It feels to me that while we are largely successful with enforced chastity, our FLR practice is far from routine. This is good, of course, in that we both enjoy the novelty. But there is a challenge as well: how to develop a low stress (for Mrs. Lion) day-to-day routine that supports our FLR. Over time, we have developed a routine for our orgasm control/enforced chastity. Almost every night I am unlocked for edging. When Mrs. Lion decides I should get an orgasm, I do. This is just what we do. No stressful decisions are required.
We tried to do something similar for our female led relationship. Every Monday and Thursday is designated punishment day. On those days, if there are any unpunished infractions, Mrs. Lion administers a spanking after her evening shower. As we had hoped, these scheduled sessions provide a catch-all for infractions that weren’t punished when they occurred. At the very least, we discuss whether or not any retribution is due on each punishment day.
Do we need regular, scheduled activities to help us sustain and grow FLR? Maybe we do. Should we also specify public behavior that is appropriate for our roles? Just as I have a chastity device to wear almost all the time, maybe a role-reminder is needed for FLR. I wore the chastity device with almost no time off for over two years. Now, more than halfway through our third year, I’ve had some weeks with it off. While I may touch my penis on occasion, I am in no danger of masturbation. I’m sure the device will be back. It has a valuable purpose.
The purpose of the chastity device at this point is to never let me forget I do not control anything to do with the sexual use of my (Mrs. Lion’s) penis. It’s a power message, pure and simple for me to understand. After a couple of years, it is less necessary, but it still remains a powerful symbol of our power exchange.
FLR/FLR is more difficult. The power exchange is more general. It’s also hard to internalize it in a way that makes it almost instinctive and automatic. Male authority in the traditional, male-in-charge relationship is often referred to as paternal. The strong, loving father is the ideal role model. Does that mean the model for FLR is the strict, loving mother? I think so. It’s a role we can imagine even if we never experienced it.
I think a lot of women shy away from thinking of themselves as maternal in the context of their husbands. We have all been trained to accept male authority; the paternal model. The maternal model is reserved for child rearing, not managing a marriage. It’s almost a taboo to think of being maternal with one’s husband.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that if we embrace the maternal model, FLR can become an easy routine for both partners. Mrs. Lion is certainly in a maternal role when she makes rules and then punishes me for breaking them. Obedience is rewarded. I react positively when she calls me a “good boy”. Even the dreaded diaper wearing fits. I think that when I am required to wear one, it emphasizes the maternal power of Mrs. Lion. No, she isn’t my mother and no, I’m not a baby or child. But every hour I spend in that diaper, reinforces the maternal model that fits FLR.
I’m not suggesting that every couple do this. It just seems to work for me. The key is to send a message of female authority to the disciplined husband. If the message can be delivered nearly continuously, the power exchange becomes a natural part of life. That’s why spending years in a chastity device has made being sexually controlled the only way I think about sex. If there are things we can do that will send a continuous message of Mrs. Lion’s overall control, then my role will, in time, become part of who I am.
It’s more difficult for Mrs. Lion. She doesn’t have physical reminders of her role the way I do. She has to discover a way to be a 24/7 strict, maternal leader. Authority has to become second nature. She shouldn’t have to think twice to use her paddle to keep me on track. When we go out to eat, maybe she should order for me. That’s another sign of her authority. I’m sure there are other ways. One way that probably won’t work is for me to ask permission for everything. That can just become annoying. It’s difficult to find the balance that is a livable, comfortable expression of maternal authority. I don’t have the answer for this.
I started thinking about all this when trying to understand what turned me on about wearing diapers. I really don’t want to be an adult baby. None of that appeals to me at all. I don’t even like wearing the wet diapers. I don’t feel like an infant in them. Then it struck me. For me, at least, the diapers are like the chastity device is for enforced chastity. They take control over a natural function of mine and transfer it to Mrs. Lion. The convenience and comfort of using a toilet (at least for peeing) are taken away and replaced with something that constantly reminds me that even my pee is something I can’t control.
That’s why, I think, it turns me on to wear them. They are an unmistakable message to me that even at the most primal level, I’m not in charge. Wearing them is like wearing the chastity device. I was really turned on by the Bird Cage in the beginning. After a while, it didn’t arouse me, but it constantly reminded me I lost control of my sexuality. It changed the way I thought of my (her) penis. It stayed on only because Mrs. Lion wouldn’t let me take it off.
It’s true that spankings send me a powerful message of Mrs. Lion’s authority. But they occur relatively infrequently, even with the rules that pretty much guarantee I will get them on a regular basis. But the regularity of punishment is small in comparison with the 24/7 wearing of a chastity device. Does that mean I think I should always be wearing a wet diaper?
Based on my reaction to the chastity device, the pattern is probably that I do have to wear them as much of the time as I can until I stop finding them a novelty and start wanting them off. That would be the starting point of learning for me. Once the sole reason I am wearing diapers is because my strict disciplining wife makes me, I will begin internalizing the universality of her control. At least that’s what I’ve been thinking.
It explains why I have been so turned on. I was the same when I started wearing the Jail Bird. In fact, it was that arousal that kept me a willing partner in controlling my penis. By the time the arousal wore off, Mrs. Lion was comfortable insisting I wear it whether I want to or not. The same appears true with the diapers. Right now I like the idea she makes me wear them (or might make me wear them), but in time I will hate it. By then, she will have grown into her role and she will force me to continue. It’s at that point we both begin learning our new roles on a visceral level. Over time, this becomes embedded in our lives and the diapers are no longer necessary on a daily basis.
Again, I’m not claiming the same thing will work for others. But I am very sure that in order to make the sort of strict, female led relationship a permanent part of a couple’s relationship, there has to be some constant reminder that sends the unmistakable message to both partners that she is in full charge. Maybe for me it is wet diapers. For another couple it might be something totally different.