July 2014 (Page 5)

(Tuesday, July 22, 2014) As Mrs. Lion pointed out in her post yesterday, there has been a lull in the action. We have played a couple of times but not with any real energy or great excitement. I’m not sure what is behind this, but I do hope it will end soon. There is one very strong positive that has come out of our summer doldrums: even without the great sexual tension, we continue with forced chastity. I realized today that neither of us even considered ending my lockup. Even in the face of lost sexual energy, the cage remains firmly in place.

A recent forum comment got me thinking. The writer claimed that forced chastity made marriages better because the man automatically became more caring and thoughtful and the wife more interested in her partner’s sexual satisfaction. I disagree with that. I do think Mrs. Lion and I are more thoughtful because we decided to begin forced chastity, not because I am locked up. In fairness to the forum poster, I think that because I am locked we can’t slip too far down into our old habits. My need to orgasm and her concern for my welfare prevent that. The more I think about how chastity is affecting our relationship, the more I believe it is a powerful force for the better.

Inertia, in my opinion, is the most dangerous enemy of a good relationship. Just allowing things to slip into a comfortable-but-negative pattern slowly pushes people apart. Some sort of change is needed to stop the slide and move the passive things back into the active column. In our case, the combination of Mrs. Lion’s fairly low libido with my discomfort with sexual initiation made it very easy for us to do nothing and as a result, touch less and lose our physical intimacy.

The locked penis is not some sort of flaccid magic wand that changed all that. However, the reassignment of its ability to ejaculate, forced me to communicate more about my sexual needs. I lost the ability to just take care of things myself. Mrs. Lion, by holding the key, can’t forget that I am sexually helpless without her active participation. Neither of us can succumb to inertia. The very force that is built into males will force me to actively communicate sexually with my lioness. She, in turn, can’t forget that I depend totally on her for sexual release.

In that sense, even when we have low activity periods like now, they can’t last too long. My hormones and Mrs. Lion’s concern for my well being won’t permit it. While we haven’t discussed this, I think we are both aware of the fact that my cage assures us that we can’t fall back into our old pattern. This is a very good reason why there is little chance I will ever be a wild lion again.

Mrs. Lion and I have just returned from a weekend away. As you may recall, she wrote about her new goal of more lion play. On Saturday night I got a nice spanking. She made my cheeks rosy red, she said. I can’t really see. They felt red and hot! She followed that with some nice teasing. One thing though: after she had edged me a bit, I told her I really didn’t feel like coming. Gasp! Did he really say that? Yuppers, I did. I just didn’t feel that familiar urgency. Mrs. Lion said, “Good thing. I wasn’t going to let you come, anyway.”

I’m not sure why my horniness wasn’t up to its usual level. After my erection subsided, she had me put the ring on and she locked me back up. Sunday night we just went to bed and to sleep. So, I have been orgasm-free since last Thursday night. It’s only four days, so it isn’t inconceivable that I might not be in the mood, just out of character. I am excited by Mrs. Lion’s goal of more playing including anal stretching. She had the mini-lion casting with her when we traveled (in her travel toy bag), but we didn’t do any anal play. We were both tired so I think that may have slowed down her progress. I’m sure she will pick up where she left off.

I did ask her about her plans. We have two anal projects: one is to work me up to the huge Njoy 2.0 butt plug. The other is to get me relaxed enough to accept her hand. The second requires increasing time with thicker and thicker dildos. We have a nice collection, so she has the tools. I’m sure she will report her progress. I will also let you know from the receiver’s point of view. Funny thing, writing this has made me horny. Maybe I am in the mood after all. I wonder if Mrs. Lion is too.

At times, mostly when standing at a urinal, I ask myself why I want to be locked up? It comes up then because, unlike when I am wild, I have to take my entire package out of my pants before I can pee. You are probably thinking that this isn’t a very big deal. No, it isn’t. But at this point it is the only time in my day-to-day life I have any real awareness of my cage. It fits perfectly and I really don’t know it is there almost all the time. At night I am only aware of it if I am awake and trying to get hard. At those times, I like that it is there because it is preventing me from unauthorized sexual activity.

I decided to write about this because it is a fair question. In my fantasy I wear this cage because I have to. My keyholder, Mrs. Lion, insists that I am locked all the time. In fact, I am pretty sure she would unlock me if I asked her. So the gap between my chastity fantasy and my idea of reality is the level of control I actually have over my lockup. Mrs. Lion and I discussed this very issue. I suggested that saying I want to be locked for life is probably unrealistic. It’s not really possible to make a decision that far reaching. I said that I wanted to make it long enough that I would feel her control but not an unrealistic time. So I proposed that I must stay locked up until June of 2016. Mrs. Lion agreed. Of course, we had the usual exceptions: illness, medical visits, metal detectors, irritation, etc. for brief freedom.

So why would I imagine that I could ask for my freedom and get it? I think it may be due to my belief that Mrs. Lion may not really hold me to our deal. I don’t want to test this. That wouldn’t be fair to my lioness. This is a typical power exchange catch 22: you can’t know you have no choice unless you challenge your top, but if you challenge your top you hurt her feeling of confidence or make her think you resent her control. This comes up all the time in BDSM. The only non-destructive way to assert this control is for the top to do some activity that clearly goes past the bottom’s current wishes. We are in tricky territory again since our keyholder/top doesn’t want to force a safeword or cross a limit. However, activities like spanking are really easy to push past the bottom’s desire to be spanked. Each time control is asserted in a way like this, the bottom feels the control of the top. It’s ironic that this sort of thing is needed. After all, the top is usually performing all this stuff at the request of the bottom.

My wish to be caged is an expression of my desire that Mrs. Lion is in sexual control. As a top it can be confusing for the keyholder. After all, she is doing what her caged male wants, why would he resist? This goes back to something I mentioned in a previous post: males and females react differently to control situations. Submissive or bottoming females generally work hard to be compliant. They generally want to be “good girls”. There are exceptions, but this general case is true much of the time. Males, at least this one, want to be forced. We want to feel the power of our top/keyholder. That provides much of the comfort of control. There are many exceptions to this. But at least some of the time, we want to know that we have no choice. That is the deepest meaning of control.

Our cages represent that sort of control. We want cages that we can’t defeat. Some males want to test their chastity devices to the extreme. Usually, they end up buying a lot of devices since most can be defeated if you are determined enough. So, most of us compromise. We recognize it is possible to get out, but it is difficult and inconvenient. It takes enough time and effort for us to think better of escape. That’s good enough for most.

So, if I say I want to get out, at the time I may want that more than anything in the world. But, even though I am desperate, unless my reason is one that Mrs. Lion feels is reasonable, I need her to refuse. In fact, the more urgent my need, the more control I feel when she says no. So, the answer to the question, “Do I really want to do this?” is “It doesn’t matter, you are doing it until June 2016 at the least!”