Domestic discipline (Page 26)

Mrs. Lion was out yesterday. She had a conference in the city. It’s way too quiet here without her. We generally write about spanking in the context of punishment. It’s the only kind of spanking I get. Discussions are limited to why I earned it and how it went. There’s an area of knowledge that gets neglected: spanking technique.

I’m an expert. I spent a long time giving spankings and running workshops. Now, I have over five years of being on the receiving end. Let’s start with the obvious. A spanking is supposed to hurt. That’s the only reason to spank someone. You want them to hurt enough to learn the lesson you are teaching. Depending on the individual spanking, the pain will end soon after the last swat or will be felt when sitting down for days.

We’ve discovered that there are three levels of spanking implements. The least severe is the hand of the spanker. That doesn’t mean a hand spanking is painless. Uh uh! But it is the least severe. Next are flexible implements like leather or rubber. They can be very painful. A leather paddle is a very good starter tool. Straps are relatively easy to use as well.

The last and most severe implements are made of rigid materials. Wood is the most popular and, for me, the most fearsome. Wood paddles are available in a lot of sizes and shapes. Generally, severity is a function of the weight/thickness of the paddle and the length of the handle. Mrs. Lion has a lot of wood paddles.

Hands and leather tend to create a red bottom. They rarely bruise. Also, the person being spanked will become numb after a while and won’t feel pain. You can increase the force, but it usually has limited value. Still, a hard, fast spanking with leather can produce tears and regret.

I’ve never managed to get numb enough to stop yelping when spanked with wood. When Mrs. Lion has used leather, I feel pain recede a bit. Of course, she hasn’t increased force or speed. She’s just getting used to the tools.

From my experience and what I’ve read, most notably the Disciplinary Wives Club, a spanking needs to last a minimum length of time. They suggest using a timer. Their program calls for a minimum of ten minutes for a single offense and adds five minutes for each additional.

Mrs. Lion uses a timer. It makes a big difference. I’ve discovered that the longer the duration, the more I hate the spanking. If she uses a combination of leather and wood, it’s sheer hell. It’s supposed to be. It makes me work hard to avoid being spanked.

appearance and experience

Each bottom is different. Some people bruise easily. Others, like me, rarely show a bruise. Some don’t get pink or red easily–that’s me again. Others get very red. Some will bleed. I’m one of the bleeders. It isn’t that Mrs. Lion is cutting me. Strong spanking produces “blisters” and gives the skin a leathery texture. The skin swells and sometimes cracks.

This bleeding is trivial and will stop soon after the spanking. The biggest problem is the mess. Even a few drops of blood will spray if hit by a paddle. Mrs. Lion keeps a damp washcloth available for quick cleanup. Blood does not stop a spanking. Another option is to apply a small bandaid (dot or patch) over the spot and continue. I am far less likely to bleed if hit with leather or other flexible materials.

From my position on the bottom, I can say without any reservation that wood is the worst. Mrs. Lion is returning to wood for at least half of the time she is beating me. She likes making my bottom red, but the purpose is to make me very unhappy. She also likes me to feel the spanking for a couple of days afterward. Wood is the only way to do that.

We learned that even a punishment spanking requires build-up. If Mrs. Lion starts at full force, I’ll be in too much pain for her to continue after just a few swats. It’s true that a punishment spanking is supposed to hurt. But, it has to go on for a full ten minutes. If she starts slow and easy, I will get used to the feeling. It doesn’t take more than a minute for her to build up to yelp-producing swats. She can increase intensity as I get more used to being spanked. Her goal is to make me hate every second of my spanking. She usually does.

punishment vs “just because”

We’ve also learned that if I’m punishment-free for too long, we both lose our edge. So, if I haven’t earned a punishment in a while–generally a couple of weeks–I get one “just because.” It turns out that most of the time there turns out to be a reason for my spanking. I interrupted or annoyed her, and she didn’t bother calling me on it. She remembers the offense when she gets out the spanking bench for a”just because” session.

She’s gone back and forth on whether or not a “just because” spanking should be as severe as a punishment. I believe it should be exactly the same. These spankings refocus us on our disciplinary marriage. They also give Mrs. Lion a chance to experiment with tools and techniques. Speaking of that, she can schedule more frequent “just because” spankings to help her refine technique or to get me back into the right mindset. I can get grumpy or act spoiled. A session on the spanking bench quickly cures that.

