did it. There aren’t a lot of possibilities. Since I’m naked almost all the time, and I haven’t used a public restroom, or for that matter even our bathroom, while dressed, it’s not a zipper injury. I’m very sure I would have noticed if it were. I’m assuming that I scratched myself with a sharp nail when going to the bathroom. One good thing about being trained not to stimulate myself sexually is that I’m sure I didn’t get it as a result of masturbating.

A few days ago, I wrote about my thought that the chastity device isn’t necessary to stop a masturbation habit. I got quite a few comments that agreed with a very big but. That qualification was that when horny and bored, jerking off was difficult to avoid. I agree, it can be. This brings us back to a very interesting observation: the difference between “can’t” and “won’t”.

When I’m locked in a chastity device, I can’t play with myself. I can’t even get hard. It’s true that I could escape from the device, but that requires a lot more trouble than I’m willing to go to. There’s something really hot about being unable to reach the penis and stimulate it. If I am a wild, it’s available for me to fondle. I can get hard and jerk off. I don’t because I’ve been trained not to. But I can with no real difficulty. In this case I won’t play with myself.

I think it’s very hot to be locked in a chastity device. It’s most exciting when I’m horny and I can feel my penis pressing against the bars as it strains to get erect. I know that I can’t express sexual feelings. Instead of being bored and horny, I am excited, frustrated, and horny. The presence of the locked device reminds me that I have no ability to get myself off.

It comes down to the same thing, of course. In either case I don’t get off. When I’m wearing chastity device, not getting off is a fun effect of my penis bondage. When I’m wild, not getting off is a not-so-fun result of my training. I remain bored and horny. Exercising the willpower instilled by my training isn’t particularly fun for me. I don’t feel tempted and victorious by overcoming the temptation. I just don’t try. So, I’m left bored and horny.

I think it’s safe to say that masturbation as a temporary cure for boredom isn’t the most healthy thing in the world. It’s a very typical behavior among primates in captivity. We’ve all seen monkeys jerking off frantically and frequently in the zoo. It’s a pleasant primate pastime. Even in the wild, many animals masturbate now and then.

It’s even okay for married humans, if the female mate allows it. Jerking off is a legitimate pressure release in situations where partner sex is unavailable. In fact, some wives encourage it as a way of reducing their need to have sex with their husbands. We all know that it’s rare when both partners have the same level of interest in sex. The partner who wants more sex can be encouraged to masturbate as a way of balancing sexual needs.

I don’t agree with that idea at all. If there is a difference in sexual desire, I think it should be recognized and discussed. Mrs. Lion doesn’t want sex for herself. She also never wants me to masturbate. So, she’s done the reasonable thing: She masturbates me. I don’t do it myself. Because we have a sexual power exchange, she restricts how often she gets me off as a way of expressing her control.

Let’s say that we didn’t have this chastity power exchange. Then, she would stimulate me regularly and frequently enough to keep me satisfied. I doubt that she would do it every day, even if I wanted it. But, she would jerk me off several times a week to make sure I was sexually satisfied. The mechanism of enforced male chastity simplifies the process. I understand that I’m supposed to be frustrated and horny much of the time. I know that when she chooses to give me an orgasm, I’m grateful and appreciate it.

There is a very big difference between a hand job from Mrs. Lion and me rubbing one out. When it’s her hand, we are having sex. Yes, she is masturbating me, but because my mate is providing the stimulation, it’s partner sex. Anything she does that stimulates my penis and possibly allows me to ejaculate is partner sex. Intercourse is only one form of it. We have only had vaginal intercourse once since  January 2016. About 25% of my orgasms are oral. Virtually all of the teasing and 75% of my orgasms are produced by her hands. Normal sex for me is a hand job.

I’m not complaining. I’m very satisfied-if-horny, most of the time. It’s been this way for almost 6 years. I realize that most other couples have more sexual variety. That doesn’t change the premise at all. 100% of my orgasms are produced one way or another by my lioness. She chooses to use her hand to do it almost all the time. If your partner prefers you to get off through intercourse, that’s fine. The key is that all sex is provided by your mate. If she isn’t available to provide it, you don’t get it.

