By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments

Tonight is the night. Again. After only a four day wait, it’s Lion’s orgasm day. He said he wasn’t very horny yesterday but I managed to change his mind last night. I don’t know what the Lion weather report will be today either. I’m sure he’ll come around to my way of thinking. I can be very persuasive.

As I was playing with him last night, even before he was really into it, I realized how much I love just touching him. I mean, I’ve known it for a long time, but I’m talking about massaging his balls and stroking him whether I’ll be able to edge him or not. There was a certain intimacy in just playing with him long before the urgency of trying to edge him. He might have felt some pressure to get hard, but I was happy just touching. Of course, when he did get hard we had some more fun.

I guess sometimes I get lost in the rules and the procedures of chastity and FLM, and I forget that it connects us. It’s not just sex and sex play. It’s intimacy. Maybe that sounds strange, but I tend to think that I have to edge him a certain number of times, or make him wait a certain length of time, or spank him at a certain time, in order for things to work right. Part of me sees chastity and FLM as manufactured. I’ve been looking for the more vanilla parts of sex as being more romantic and spontaneous. It’s not that I’ve never felt close to Lion when we play. It’s difficult to explain. Obviously.

There have been times in the past when I suddenly look at Lion and think, “This man would do anything for me.” I know it’s always true, but sometimes it just hits me. And the big light shines on him and the chorus sings, “Ahhh ahhhhhh.” That’s silly, but sometimes I get that aha moment  and I realize that I’m very lucky to have him and how great is it that I get to touch him. I guess that’s what happened last night.

You probably think I’ve lost my mind. It’s the migraine. I’m blaming everything on the migraine lately. Maybe it actually cleaned some of the cobwebs out.

By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal

Over the last few days Mrs. Lion and I have been writing about our Female Led Marriage (FLM). We didn’t conspire to do this. I guess we both have it on our minds. I think we have some misunderstandings, particularly around my fantasy and what I want. That isn’t her fault. I think that almost by definition, communication about subjects with very strong sexual and emotional content is easy to misunderstand. So in the interest of trying to improve my communication style, I want to try to explain what I think I want. I say that because when we started enforced chastity, what I said I wanted isn’t what turned out to be so successful for the two of us.

So, in terms of FLM, anything I claim I want now is only a jumping off point for what we will probably end up doing. First, I never in my wildest fantasy imagined that Mrs. Lion would manage my entire life. I am just not that submissive. So what am I imagining? In my mind it is very hot for me to obey orders given by Mrs. Lion and to ask her for permission when I want to do something out of my normal routine. For example, if I want to spend money, say more than $25, I would need permission. Mrs. Lion would make clear what she wants and how she wants me to behave. She would enforce her wishes with domestic discipline. That’s it. I just can’t see her assuming the decision making that I do. It isn’t that she can’t. She doesn’t want to do it. Meanwhile back in reality, I truly want her to let me know when she wants something. I want her to expect things of me. I want her to feel comfortable disciplining me for not meeting her expectations. That’s very hard for her. She has spent her lifetime learning to not have any expectations.

I know these changes are very difficult for Mrs. Lion and will certainly be annoying to me. But I think there is a good reason to put ourselves through this. It’s a variation on the reason enforced chastity has been so good for us: it will force us to make positive changes and, in the process, grow closer. FLM will move Mrs. Lion to become more aware of her own expectations. It will encourage her to express them. It will also move her to let me know (forcefully) when I displease or upset her. She accepts things she doesn’t like to avoid causing problems. As her confidence and paddle hand grow stronger, she will learn to correct me when I do anything that even slightly upsets her.

One rule I have is not to interrupt her. Last weekend she said that I still interrupt her but not enough to punish me. She doesn’t like any interruption, but has apparently set a bar for how much interrupting I have to do before I get spanked. It won’t be fun for me, but I have to say that it is a mistake to let things get by. If she notices something I do that she doesn’t like, even if she notices it days later, I think she should discipline me for it. Domestic discipline benefits both of us. I learn to correct my behavior and become more obedient. Perhaps more importantly, Mrs. Lion learns that she needs to note these things and respond to them. I think that after a while she will learn to do this automatically. Along with correcting me, she will also become more aware of her wants and feel able to express them. She’ll know that every time she corrects me she is making me happier and is doing something I have wanted for a long time. Like enforced chastity, after a while she will probably no longer do it because it makes me happy that she does, but will do it because it works for us as a couple.

By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Mrs Lion Comments

By the time I left work yesterday, an hour and a half early, my migraine had backed up and started four times. Poor Lion wanted so badly to do something for me and I couldn’t give him any clue how to help. Finally I fell asleep for a bit and then ate dinner. After standing under hot water in the shower for a while, I felt human again. That’s not to say I felt better. I just didn’t feel like I had an alien in my head fighting to get out. Needless to say, we had a quiet, non-play night.

