Yesterday we spent hours fixing the lawn tractor. When we were done, the belt was too loose. Argh! Today we have to take it all apart again. Not looking forward to that at all. Last night, Lion did his computer magic. He was working till about 11 pm. Then he came looking for love. Too late. I was hunkering down for the night. He was hungry and horny, and out of luck for both.

In this morning’s post, Lion brought up a few interesting topics. The first, being part of a community, is difficult for me. As an introvert, I have a hard time in social settings. I’m not even very comfortable with after work activities. One of my coworkers is getting married and we had a small get together the other night. It’s not that I don’t like my coworkers (although there are a few…). I just don’t have the social butterfly gene that my older son and daughter have. The second, his wanting me to be clothed around the house while he’s naked, got me thinking.

When we first got together it was specifically for play sessions. He was naked. It made sense that I be naked too. After all, the sessions usually ended in sex. When I moved in, we slept naked. My clothes were in another room of the house. I usually didn’t get dressed until I ventured in that direction. In my life before Lion I stayed in pajamas (usually a t shirt and shorts or sweatpants) until I needed to leave the house. I didn’t run around naked because there were kids in the house and you never knew who would show up at the door.

Since we spend so much time in the bedroom, watching tv, eating, etc., it’s more comfortable to be bottomless. And I usually feel hot. My skin may feel cold, but I feel very warm. When I come home from work I shed my work clothes and put on a t shirt. No bottoms. First of all, I don’t have that many clothes. Second, why make any more laundry than necessary? Third, I’ll probably be hot in a few minutes anyway. So let’s just cut to the chase and stay in a t shirt and undies. And, by the time the nightly edging comes around, those will be tossed. I work up a sweat playing with my Lion.

Lion has told me in the past that he likes it when I’m clothed and he’s not. I try to accommodate him, but I can only go so far. Unless he thinks a sweaty Mrs. Lion is sexy. I we turn down the heat so I am comfortable then he’s too cold. I don’t know how people play in leather outfits. I would be a puddle by the time I got all dressed. Anyway, until I find clothes that feed Lion’s fantasy of a clothed female that also feeds my need to be cool, I’m going with clothing optional.

Like a good boy, Lion reminded me about maintenance spanking night. And then hoped I’d forget. I didn’t. Since they are not punishment swats, they are not evil. He made it through the six swats with no problem at all.

When we started our nightly edging session, however, he had a problem. For whatever reason, no amount of oral stimulation could produce enough excitement to get him to the edge. He apologized. I said it was no big deal. He apologized again. I told him there’s no way I can insist he be aroused. I can’t force him to the edge. Over the course of a few hours he must have apologized five times. It really wasn’t a problem. He says it is. He says there must be a problem.

Here’s the problem as I see it. He thinks he let me down. And he’s sure if he can’t perform one night it means he’s “broken”. Let me assure you. Lion is not broken. Nightly edging might be too much. There’s nothing saying I can’t still fondle him without doing anything else. Even if we snuggle and I just massage his balls it still counts to me. And he’s not letting me down because I’m doing this for him. I’m more likely to think I let him down. Why didn’t I turn him on enough to get him to the edge? What’s wrong with me? But I didn’t think that last night because I realize that things don’t always go according to plan.

Maybe he’s worrying about something. We have to fix the lawn tractor today. Maybe he’s thinking about how much work that will be. Maybe he’s worried about how much I will be hurting from crawling around on the ground. Maybe he’s worried about how much he will be hurting from being in awkward positions. Maybe he’s worried about the stupid bolts being impossible to get off. He could also be thinking about the job situation. So many things to think about that make getting excited more difficult. And none of those things adds up to my being disappointed or his being broken. [Lion — She’s right. I am worrying about money. Yesterday it got the best of me for a while]

Tonight we’ll try again. And if it doesn’t work again we will snuggle and I will fondle him and we’ll try the next night. And the next night. And so on. Because as much as I am stuck with Lion, he is stuck with me too. And we don’t let each other down.

Last night Lion asked if playing with him turns me on. I said I like doing it. He said that wasn’t what he asked. I told him maybe a little bit. He really wants me to be turned on. I don’t spend much time thinking about it. As long as I’m happy turning him on, life is good. But I know he worries.

What if someone else turns me on? I’d be thrilled. Literally. It would mean I’m not completely hopeless. And I’d try to figure out why it happened so I can recreate it with Lion. Now, obviously, I don’t mean I’d find someone else. I mean it from a poster on the wall, hot guy on tv point of view. Unfortunately, I’ve never really been turned on by a poster on the wall or a hot guy on tv. Ever. That’s why it’s so difficult to figure out why my libido is so low right now. It would be easy if I could identify one spot Lion needs to touch or one thing he needs to say. But I can’t. It’s an internal thing, either hormonal or mental.

Lion worries he’s not sexy enough for me. Have you seen his butt? And the way the cage pushes those balls out there so I can rub them. And Mr. Weenie? Yum! I love him more than anything. He has the key to my heart and I have the key to his cage. He likes to say I’m stuck with him. Yes, I am. And I’m very happy to be stuck with him. I’m looking forward to being stuck with him for a very long time to come.

I whomped Lion hard last night. Maybe harder than I should have since his last punishment was so long ago. But, like I told him, it’s supposed to hurt. And I don’t want him to commit those same infractions again. And I know his tough Lion hide can take a lot more than I gave him. And, yes, I am trying to convince myself. I feel bad, but then again, I don’t. I know I shouldn’t. He asked for it. When I did it, it felt okay. When he grumbled that his butt hurt, it felt okay. When I read what he wrote about it, it felt okay. But now it feels less okay. Intellectually I know it shouldn’t.

It’s not that I feel like I need to apologize to him. It’s sort of the same feeling I got when I swatted my kids on the diapered bottoms for doing something dangerous. It had to be done, but boy did I feel bad afterwards. They’d cry and I felt like I wanted to cry too. Although for them it was more of a shock factor than pain. There’s no way they felt the actual swat through all that padding. It was more of a “Hey! Mom! What did you do that for?” I think I just need to get my heart more in line with my mind. It needs to be done. Lion wants it to be done. I can do it. I don’t think I’ll get to a point that I want to do it, but I can probably get to a point that it doesn’t bother me afterwards. Tonight is maintenance spanking night. That may help. I might have gotten too far removed from punishment swats. I guess as I do them more often, it will take some of the sting out of it for me. Ironically it will give Lion more of a sting. Poor Lion butt.

I am getting better at resisting the urge to give Lion an orgasm. I still want to, but I can talk myself out of it better than before. Now it amuses me that he’s so desperate to come. I like getting him all hot and bothered. Mostly I love touching him so much. And knowing that my touch can get him that excited. It always could. I guess; I just realize it more now than I ever did. Add that to the list of things the cage has done for us.