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In: diapers, Female led relationship with discipline, Mrs Lion Comments, Spanking

I’ve decided we’re playing this weekend. I’m not sure what we’ll do or exactly when, but it needs to happen. It probably won’t be in the sling because that may be difficult for Lion’s shoulder. I’m sure I can still tie him to the bed with some minor adjustments in position. I can still spank him. I can still blindfold him. He can still wear diapers or nail polish. We just need a break from shoulder surgery talk for a little while.

Last night was the end of our orgasm a day experiment. It passed with little fanfare. Lion was itchy, tired and his shoulder hurt. Plus, we were in preparing for surgery mode. Lion remains wild because I just now realized our experiment is over. I’m sort of torn between locking him up and leaving him wild. While he has decided to get the surgery, he wants to hold off until May. That leaves at least a month for him to be wild. If I don’t lock him back up, it may look like I don’t care if he’s wild or not. If I do lock him up, he’ll whine for the first few days while he gets used to his loss of freedom. I’m leaning toward locking him up. He’s been wild for a long time and will be wild for an even longer time after his surgery. And, since he’s no longer eligible for an orgasm whenever he’s horny, he may be tempted. I can’t have that. The cage will go back on tonight.

Lion has been carefully following his rules. I think I’ve been a little lax on his interrupting me. I’ll have to crack down again. It shouldn’t matter if he’s in pain or not, he should mind his manners. Obviously, if it’s an emergency, he can interrupt. Otherwise, he’ll receive a visit from a paddle. He’ll have plenty of time when misbehaving won’t count against him once his surgery is done. That still doesn’t mean he has free reign. I will correct him. I just won’t punish him. He will know he’s done something wrong.

I think Lion will, ultimately, like the return of the cage and some normalcy. It’s been a rocky few weeks. Right now it’s the calm before the storm. There’s a lot of work to do to prepare for that storm, but he can also have some fun along the way.

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In: diapers, Mrs Lion Comments

To diaper or not to diaper. That is the question. I know the question. What is the answer? I haven’t really been thinking about it extensively, but Lion has been asking. Anytime he comes up with an idea, whether or not I think things are going fine, I feel pressure to adopt the idea. He wants me to feel more powerful. I don’t see how full time diapers will make me feel more powerful. I understand that making him wear diapers from time to time because I know he hates sitting in a wet diaper, or even just the feel of the diaper, shows him my power. And, I guess, by default makes me more powerful. But why would I want him in diapers full time? And why in the world would I want to be the one changing the diaper and cleaning him off even if it is just pee?

I suppose the answer is that it shows him my power. Whether or not I feel more powerful or just mildly disgusted/annoyed/put-upon (insert your favorite verb here) isn’t really the issue. Lion says it is, but I don’t think so. If that were the case then telling him he’s going to wear his cage from now on wouldn’t be questioned. I said it. That’s the way it’s going to be. End of discussion. But why do you want me to wear it? Nope. End of discussion. Isn’t that more powerful than giving him a reason? Remember your mother saying, “Because I said so.”? You knew the discussion was over. No sense arguing that logic any further.

For now, here’s my (non) answer: I’m still thinking about it. However, I’m fairly sure diapers will not be a full time thing. And I’m 90% positive I do not want to change Lion’s diaper or wipe him off. Having said that, I’m also fairly sure that at some point diapers will be a full time thing and I will be changing Lion’s diapers and wiping him off. Why? Because that’s what he really wants and the power exchange, despite Lion’s protests to the contrary, has very little to do with my feeling powerful. It’s having Lion feel my power. And, yes, there is a distinction.

Lion has said over and over that he needs me to lie to him. He wants me to play a role. 2.0 is a role. When I have my 2.0 hat on, I can whomp the hell out of Lion’s butt for interrupting me or spilling food on himself. While the interrupting part does bother the “regular” me, I’d never in a million years think of hurting Lion to get him to stop. It’s only because I play the 2.0 role that I can spank him for it. So I think the problem occurs when Lion asks “regular” me about diapers and the cage, and I forget and answer honestly. He doesn’t want to hear that. He wants 2.0’s answer.

Perhaps 3.0 will want diapers full time and want to deal with changing Lion and wiping him off. 2.0 does not. She is happy with just the occasional diaper. However, that doesn’t mean 2.0 won’t make Lion wear a diaper all weekend if she feels like it. She just won’t want to change it or wipe him off. That’s not necessary for her amusement. Watching Lion’s face when he’s peeing in the diaper and watching the cowboy walk are enough for her. She’s also fond of his (mild) protests while he’s wet. Poor Lion. Not really.

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In: diapers, Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal

It feels to me that while we are largely successful with enforced chastity, our FLR practice is far from routine. This is good, of course, in that we both enjoy the novelty. But there is a challenge as well: how to develop a low stress (for Mrs. Lion) day-to-day routine that supports our FLR. Over time, we have developed a routine for our orgasm control/enforced chastity. Almost every night I am unlocked for edging. When Mrs. Lion decides I should get an orgasm, I do. This is just what we do. No stressful decisions are required.

