I whomped Lion hard last night. Maybe harder than I should have since his last punishment was so long ago. But, like I told him, it’s supposed to hurt. And I don’t want him to commit those same infractions again. And I know his tough Lion hide can take a lot more than I gave him. And, yes, I am trying to convince myself. I feel bad, but then again, I don’t. I know I shouldn’t. He asked for it. When I did it, it felt okay. When he grumbled that his butt hurt, it felt okay. When I read what he wrote about it, it felt okay. But now it feels less okay. Intellectually I know it shouldn’t.
It’s not that I feel like I need to apologize to him. It’s sort of the same feeling I got when I swatted my kids on the diapered bottoms for doing something dangerous. It had to be done, but boy did I feel bad afterwards. They’d cry and I felt like I wanted to cry too. Although for them it was more of a shock factor than pain. There’s no way they felt the actual swat through all that padding. It was more of a “Hey! Mom! What did you do that for?” I think I just need to get my heart more in line with my mind. It needs to be done. Lion wants it to be done. I can do it. I don’t think I’ll get to a point that I want to do it, but I can probably get to a point that it doesn’t bother me afterwards. Tonight is maintenance spanking night. That may help. I might have gotten too far removed from punishment swats. I guess as I do them more often, it will take some of the sting out of it for me. Ironically it will give Lion more of a sting. Poor Lion butt.
I am getting better at resisting the urge to give Lion an orgasm. I still want to, but I can talk myself out of it better than before. Now it amuses me that he’s so desperate to come. I like getting him all hot and bothered. Mostly I love touching him so much. And knowing that my touch can get him that excited. It always could. I guess; I just realize it more now than I ever did. Add that to the list of things the cage has done for us.