By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments

I’ve spent the better part of last night and this morning trying to figure out the problem Lion thinks I have with being in charge. He wants rules. He wants punishments. He wants play time and edging. He wants plans. He wants me to be in charge. He wants me to have skin in the game. He wants. And I do my best to give him what he wants. But what about what I want?

Well, Lion will tell you he wants me to take what I want. He wants me to open my mouth when I want something. He wants me to tell him what I want, when I want it. And it’s difficult for me to do that. But the one thing I know I want is a happy Lion. I try hard to keep him happy. I play with him and edge him. And I fail on a lot of levels because I don’t follow through on plans and promises. But after thinking about this “skin in the game” idea for a while, I don’t have a want. I have a don’t want.

I can deal with Lion when he’s horny and when he’s frustrated sexually. What I find it difficult to deal with is an uninterested Lion. When Lion isn’t interested because he’s hit his plateau in the middle of a longer wait, I can usually turn that around. I have very persuasive hands and mouth. When he’s not interested because he’s worried about something or he’s in a bad mood, it’s more difficult. So what is my don’t want? I don’t want to fight Lion to get him turned on. Last night he said he wasn’t horny. Was that because he’s worried I’m losing interest or because he’s worried about his eye or because it’s however many days into his wait? I don’t know. [Lion – Just ask me. It was due to a combination of exhaustion because my eye problem wears me out and worry I may not recover. She did ask me if I could be turned on and I said, “Maybe.” Honest answer] I feel like I’m in a catch 22. We’re playing because he wants to play even though he doesn’t want to play right now. I have to convince him that I want to play so he’ll want to play. Who wants to play? I thought he did. (I had a number of conversations like this at work yesterday which prompted two of us to yell out, “Who’s on first?” a few times over the course of the afternoon.) Nothing will make me less interested in playing than thinking he’s disinterested because he thinks I don’t want to play. [Lion – I never not want to play because she is disinterested. There is always a reason relating to me. I might feel guilty that I am an additional burden, but if that bothers me too much I will ask and I accept the answer I get.]

So what’s the takeaway here? I need to work on my consistency in planning and playing. Lion needs to work on relaxing and enjoying the things we do rather than worrying about why we do them. [I am very grateful for all the effort Mrs. Lion puts in to make me happy]

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Male Chastity

Things have been generally out of wack lately. My eye infection (a corneal ulcer) is going to scar. Since the ulcer is very large, there is a reasonable chance that the scar will eventually cause astigmatism as it distorts my cornea. The cheerless ophthalmologist who saw me yesterday said that one of her patients didn’t have a problem for nearly three years and then needed a corneal transplant. A lion always needs something to look forward to. Not!

I haven’t been very interested in anything sexual for most of the week. Part of this is the stress of trying to see with one eye dilated all the time. I don’t really know what’s going on sexually. I just don’t feel very interested. Last night Mrs. Lion changed my mind. The combination of her mouth and the Magic Wand  brought me to an amazing orgasm; all this despite starting the evening not interested in sex at all.

In her post yesterday, Mrs. Lion said that she worries I think we won’t play anymore if we allow life to intrude too often. She’s right. I’m not necessarily worried that she will just stay buried in her iPad and not come up for air or lion play. I’m also worried I will stop wanting it. That’s what happened in the past. It wasn’t just Mrs. Lion showing no interest. It was also me not even trying until I was desperate. Even then I was very uncomfortable asking for relief.

She’s right that I think of this as my kink that she indulges out of love for me. That lack of skin in the game could make it painless for her to just let it die out. My current lack of interest also makes it painless to allow that to happen. This isn’t a new feeling on my part. It’s hard for me to be comfortable as long as there isn’t anything in all this for her. I feel guilty and I worry about her wanting to continue. I don’t expect her to get turned on by the power she has over me. That’s certainly not going to happen. I can’t expect her to love that she can make me do things. She clearly doesn’t care about having power. So here we are after almost two years with my kink depending on the kindness of my lioness. That’s not a bad thing. It’s been working well. But it doesn’t give me a great feeling of security.

The best way I can explain my feelings about this is that I am the designer of everything we do. It isn’t that Mrs. Lion hasn’t come up with stuff on her own. She certainly has. It’s that because her investment is based on doing what I asked, she doesn’t have a plan for me. I may have this completely wrong, but in my mind, the only way she can be invested in enforced chastity and domestic discipline is to have goals that she can achieve. When she reaches them, hopefully she will feel the satisfaction of a job well done.

Does this make any sense at all? Is it just my natural pessimism and angst over my vision speaking? I looked back over my past posts and this isn’t the first time I’ve expressed this concern. More communication is surely necessary. Action is also required as well. I would feel much better if plans were made and announced and then executed. I don’t want to pressure Mrs. Lion. Plans don’t have to be very big. In fact, a one week plan of any kind would light me up again. Maybe something anal that doesn’t require me to feel aroused? Maybe one that postpones my orgasm until it is achieved? That idea appeals to me. Baby steps, Mrs. Lion. They will help me a lot.

By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments

Last night I wasn’t feeling well and Lion wasn’t very horny so we didn’t play. He says he’s at the point where he doesn’t care about sex. I said I hoped he’d snap out of it for tonight since it’s his scheduled orgasm night. Maybe he will, maybe he won’t. We’ll see. But now, in addition to his eye issue, we have a dog issue. She had a seizure last night. I’m trying to get in touch with the vet to get her in today or tomorrow. We’re both worried about that so who knows if we’ll play tonight either.

