By:
In: BDSM, Lion's Journal
large dildo
Rodeoh Adam Confused Rainbow dildo. This is a massive 1-7/8″ diameter, 8-inch long dildo. Click image to visit site.

As I predicted and Mrs. Lion proved (post), a painful spanking revives my libido and increases my semen production. When I’m horny, I tend to be curious. I wonder how various things might feel. For example, I received a newsletter from Rodeoh, a company that makes and sells panties designed to hold a strap-on dildo firmly in place. Mrs. Lion has one for pegging me. This particular newsletter featured some brightly-colored dildos. We already have one rainbow model that is 1-3/4 inches in diameter and about seven inches long. We haven’t tried it yet.

This newsletter pointed me to a page that, among others, features a 1-7/8 inch dia. model they call the Adam. Aside from looking cool, it made me wonder how long it would take for me to learn to accept it. Last time we did anal play, I managed to take a 1-3/4 inch dildo (not the new one). I’ve yet to learn to be able to take a true pegging. So, it makes very little sense for me to imagine taking an even larger model. But because I’m horny, I do, It’s expensive and I didn’t consider ordering it, but…

We haven’t done anal play in a long time. I don’t particularly like things up my ass. Of course, that’s not the point. I’m not unhappy that we have been neglecting my asshole. Then, why did I find the Adam so interesting?

That’s something I don’t understand. I’m not being coy and suggesting we get this and stick it up my ass. The idea of doing it is very hot to me. Maybe it’s like spanking or putting clothespins on the head of my penis; the idea is exciting, the reality is painful and unpleasant.

If I were a masochist, I would crave pain and get aroused when it is provided. I don’t. But I need this pain nonetheless. My theory is that it’s about control. I am clearly not in control when a large, silicone penis is fucking me. The same is true when my bottom is burning and the paddle keeps hitting me.

We’ve just proven once again that my sex drive fades unless painful reminders I’m not in control are administered. I’ve always known that it’s arousing to think of being spanked or pegged, but miserable when it happens. This is probably part of the appeal of wearing a chastity device. It locks my penis away from me. It’s a very hot idea. Actually wearing the device can be inconvenient and frustrating. When I wear it I am constantly reminded that I’ve surrendered all control of my penis. That’s a hot idea, but still frustrating and inconvenient.

I think I’ve always been this way. I’m wired to need to lose control in order to get aroused. It’s part of who I am. I’m lucky that Mrs. Lion understands all this and is willing to put up with me.

By:
In: BDSM, Lion's Journal, Sex
Application of a paddle often jump starts my libido. Wearing a chastity device doesn’t hurt either. Click image to view larger.

Mrs. Lion and I are at a point where we realize there are things we should do. We’ve both written about some of them. But we haven’t taken action yet. This is a pattern we’ve followed before. I guess it’s sexual inertia. Getting started again is difficult.

One of the main reasons Mrs. Lion created her Box O’Fun was to force BDSM play. Her idea was to fill the box with activities; some fun for me, others decidedly painful. Then, on a scheduled basis, I draw a card from the box and that’s what happens next. It worked for a while. Then one of us would not like the idea and we’d skip it. Mrs. Lion isn’t the one who is inertia-bound. I am too. It just feels easier to do nothing. We snuggle and I don’t get aroused. I’m not feeling frustrated. I’m not feeling sexual at all. Sexual inertia. It’s true that my libido has its ups and downs. This is clearly a down.

Of course, there is a nearly foolproof way to jump start my libido. A paddle liberally applied to my bottom works wonders getting my attention. A chastity device, like my Jail Bird, doesn’t hurt the process either. It’s just the way I’m wired.

For reasons I can’t explain. Mrs. Lion is affected too. When we play (BDSM activities), we feel closer to each other. The top/bottom activities not only turn me on, they also increase our non-sexual physical intimacy. Neither of us is touchy-feely by nature. The physical manifestations of our power exchange spill over into affectionate touching. This could all be me. I know that regular, painful play is an aphrodisiac for me. It may also turn up my sensitivity and affection.

Of course, BDSM play is only a small part of our Female Led Relationship with Discipline (FLRD). Mrs. Lion’s authority has remained consistent. When I’m well behaved, there is no punishment. When we fall into inertia, there is no play. During these play droughts I am happy to skip yelping when Mrs. Lion plays with me. But, just like punishment, my mood isn’t really relevant.

Mrs. Lion reasons that the play is for me. Therefore, if I don’t want to play, then we shouldn’t. If I’m thinking correctly, the play isn’t just for my pleasure. It’s also a key to maintaining my libido. I don’t understand it, but there it is.

