By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments

I went to work for a few hours today. Lion was on his own. I came home and things seemed fine. Then he said he moved this and took care of that. There was a food container in the garbage. It seems Lion wants to be back to normal faster than he can be. Do I need to stay home to baby sit him? Sheesh!

I know he didn’t do too much. He’s keeping the pain at bay enough to be comfortable, but not enough to hurt himself. He only moved the Alexa/Echo thing and got on his computer to order something. I’m just teasing him, although I wouldn’t mind staying home with him. I just think he’s starting to go stir crazy.

I think if we lived within the city limits, he’d be walking to the park or getting a cup of coffee. Anything to keep himself busy and get out of the house. Instead we try to manufacture reasons to go out. He’s still pretty tired so a long outing to go shopping won’t work. Maybe this afternoon we’ll just go for a ride somewhere. We can always stop for ice cream or coffee along the way.

Tonight we can snuggle, pain willing, and see where that leads. I’m perfectly willing to give him another orgasm to blow out the pipes. We have to get that old antibiotic and anesthesia laced semen out. Anything I can do to help.

Meanwhile, if Lion is going to rush to get better, maybe his rules should be reinstated soon. If you’re well enough to do certain things, then you’re well enough to follow the rules. Actually, I think Lion will be back to the rules before I even mention it. He wanted to wear his training collar when we went out to the store on Saturday. I told him it wasn’t necessary.

All this means is that Lion is on the mend. I knew he wouldn’t be down for long.

By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal

I never really gave much thought to pain management; at least in the sense of reducing pain. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like pain. But when it comes to how much pain I should feel in relation to an injury, for example, I guess I thought of it as either being  “on” or “off”. Obviously this stochastic thinking isn’t very useful in the face of my shoulder injury which has a broad spectrum of pain associated with it. That’s complicated by the risks associated with the drug use to make the pain go away.

I’ve been given opioid pain killers. Each time I take one I wonder if I’m not on a slippery slope heading for drug dependency. I think that my concerns about addiction have caused me to restrict my use of these drugs to the point that I’m not functioning nearly as well as I should.

For example, my appetite has been very poor. Part of the problem is that the antibiotic that was given to me intravenously during surgery distorts my sense of smell and taste. But I don’t think that blaming the antibiotic makes the most sense. The simple fact is that if you’re hurting you will be much less likely to want to sleep, eat, and rest.

Since we are all different, there’s really no way to get good advice as to how much I should hurt before I use drugs to intervene. I’m not even sure how someone could tell me how to judge my pain level in some sort of objective way. The medical people always ask me give me a number from 1 to 10 that represents your degree of pain. I guess I can understand the low end of the scale since one means I don’t hurt at all. But what does 10 mean? I suppose I would have to experience it before I could create some reasonable scale between that first number and 10.

Anyway, I’ve decided that I’ve been too hard on myself and I will now be more liberal with the drug supply. Spending many hours each day unable to get comfortable in any position, food had no interest for me. Finally late Sunday afternoon, I decided I’d had enough and took two of my opioid pain pills (I’m allowed to take up to three every three hours). Within an hour I felt much better.  Mrs. Lion prepared egg noodles with peas and butter for dinner. In my relatively painless state they were wonderful.  It isn’t that I adore eating egg noodles. I think the fact that pain wasn’t competing with my enjoyment of food allowed me to have a good meal.

When I think about it, the dilemma of how much pain medication to take versus gritting my teeth and living with the pain,  isn’t very different from the issues around a power exchange. Managing the complex dance of submission and dominance can only be done through trial and error experiments. Just as I am incapable of understanding how much pain I should accept versus manage, the only way I can understand how much control works in our relationship is to try various levels.

I like to read everything I can find on the subject and become as expert as possible before embarking on actual experience. I can’t claim that all this “book learning” has ever equipped me with the knowledge needed to get things right on the first try. Mrs. Lion  takes the gradual approach to most things. She tends to start at the low end, and increase the volume until she gets the result she desires.

This is the approach I took with pain management. I started with almost none and increased dosage until I could tolerate the pain. I realize now that this approach is self-limiting. I don’t think you can know when you reach the correct point of intensity in anything until you go just past the point when it is too much. I think that my healing may have been slowed because I didn’t continue increasing medication enough to understand when I felt well enough to stop taking more.

Similarly, I think our progress in our domestic discipline, female-led-relationship has been slower than it might be because we never push the envelope beyond reaching an acceptable result. Perhaps, when this surgery and its recovery are behind us, we can take a more adventurous approach to our power exchange. In a way, it’s a different kind of pain management.

By:
In: Edging, Orgasm

I looked up my predictions for Lion’s recovery. I thought at the one week mark he’d be answering emails and taking phone calls. Not quite. I thought he wouldn’t feel so helpless once the sling came off. Nope. The sling is still on and he doesn’t feel so helpless. And I thought it would take till the four to six week mark for him to feel frisky. No way!

