Is there a difference between consent and permission? They are, after all, synonyms. I’m not so sure Mrs. Lion agrees. For the last couple of months Mrs. Lion hasn’t used our Box O’ Fun. This is a wooden box with folded slips of paper; each one has a BDSM activity written on it. The activities range from spanking to tiny dollhouse clothespins on the head of my penis. Both are painful, BDSM play. I’ve consented to Mrs. Lion topping me and I even helped her create the Box O’ Fun.
As she wrote in her post yesterday, Mrs. Lion doesn’t view all the activities in the box equally. Some, like Icy Hot on my balls, spanking, or clothespins are fine for her to do me. Others, like the tiny clothespins, aren’t. She wrote that I suggested the Icy Hot and spanking and so they are fine to do at will. I did. But I also suggested almost all the other activities in the box too, including the dollhouse clothespins on the head of my cock.
When she threatens to use those tiny clothespins, I object. I find the discomfort they cause very hard to take. Mrs. Lion understands this to mean I don’t want them. She’s right, I don’t. She wrote that she doesn’t want to do things I don’t want. After all, it’s for my “entertainment”. If I interpret her correctly, she feels she doesn’t have permission to hurt me that way.
On the other hand, she knows I absolutely don’t want a punishment spanking. I don’t want to have to lie there and be beaten with a paddle. In the same sense as the tiny clothespins, I don’t give her permission to beat me. She does it anyway. She doesn’t hesitate to make it hurt. I tell her to stop. She doesn’t. I really want her to stop.
As Mrs. Lion has explained, punishment isn’t supposed to be something I want. I am being spanked because I did something wrong. She believes she has the right to do this because I’ve consented to her right to punish me. She knows this and exercises that right on a very regular, consistent basis. She’s always ready to remind me that I agreed to this.
I also given consent for her to hurt me with BDSM play. But she doesn’t want to do anything I don’t want at the time. Her reasoning is that play is for my entertainment and punishment is for my education. Play, she believes, is always optional. Of course she’s right. But there’s a catch. BDSM play is generally uncomfortable for the bottom. It is for me.
I agreed to let Mrs. Lion top me. I know full well what that means. I’ve requested the Box O’ Fun. I have a pretty good idea what’s in it. Mrs. Lion let’s me pick a card from it. True, the cards are folded so I have no idea what’s written on them. That’s what makes the game fun. I’ve not only consented to play, I actually select the activity. There is a way I can stop something that I really can’t take. We have a safeword. It’s “red”. By the way, there is no safeword when I’m being punished.
Mrs. Lion knows all this. But she resists doing things she knows I will hate. This isn’t consistent. I hate Icy Hot and other hot stuff on my balls. But I consider being made to endure it very hot. She knows this and feels free to do it to me and make it much more intense each time. The same logic should apply to any of the activities in her repertoire. Maybe we need to discuss the specifics. Perhaps we have to reassert that consent is indeed the same as permission. More importantly, understand that if I agree to something in advance, I can’t revoke it when we begin to play. I can stop it, but I can’t prevent it.