By:
In: Communication, Mrs Lion Comments

Yesterday, Lion wrote that he hasn’t been thinking about sex much since he’s been dealing with getting better from one surgery while getting ready for the next. I thought that meant he wasn’t interested in sex.

Wrong!

When I moved over to snuggle, his shoulder was hurting so I adjusted the way I was leaning on him. This made me very uncomfortable so I moved away while still being able to touch him. I wasn’t playing with my weenie, because he wasn’t interested in sex, right?

Wrong!

Around 10, Lion asked if I just wasn’t up for sex. I said I thought he wasn’t interested. He wondered why I thought that. I’d read it in his post. “When did I say I wasn’t interested?” he wanted to know. It seemed like a minor blowup. Yikes. I’m sure he’ll say he didn’t blow up at all, even a little bit. Let’s just say he was excited, but not in a good way. Eventually he said we could try again tonight. Sheesh! We seem to be missing something lately.

I know I was a little frazzled after dinner. First, I’d stopped to pick up Chinese food and fill my truck with fuel so that delayed my arrival. When I went to clean up from dinner I realized the dishwasher needed to be emptied and the dog needed her ice cream made. That delayed my shower for a little bit. But I did move close to Lion early858ish. At first he didn’t seem like he wanted to snuggle so we just held hands. Then, even though we were close, I didn’t play with him.

This morning was a frazzling morning too. We had an Amazon Fresh delivery which needed to be put away and then the garbage was full so I had to empty that. And I had to clear out all the half-used bread, lettuce, etc. which I put in a different bag because why fill up the new bag in the can. I put Lion soda in the fridge and emptied the robot vacuum cleaner so she could run this afternoon.

When I get home I have to take the recycling out and take that and the garbage to the end of the driveway. And we have to pick up Lion’s prescriptions from the store so he can put the drops in his eyes for Monday’s surgery.

I know other people are busy too and I don’t mind doing all those things. I just hate when things happen all at once. I didn’t not play with Lion because I was tired or not feeling well or frazzled. I really thought he was not interested in playing. I guess I know now that I should try no matter what he says. Or what I think he’s said.

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Female led relationship with discipline, Male Chastity

My eye surgery is scheduled for the beginning of next week. As you might imagine, I’m getting very tired of all this medical stuff. While I don’t want it to bother me more than necessary, I’m sure it has a negative effect on my interest in sex. I’m starting to wonder if there some sort of cascade effect that makes one thing go wrong each time another thing is fixed. Mrs. Lion insists that I go through with this new surgery; so I will.

She’s been taking very good care of me. Now that I am gaining strength, I can do pretty much everything for myself. On Tuesday night I showed her that I could shower without help. If I didn’t feel so guilty about making her do the extra work, I think I would want her to bathe me all the time. She has a special technique of washing my cock and balls that feels wonderful. We talked about this and she decided that on weekends she could join me in the shower and provide that extra-special washing.

It’s nice that we are focusing on sensual activities. A great deal of our attention has typically been focused on things that end up hurting me. That’s not terribly surprising given that I regularly need discipline. However, it’s fun getting lioness attention designed to give me pleasure.

Of course, the painful stuff is also for my benefit. I know I need it and in my own perverse way, I like it. Still, it feels great experiencing this other form of love. My recent health issues put us into a kind of vanilla sexual space. While it’s been great, I’ll enjoy returning to our kinkier activities. Oddly, even my sexual thoughts have been vanilla. I’ve dreamed of delightful blow jobs and wonderful, sensuous hand jobs. This is opposed to my more typical dreams of spanking and other PP activities.

It may be that my need to recover has forced me to simplify my approach to things is fundamental as sex. I don’t know. I do know that there is a possibility the drugs I am taking via eyedrops may have side effects reducing my interest in sex. I don’t think I’m experiencing low side effects. It’s more likely that I am struggling with returning to the real world and that’s taking energy away from the more complex sexual activities I so enjoy.

For whatever reason, April was a three-orgasm month. Generally, I’ve been getting five orgasms a month since mid-2018. I know that Mrs. Lion does not count or plan how many times I get to ejaculate. It’s very organic for her. Over the years, she seems to have settled on a 4 to 7 day wait between my orgasms. Apparently, that just feels right to her.

Due to the fact that I’ve been stuck sexually for the last month or so, I’ve only managed to come three times in it. When I would probably have come twice that many times. I’m content waiting however long my lioness feels is appropriate. I really hate when I get stuck at the sexual plateau that would normally precede the rising excitement that could culminate in orgasm. Of course, Mrs. Lion would never let it go that far. She just gets me to the edge and then stops.