That’s the hard part. She’s sick or she’s out of town or she’s angry or she’s tired. She isn’t available to get you off. In my world, that means I don’t get off. It’s as simple as that. If you happen to be practicing enforced male chastity, you should be willing to wait as long as it’s necessary for an orgasm. If you’re not, you may believe that since she can’t (or won’t) get you off, you have a perfect right to jerk off.

Male chastity may appear to be a very strange kink. I can see that. It forcefully teaches a critical lesson in sexual happiness. Those of us locked in chastity devices do not expect to get ourselves off. We’ve surrendered that right to our mates. It doesn’t matter how horny we get, we can’t take matters into our own hands. After being locked up a number of years, I’ve been trained so that I won’t take matters into my own hands no matter how desperate I am.

My sexual dependency has improved our relationship. I am sexually faithful in every sense. Mrs. Lion knows that she alone provides me with sexual relief. She sees this as both an expression of my love and a responsibility to me. On the deepest, most intimate level, she owns my penis. Because we practice enforced male chastity, her ownership is defined by explicit agreement. We both know that I can’t ejaculate unless she stimulates me.

Before we started all this, she believed that was the case. She had no idea that I masturbated. When she found out that I did, it bothered her. I think the reason it did was that she learned that she wasn’t my only source of sexual pleasure. A few times a week I provided myself with what she believed was hers. At the time I thought that was a bit odd. She jerked me off and occasionally gave me oral sex about once a month. I couldn’t believe that she thought that was enough for me. Our “chastity talk” exposed all this and established ground rules for regular teasing and occasional ejaculation.

If we didn’t have that talk, I’m pretty sure that I would become more and more frustrated and she would have withdrawn from me further. I wonder how many couples actually talk about their sex lives. I wonder if couples practicing enforced male chastity stop discussing it as well. I think that the best, most-satisfying sexual relationships are the result of conscious planning and execution. The idea that sex should be spontaneous is a cop out. Thanks to our blog, Mrs. Lion and I regularly learn about each other’s sexual status and interest. Speaking of which, I sure wish she were here now to play with me.

By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments, Punishment

I had some evil thoughts last night I didn’t share with Lion yet. I wanted to save it for my post. One of the thoughts he’ll like. The other, not so much.

If you’d followed us along our journey, you know that Lion is notoriously difficult to bruise when I spank him. I’ve done it. It just requires focused swats and a lot of them. I’ve even drawn blood that way. I’m not sure my idea will yield any more bruising, but I was thinking maybe I’d punish him a few days in a row for more egregious offenses.

Obviously, this is the idea Lion will like most. He likes to be spanked. We tried a punishment experiment with 300 swats that bruised him. I’m not sure I’d give him 300 swats for days on end, but I could. I guess it would depend on how much of a point I was trying to make. It would certainly send a message.

My other idea is much more evil. I’m not sure if I’d ever use it, it’s so evil. Lion would hate it. I’d have to be really pissed off. The thought crossed my mind that giving Lion the silent treatment would nearly kill him. He’s asked me when I’m playing on my iPad and effectively ignoring him if I’m mad at him. Knowing I was mad at him and I was not paying any attention to him on purpose seems like cruel and unusual punishment.

I can’t even think of what he could possibly do to rate such a horrible punishment. I mean, I’ve clammed up for a little while when he interrupts or if he seems to be attacking something my kids have done. But for a full day or more? I don’t know if I could hurt him that much. I’m sure he’d much rather have a spanking that left pieces of skin hanging off his butt than to have me not talk to him.

Luckily for Lion, I don’t think things will ever come to the most evil punishment. We’d have much bigger problems than how I’d punish him if we ever got that far off the rails. Maybe that’s Lioness 10.0 sneaking a peek around the corner.

By:
In: Spanking, Lion's Journal
heart paddle on lion's butt
Spanking me is an expression of Mrs. Lion’s love. She knows that I want and need to be spanked. Because she loves me she learned how to do it.
(Click image to view larger)

Over the years, I’ve watched hundreds of people looking for and often finding partners who have complementary preferences. For example dominant men seek out submissive women, etc. Very few of the people I know who formed relationships this way managed to make them last. Apparently, kinky preferences aren’t sufficient to glue two people together for life.

