Most of life is experienced in the past tense. I get aroused remembering things I’ve experienced, seen, or read. This is particularly true of spanking. Anticipating or remembering a spanking is a turn-on. Experiencing it isn’t. We seem to be programmed to be fueled by the past.
This makes sense. Survival can hinge on remembered experience. Living in the present can be extremely dangerous. For example, we avoid getting too close to the edge of a deep hole because we “know” (remember what we’ve seen or read) that falling would threaten our survival. Similarly, we (males, anyway) go to ridiculous extremes to get women to have sex with us. Why? Because we remember how good it feels to fuck.
Obvious. Right? Well, not so much. When Mrs. Lion spanks me, she straps me to the spanking bench and spends at least ten minutes paddling my bottom. It hurts, and I want her to stop. Yet, when I remember being spanked, I get sexually aroused. I didn’t get aroused at all when she spanked me. I hated the experience. If I avoid getting too close to the edge of a cliff because I remember that it is a bad experience for people I’ve seen on TV or read about, why do I get turned on thinking about being hurt by Mrs. Lion’s paddles?
It’s even weirder than that. Even though thinking about being spanked turns me on, I avoid the behaviors that earned me the punishment. I actively avoid being punished. I want sex because remembering how it feels to get off is compelling. Like most people, I’ve spent my life wanting sex. I get the same feeling of arousal thinking about being spanked, yet I work hard to avoid a spanking.
It doesn’t stop there. If Mrs. Lion lets me know that I’m going to be spanked, I get aroused. Wait! Haven’t I been trying to avoid a spanking? Anticipating a spanking turns me on. Being spanked is horrible.
Get out the straight jacket.
One explanation of this apparent contradiction is that while I hate being spanked, I like that Mrs. Lion can spank me whenever she wants. It’s a strong example of her control, and being submissive that way turns me on.
Could that be it? Is that why I get turned on at the memory or prospect of a painful spanking?
Makes sense. It fits with my general sexual outlook. Be careful. Wanting to be sexually submissive isn’t the same as being passive. I’m generally anything but passive. In most things, I’m a dominant personality. But sexually…
I’m not that unusual. In study after study, more than eighty percent of both men and women have spanking fantasies. Virtually all of them are about being spanked. They are sexual fantasies. The people who have these fantasies don’t identify themselves as sexually submissive. I don’t consider myself sexually submissive. I’m a switch. I’m happy being on the other side of the paddle too.
no wonder shrinks are crazy
We could dissect the desire to be spanked a little more. Exposing my bare bottom is obviously sexual. So is having a woman pay close attention to that naked part of me. She’s very close to my naughty bits. Couple that with childhood fantasies/experiences with bare-bottom spankings and throw in a little parental lust for good measure, and it s easy to see why so many people fantasize about being spanked.
Many people who want to be spanked don’t want to believe there is a sexual reason for their desire. They have other, perfectly good reasons why they want to be paddled or strapped. Domestic discipline, for example, rationalizes adult spanking around the concept that punishment spankings will cure behavioral problems.
As I’ve learned, spanking, when consistently applied, will change my behavior. The behavioral changes I’ve made are rather trivial. I don’t often get food on my shirt. When I do, I get spanked. I also usually remember to set up the coffee pot for the next morning. Same reason. I was very forgetful and messy before Mrs.Lion started punishing me.
From what I’ve read, domestic discipline isn’t very successful at curing more serious problems like drinking too much or gambling. If consistently applied, it will help with diet and exercise. Reports are mixed on its value in changing arrogance and rudeness.
There may be some benefits for the spanker in domestic discipline. Even if the behavior isn’t effectively extinguished, punishing the offense can produce a feeling of retribution. If I’m thoughtless and annoy Mrs. Lion, she can feel that she let me know how badly my behavior affected her. There’s value in that.
Some men can’t admit that there is a deep, sexual basis for their desire to be spanked. They get offended if it’s suggested that sex has any part in their desire to be spanked. However, they are very specific about how they are willing to be punished. They say they want their wives to discipline them to help correct behavioral problems. I believe that’s true. But, they specify how their wives can do it. You guessed it. Spanking.
They don’t want to be put to bed early or given writing assignments. They don’t want the car keys taken away. They want their bare bottoms roasted. More than punishment is behind their request for domestic discipline.
I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with that. If a deep-seated sexual need makes us accept punishment, it’s helping the disciplinary process we want. I think that most of our wives understand the sexual connection we make with spanking. It may be why they agreed to spank us in the first place.
The bottom line is that we are complex creatures. We can have multiple conflicting motivations for what we do. Spanking, particularly disciplinary spanking, is a prime example of this.