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In: Mrs Lion Comments

Lion was upset that I said he whines. He insists he doesn’t whine. I guess we have a difference of opinion. And perhaps a different definition of whining. He does not have the nasal twang type of whine. He does, however, repeat himself like a three-year-old sometimes: I smell the smoke. Can’t you smell the smoke? Look over there; you can’t see the mountains because of the smoke. The sky looks orange because of the smoke. Smoke. Smoke. Smoke.

When we went to a concert by one of my favorite artists, the sound was bad. Lion spent half the time complaining about the bad sound and the other half making fun of the people around us who were dancing and singing along. There’s nothing I could do about the sound, and people dance and sing at concerts. They are enjoying themselves. I was singing along too.

We recently went to see a comedian that I like. Admittedly, he wasn’t as funny as I remembered him being, but he was still funny. Lion told me he didn’t think he was very funny. And told me again. And again. By the end of the act, before he came back for the encore, we left. He really wasn’t as funny as I’d hoped, and I couldn’t justify making Lion sit through any more of it. Besides, we beat the traffic.

To me, these are examples of whining. He wants something. He wants something now. He wants to make sure I know he wants something now. Would it be any different if it was a kid? I want candy. Why can’t I have candy? You never let me have any candy. I promise I’ll be good if you give me candy. I wish I could have candy. John’s mother lets him have candy. Whining. So we’ll work on that.

We did better last night in the horny Lion department. He said he wasn’t very, but I managed to convince him otherwise fairly quickly. After I edged him a few times I was actually considering giving him an orgasm. Two things stopped me: it hadn’t been that long since his last orgasm and he hadn’t been that horny. But I did want to give him one. But he’s got another week to wait. Damn. I made us wait. Afterwards, he said he would have been perfectly fine if I had decided to give him an orgasm. What a guy. Take one for the team and all that.

I just realized that I’ve learned to control my urges to give him an orgasm whenever I feel like it. Maybe there’s hope for him to control his urges in the whining department. Fingers crossed.

By:
In: Edging, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Ruined orgasm, Sex

As Mrs. Lion mentioned, I drove to the campground yesterday. It was a pretty easy 150 miles. We only crossed two mountain passes. We made our obligatory homage at Walmart and picked up some needed groceries and sundries. Since my orgasm three days ago, Mrs. Lion hasn’t felt well enough to play. Friday night she made a little attempt but I wasn’t feeling very interested in sex. The problem is that if I don’t get consistent stimulation, my interest fades into the background. I can be brought back, but it takes more work.

In my case, at least, the interest will resurface eventually on its own. It can take anywhere from a few days to a week. This is a function of age. Most men over forty react in a similar way. When stimulation is present; porn, visuals, or direct touching, the horny returns. Since porn usually has no effect on me and I have no opportunities for stimulation unless it is provided by Mrs. Lion, my libido sinks into the sunset until either Mrs. Lion or my internal sexual clock gets me started again. This makes waiting for my next orgasm easier. Then why am I disappointed when Mrs. Lion doesn’t stimulate me for several days?

The reason is that I like the game. I find it fun when I ache for release and get edged over and over. Mrs. Lion knows that, and for two nights she was under the weather. On the third, Friday, my interest was low and she was ready to do something. She has said that she won’t force me to play if I’m not horny. So, she and I snuggled in an asexual way. I know that she doesn’t play with me out of respect for my feelings. But what seems like a good deed actually feeds into my interest dropping further the next day.

I’ve been thinking about this. Clearly it would be totally unfair to ask Mrs. Lion to stimulate me when she is feeling badly. It would make me feel guilty if she tried. So, if like this week, I am not stimulated for two nights and on the third report being not horny, should Mrs. Lion disregard my status? I don’t think so. If the game is to make my waits as difficult as possible, then my hormones need to flow at full force.

It isn’t that easy, of course. When I am not feeling horny, Mrs. Lion has to work very hard to get a rise out of me. I know she doesn’t get discouraged and quits. I think she quits because I am not still not interested. While enforced chastity may be something she wants to do because of its effects on our marriage, the stimulation is to make me happy. If I don’t appear to be having fun when she plays with my penis, she stops.

The same thing happens with ruined orgasms. As soon as I crash after the ruined orgasm, I get soft again. According to other people practicing orgasm control, if she continues stimulating my penis anyway, eventually I will get hard and can be edged or have another ruined orgasm. It may take some time, but I have been assured it will work.

I’m sure you can see where this is heading. The question we need to answer is: who controls whether or not I am horny? We already know Mrs. Lion owns erections and orgasms. But does she also own my general state of arousal? I would like her to possess that too. She has to decide if she wants the added work.

OK, what is a lioness to do if I stubbornly refuse to get hard? The answer is to do the same thing she does when I need a spanking: tell me to suck it up buttercup and go about her business. Currently, she has her hands and mouth to provide stimulation. She can add some electrical help with a vibrator if she wants. You know, live better electrically. Just as I can’t refuse a spanking, it seems reasonable that I shouldn’t be permitted to refuse an erection, edging, or ruined orgasm.

This all comes down to control. In my way of thinking, sexual control means ownership of all sex including how horny I am. If the lion weather report reports low levels of horny, then the lioness should seed the lion clouds to get his level up again. This takes time and energy. I don’t know how much, but I do know it will take some. It will almost certainly mean more stimulation at less convenient times, like before or just after dinner; or at lunchtime when we are together. I suspect that when stimulation occurs more regularly, these additional sessions won’t be required often, but at times like now they would go a long way. Mrs. Lion has to decide if she wants to make this additional physical and time investment. Maybe obtaining a vibrator can cut the time and energy she needs to invest to a minimum. But it still comes down to how she wants to spend her spare time.