We tried to do something similar for our female led relationship. Every Monday and Thursday is designated punishment day. On those days, if there are any unpunished infractions, Mrs. Lion administers a spanking after her evening shower. As we had hoped, these scheduled sessions provide a catch-all for infractions that weren’t punished when they occurred. At the very least, we discuss whether or not any retribution is due on each punishment day.

Do we need regular, scheduled activities to help us sustain and grow FLR? Maybe we do. Should we also specify public behavior that is appropriate for our roles? Just as I have a chastity device to wear almost all the time, maybe a role-reminder is needed for FLR. I wore the chastity device with almost no time off for over two years. Now, more than halfway through our third year, I’ve had some weeks with it off. While I may touch my penis on occasion, I am in no danger of masturbation. I’m sure the device will be back. It has a valuable purpose.

The purpose of the chastity device at this point is to never let me forget I do not control anything to do with the sexual use of my (Mrs. Lion’s) penis. It’s a power message, pure and simple for me to understand. After a couple of years, it is less necessary, but it still remains a powerful symbol of our power exchange.

FLR/FLR is more difficult. The power exchange is more general. It’s also hard to internalize it in a way that makes it almost instinctive and automatic. Male authority in the traditional, male-in-charge relationship is often referred to as paternal. The strong, loving father is the ideal role model. Does that mean the model for FLR is the strict, loving mother? I think so. It’s a role we can imagine even if we never experienced it.

I think a lot of women shy away from thinking of themselves as maternal in the context of their husbands. We have all been trained to accept male authority; the paternal model. The maternal model is reserved for child rearing, not managing a marriage. It’s almost a taboo to think of being maternal with one’s husband.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that if we embrace the maternal model, FLR can become an easy routine for both partners. Mrs. Lion is certainly in a maternal role when she makes rules and then punishes me for breaking them. Obedience is rewarded. I react positively when she calls me a “good boy”. Even the dreaded diaper wearing fits. I think that when I am required to wear one, it emphasizes the maternal power of Mrs. Lion. No, she isn’t my mother and no, I’m not a baby or child. But every hour I spend in that diaper, reinforces the maternal model that fits FLR.

I’m not suggesting that every couple do this. It just seems to work for me. The key is to send a message of female authority to the disciplined husband. If the message can be delivered nearly continuously, the power exchange becomes a natural part of life. That’s why spending years in a chastity device has made being sexually controlled the only way I think about sex. If there are things we can do that will send a continuous message of Mrs. Lion’s overall control, then my role will, in time, become part of who I am.

It’s more difficult for Mrs. Lion. She doesn’t have physical reminders of her role the way I do. She has to discover a way to be a 24/7 strict, maternal leader. Authority has to become second nature. She shouldn’t have to think twice to use her paddle to keep me on track. When we go out to eat, maybe she should order for me. That’s another sign of her authority. I’m sure there are other ways. One way that probably won’t work is for me to ask permission for everything. That can just become annoying. It’s difficult to find the balance that is a livable, comfortable expression of maternal authority. I don’t have the answer for this.

I started thinking about all this when trying to understand what turned me on about wearing diapers. I really don’t want to be an adult baby. None of that appeals to me at all. I don’t even like wearing the wet diapers. I don’t feel like an infant in them. Then it struck me. For me, at least, the diapers are like the chastity device is for enforced chastity. They take control over a natural function of mine and transfer it to Mrs. Lion. The convenience and comfort of using a toilet (at least for peeing) are taken away and replaced with something that constantly reminds me that even my pee is something I can’t control.

That’s why, I think, it turns me on to wear them. They are an unmistakable message to me that even at the most primal level, I’m not in charge. Wearing them is like wearing the chastity device. I was really turned on by the Bird Cage in the beginning. After a while, it didn’t arouse me, but it constantly reminded me I lost control of my sexuality. It changed the way I thought of my (her) penis. It stayed on only because Mrs. Lion wouldn’t let me take it off.

It’s true that spankings send me a powerful message of Mrs. Lion’s authority. But they occur relatively infrequently, even with the rules that pretty much guarantee I will get them on a regular basis. But the regularity of punishment is small in comparison with the 24/7 wearing of a chastity device. Does that mean I think I should always be wearing a wet diaper?

Based on my reaction to the chastity device, the pattern is probably that I do have to wear them as much of the time as I can until I stop finding them a novelty and start wanting them off. That would be the starting point of learning for me. Once the sole reason I am wearing diapers is because my strict disciplining wife makes me, I will begin internalizing the universality of her control. At least that’s what I’ve been thinking.

It explains why I have been so turned on. I was the same when I started wearing the Jail Bird. In fact, it was that arousal that kept me a willing partner in controlling my penis. By the time the arousal wore off, Mrs. Lion was comfortable insisting I wear it whether I want to or not.  The same appears true with the diapers. Right now I like the idea she makes me wear them (or might make me wear them), but in time I will hate it. By then, she will have grown into her role and she will force me to continue. It’s at that point we both begin learning our new roles on a visceral level. Over time, this becomes embedded in our lives and the diapers are no longer necessary on a daily basis.

