By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments

Last night did not go well for us. Lion was interested but not really. I was using lube but he was still sensitive. It’s not a big deal. Initially Lion thought it was because it was late and this eye infection has been kicking his butt. This morning he said he thought maybe I was just too rough. Then he said it might just have been him being too sensitive. He asked if we could try again. When I said we could, he thanked me.

It always amazes me when he thanks me for agreeing to try something again. Especially if it’s something like edging. I mean, if it’s something new and neither of us really liked it then I could see saying no. But if it’s something we always do then why would I not want to try again? Does he imagine I will say no? Maybe he’s worried that I will give up on him. When he’s sick he tends to be more of a toddler, but I haven’t really encountered a man who isn’t. Maybe he equates the failure of one night with overall failure. If something didn’t work once, it may not work again. I don’t believe that. If something doesn’t work once, we try again. If it doesn’t work multiple times, we try it a different way. After all, if we didn’t try kink a different way (with the chastity device) we wouldn’t be where we are today. I may give up easily on some things, but Lion is not one of them.

If we didn’t try things again, we wouldn’t have each other either. It took Lion four tries and me two tries to find the love of our lives. I guess he’s a slower learner than I am. Either that or he was just biding his time until I happened along. I’m just glad we found each other. There’s no one that I’d rather try things over and over again with than Lion.

By:
In: Blogging, Lion's Journal

This is the third time I have written this post. Each time just as I am about half finished, something else comes along that demands (in my mind, at least) my response. My first attempt was about how our relationship keeps evolving because enforced chastity has pushed us to communicate more. The second was about ruined orgasms and why I can’t seem to sense them coming, and now this, and hopefully my last attempt is about communication.

The ESP in the blogosphere seems to be working overtime. Steeled Snake wrote a post about improved communications in his relationship. Then, a few hours later, Thumper’s post was about the damaging effect of “drive by” comments. And, Mrs. Lion’s post was about our improved communications and her take on how to handle a no-play night. These may not seem closely related at first glance, but I think they are. Each post, in its own way, discusses changes, mostly positive in communications. Steeled Snake and Mrs. Lion discussed how our relationships have improved because of enforced chastity. Thumper wrote about how he has been hurt by thoughtless, or at least clueless, comments from readers.

Comment spam eventually infects every blog. As Thumper pointed out, his blog is about him, not reviews or discussion of external events. Of course our blog is about us and some of the most intimate details of our lives. The big thing all three of the posts have in common is to  state that communications from people we know and trust tends to add to our lives. So, we all agree that our relationships and lives have been improved by a combination of our kinks and the very beneficial side effect of good communications the kinks provoke.

All of us, who blog on these subjects, for one reason or another exposed our lives to a great many strangers. We’ve invited these strangers to comment on what we write. When I started this blog, I hoped that comments would provide valuable feedback that would help our relationship get better. To a pretty large degree that has been the case. I’ve gotten most of the bullshit comments  on our static pages (How to Get a Good Fit, etc.). The reason is that almost every reader gets directly to those pages as the result of a search.

Search traffic is great. It’s how a lot of our regular readers got here. But most of the traffic driven here by search engine queries is hit and run. These people read what they searched for and then leave. Some, feel the need to offer comments of generally poor quality. So, my reasoning is that by not allowing comments on those pages, the casual reader won’t get a chance to write clueless, frequently hurtful comments. Search engines also drive traffic to our posts as well. We do allow comments to our posts. I did some analysis and found that comments from people who know us and decide to respond to a post, do it within the first week of the post’s publication date. So, we automatically turn off comments after two weeks.

These changes have made a big difference in quality. They don’t seem to have affected people who have taken the time to get to know us. Like Thumper, our readers can also send us a direct message via Contact Us. I am on twitter (@thecagedlion) and I read it regularly. Every post is tweeted within a few minutes of publication, so responding to that tweet is another way to chat. If you follow me on Twitter, you will get a tweet each time there is a new post.

I like getting comments that offer constructive feedback, even if we disagree. I have no plans to turn them off. I am very hopeful that my fellow bloggers will choose to post about some of the things we write and open up a community dialogue. My decades in the real-life leather community have taught me that there is tremendous value in community. We bloggers read each other’s posts. I hope that Thumper shining the spotlight on pingbacks will prompt all of us to open a blogger dialogue.

