Tonight is the night. Again. After only a four day wait, it’s Lion’s orgasm day. He said he wasn’t very horny yesterday but I managed to change his mind last night. I don’t know what the Lion weather report will be today either. I’m sure he’ll come around to my way of thinking. I can be very persuasive.
As I was playing with him last night, even before he was really into it, I realized how much I love just touching him. I mean, I’ve known it for a long time, but I’m talking about massaging his balls and stroking him whether I’ll be able to edge him or not. There was a certain intimacy in just playing with him long before the urgency of trying to edge him. He might have felt some pressure to get hard, but I was happy just touching. Of course, when he did get hard we had some more fun.
I guess sometimes I get lost in the rules and the procedures of chastity and FLM, and I forget that it connects us. It’s not just sex and sex play. It’s intimacy. Maybe that sounds strange, but I tend to think that I have to edge him a certain number of times, or make him wait a certain length of time, or spank him at a certain time, in order for things to work right. Part of me sees chastity and FLM as manufactured. I’ve been looking for the more vanilla parts of sex as being more romantic and spontaneous. It’s not that I’ve never felt close to Lion when we play. It’s difficult to explain. Obviously.
There have been times in the past when I suddenly look at Lion and think, “This man would do anything for me.” I know it’s always true, but sometimes it just hits me. And the big light shines on him and the chorus sings, “Ahhh ahhhhhh.” That’s silly, but sometimes I get that aha moment and I realize that I’m very lucky to have him and how great is it that I get to touch him. I guess that’s what happened last night.
You probably think I’ve lost my mind. It’s the migraine. I’m blaming everything on the migraine lately. Maybe it actually cleaned some of the cobwebs out.