Last night I wasn’t feeling well and Lion wasn’t very horny so we didn’t play. He says he’s at the point where he doesn’t care about sex. I said I hoped he’d snap out of it for tonight since it’s his scheduled orgasm night. Maybe he will, maybe he won’t. We’ll see. But now, in addition to his eye issue, we have a dog issue. She had a seizure last night. I’m trying to get in touch with the vet to get her in today or tomorrow. We’re both worried about that so who knows if we’ll play tonight either.
From my point of view, these are normal reasons to forego play. From Lion’s point of view, I think, this is the beginning of the end of play. I guess it’s easy to think that. If we don’t play for a solid week, then who’s to say we won’t play for another week, and then a month, and then more. I tend to look at the reasons behind the lack of play. Did life intrude in the form of one of us being sick or working late or some outside force intervening? As long as neither of us just gave up on playing, then I think we should be able to pick right back up once the intrusion goes away.
There may be two forces at work here. The first is that Lion tends to feel abandoned if he isn’t given attention. The second is the fact that this is his kink and I’m just along for the ride. This could lead him to think that I’m not playing because it isn’t important to me. But he’s important to me, so that argument doesn’t fly. I need to walk the fine line between allowing the outside forces to intrude and keeping Lion happy. It’s especially difficult if it’s something happening with him. I can’t force him to be excited if he’s worried about his eye. Personally, I can play through the pain. If he’s ready then I should be ready. Of course, it doesn’t always work that way. He worries that I am playing through the pain and only doing things because he wants me to. It’s a vicious cycle.
I don’t have an answer for this. That’s why I thought it was important for us to state the reason we aren’t playing for the night. I’m hoping he’ll realize that it isn’t just because we don’t feel like it. There must be a reason there. Last night he said he knew I didn’t feel well and he wanted me to feel better before we play. And besides, he wasn’t all that horny anyway. Are those good reasons? I don’t know. I could have played. I didn’t feel all that bad. But if he’s not horny, what’s the point? Was he not horny because he knew I didn’t feel well? Clearly we need more communication.