From my point of view, these are normal reasons to forego play. From Lion’s point of view, I think, this is the beginning of the end of play. I guess it’s easy to think that. If we don’t play for a solid week, then who’s to say we won’t play for another week, and then a month, and then more. I tend to look at the reasons behind the lack of play. Did life intrude in the form of one of us being sick or working late or some outside force intervening? As long as neither of us just gave up on playing, then I think we should be able to pick right back up once the intrusion goes away.

There may be two forces at work here. The first is that Lion tends to feel abandoned if he isn’t given attention. The second is the fact that this is his kink and I’m just along for the ride. This could lead him to think that I’m not playing because it isn’t important to me. But he’s important to me, so that argument doesn’t fly. I need to walk the fine line between allowing the outside forces to intrude and keeping Lion happy. It’s especially difficult if it’s something happening with him. I can’t force him to be excited if he’s worried about his eye. Personally, I can play through the pain. If he’s ready then I should be ready. Of course, it doesn’t always work that way. He worries that I am playing through the pain and only doing things because he wants me to. It’s a vicious cycle.

I don’t have an answer for this. That’s why I thought it was important for us to state the reason we aren’t playing for the night. I’m hoping he’ll realize that it isn’t just because we don’t feel like it. There must be a reason there. Last night he said he knew I didn’t feel well and he wanted me to feel better before we play. And besides, he wasn’t all that horny anyway. Are those good reasons? I don’t know. I could have played. I didn’t feel all that bad. But if he’s not horny, what’s the point? Was he not horny because he knew I didn’t feel well? Clearly we need more communication.

By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Punishment

I’m famous for wanting to try new things. It’s a very good thing that Mrs. Lion is so patient and understanding. I keep coming up with new ideas to expand our enforced chastity, FLM, or domestic discipline. I’ve noticed that others do this as well. I think that, at least in my case, when the Pandora’s box of sexual possibility opens, it’s entirely too easy to try to make everything that comes out into reality. Most of us have enough of a filter to leave some of the more extreme possibilities in the realm of fantasy, but we can get into some trouble on the boundaries of good-to-do and this-can-cause-serious-problems. Where this boundary lies is varies by each person.

The problem with each new idea is that it adds more stuff for Mrs. Lion to do. My overactive imagination can burn her out very easily. It’s not that I want too much. The reason is more complex than that. In the fantasy everything follows the “happy path”. We each play our roles perfectly and everything is exciting. Makes sense. It’s my screenplay about what turns me on (at least in my mind). But when we bring that fantasy out into the real world, it never seems to work the way it did on the silver screen of my mind.

A good example of this is enforced chastity. My mental movie had me locked up in a device and driven mad by the need to ejaculate. Mrs. Lion cruelly teased me with no relief. In the fantasy I had to earn the chance to come. It wasn’t very complex and was extremely hot to think about. The reality was nothing like that. There are over a thousand posts here about our efforts to include enforced chastity in our lives. It wasn’t as easy as buying a chastity device and locking it on. Over time we figured it out and now we are expert at my enforced chastity. It only took us nearly two years to get to this point.

Then I wanted domestic discipline. The movie in my head showed me breaking rules and getting painfully spanked by Mrs. Lion. Simple, right? Oh no! Mrs. Lion agreed to try it. That was several months ago. We both don’t do very well at it yet. In order for her to be a disciplining wife, Mrs. Lion has to decide what behavior she wants to correct. She has to have some method of tracking infractions. She has to decide how to punish me. All I have to do is present my bare ass for spanking when I break a rule.

It turned out that my fantasy of domestic discipline is a huge homework assignment for Mrs. Lion. She has agreed to continue working on it. She’s amazing! How many women would be willing to take the time and energy for this? Nonetheless, we have a very long way to go. We have yet to work out a routine that includes frequent discipline. Mrs. Lion has made remarkable progress. Like enforced chastity, it’s not so much that she has to do more. We both have to internalize what domestic discipline is to us and then build the necessary  habits to make it a routine part of our lives.

My point is that most fantasies are very difficult to translate into real life. OK, it’s not difficult to do a scene where you both act out the roles in your fantasy and essentially act out your script. That’s not too tough to work out. But it is an entirely different story to try to turn the fantasy into a 24/7 reality; to actually add it as a permanent part of your life.

I’ve learned this over the last couple of years as we struggle with making two fantasies come true. Two is a very big number when you consider all the work it takes to change your life in even a small way. The only reason we have persevered is that it turned out the fantasies revealed some amazing benefits for both of us. Enforced chastity has dramatically increased our communication with one another. We talk more about everything, not just getting me off. We both feel much closer.

Domestic discipline, to me at least, may have an important benefit for us too. Since it involves Mrs. Lion identifying behavior she likes and dislikes in me and then reacting in a concrete way, I hope it will teach her to become more aware of what she wants and then assure she gets them. I think it starts with punishing me for failing to do what she wants. I hope that habit will grow into expressing her wishes and believing they will come true. In our case, if the power balance goes to my side, then I know she will suppress her wants and needs. With her in charge, maybe she will consider what she wants first. Simple, right?