I think people will focus on what seems to them their most urgent needs when they look for partners. If those needs are sexual, they can be satisfied in a relatively small amount of time. How long does it take to get off? That leaves the vast majority of the time together open and undefined.

If these preferences, especially kink, can be acquired, wouldn’t it make more sense to do one’s partner hunting around more durable common interests? I’m no one to talk. Mrs. Lion and I were drawn together by the need to have sex; no, not kinky sex. Over time, we were lucky enough to discover that we had much more in common. We built a much deeper connection.

Before I met her for the first time, I resolved to put BDSM on the back burner. I’ve been burned enough times prioritizing my kinky needs to realize that a peaceful, loving relationship was far more valuable than a hot one full of bondage and other kinky play. I wasn’t disappointed making vanilla love to my lioness. Let’s face it, a nice orgasm feels terrific.

I was a little surprised at myself when I asked her to consider spanking me. This happened sometime after we had established our sexual relationship. I don’t remember exactly how long I waited. It wasn’t planned. I just felt a growing need for that sort of play. I also didn’t want to look outside of my connection to Mrs. Lion to get it.

I was very lucky that she didn’t reject my request out of hand. If she had, I’m not sure what would’ve happened. I would like to think that we would’ve continued on our vanilla way. I kept feeling my need growing. It wasn’t the volcanic sensation of increasing horniness. It was more like there was a gap I needed to fill.

lion's spanked ass
This is photographic evidence that Mrs. Lion learned to do more than apply gentle swats. It takes both skill and force to make my bottom this red.
(image to view larger) </em >

Happily, Mrs. Lion was willing to try swatting my butt. It took a very long time before her spankings were strong enough to make me yelp. It didn’t matter that her spankings were, shall we say, anemic. She was swatting my naked bottom. Even though the swats were just gentle pats, they satisfied my inner need. It didn’t hurt that each time she got me, her swats were a little bit harder. Her progress was a very big turn on for me.

As you know, she’s been open to lots of other kinky things I’ve asked for. Some of them have proven fun for her. We’ve evolved into a full-fledged kinky couple. More importantly, the deep connection we discovered long before we started seriously pursuing kink, has grown and has glued us together for life.

Long before I met Mrs. Lion, I observed other couples who were not only kinky but also strongly devoted to one another and in long-term relationships. Most of the relationships I’ve observed based on kinky desires, seemed to fall apart within two years of forming. These other couples were together a decade or more. I asked them about the secret of their success. Nobody had a profound magic pill to offer. However, every single successful couple I talked to started out as a classic, vanilla relationship. BDSM was never part of their initial transactions. Without exception, they became kinky some time after getting together.

I don’t think it matters whether the person needing the kinky activity is principally dominant or submissive. I think that the key is that after a bond is formed, the partner who doesn’t feel the need for this, recognizes how important these unusual activities are to the one they love. I don’t think that Mrs. Lion found my idea of being spanked exciting or fun when I proposed it. In fact, I don’t think she feels that way now. She does understand how important it is to me. She’s discovered that she can comfortably use her paddle to bruise my bottom.

She’s said that she doesn’t mind doing it. According to her, that’s because she knows how much I like it. She likes to do things she knows will make me happy. Of course the word “happy” has a slightly different meaning in this context. She knows that beating me makes me very unhappy at the time. But she also knows that it fills an inner need that I have.

For a long time I wanted her to have fun spanking me and doing other BDSM activities. I hoped she would find putting clothespins on my balls entertaining and amusing. Heaven only knows where I got that idea. I wanted her to like spanking me. I let her know that was something I wanted. Fortunately for me, she patiently explained that she doesn’t enjoy those things in the sense I described them. She told me that she does enjoy doing things I want and need.

When I thought back to my many years as a top, I realized she made a very good point. I can’t say that I was terribly amused topping my victims. I liked that I could get them turned on and give them something they wanted and needed. I liked the feeling of the power exchange. I wondered why it took me so long to figure out Mrs. Lion probably feels the same way about doing things to me.