Again, I’m not claiming the same thing will work for others. But I am very sure that in order to make the sort of strict, female led relationship a permanent part of a couple’s relationship, there has to be some constant reminder that sends the unmistakable message to both partners that she is in full charge. Maybe for me it is wet diapers. For another couple it might be something totally different.

 

By:
In: diapers, Lion's Journal

Sunday night Mrs. Lion gave me an extended teasing session. I was truly tree-humping horny. According to the calendar, it was only six days since my last ejaculation; hardly long enough to explain such desperation. I was surprised at my need for release. Even though it was only six days since my last orgasm, Mrs. Lion gave me an oral release. She said the amount of semen was unusually large.

A week ago, I was also unusually horny. Could it be that I’m at a peak in my sexual cycle and that this extra semen production and my extreme arousal are just artifacts of that cycle? Could the cause be something external? One thing was different these last two weekends: the day I got the orgasm I was made to wear a diaper. The first occasion I had to wear one until I wet it and then was permitted to change into a dry one. This past Sunday, I had to wear a wet diaper until I needed to pee again and then was permitted to change just in time wet the new one.

I am not fond of wearing a diaper and much less interested in spending a day perpetually wet. If, in fact, the diaper wearing is responsible for my increased arousal, knowing Mrs. Lion, I can expect to spend considerable time wearing one. Even more troubling, I was much more aroused this Sunday than I was the week before. The difference, of course, was that I was constantly in a wet diaper this time.

It’s not that I get off sitting in a heavy, pee soaked diaper. It’s more that when I wore the dry one, I could forget it was there most of the time. The diaper felt like a pair of briefs. It only came to my attention when I had to wet myself.

This past Sunday wasn’t as terrible as it might sound. Modern, adult, disposable, briefs as they’re called, have a lot of technology built in. I never actually felt wet. The material in the brief moved the moisture away from my body. It also eliminated almost any scent as well. What I noticed was the extra weight and the size of the absorbent material. It grows as it works its magic on the pee. It was impossible for me to ignore that I had a diaper on even for a minute. Apparently that knowledge was very arousing to me. While the diapers were on, I wasn’t aware of any arousal, but I was constantly aware that she was responsible for me sit in the heavy, wet diaper.

I wonder if when Mrs. Lion cranks the experience up further it will turn me on even more. There are two ways she can make things more difficult. The first is to make me wear one until I pee twice and then wait until I need to pee a third time before I can change it. This will make the diaper even bigger and heavier. It will certainly make me do the bowlegged “cowboy” walk. It might also provide enough time for a slight pee scent to develop as well. If I get close to the capacity of the diaper I will probably feel wet too.

This isn’t very appealing at all. I suppose that’s why I get so turned on later. Mrs. Lion likes to remind me that diapers were my idea. Years ago I wondered out loud how it would feel to be made to wear one. At the time, it seemed like a good example of dominant control.

I’ve never had adult baby fantasies. I never considered pee, mine or anyone else’s, erotic. My thought was that I would quickly tire of the novelty of having to wear one and would realize that I couldn’t control anything, even as primal, as urination if my lioness cared to take charge of it. As I think about it, wearing and using a diaper is also an unmistakable symbol of my submissive role. It clearly tells me that I can be ordered to do something I don’t like and keep doing it as long as my lioness wants. That is erotic to me.

The fact that this elemental level of control has such a strong effect on me is something of a surprise. I really didn’t expect it. I figured that I would go along with it (I have no choice to not go along with it of course) and would get grumpy and tired of it quickly. I figured that after a day of wet diaper wearing I would have no interest at all in sex. I would just be cranky and tired. I was completely wrong.

This is one of those things I don’t think either of us expected. It’s also a sort of new category of activity for us. It isn’t a punishment; I get too turned on for it to be thought of that way. It may be a form of BDSM play for us. It’s different because Mrs. Lion doesn’t have to do anything other than tell me to get into a diaper and change it under whatever condition she wants.

So far, we have tried this for 8 or 9 hours at a time. We have also only tried making me sit in a diaper used only once. I have no idea what effect more extended wear or a wetter diaper might have on me. Years ago I tried sleeping in a dry one. It was difficult. I’m sure a wet one will be harder. But (I will hate myself for saying this) maybe the reason it was hard to sleep was that I needed time to get used to wearing it at night.

If the evidence that this practice really does something for me wasn’t so strong, I would expect that diaper wearing would be just one more infrequently used play activity in Mrs. Lion’s bag of tricks. But I have to admit I am curious to see just what the limits of this activity might be. Is there a minimum length of time I need to wait between sessions to maintain the excitement I apparently get? How many days and nights of wear will stop turning me on when all is done?

The biggest question I am asking myself is: Why does this do anything for me at all?