 

By:
In: BDSM, Lion's Journal

Our summer has finally arrived. Where we live summers are dry and cool. Days are usually in the 70’s or 80’s, and nights in the 50’s. It’s one of the best summer climates in North America. We’ve been known to go over 90 days without rain. This accounts for the horrible wild fires we get in our vast forests.

The sunny days invariably lift my spirits. I’m a fair weather critter, I guess. Optimism abounds. We have two more trips planned in our trailer (camper). Each is about a week long. The next one is in one of the most remote areas of our state. It was once a boom town during a gold rush. We leave in a few weeks.

We both love wandering around that part of the world. We’re only a few miles from the Canadian border. Several years ago, we crossed the border to see what was there. Unsurprisingly, it was the same as what we found on the U.S. side. Still, it was a nice adventure.

Speaking of adventures, we’ve settled back into our at home routine. The Box ‘O Fun has remained locked in the safe with the keys to my Jail Bird. I’m not complaining. I haven’t been suggesting Mrs. Lion break it out, at least until now. It’s probably time get active again,

This isn’t Mrs. Lion’s fault. It’s mine. She’s very sensitive to how I am feeling. If I don’t appear to be in the mood, she doesn’t initiate play. That may sound odd to you, but it isn’t. Mrs. Lion gets no sexual pleasure from any of this. She does it for me. So, she usually reasons, if I’m not interested, why do it?

I can’t exactly argue with that logic. I don’t particularly like it. After all, in my mind our power exchange suggests that sexually related activities be out of my control. That’s certainly true of my ejaculations and teasing. Mrs. Lion isn’t terribly interested in what I want at the moment. Of course, if I can’t get hard, teasing has to be suspended. But play doesn’t.

We haven’t quite worked that out yet. Maybe play should be like punishment. I get spanked no matter what. My feelings on the matter are not considered. Perhaps play should be treated the same way. We’ll have to talk about this.

By:
In: 2.0, BDSM, Lion's Journal
plastic clothespins on balls
2.0 doesn’t even hesitate when placing strong, plastic clothespins on my most sensitive areas.

Mrs. Lion has evolved into Lioness 2.0. All the things she said 2.0 would do, describe her current state perfectly. Our play has a decidely painful tone. Clothespins applied to my balls are intentionally placed where she knows it will be most painful. Spankings are longer and my butt redder. I have sore spots that last a day or two afterward.

I find myself changing too. For example, the first time she used clothespins that intentionally hit the most painful spots, I was a surprised and a bit angry. It wasn’t the way I liked to be pinned. 2.0, of course, couldn’t care less. She went on finding those touchy spots. Poor me!

This past weekend we had another clothespin session. This time, if anything, it was worse. She made occasional use of painful plastic clothespins. I wasn’t shocked or upset. Yes, it hurt a lot, but I expected that. She made sure my erection stayed at maximum hardness the entire time. I really liked that experience.

It makes sense. The first time the sensation gets dialed up, it’s a surprise, not necessarily particularly welcomed. That’s where 2.0 comes in. She doesn’t care if I want or like it. It’s what she wants to do. My job is to learn to make the best of it. I’m not a consumer. I’m the victim. It’s a subtle-but-important distinction. I know I am not in control. That’s what I want, right?

At the time, it certainly isn’t. It’s the last thing I want. But now I realize it is exactly what I want and need. That doesn’t mean I will be laughing the next time a mean, plastic clothespin grabs skin at the base of my cock. I’ll hate it. But I won’t be shocked. I know what’s coming.

Many months ago, Mrs. Lion came up with the idea of Lioness 2.0. At that time, she was playing the way I liked it. She wasn’t comfortable pushing things out of her (and my) comfort zone. She wrote that 2.0 wouldn’t care how I felt about what she was doing. She would do what she wanted to without my input. At the time, she was very uncertain she could reach that point, but she saw it as an aspirational goal.

I have no idea what flipped the switch. But it happened. I may get to suggest activities or how to improve things she does to me. She’s still willing to accept that. But, she will take the suggestion and really run with it. My balls learned that during 2.0 clothespin play. Actually, before that, she used Icy Hot on my balls in true 2.0 style. She put on a thick layer, then massaged it in when it seemed to be wearing off. Then, when it was fading, she put on a new coat. She wasn’t particularly interested in how I felt about this.

Initially, I thought that 2.0 was just visiting. She’s done that before. But no, she’s here for good. I wonder if there will be a 3.0. If there is, will I live through the experience?