I’ve wondered if maybe I need practice getting aroused. I know that sounds silly, but it could be that my difficulty being unable to get past the plateau stage could partly be caused by the fact that all this recovery distracts me from the necessary focus. Does that make any sense?

I know that I can have an erection without the help of boner pills. This morning I woke up with a nice hard penis. I had been having a nice blow job dream. I’ve had erections at other random times. That’s strong evidence that the impotence side effect of one of my drugs is not happening to me.

Another thought I had about getting stuck on the plateau is that perhaps we have to keep going until either I get to the edge or I lose interest entirely. This all could be a timing problem. For whatever reason, it may just be taking me a lot longer. It may be nothing more than a change in what is normal for me. In any case, I’m grateful that Mrs. Lion is willing to put in the time and energy needed.

This period in my life is a challenge to our marriage. I don’t think that either of us ever anticipated I would become so dependent. I’m grateful that we have such a strong relationship. Putting it another way, I’m glad that Mrs. Lion finds me sufficiently amusing to go to the extra trouble to take care of me.

Also, it turns out that there are services available to me locally that I can use to get around without Mrs. Lion having to miss work. The county operates vans that can pick up people with disabilities at their homes and take them where they need to go. I just found out that I’ve been qualified to use this service for at least a year. That means I can get to work when I can’t work from home, to the doctor, even to the store without needing Mrs. Lion to lose pay. In my wildest dreams I never thought I would ever need such a service. Now, I’m grateful it’s available to me.

At least for a while, I’m disabled and will need support to do things I independently handled before. I’m hoping that over time I won’t continue to need this help; or at least this much help. Other than my problems with ejaculation, none of the issues I’m facing affect our FLRD or enforced male chastity. We may have slowed down a bit. But I’m very sure that we will speed up again once I’ve managed to get the other physical problems into perspective.

I’m very grateful that Mrs. Lion loves me enough to put up with the extra work I make for her. I’m lucky that my job provides the ability to work from home as well as extended sick leave to allow me to recover. I’m also grateful that our community offers services that support my ability to lead a fairly normal life. All in all, I’m a very lucky lion.

By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments

It started out that Lion needed help in the shower. Then it evolved into a weenie-scrubbing good time. Lion loves when I wash him but he feels guilty about taking up my time. Last night I was in the shower, on standby in case he needed help. Of course, he wanted me to wash my weenie, but he did all the rest.

He said he’ll miss being washed, but we both agree he can do it on his own now. I offered a compromise. I can join him for his shower on weekends. We’ll still have the closeness even if it’s less frequent. My weenie-washer title is intact.

I was feeling under the weather last night so we didn’t even snuggle. I guess it’s a good thing I did wash my weenie in the shower. That’s really the only contact we had. We’ll do better tonight, I’m sure. It’s been a few days since his last orgasm.

Lion’s doctor tried to move his surgery from Monday to tomorrow. Lion just found out the surgery will be on Monday as originally planned. They keep moving the target around. Just tell me where and when we’re supposed to be. The chauffeur is getting dizzy with all the rescheduling. He’s not so sure he wants to do the surgery. I want him to have a shot at seeing better. I know he feels like a guinea pig with all the procedures he’s had to endure, but you gotta do what ya gotta do. That’s what he tells me when doctors want me to have a colonoscopy or mammogram or some other test. What’s good for the lioness is good for the lion.

By:
In: Advice for a new keyholder, Advice to caged males, Lion's Journal

Over the years, my views of enforced male chastity have, shall we say, matured. I’m not sure that’s a fair way to characterize them. The simple fact is that there is no proper way to practice this. This is in sharp contrast to other BDSM practices. I know, you may not consider enforced male chastity to be part of BDSM. Since it involves penis bondage, and bondage is part of BDSM, the practice reasonably can fall into the same category.

A lot of the activities in BDSM require skill. It’s true that most of the toys can be used without any formal training. However, if they are going to be used with any intensity, training is important to prevent injury. Safety is the number one priority in any activity that can hurt another person (or yourself).

Wearing a chastity device isn’t particularly dangerous. If it’s incorrectly sized it can cause irritation and even cause edema of the penis. But if the wearer lets his body tell him when something’s wrong, the device can come off and no real damage is done. I have a few pages on this sIte that may be helpful in getting a correctly-sized device. I suggest you explore the menu for these options.