By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments

We didn’t play last night. I was in pain. Lion was allergic. We’re a mess. But today Lion says “someone” wants to come out and play. He says he hopes I feel better. Even if I don’t, we’ll play. I don’t want him cooped up in the cage because of me. And even if Lion didn’t feel like playing tonight, I might unlock him just because.

Lion is concerned that we would go back to our inertia of pre-chastity. I could see myself just coming home every night and vegetating. That’s my normal state of being. But there’s no way I want to go back to the way things were. With or without the cage, I hope I would maintain things the way they are now. We were never not close, but we are definitely closer now. And we are more likely to share what we’re feeling rather than bottle it all up inside. I’m sure there are still things we’re afraid to discuss. Sometimes those things come out in a post. Sometimes we figure out a roundabout way to discuss them.

The point is, we may not be able to play because one of us feels ill or life intrudes, but neither of us wants to go back in time. We’ve made too many strides to give up. Even if we can’t play for a number of days in a row, we need to keep play in the forefront. Perhaps we’ll need to make sure we talk about it every night. Maybe something along the lines of, “I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. We can just snuggle if you’d like.” Or maybe, “I’m sorry I’m not feeling well. Would you mind if we just snuggle tonight.?” This way we’re acknowledging that play isn’t going to happen, but we haven’t forgotten that we should have.

I don’t know. Just a thought. It may be very elementary to some, but I think we need to keep on top of things like this to maintain what we’ve worked so hard to achieve.

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Male Chastity

Things are orthogonal when they are statistically invariant. In other words, what happens to me does not depend on anything that happens to or for Mrs. Lion. One of the most unfair things I have done in our enforced chastity was to assume success depended on me giving Mrs. Lion orgasms. After all, most guys in cages provide substantial numbers of orgasms to their keyholders. The idea is that they “trade’ their orgasms for providing sexual pleasure to their mates. Some go so far as to say that they now get the same level of sexual satisfaction from giving their partner an orgasm that the formerly got from having one of their own. I can’t comment on whether or not this is literally true, but it isn’t an uncommon claim.

Mrs. Lion hasn’t wanted an orgasm for a very long time. Last June was the latest one. She says she is just  not interested. At some level I have considered this a problem; a failing on my part to turn her on. She’s always insisted that isn’t the case. She just isn’t interested. So, our enforced chastity does not include providing any sexual pleasure to my keyholder. It’s all about my sexual frustration and eventual release.

I’ve never been very happy about this. I can’t help feeling selfish and worrying that there is no direct incentive for Mrs. Lion to continue. Of course she has continued and says there is no end in sight. She hasn’t shown any signs of resenting the effort she consistently makes on my behalf. She just does it because she knows it’s something I want. My enforced chastity is orthogonal to her sexual interests or lack of them. It exists in its own universe as a one-way kink benefiting me alone.

Actually, this isn’t all that unusual in the world of power exchange. Many female tops get no direct pleasure from torturing their male bottoms. They do it for reasons of their own, of course, but as a source of direct sexual pleasure is pretty unusual. One reason that some women charge money to top men is that the cash is something positive they get for their trouble. Sadly, the majority of male bottoms live in the delusion that women just can’t wait to top them because it is so much fun. As a male top, I quickly learned that topping is a lot of work and doing it just to get sex is mostly a waste of time. I never had a problem finding partners, so why add the physical labor of topping in order to get what I already had.

My point is that sex for a keyholder is orthogonal to the things she does to her caged male. I know that many do pretend that getting unlimited, guilt-free orgasms is a major reason they are keyholders. I would argue that if they looked deeper they would see that they could have had all the guilt-free sex they wanted far more easily. On the other hand, most of the guys I know about consider that providing endless orgasms for their keyholders is essentially the golden ticket to getting caged.

I believe that giving all those orgasms is yet another part of the classic male chastity fantasy. I admit it was part of mine. But it really has nothing to do with the kink at all. The kink is only about male orgasm control. Whether or not your keyholder wants orgasms does not change the experience. This fact is very relevant to all of us caged males. It makes no sense to associate giving your partner orgasms with your cock being caged. Face it, if she told you to lick her, cage or no cage, you would do it until she wanted you to stop. It’s just more fun to pretend you are being forced to do it.

The vast majority of power exchange is “forcing” the bottom to accept what he/she really wants. It’s not exactly smoke and mirrors, but it is wish fulfilling. Mrs. Lion is fulfilling my wishes. It’s a gift she gives to me. I am not trading anything for it. That’s why it’s a gift. Isn’t that true of you too?