Last week’s “adventure” made it very clear to both of us that I’m not immortal. Bummer. It scared the crap out of both of us. I still have an MRI and a visit to a neurologist next week. I guess that’s the frosting on this shit cake. Meanwhile, I’m back to where I was before. I have sensation in my left hand, and I can type without problems.
I suppose that also means I am due for a spanking. According to the handy spanking counter, I haven’t been spanked in over three weeks. The counter is in the right column of the blog. I’m writing this on Thursday (Punishment Day). I wouldn’t be surprised if I have to ride the spanking bench for a five-minute maintenance spanking tonight. I hope I do. It feels like we’ve waited too long. No one’s fault; just past due.
After a rather heated discussion with Dan on The Disciplinary Couples Club blog, I’ve been thinking about the way we practice domestic discipline. I initiated it because I realized that spanking is important to me, and I liked the idea of empowering Mrs. Lion. She didn’t feel the need for the ability to punish me. I am, after all, the lion in our pride. I knew I needed to give her a much more equal footing. I also knew that she could help me improve as a husband.
carelessness is my greatest sin
It’s true that I don’t drink or go out with the boys. I can be careless and thoughtless. Mrs. Lion wasn’t motivated to cure any serious behavioral issues. She worked hard to find specific offenses that she could punish. She settled on thoughtless things I’ve done. At this point in time, there are just two: remembering to set up the coffee pot for the next morning, and closing the shower door when I’m done with my shower. Neither rise to the level of a fight-provoking problem, but they do create issues for Mrs. Lion. If I don’t set up the coffee pot, she has to struggle with it in the morning when she is tired and bleary. If I leave the shower door open, the dog will go in and track mud around the bathroom and bedroom.
She’s gotten very good at catching me when I forget. I get a ten-minute spanking for my carelessness. As a result, I very rarely forget. Ten minutes with a hardwood paddle is a very good reminder. Domestic discipline is successful in making me change. The problem for both of us is that when I learn, the reason to punish me disappears. That should be good news, but it isn’t entirely positive.
Mrs. Lion likes the game of catching me breaking rules. She doesn’t enjoy spanking me, but she doesn’t mind beating me when needed. It’s part of the game for her. That doesn’t mean domestic discipline is a sexual game we play. It isn’t. The rules are rigidly enforced, and my spankings are very painful. Game or no game, Mrs. Lion spanks me so that it will hurt for days after she’s done. This is very much in keeping with the Disciplinary Wives Club’s approach to punishment. Delivering a spanking is an activity for a disciplinary wife. She isn’t expected to be enraged. It isn’t supposed to be any more than another household activity. Wives are encouraged to develop the necessary skill to deliver a long, painful message to their husbands. It isn’t sex play. It’s a necessary part of their roles. That’s how Mrs. Lion approaches it. She isn’t particularly interested in my opinion, other than she wants it to hurt a lot.
From my perspective, DD represents boundaries for my behavior. Sure, they are limited to a few things, but once in place, I am punished for any misstep. We’ve learned that we both need me to have opportunities to slip up. It isn’t because Mrs. Lion likes to beat me. It’s because she needs to stay alert and aware of my behavior. She’s a hunter and needs practice pouncing. She loses her edge and stops paying close attention if she can’t catch me once in a while.
My need to be spanked is easily met by maintenance spankings. We call them “Just Because” spankings. The idea is that I probably did something to piss off Mrs. Lion that she decided to overlook. The “Just Because” spanking is a chance to remind both of us of those issues. These periodic spankings work for me. Unfortunately, they don’t work for her. She doesn’t have to hunt for infractions. She likes the hunt, not the punishment.
For a long time, Mrs. Lion has said that she will work out some new, easy-to-break rules for me. That will give her more opportunities to catch me. This may sound weird. After all, the punishment I get is real and very painful. Domestic discipline is a serious practice. We both agree that it is. We also know that DD needs maintenance. In our situation, at least, Mrs. Lion needs to be able to catch me. The more alert she is to my behavior, the more likely she will catch and punish those subtle, serious offenses that she tends to overlook.
I do things that genuinely hurt her. She hates being interrupted. She feels bad when I act like I know more than her. Yet, she is very unlikely to pounce and punish me when I do those things. It’s very good for us both when she does. If she gets back into practice, the chances increase that she will pounce when I annoy her. That will make a positive difference in our relationship.
I think that domestic discipline is a skill that needs continuing attention to work. It’s way too easy to fall back to our traditional roles. When we do, feelings get stuffed and fester. When we are actively practicing DD, feelings are expressed and punished. I think that Mrs. Lion needs a lot more pouncing practice.