In BDSM it’s very rare to find people who get hurt. Most practitioners are very careful about going too far. What happens more frequently is that people abandon the practice because it doesn’t work for them. This is the same issue with enforced male chastity. Very often, if the people had good information and some simple training, they may have discovered that they gave something up they might actually enjoy.

Based on what I’ve seen, a lot of men when exposed to the idea of wearing a chastity device, get aroused. There’s something very sexy about penis bondage. Many are turned off by the idea that they lose control of their ability to ejaculate. For some reason, a lot of people have the idea that enforced male chastity is an all-or-nothing kink. They believe that once a device is locked on their sexual pleasure is no longer considered by the keyholder.

The mythology supports this concept. The reality couldn’t be further from this. Think about another practice: spanking. A very large percentage of adults fantasize about spanking and being spanked. The people who do the spanking don’t just beat their partners into a black and blue pulp. They spend a lot of time making sure that the person getting the spanking is happy with the intensity. Even punishment spankings are limited by the ability of the punished person to handle the pain.

There’s a very good reason for this: If you want a person to come back for more, he needs to leave as a satisfied customer. This is true of absolutely everything along the BDSM spectrum. All activities are consensual. Tops honor the limits of bottoms. Yet, for some reason, guys think that these concepts don’t apply to enforced male chastity. Despite all the silly pictures of beautiful half naked women supposedly saying that now they’ve got you locked up you’ll never get out again, it’s absolute nonsense.

As in everything else in BDSM, the bottom controls how far things go. When it comes to enforced male chastity, I like the idea of being forced to get very horny and frustrated. If I ever get to the point that I’m genuinely unhappy about my enforced abstinence, I know that Mrs. Lion will provide me with enjoyable release. A lot of the excitement about power exchanges comes from imagining the complete surrender of control. It’s never true that the surrender is complete. No matter how seriously you take it, it’s a game played by two. It stops being fun for the top if the bottom is genuinely unhappy.

I suspect that a lot of prospective keyholders are scared off by the extreme rhetoric that their partners use when they explain how they want things to work. That’s interesting. If this was a complete power exchange, why in the world would the bottom be explaining to the top how it works? Too bad that a lot of potential keyholders don’t think about the fact that they, not the locked males, call the shots.

I understand that once things get going, it’s important for a lot of guys to imagine that they’ve lost all their power. The problem with something that is supposed to go on 24/7 is that there are no opportunities to emerge from the scene and review what’s happened. In a more classic BDSM scene, when it’s over and both people have come back to earth, they can discuss what happened, make suggestions, and plan for the next time they do it.

I think it’s important for a couple practicing enforced male chastity to take the same sort of breaks. I’m not suggesting that the chastity device has to come off and that the female authority disappeasr. I am suggesting a nice weekend brunch where both people talk is equals. Yes, his penis may still be in a cage, but he has the opportunity to talk about what’s working and what’s not. She has an opportunity to explain what’s turning her on and what’s turning her off.

Many times the bottom is causing more trouble than the top. Nothing is more difficult to manage than the expectations of a bottom who wants things the top just can’t provide. That’s why these sit downs are so important. They represent an ongoing negotiation that provides the ability for things to evolve.

Mrs. Lion and I have these conversations. We also use our writing here in the blog as a way of communicating what’s working and not working for us. We take each other’s comments very seriously. I often ask for things that make no sense to her. If you go back and read my posts you can find many examples. You can also find a lot of times where she’s either agreed to give something a try, or just denied me out of hand.

The point is that we are communicating. We don’t allow ourselves to live in our individual fantasy worlds. We make sure that we talk about what works and what doesn’t work. Some couples will write a chastity contract. This is a document they both sign that spells out exactly how the enforced chastity will work. The best contracts include review dates and an expiration date. The review dates allow modification of the contract to conform with new things the couple has learned. The expiration date ends the enforced chastity. On or before that date, if they want things to continue, a new contract has to be written or the old one extended.

When we started out, Mrs. Lion and I had an agreement with a specific end date six months after we started. Mrs. Lion was sure we wouldn’t even get to the six months. I wanted to be sure we did. I wanted us to have enough time to make mistakes and fix them. To both of our surprise, after three months we decided we wanted to make it permanent. What we were doing added a lot to our marriage.

Now, nearly 6 years later we’re still at it. What we do is a lot different. Things keep evolving for us. What hasn’t changed is the power exchange. Mrs. Lion retains absolute control over any sex I experience. She has some other additional power now. We are both very happy with how things are working.