Male Chastity Journal

Mid twentieth century marriage manuals discussed “wifely duties.” These, of course, referred to providing sex for the husband. That was a long time ago and things have certainly changed. I started thinking about how things are different for me in comparison to vanilla men. That led me to the entire topic of wifely duties. Let me explain.

For the longest time, sex was something that men got and women gave. The idea of a female orgasm was pretty revolutionary well into the twentieth century. Women had orgasms before then, but they weren’t considered an essential part of the female sexual experience. Women were taught that they had to satisfy their husbands or they might find satisfaction outside of the marriage.

Nowadays we are more sophisticated than that; at least we claim to be. For most of the vanilla world, sex is something that is started and ends with at least a male orgasm in a single session. Most women would be appalled at the thought of teasing their husbands to the edge of orgasm and then leaving them panting and wanting. Most husbands wouldn’t think twice about sex with their wives that ended in ejaculation but no orgasm for her. More enlightened males do make sure that their wives are satisfied too.

I think if we took a survey of married women and asked how they felt about teasing their husbands to the edge of orgasm and leaving then unsatisfied, we would probably find that the vast majority would consider that a bad idea.  For one thing, many would assume that the men would finish the job on their own. Others might worry that the men would seek relief in other ways. If we asked men the same question, I suspect the majority would claim they would never do that, but if it did happen, their wives would simply wait until “next time” to come.

It seems to me that this double standard is based in sexual dominance. Culturally, the male is assigned the role of sexual initiator and his partner as sexual satisfier. This isn’t a political point. It just seems to be the way things work for most of us. And work it does. While there are sexual tradeoffs, there is also a very stable and comfortable pattern in this for most people. Males take the risk of rejection and are rewarded with a sure orgasm. Females are in the position of allowing sex or not at the cost of possible loss of orgasm when they do permit sex to happen. Again, nothing political here, just my observation of sexual behavior. Even in a marriage where the woman is clearly in charge, this sexual pattern is common. Even if you don’t fully agree with me about typical behavior, my point is that the norm is for men to request sex and women to agree or not to having it.

Enforced male chastity turns all of this upside down.  I can’t really initiate sex that will result in me having an orgasm. My penis is securely locked up. Mrs. Lion knows with certainty that if she tells me I can’t have an orgasm, I am unable to have one myself or go to another female. I can ask for an orgasm, but I am powerless to have one in any way that my lioness doesn’t actively permit.

More profoundly, she can have or not have orgasms without it having any bearing on my sexual satisfaction. If she wants sex, she can tell me to satisfy her. That doesn’t imply that I will be satisfied too. She can also unlock me and tease me right up to the edge of orgasm and then lock me up again. I can be frustrated, even angry, but I can’t have that orgasm unless she allows it. This is obvious to those of us who have been practicing enforced chastity for a while. It isn’t obvious to outsiders.

I think that the reason more men don’t get involved in this kink is the change in their sexual capabilities. Before enforced chastity, while I couldn’t control if I would have sex with Mrs. Lion, I could easily provide myself with relief. She could say “no,” but I could use my hand and have all the orgasms I want. Many studies have shown that the vast majority of married men masturbate on a regular basis. A wifely “no” just means “not with her”. It doesn’t mean no orgasm.

Now that I am always in a chastity device, a “no” from Mrs. Lion means I will not have an orgasm. She is free to keep me as horny as she wants without any danger that I will stray or jerk off. I can’t. Years of being locked up this way have conditioned me to not even consider masturbating or allowing anyone else to give me an orgasm. Wearing the cage isn’t necessary now. Well, that’s not entirely true. If I were wild all the time, I could have a  moment when my hand would give me what Mrs. Lion wouldn’t. I would feel sad and guilty afterward, but I might do it anyway.

We can’t even take a small chance I would do that. So the cage remains on. There are times that I am allowed to be wild; for example while my bruise healed. During those times there is a risk I could take matters into my own hand, but it is a small risk since I am only allowed to be free for a day or two at a time. That’s not long enough to get comfortable with the idea that my penis is accessible to me for my pleasure.

I’ve encouraged Mrs. Lion to allow me the least amount of freedom possible. In the best case only allowing me to be unlocked when she can directly supervise me. It’s not that I don’t trust myself. It’s that the cage gives me comfort. I can’t have a weak moment with it on. Also, I know that Mrs. Lion is firmly in charge. I’m still married even when I don’t wear my wedding ring. I am still controlled sexually if my cage is off. But I get comfort from wearing my wedding ring and cage as much of the time as I can.

People first starting something get so excited that they believe everyone in the world should love it too. You’ve seen it. A guy buys a chastity device and he is all over Twitter and the forums wondering why every guy in the world isn’t locked up. “Hey, I know! Let’s make a Male Chastity Day holiday. We all stay home from work and not jerk off.”

The enthusiasm is understandable. I was very excited and aroused when I discovered this kink. I didn’t feel any need to try to convert others to the cause, but I was really turned on. That was 1993. I did my normal obsessive research and actually wrote online reviews of different devices. It just never occurred to me to tell the world that locked cocks is the answer to its problems. Though maybe…

My early research testing male chastity devices informed me that they were either painful to wear or too restrictive. Also, at the time I was a practicing dominant; not the sort of situation that lends itself to me locking up my cock. About twenty years later I started thinking about enforced chastity again. This time I wasn’t a practicing dominant and had experimented on and off with being a bottom. I was excited about trying it for real this time.

There really is something different for Mrs. Lion and I about practicing enforced male chastity. It had effects far beyond the rather narrow confines of my genitals. It almost magically made our marriage better. Mrs. Lion and I both feel the change. In fact, we both wonder how, what amounts to a kink, can improve our communication and make us feel closer. I’ve had my theories which I’ve reported here. Mrs. Lion has a few of her own. Neither of us feels confident enough about any of these ideas to agree we understand what’s happening. We are certain enforced chastity is the cause. We just don’t know how it works.

We’re not alone. Others have reported similar changes in their marriages. Could it be that the secret to a happy marriage is enforced male chastity. I don’t think so. I think a marriage has to be fundamentally sound in order for enforced chastity to work. It takes a lot of trust for a guy to surrender control of his sexuality to his wife. I’m not talking about doing it for a weekend or even for a few weeks. I’m talking about a commitment to be locked and remain that way. Most of us wouldn’t give the only key to our sexual satisfaction to someone we don’t trust.

Mrs. Lion and I have been happily married for a decade. She considered my request to be locked in a chastity device to be yet another lion experiment. She unenthusiastically agreed to try it. After a month or so, we decided to make a long term agreement to continue. We would review continuing in 2016. After several months, we noticed that we had a lot more physical intimacy and less sexual stress. Gradually it became less my kink and more something we both wanted to do.

Do I think that we discovered the secret to a happy marriage? Should all husbands wear a chastity device and a wedding ring? Of course not. Can enforced male chastity make a marriage much better? Yes, it really can. Of course, I have no way to know how many long term chastity couples report improved marriages, but I know a few have. One day, maybe I will understand why it works that way.