I believe that others who practice domestic discipline have made the same discovery. It may seem unfair, but the fact is that regular spankings, earned or not, are required to maintain marital balance. It isn’t that Mrs. Lion needs to be my mistress or queen. She’s my wife, and part of her role is to punish me when needed. She also spanks me to keep things balanced and happy.

It doesn’t matter that the spanking is painful. Giving and getting it helps keep us close. It’s a very important expression of love.

Yeah, I tend to be too analytical. I like to think that’s a good thing. Maybe it isn’t. I’ve been thinking about the convoluted sexuality that’s evolved in my life. Mrs. Lion and I are pushing a decade of our kinks. That’s not entirely correct. She’s been spanking me for nearly twenty years. But the early years were just not very serious play spankings. They were part of BDSM scenes.

When we began male chastity, the nature of things changed. We acknowledged that Mrs. Lion had the last word. No, she didn’t become a micromanaging mistress. We agreed that she had the absolute right to decide what I should and shouldn’t do.

That meant our day-to-day lives weren’t going to change. She could make rules that she would enforce. If she assigns a chore to me, failing to do it earned me a punishment. In our house, punishment is a spanking. If you’ve been reading our blog, you know that a spanking is a serious ten-minute visit with Mrs. Lion’s paddles. It is absolutely no fun.

Most people would be appalled at my punishments. Domestic discipline could be considered abuse. The reason it isn’t for us is very simple: the idea of being spanked turns me on. Being spanked as punishment is an erotic theme for me too. Actually, getting punished most certainly isn’t. It doesn’t matter. I want Mrs. Lion to spank me for transgressions. I want the spankings to be painful and not a bit sexy. Yet, I get aroused thinking about getting one.

Even though it’s obvious that I need to feel her paddles, I never deliberately break a rule or forget a chore. The “game” is very important to both of us. Mrs. Lion likes “catching” me break the rules. When I do, she spanks me. She doesn’t mind beating me. She doesn’t particularly like doing it. It’s part of the game.

She likes that I know that it will hurt if I break a rule. That’s my side of the game. I have to be careful to stay out of trouble because spankings really hurt. I willingly accept the spanking because the idea of being spanked turns me on.

We have an interesting balance. Mrs. Lion likes catching me. I work hard to avoid giving her anything to catch. Hard as I try, she’ll find something every week or two. When she does, I pay the consequence. She spanks me. My ass is literally on the line.

We may have a new record. Today (Saturday), it’s been 29 days since my last spanking. I realize that many domestic discipline purists think tracking time between spankings is more BDSM than DD (Love the abbreviations! hover over them to see expanded definitions). I disagree. There is a very good reason to remain aware of this statistic.

At first glance, you might think that a long time between spankings is a tribute to my good behavior. Maybe, but I don’t think so. I get uneasy if too much time goes by. The reason is that it’s less a tribute to me than it is a sign that we are slipping. Domestic Discipline is a lot like sex. No, it isn’t sexy. What disciplinary spanking and sex have in common is that the more time passes between activities, the less likely anything will happen.

The simple fact is that doing nothing is always easier than doing something. Observing and punishing infractions are work. It takes energy and focus to be a disciplinary wife. I’m not suggesting that Mrs. Lion doesn’t want her role. I’m saying that every day that goes by moves DD further and further to the back of her mind. At this point, only forgetting the coffee pot has a chance of getting the spanking bench out again.

Speaking of the spanking bench, Mrs. Lion keeps it in our pantry. We have room to stand it up in our bedroom. That would put it only a couple of feet from where she likes to use it. Moving it won’t change things. It would just save her some steps. At this point, we need emergency road service to jump-start discipline.

I debated intentionally “forgetting” the coffee pot. That feels dishonest. I don’t want to do it. Provoking a spanking may be a way to get things started, but I can’t do it. It’s breaking the rules. No, not the rules that get me punished, the ground rules that provide a foundation for our disciplinary marriage. It’s cheating. We don’t cheat.

Even though I’ve written about this issue recently, Mrs.Lion hasn’t taken the hint. No, I don’t mean that she should have jumped up and spanked me. (Well, that would’ve been OK with me.). I thought she might want to discuss my concern. She hasn’t. When I try to bring it up, she politely shuts me down. Why?

Has something changed? Is there a problem that Mrs. Lion doesn’t want to share with me? I don’t know. Where’s a jump start when we need one?

[Mrs. Lion — Okay. Okay. Okay. Sheesh! By the time you read this, Lion will have a sore butt if for no other reason than he’s irritating.]