It’s a little difficult to snuggle since there’s so much in the middle of the bed. Lion sleeps on the right side and since his right shoulder is out of commission, everything has to be accessible from his left side. In the middle of the bed. All the remotes, the tissues, cough drops, iPad, everything. When I want to snuggle, I have to move a storage container full of stuff out of the way. Good thing Lion is the prize on the other side or it wouldn’t be worth it.

So last night, I backed the U-Haul up and moved the barricade. Once we got started he was hard in very little time. And then he was ready to go. It crossed my mind to just edge him and get started with enforced chastity right away. He won’t be in his cage for a while still, but the cage isn’t necessary to keep him from having an orgasm. Then I thought, since he’s been in so much pain lately, I could be nice to him and give him an orgasm. So I did. It wasn’t the most spectacular orgasm. I’d only edged him two or three times. I hadn’t swatted his balls or really pinched his nipples. He wasn’t sufficiently primed. He didn’t even produce any semen. But it still felt good and that’s all that counts.

Afterward, he made a comment that the semen wouldn’t have been good to eat anyway since it would have antibiotics, anesthesia and pain meds in it. If that’s the case, perhaps he needs an orgasm a day to clean the pipes out. That was my idea, not his. I’m not sure he’s up for that right now anyway. Actually, he wasn’t up for it months ago when I suggested an orgasm a day. No problem. He’ll have as many as I want to give him. Maybe a few more before we go back to any sort of waiting. It all depends on how his recuperation goes.

By:
In: 2.0, Lion's Journal

Mrs. Lion came across an interesting video on Facebook.  It was about a new device that looks a little bit like a Fitbit. It’s a black wristwatch shaped device with what appears to be colored symbols scattered across the face. Apparently, this little gadget has the capability of enforcing hundreds of rules, presumably programmed deep in its bowels. The idea is that when a rule is broken, the wearer will receive a small electric shock on his wrist.

Sound familiar? Imagine that, a gadget that will punish its wearer when someone else decides correction is needed. I’ve been wearing something like that strapped to my balls for well over a year. The big difference is that the Fitbit version apparently contains a preprogrammed library of naughty things. My remote correction device allows my lioness to use her cell phone to correct me for any behavior she decides she doesn’t like.

It’s unclear why someone would wear the Fitbit device. Apparently it doesn’t lock on but there were some motivation to wear it. Presumably it’s rule set provides corrections for things the wearer wants to receive punishment for. The device is part of a cooperative effort between the wearer and its electronics.

Our example is far more complex. In my case, wearing it is not voluntary. If I forget to put it on when we are ready to go out, I will be spanked quite severely to remind me not to make that mistake again. I admit that I find the idea of wearing it exciting. It’s arousing in the same way that wearing a chastity device feels. It’s a surrender of control that has real consequences that extend far outside the boundaries of BDSM.

Since I’ve had some extra time to browse the web, I had a chance to explore other kinky sites; some that I never read before. The most popular sites appear to be the ones that are about spanking. I suppose this very primal form of power exchange is easiest to consume both as the spanker and recipient. Spanking, in one role or the other, is one of the most prevalent sexual fantasies. It’s very hot to read about spanking experiences. As I’ve painfully learned, the reality isn’t nearly as interesting sexually. It doesn’t take more than a few swats before any erection has turned into a shriveled little mass of flesh shrinking from the next  swat it knows is coming.

But  still, the memories of hundreds of scream-provoking spankings can’t keep my penis soft when I read those hot spanking posts.  It shouldn’t be surprising that I like  the idea  of strapping on the painful remote-control, shock collar. I know full well that the touch of Mrs. Lion’s  finger will hurt enough to make me yelp.

I’m not displaying any great desire to improve myself through the use of external stimulus.  While it’s true that I want to learn better obedience, motivation to wear that nasty little remote control device doesn’t emanate from that little glow of goodness. Just as with spanking and enforced chastity, there is a heavy dose of sexual heat driving my compliance. Like most guys who are into this sort of thing, it’s a turn on to imagine that my partner wants to take advantage of this sexual motivation to enhance her control.

That’s rarely, if ever, the case. Too bad! It’s very rare to find a partner who actually needs the level of control people like me seek. As I read these spanking stories, it occurs to me that there is nothing wrong with different but complementary motives driving  a power exchange.

On my side, it’s the strong psychosexual motivators that got me into this mess in the beginning. That doesn’t mean other, more important motives have entered the picture. But it does mean that the very primal needs that drove my original explorations are still present and available for exploitation.

From the controlling partners perspective, since there really isn’t any strong motive to enhance control perhaps a more recreational motive can be inserted. In our case, there are very real needs and desires we both share that drive most of our day-to-day activities. Mrs. Lion  gets real satisfaction watching my behavior improve as a direct result of her control over me.

So, if it’s working, what motive would she have to find ways to become even more effective. If I am meeting her goals and she is happy with her methods of punishment and reward, why mess with a good thing. Of course, she knows that I do like that sexual twinge again when she does  something new.  Mrs. Lion likes games. She enjoys perfecting her play. What if she thought about increasing her control as part of a real life game? She has a toolkit completely under control-my deep sexual need for this sort of activity.

I wonder what sort of games she could invent if she turned her mind in this perverted direction?