We are in the process of trying to figure out how FML will work for us. Initially Lion thought he wanted lots of rules. I’m sure if I had jumped on the bandwagon he would have realized quickly that he didn’t really want so many rules. If I made him ask before he did anything it would drive both of us crazy right away. I haven’t had much time to think of any new rules since my head was exploding yesterday. I read Lion’s post in the middle of the fireworks. It will take me some time to take stock and decide which of his suggestions I might want to adopt. I may even come up with a few of my own. It’s definitely a work in progress.

Since I’m not normally in charge and I don’t really have a desire to be, there’s no way I would ever jump in with both feet to take over. We both need baby steps. I’m sure we’ll be fine tuning for a very long time. If something doesn’t work, does it just need to be tweaked or does it need to go? Maybe something Lion asked for is not really what he thought he wanted. Is it too tiresome to ask for permission to do X all the time? Should he really be expected to do Y all the time? And, of course, there will be new ideas popping up all the time. I know Lion. He loves his new ideas.

I never know what the future holds with Lion. He always surprises me with something completely different. I blame the internet. There are too many people like him on it.

By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal, Punishment

Yesterday I wrote about measuring a Female Led Marriage (FLM). Essentially, I was trying to offer ways to know if the transition to FLM is proceeding. That post bothers me for a few reasons: The first reason is that I, the disciplined male, am offering metrics for something that is supposed to take power from me; sort of the cart leading the horse. Also, are we trying to fix something that isn’t broken? After she read my post, Mrs. Lion said that it would be hard for her to make all the changes required. She went on to say she would do it. Then, in her post yesterday she talked about some of the stresses she faces.

It seems to me that I am asking her to bring a domestic discipline fantasy to life. I envisioned how life would be if she were completely in charge. Then, I asked her to make it happen. This isn’t right. I also thought about other FLM relationships I know about. None of them grew up this way. In each case the woman was the functional head of household long before any explicit FLM was discussed. I think that happy relationships organically reach a power balance that works for both people. In many cases, one member or the other does the majority of the decision making. When FLM is explored by a couple where the wife has the leadership role, the implicit power becomes formalized. With the change, her partner gives her the ability to discipline him. Her role is explicit. Even in those cases, adding discipline is difficult for many. For others it’s really unnecessary since the male fully accepts his wife’s role.

In our case, I have had most of the decision-making power. It’s worked for us. I have long wanted to surrender power. Enforced chastity has been a very successful power exchange for us. We like our roles and we are happy with the positive effect it has on our marriage. It doesn’t match my fantasy, but the reality is actually better. I’ve also wanted to be disciplined; not in the play session sense, but as part of behavioral modification. I don’t know why, but it’s something I’ve wanted for a very long time. With our enforced chastity success, I figured we could add FLM and two important improvements would follow: The first is that Mrs. Lion would take on some decision making. She would also learn to express her wants. She would learn to have expectations for things she would like. The second is that I would surrender power and accept discipline when I fail to obey or break a rule. That would satisfy my longstanding need and allow me to be conditioned to behave in ways that please Mrs. Lion.

Both of these objectives seem very positive to me. But is that FLM?  I am not sure. I think that FLM is an end state. It’s what a marriage looks like after the wife has assumed authority and her husband is fully trained. Of course, there is no explicit information about what that end state is. In contrast, enforced chastity’s end state is crystal clear: I wear a chastity device full time. Mrs. Lion provides any sexual stimulation I receive. Her word is law and she can withhold orgasm, play, or teasing at will. We’ve reached that end state and it works for us.

What about FLM? I think we aren’t going to be successful at this, at least in the classic sense. Unless we are much more specific about our expectations, we will feel that we are failing. Since it was my idea in the first place, I would like to suggest how we will know we are succeeding. I hope Mrs. Lion will add her feedback — after all she’s the boss — and we can agree on our brand of FLM.

  1. We will continue to divide financial and household responsibilities. Mrs. Lion isn’t expected to take them all on.
  2. Lion will ask permission before spending discretionary money, going out, or starting anything around the house.
  3. Mrs. Lion is responsible for Lion’s behavior and controls what he does.
  4. Mrs. Lion will make behavioral rules to support the above.
  5. Mrs. Lion will provide and Lion will accept discipline in any form that Mrs. Lion wishes to administer it.
  6. Mrs. Lion will make daily decisions (or approve) things like what to have for dinner, where to go, bedtime, what to watch on TV.
  7. She will provide explicit expectations for Lion’s behavior and more importantly for things she wants.
  8. As she gets more experience, she will work to be strict about those things she wants from Lion and liberally apply discipline.
  9. FLM isn’t expected to cover all aspects of life, just those that work in Mrs. Lion’s opinion.
  10. Lion will express his gratitude for Mrs. Lion’s efforts every day.

This may not be FLM in your mind. I think the above is a good start on defining what will work. I expect that later today Mrs. Lion will adjust the rules and, of course, I will accept her changes. The outcome of all this is that I will be a trained, but not tame lion.