I think there are a couple of lessons in this for other people getting started in various kinky pursuits. The most important is that trying to build a relationship based on BDSM, enforced male chastity, and other power exchanges rarely works. The classical love that forms when two people make that magic connection, cannot be replaced by mutual and complementary desires to do sexual things.

The second is that with patience, love, understanding, and honesty it’s possible to bend a straight vanilla relationship into a kinky one. As many of us have learned when trying to introduce enforced chastity to our partners, an honest, simple approach to the mechanical process succeeds far more often than trying to set up fantasy-based scenarios.

When I asked Mrs. Lion to spank me, all I said was, “I like to be spanked. Will you spank me?”

That was very difficult for me to say. I felt vulnerable and exposed with that simple request. For the record, when I asked her, she gave me a funny little look and then said, “I’ll try it if you want.”

I didn’t realize at the time how important it was to limit my request to the specific physical activity. In my mind I had fantasies of being spanked for doing things I shouldn’t. If I had tried presenting that, I’m sure we would never have started. The reason I didn’t was that I realized there was way too much context needed to begin considering a disciplinary relationship. I also realized that being spanked turned me on. I knew that I would be happy if she would juat paddle my butt.

My years of topping taught me that BDSM scenes don’t require role-play. In fact, as a top I disliked taking on a role. I preferred providing the physical sensations I negotiated with the bottom. That experience allowed me to realize that what I really wanted was for Mrs. Lion to spank me. I didn’t care if she had a reason or not.

Mrs. Lion makes me hold soft,wet soap between my teeth for several minutes.

Now, years later, we have the context of punishment and discipline. I also get spanked sometimes just “because”. We developed the disciplinary context together. Punishments are very limited in terms of variety. At this point almost all feature spanking, painful spanking. Sometimes I will get mouth-soaping. That’s what happened to me Monday night. I think that this addition was very positive. For reasons I can’t explain, it’s difficult to make the spanking hurt more than a few minutes after it’s done. It just seems to be the way my bottom is built. However, spending time with soap in my mouth remains with me for an hour or more if I’m not permitted to eat anything when the punishment is done. I like this lasting effect.

I’m very sure that Mrs. Lion has no investment in making me feel the effects of her punishment any particular amount of time. I’m also pretty sure that, like spanking, mouth-soaping is just another thing I’ve asked her to do. That’s the point. It’s as simple as that. What we do is a combination of things I’ve asked for and things she’s decided she wants to do. The combination helps make us happier and closer to one another.

By:
In: Punishment, Spanking
spahing spoon on lion's butt
This is the spanking spoon shown on our size indicator (Lion’s butt). It’s made from very dense Chechen wood. This is the meanest paddle we own.
(Click image to view larger)

Lion finally got his punishment for forgetting punishment day on Saturday. Since he also ate before me at breakfast yesterday, I gave him a little something extra. It’s been quite a while since he’s been spanked. His buns missed the attention.

I chose the chechin wood spoon-shaped paddle because it has a small head and I can focus the swats in one area if I choose. I started out swatting all over but then I decided to focus them in the sweet spot. I don’t know if he had any idea how many swats he got. I did 200 swats in bursts of ten.

When I was done with that punishment, I told Lion he was also getting a mouth soaping. I think it worked out well since he was due punishment for two separate offenses. The mouth soaping seemed to fit with his eating first yesterday. I had him hold the soap for three minutes. That may not sound like much until you try to hold soap in your mouth for three minutes. I can tell you it’s three minutes too long for me. Good thing I’m not on the receiving end. [Lion — We use a hypoallergenic, unscented soap. It doesn’t taste good, but it isn’t too bad either. The Ivory was much worse. The Ivory soap burned me because I had to hold it in my mouth too long. Three to five minutes probably wouldn’t burn.]

Lion’s sore spot on my weenie,

Somehow, Lion got a sore spot on my weenie (See image, left). I teased him that his girlfriend must have bitten a little too hard. I’m sure it’s just one of those things that happens. He’s had sore spots before that really had no reason for being. It looks a little like a zipper accident but I don’t thing that’s the case. Needless to say, I decided we should leave it alone last night. We’ll see how it is tonight.