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In: Female led relationship with discipline, Mrs Lion Comments
smoke from chelan wildfire
Here’s what the sky looked like last night at 6PM. The sun is just an orange ball. The white dot is a reflection in the lens, not the moon. Now at 2PM PDT, you can look directly at the sun without hurting your eyes.

Neither one of us was very playful last night. By the time I was ready for Lion, he was no longer ready for me. He hadn’t been very horny anyway. We’ll do better tonight, I’m sure.

Today we are off on some adventure or another. Yesterday we arrived to blue skies. By late afternoon the wind picked up and blew the smoke toward us. This morning the sky is hazy and Lion smells smoke. He’s already planning our retreat. Not from fire. We’re miles away from the fire. He doesn’t want to deal with the smoke. I’m reserving judgment.

It brings up an interesting predicament, though. If Lion wants to leave and I want to stay, who wins? Normally I would decide that listening to him whine about leaving was not worth it and we’d leave. That’s usually why I don’t do things I want to do but Lion doesn’t want to do. Theoretically, in a female led marriage, it shouldn’t matter if he wants to leave, or what music I want to listen to, or who drives. Obviously we aren’t there yet. We’re a very long way off. But every decision puts me one step closer.

Here’s another predicament: Lion loves his TV. He needs it on almost constantly. Sometimes it’s just background noise. Usually he’s actually watching something. I find constant noise distracting, especially when I’m trying to read or write a post. At work I generally have music on in the background, but this is different for two reasons. I like my music and I’m not distracted by the urge to watch the screen. Yes, this is my problem. No, Lion won’t change. I’m not sure I want him to. The issue comes when I need to leave the room to concentrate. Lion likes when I am near him. Leaving is an insult to him, somehow. What I normally do is what I tell him to do: suck it up. But I just left the trailer to go outside, in the not-so-smoky conditions, to finish my post where there is only traffic noise and birds chirping. We’ll need to work out a compromise. Another task for me.

I did have one win yesterday. Lion drove here. We changed roles from the outset. He backed the truck up to the trailer and I hitched it. We’d never tried that before. It’s important we both know how to do each job. It took a few tries but we got it. Once we got to the campsite I did have to back it in. Backing up is always trickier than going forward. It took me a few tries to get it where we wanted it too. Lion just needs more confidence backing up. It can get frustrating. In that respect, it seems like we’re in the same boat. I need more practice making decisions and he needs more practice handling the trailer.

We’ll get it. It just takes time.

 

By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Keyholder, Lion's Journal

Yesterday I wrote about a blogger’s post that said that men don’t need orgasms. My post stimulated some nice conversation. Thank you. Anyway, I started thinking about why that post, in particular, would stimulate me to write about it. Normally I just ignore stuff like that. I think the reason I was so bothered was the prescriptive nature of that post. I know, the Web is full of people telling us what we should do. Mrs. Lion and I still get mail saying that she lets me come too often. “Everyone knows that males should have to wait (fill in the value) between orgasms.” Enforced chastity and FLM seem to trigger a lot of passion, particularly among guys who never tried it.

This same sort of absolutism exists in the BDSM community. “Good subs have to (fill in the activity).” “You aren’t a dom (another bogus Internet label) unless you (fill the activity in here).” It’s all a giant, kinky version of MadLibs. Remember that game? We used to play it at camp and in the car. You play it by giving a list of words, “Give me an adjective. Now a person’s name.” In our version, you provide things like: “Give me a humiliating activity.” or “Describe an activity that is so painful you could never do it.” Then you insert those items into a pre-written story. Try this one:

You can always tell when a guy is truly into enforced chastity when he is forced to wait (insert a number between 6 and infinity) months between orgasms. He also always wears (name of a female undergarment). His keyholder make him give her oral sex at least (number) of times a day.

You get the point. Amazingly, a great deal of what you find on the Web is very much like my kinky MadLibs. Years ago I was on the board of an arts organization that supported artists of all kinds. Meetings were frequently content-free because the artists needed to debate what is and isn’t “art”. The answer, by the way, is that the true definition of art is: Art is anything someone creates and calls art. That’s it. You don’t have to agree. Critics don’t have to review it. Simple. Right?

Enforced chastity has a few minimal requirements, but by and large if a couple says they are practicing it, they are. The same is true of FLM. There is no Association of United Keyholders who establish entrance criteria for “true” keyholders. You don’t get a certificate that proves you are doing enforced chastity correctly.

So, if Mrs. Lion wants me to come every four days, she is practicing enforced chastity as she chooses. The point is that she, not I, decides when I get to come. Both enforced chastity and FLM are consensual power exchanges. Their power derives from the agreement of their submissive partner to permit their domination. How any of this is practiced is decided by the people involved.

In short, if you say you are practicing enforced chastity, then you are. You may not have a partner and you may masturbate ten times a day, but if this is your definition of enforced chastity, then I’m not going to contradict you.

FLM is a little more complicated. There is wide variation between couples on just what this means. In some cases, every decision of consequence is made by the woman. In others, like ours, the woman chooses what areas she wishes to control. Other stuff is either decided jointly or by the male partner. It really doesn’t matter. As long as the people involved feel they have a Female Led Marriage, then they do. Period.

I am completely tired of reading what Mrs. Lion or I should do if we want to have a FLM or practice enforced chastity. We both like getting advice, but just because we share our lives here doesn’t mean we are eager to be told what we are doing wrong. Most of our readers are very supportive. Much of the advice we have been given, we have taken to heart. Because we have over 1,000 posts here doesn’t make us experts in any of this. There are no experts. There are no college degrees in this. It’s like sex; you do what works for you and your partner. Hopefully, you never forget that loving each other is way more important than any kink.